It is terrible that his father died in such a horrible way, but many, many people, probably most people, endure grief without being physically abusive to others.
With this update, I would see this in two ways
1- he knows he is doing something wrong in behaving how he is and it is consuming itself to ‘everything wrong’ in his mind. If he is being physically aggressive to you, then yes, he is pretty much doing everything wrong in the relationship because no amount of good can balance that out.
However, the issue is the admission is there, but no apology and no suggestion to fix it. He needs grief counselling and support to deal with his bereavement; you are not his punchbag.
2- it’s making you feel guilty for calling out his behaviour and making him feel put upon, so passive aggressive as others have said. Still no olive branch of ‘how do I sort this out?’
Either way, there is nothing about you here, that he loves you, that he is willing to work with you, mentioning your good qualities. It’s not ‘I am really sorry I have been in a bad place and hurt you, I would like to try and sort it out’
Plus, I come back to the point that you are not his punchbag, emotional or physical. I think that is the deal-breaker here.