Would you be annoyed by this? Valentines card

[Sunshine1996]

Firstly I don’t expect anything for valentines at all. I bought my partner a card and made some brownies. My partner also bought me a card and said he will make me dinner this evening.
I don’t expect some big sentimental message. In the card it said ‘sorry I do everything wrong all the time’
We’ve argued a lot lately. We’ve been together nearly 7 years and this is the rockiest it’s ever been. I’ve never once said he does everything wrong?! I just feel like
its a bit negative and didn’t need to be written.

He has hurt you?

I think you are upset about the wrong thing.

Good men do not assault their partner through grief.

Thugs do.

He is a violent man and you are in danger by accepting this.

Classic bit of drip feed there

have a good valentines

The message is passive aggressive and grief doesn't make you violent.
I've had a horrendous year and lost three close relatives including a parent. I've never once been violent. Yy a stage of grief is anger but that doesn't mean taking that anger out on others and it definitely doesn't mean being physically aggressive.
You need to protect and take care of yourself OP. You need to leave. Your DP is abusive. 💐

The problem isn't the valentine remark, which may be a genuine apology and/or a sign of depression. The problem is his physical aggressiveness toward you. However bad his emotional state may be, you cannot accept his using you as his punching-bag. You need to get away for your own safety.

WTF is that supposed to mean?
Someone posts they're being abused and you write a snarky message to 'have a good Valentines?'
Some people are so disgusting.

Hi Sunshine1996,

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our webguides, which we hope may be helpful. Please take a look at our domestic violence support page - here - it lists lots of organisations which could give you some support in real life.

One such organisation is Women's Aid. Here's a link to the Women's Aid webpage - and here's their page entitled Am I in an abusive relationship?

We can see you're getting lots of good advice and support from other Mumsnetters on your thread already, but we think our Relationships topic is probably a better place for it than AIBU so please let us know if you're happy for us to move it over.

We also just wanted to remind everyone to please read the OP's updates before responding - otherwise your posts can (unintentionally) come across as victim blaming. Just click on the 'See All' tab to see just the OP's posts.

I wasn't aware that I was being abused for 9 years.
I had so much going on that I told myself it was normal.
He made me believe that it was me who was the evil person. I truly believed that.
I couldn't even look in the mirror.
I've been free from him for ten years now, but the emotional scars never fade.
I still have days when I truly despise myself as a person and wonder if I deserve to be here.

I did apologise for not reading the update.
I am going through a nightmare time (with my mental health).
I have also been a victim of DV and still suffering the scars and PTSD.

@Blessedtobeamum I'm so sorry you are going through this, it is very hard going. I think you may be able to ask mumsnet to remove your posts if you wanted to? You just click on 'report' and follow the prompts. I'm not saying I think you ought to, it is just that until recently I didn't know it was an option. Sending you lots of good wishes for your recovery.

That's absolutely fine, Blessedtobeamum, we can see that a lot of people have done the same so we thought it was worth reminding everyone of the 'See All' button.

We're really sorry you're going through a difficult time as well. Please take a look at our Mental Health webguide as it lists lots of organisations which can give you some support.

I think many of us did not read the update. Abuse of any kind is not ok. Op. Please look at the links and get some support.

The see all button isn't on the app.(or I can't see it if it is?)

I don't know. Maybe he really knows he hasn't been great husband recently and it was his moment of honesty?

Hi op, I hope you are ok! Grief makes people hard to live with but not physically aggressive. Please put yourself first x

@maddy68

If you click on the sort of funnel shape at the top right of any thread within the app, you can filter to see the OP's posts only.

This is my thinking, too. I’d be sad he felt like that and rather than being annoyed I would want to understand it.

Thank you. Mine doesn't have that ? Maybe it's different on android?

There's no excuse for physical violence, not even the death of a parent. I think you should get some help as soon as possible.

Without the violence I'd say that he's depressed, however knowing that he's willing to physically harm you in order to make himself feel better, I'm leaning towards the card being passive aggressive too - probably an attempt to start an argument. Either that or narcissistic injury (small comment, massive offence taken), so nothing you say is going to change how he feels because it's all coming from him. Be very careful how you handle this.

My husband was like this, but I left just as the violence began. Best of luck. Most areas in the UK have a drop in centre called the "One Stop Shop" where you can talk to qualified professionals. Tell them everything and then ask them what your options are.

I cannot be arsed with the whole ‘mea culpa’ thing. I’ve had partners in the past who, when faced with being challenged over their shitty behaviour, default to “I’m sorry, I’m the worst person in the world”. I’d invariably end up comforting them and telling them it was
fine.

Having read that he’s been physically aggressive to you, I’d echo other posters saying that this is not acceptable regardless of what else has been going on for him. You do not deserve that

I lost a relative and baby. I did not physically assault my partner because I was sad.
no excuse. Time to leave. Nobody is allowed to hurt you physically or mentally no matter what issues they have.

time to finish this one up as he’s done it once and will do it again as you’ve not challenged it or thrown him out

Maybe it’s high time you have a conversation about why he feels that way and how you feel and what’s the path forward.

About why he feels it's ok to assault her? Because he's a cunt.

Exactly what @GoodChat said