To ask what it is about adulthood that didn’t meet your childhood expectations (lighthearted)

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

For me, from various sources such as parental threats, what I was taught in school and those scary public safety message videos, I did not expect:

• How difficult it ACTUALLY is to ‘have someone’s eye out’. You’d have thought doing something like running too fast would result in this but I’ve never met a person who only has one eye due to being whipped with a towel by their sibling
• Never once needed to recall Pythagoras theorem
• The distinct lack of stim king acirss quicksand and lack of opportunity to retrieve frisbees from pylons
• Not being smacked as a child has not resulted in me being a spoilt brat with no coping skills, as my mum was promised I’d be!

I never had a fun flat share at the age of 19 with us taking turns as who was having (one of many) boyfriends round that night.

I don't spend my weekends driving around in an open top sports car going to country pubs endlessly.

I've never had a long business lunch or a company car.

And not meeting and marrying John Taylor of Duran Duran.

Turns out I'm not the prettiest, smartest wee girl in the whole wide world Dad. As well you knew.😡

Donny Osmond didn't fall in love with me and marry me. In fact he doesn't even know of my existence. I did get married though, to the best man in the world, after Donny.

If you accidentally eat an apple pip, an apple tree does not grow out of your ears, even if you don't wash behind them.

When I became a teacher, I was somewhat disappointed to find they don't spend break time in the staffroom having a party. (No idea why I thought that!)

That takeaways ARE expensive and I can make nicer at home.

I didn’t grow an apple tree out of my ears after swallowing a pip.

I'll admit that my room was quite messy, but there turns out to be quite some difference between that and rooms that bombs have actually hit.

I always believed that when I became an adult I would get married, have children, live in a lovely house with a big back garden and have 2 labradorite.
I'm waiting on all of that still and at 35 none of it is going to happen.

Never managed to cut out my tongue by putting my knife in my mouth. I do have better table manners these days though.

I, on the other hand have very curly hair and always leave my crusts lol

😂😂

I really thought one day I would finally perfect my "smoky eye".

I thought I'd have a hovercraft.

I expected working life to look like it did in Dynasty. I am yet to have an office the size of my flat or to conduct billion pound deals from my bubble bath, while drinking champagne and eating caviar. Yet.

I thought one day I would be able to reach the very top of the kitchen cupboards. I am 5"2!

JudgeJ the stairs thing is very northern but all my immediate family (parents and grandparents) were southerners!

That going out without matching your handbag to your shoes does not mean you will never have a boyfriend.

That all the babies in Africa will die if you don't eat the skin on your rice pudding.

That planning and cooking meals every day will be interesting and fulfilling.

That sitting on the sea wall eating chips out of paper is so common the wrath of some god or other will strike you down.

Ah @OnlyOpenMouthToChangeFeet , that’s sad. I did discover that marriage is not inevitably an unhappy thing and men are not all intrinsically takers, although it did take me two marriages to discover that.

That I haven't “ruined” my eyes by reading in bad light or by torchlight under the covers.
That sitting with my back to the fire doesn't make me sick; on the contrary, I am happily singeing.
That new bread doesn't give me indigestion.

The only thing likely to happen is that a gull will pinch your chips.

Oh my God amazing! Yes, every single women's magazine had carefully curated office-to-evening looks, wherein you'd swap a blazer for a glittery bolero.

On the exceedingly rare occasions I've actually gone out after work, I've not changed a thing.

Basically this

That "up in Nanny's room behind the clock" was never where the thing or person I was looking for was located.

Omg that did actually happen to me when I was a kid !!! My mum had left the living room window open and ball lightening did come through the windows, narrowly missed my mum and went into the kitchen, bounced off the cooked and bounced out the kitchen window!!! I remember it like it was yesterday.

That people in other countries apparently don't think in English and then have a magic translator in their brains. Sigh, I really wanted one.