Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this? Valentines card

148 replies

Sunshine1996 · 14/02/2023 06:38

Firstly I don’t expect anything for valentines at all. I bought my partner a card and made some brownies. My partner also bought me a card and said he will make me dinner this evening.
I don’t expect some big sentimental message. In the card it said ‘sorry I do everything wrong all the time’
We’ve argued a lot lately. We’ve been together nearly 7 years and this is the rockiest it’s ever been. I’ve never once said he does everything wrong?! I just feel like
its a bit negative and didn’t need to be written.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 14/02/2023 06:40

No, not the place for it, but maybe it’s easier to write than say 🤔

Shoxfordian · 14/02/2023 06:40

Sounds quite passive aggressive of him

Is he usually like that?

ProperVexed · 14/02/2023 06:40

Don't mention it to him...because you'll prove him right. He's got something else wrong in writing a card.

Shemovesshemoves21 · 14/02/2023 06:41

I wouldn't be annoyed. More concerned as to why he thinks he's doing everything wrong. Maybe reflect on what you're arguing about and what you say to him to get a better understanding of why he feels that way? It comes across as an apology of sorts as to why he thinks you're arguing so much. Just speak to him.

3487642l · 14/02/2023 06:43

Wow. That's a passive aggressive thing to do. Certainly doesn't sound like any kind of genuine apology. And to put it in a valentine's card...

Just WOW.

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 14/02/2023 06:44

He clearly thinks you do though and tbh, from this snippet, i see his point - it's half 6 in the morning and you are telling the internet he's done something wrong. Maybe you are a bit more negative than you think you are.

Nimbostratus100 · 14/02/2023 06:44

sounds like its what he feels he needs to say to you right now, sounds heartfelt

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 14/02/2023 06:45

Maybe it's an olive branch.

Whatever it is, sounds like you both need to try to find some way to mend what's going wrong.

iphonecharger · 14/02/2023 06:45

How I would feel would depend on my partner. I would be seriously taken aback if it were my partner, because he almost never admits he's wrong, and so "everything wrong" would be a complete character.
However, a depressed partner could easily feel that they were not good enough and not capable of doing right by you.
A manipulating partner on the other hand, could write this as a way of making you feel guilty and blaming you for the difficulties in the relationship.

AnnoyedFromSlough · 14/02/2023 06:47

Do you think he means it genuinely?

That's key here. Intent is everything.

MyMumSaysALot · 14/02/2023 06:48

That looks like something my mum would say- she was a pro at trying to make us feel as guilty as possible.

Swalewhale · 14/02/2023 06:49

Was that all it said or was it part of a long message like 'you mean everything to me, sorry I keep messing up, love you etc'?

If that's all it said I don't think he's sorry, it's passive aggressive. It's not the right place for an apology. It's not even an apology it's like eeyore 'look at me, wrong again'

Original poster
Sunshine1996 · 14/02/2023 06:49

It’s a tough one. He lost his dad in October which was horrendous to an awful disease. He is very depressed however since this has been physically very aggressive towards me. I know this is not truly him as he is going through so much grief. When he’s angry and hurts me he just changes into a different person.

OP posts:
NEmama · 14/02/2023 06:50

I think it's an apology. Trying to start again?

Whydoievenbother · 14/02/2023 06:50

Ugh. My H can be like this. I find it very unappealing, it's like they're sulking it feeling sorry for themselves, then it just makes me feel bad even though I shouldn't. That would piss me off OP

Original poster
Sunshine1996 · 14/02/2023 06:50

It was the only message written.

OP posts:
Wishawisha · 14/02/2023 06:50

How do you think it’s meant? Either way it’s not great.
Either 1) He thinks he does do everything wrong and it’s quite sad really; or 2) it’s passive aggressive and that’s I guess, worse..

Wishawisha · 14/02/2023 06:51

Oh wait what, I missed this

He is very depressed however since this has been physically very aggressive towards me. I know this is not truly him as he is going through so much grief. When he’s angry and hurts me he just changes into a different person.

He physically HURTS you? No, you don’t wait that one out.

MaireadMcSweeney · 14/02/2023 06:52

He's been physically aggressive towards you? You should not put up with that even if he is grieving.

2crossedout1 · 14/02/2023 06:52

It's hard to know what he was thinking here. At first glance it seems a bit passive aggressive and almost goady. But it's also possible that he sat down with a pen and tried to think of something honest to say about your relationship and that was what came out - a genuine apology mixed with sadness at the place you're currently at.

Have a nice valentines dinner tonight. But soon I think you need a proper chat about how to improve things between you.

AnnoyedFromSlough · 14/02/2023 06:52

From your update, honestly it sounds like it's genuine. I wouldn't be annoyed by that - I would feel sad that he feels that way, and try to find ways to move forward to a happier and healthier place for you both.

Easier said than done, I realise.

plumduck · 14/02/2023 06:52

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 14/02/2023 06:44

He clearly thinks you do though and tbh, from this snippet, i see his point - it's half 6 in the morning and you are telling the internet he's done something wrong. Maybe you are a bit more negative than you think you are.

Yes that was my thought.

MollyMunster · 14/02/2023 06:53

He’s physically aggressive to you?

I don’t think the card is the issue here, there’s no excuse for it. He’s depressed and grieving but that doesn’t mean he’s not also an abusive scumbag.

2crossedout1 · 14/02/2023 06:53

Cross post. He hurts you??

maybeinanoter86 · 14/02/2023 06:53

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 14/02/2023 06:44

He clearly thinks you do though and tbh, from this snippet, i see his point - it's half 6 in the morning and you are telling the internet he's done something wrong. Maybe you are a bit more negative than you think you are.

This

Swipe left for the next trending thread