To ask what it is about adulthood that didn’t meet your childhood expectations (lighthearted)

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

For me, from various sources such as parental threats, what I was taught in school and those scary public safety message videos, I did not expect:

• How difficult it ACTUALLY is to ‘have someone’s eye out’. You’d have thought doing something like running too fast would result in this but I’ve never met a person who only has one eye due to being whipped with a towel by their sibling
• Never once needed to recall Pythagoras theorem
• The distinct lack of stim king acirss quicksand and lack of opportunity to retrieve frisbees from pylons
• Not being smacked as a child has not resulted in me being a spoilt brat with no coping skills, as my mum was promised I’d be!

marriage.

Men are not Only After One Thing. Well, not all men, and not all the time, and not just men.

I can confirm that ‘The Man’ whom your parents were going to ‘fetch’ to tell you off whilst you were playing up in a shop doesn’t actually exist.

I thought I was going to have a glamorous job (the specifics of which are not clear), while wearing suits with big shoulder pads, and stilettos. I would wear as much make up as I wanted (my mum wouldn't let me wear it to school).
Unfortunately by the time I grew up, it was no longer 1986!

Even after leaving my landing light on at night for the last few weeks as my son has become scared of the dark, I can confirm that no planes have tried to land there

Eating lettuce hasn’t cleaned my blood (although my life is so mind numbingly dull that there’s no chance of any illicit substances flowing through my veins anyway).

I haven’t caught my death of cold from not wearing a warm vest.

And I’ve yet to meet anyone who has choked themselves on a recorder from playing it while walking.

That I don't have a husband coming home from work with flowers , a kiss and me having a drink ready for him. Meanwhile my four beautiful children would be eating around the table , discussing their hobbies, then cleaning up as husband and I chatted in front of TV , planning a dinner party.

I got bitten by a goose at a petting zoo-who thought they were a good idea for kids to pet?

When you have to be taken to hospital in an emergency situation, not a single member of the hospital staff will complain about the state of your pants & they don't seem to make a note of whether they were clean on that morning or not.

I believed as a small child that the reason you put on clean underpants was so that you didn't embarrass your parents, yourself & your entire neighbourhood by not having clean pants on.

Potatoes did not grow behind my ears when I experimented by not specifically washing behind them for a couple of days while wild camping either.
It could have been a handy source of fresh food I didn't have to carry, so that was a disappointment.

On Saturday I got pecked on the arm by a Rhea (?sp) at Godstone farm.

Birds are mean.

And I now know that I wasn't born in a bloody barn!

Or washing your hair when you're having your period, that was frowned upon.

We use Pythagoras subconsciously in lots of situations, have you never had to move furniture? Even in Friends they knew to Pivot to change the hypotenuse, ie the longest measurement when taking that sofa upstairs!

Very true. It came as a shock when I was living away from home that if I left dirty clothes on the floor when I went out they were still there when I came back, there was no washing fairy after all!

Several.

Despite hours and hours of practice I didn't become a professional footballer
Being in a John Wayne type bar room fight is not fun
Playing the guitar is bloody difficult
Driving can be bloody boring
Snow is not fun
Farts are not funny
Spending £20 on sweets isn't an exotic way of life
Laying bricks isn't that much fun, ditto painting walls
stepping on a crack doesn't effect your mum

Oh that's very Northern, I'll go to th'foot of ar'sturs.

ANd it will probably be on your wrist now! My grandchildren don't believe how huge and simple calculators were, the first ones were the 4 functions and maybe a % key nor do they believe how little the huge computers I worked on that are now on the top floor of the Science Museum could do, that their watches were millions of times more useful.

I'd always expected my "father" to remain my hero forever. To have happy family times as we got older, dote on my children etc. In reality, he ruined every single family occasion he went to, especially weddings and funerals.

I didn't realise I'd get older, and witness how he systematically destroyed people. Emotionally, psychologically, physically and sexually.

And then when I finally became brave enough to answer back and cut contact, I would be blamed for everything, including why he was like that in the first place.

Sorry, not that lighthearted. 😔

Quite possibly one of the best responses I’ve read on a thread!

Swimming pools don't have a 'special' dye in them 🙄

Despite reading Blue Jeans magazine on a very frequent basis, I did not end up pushing a pram up the High Street by the age of 16, as my mother predicted I would.

Not having endless money, eating sweets all day and doing what I want all day long

This made me laugh. I had a heated 'discussion' with my six year old yesterday about bedtime, culminating in them asking in a very bolshy manner 'Mummy how would YOU like it if someone forced you to go to up to bed SO EARLY?' (It was not SO EARLY, it was 7:30pm which is plenty late enough for a six year old!).

They were most taken aback when I said I would be bloody delighted if someone made me go up to bed early. Nothing would please me more, quite frankly!

'Now go on Wellbehaved, it's bedtime, up you go right now and no excuses!'

Yes please! There wound be no objection from me, that's for sure

That I've never worn court shoes. I always thought that somehow a 'proper' job involved wearing a black skirt suit and court shoes. To the extent that I used to worry that I'd never be able to get a job due to my inability to wear court shoes (I have narrow feet, they don't stay on!)

Turns out you can have a 'proper' job and wear a variety of footwear, who knew?

That I would never have to plan an 'office to evening' outfit like in the magazines!