To ask what boarding school is like

[Thesweetlife]

I went to a ‘normal’ state school and so did all my friends, both when I was a child and now. My life in my childhood/early teen years consisted of going to school, going home, eating tea with my family, watching TV, saw my friends on the weekends etc. It was quite a mundane life but I was very happy in my school days. I guess I wonder what it’s like to go to boarding school. How was your (or your DC’s) life different to that of the normal child/teen? Where you happy at your time at boarding school? Have you been shaped by it in the long run? How did it influence you in the long run? What sort of things went on that someone who went to a day school would be surprised by?

It is completely normal for lots of families and has been for many generations. You obviously had a bad time at boarding school, and I do feel bad that you had such a tough time and didn't enjoy it, but it doesn't give you the right to attack the choices of others, we are all different and whilst you didn't enjoy it many others do.

‘It is completely normal for lots of families and has been for many generations.’

I didn’t go to boarding school,
my parents liked me…

and no, it’s not normaL to send young children away and not see them for weeks, months, terms ,
when you have the means and time to look after them yourself. No

So the first hand experience of boarding school that you said you have isn't you actually attending. The OP was asking for people who went to boarding school to tell them what it was like.

Since your arguments against boarding schools seem to be centered on ridiculous opinions about parents not liking their children I can't be bothered to reply to any more of your nonsense.

These threads always go the same - a few defensive posters who have sent their kids away, and get REALLY upset about any negative comments about boarding schools and everyone else who are all ‘ er, why have kids if you are going to ship them off to an institution

Boarding schools are so great they have a whole syndrome named after them… and as a psychologist and therapist you can specialise in helping ex-boarders.

‘Boarding School Syndrome is recognized as a specific psychological condition characterized by depression, problems with relationships and long-term emotional or behavioral difficulties.’

I haven't boarded but know two people who have, in the last 25 years, so fairly recently.

One boarded for Y11/12/13 but he attended Chetham's music school and by the time he was in Y11, he was playing for the national youth orchestra and had many rehearsals and performances, for that and other things. Although his home wasn't miles away, his hectic schedule meant it made sense to board. Plus, he had a added benefit of being close to city centre venues. It was entirely his choice and he was, and still is, very close to his parents. He read music at Oxford and is very successful in his field.

The other was at uni with me. He boarded from 11-18. He was fine and well adjusted but didn't exactly gush about the experience. He wasn't particularly negatively affected by it but equally, it didn't give him any advantage either.

Each to their own but I wouldn't send my son.

It is possible to have in depth knowledge of boarding school/s without having been a pupil - as a teacher, educator, working with schools as someone who works in education in other ways, as a regulator… the list goes on.
As a business these schools employee or work with a LOT of people/companies/suppliers:staff.

in fact, OP - if you REALLY want to know what it’s like then the students are probably the last people to as - you should be asking teachers and people who run them to come forward and to be candid.

A friend of mine had a hellish experience at boarding school which resulted in serious addiction, the dealers were dealing to him from the age of 13. It damaged his relationship with his parents as felt completely abandoned by them
I couldn’t imagine anything worse for a child it can be absolutely brutal

I know of 16 people who boarded at
Private school. I boarded for a very very short time as I absolutely hated it. But out of those only 1 would consider sending their own kids to board. Every other person although would privately educate their kids. Have all vowed to never send them to board

There aren't many that go yeah I love it and I'd do it for my kids.

Someone I know sent her children to board abroad from the age of 8. Which I think is horrific. She sees them 3 times a year.......one of the summer holidays and the rest are half terms and I cannot fathom it at all. I really can't. They're almost at the end of their schooling now and don't seem to of hated it though there were of course huge problems with them needing their mum

I went to boarding school at 16, so just for 6th form. I came out with some decent qualifications but spent a huge chunk of my time snogging boys in the squash courts, smoking in bus shelters and drinking with my friends! Had an absolute blast though....some of my favourite years.

Can I ask why you'd never send yours?

That looks sooooooo interesting!!! I'll be getting that for sure!

DD is a day girl at a boarding school, loads of her friends board 3-4 nights a week. They’re in 6th form. They love it but I do think that at year 12 it’s a fabulous balance, I’ve offered it to DD and she’s not interested although she says it sounds really fun.

Sixth form is very different if children want to board. At that age adults my age were in full time work. They still need love and guidance, but boarding 3 nights a week if the choose it is not really an issue.

I realise that some people couldn't cope with 2-3 weeks at a time, or that their children couldn't. However, my post was merely a response to those who are suggesting that we "send our children away" for entire terms at a time.

I'm not sure you could call a 13 yr old a "young child", either. A child who wants to go to boarding school at 13, and knows that they just have to say the word if they find it's not for them, is very different from one who is sent at 8, say. It was always very clear to my DC that if they didn't like it, there was a perfectly good day school which they could go to instead (one of mine did in fact do this until 16, because they didn't want to board before that). Plus there's also the matter of expectations and experiences. A child who has been to a school where all their friends will carry on through to 18 might well not want to be the 'odd one out' who has to start again at the age of 13. But at a school where 99% of the pupils go on to boarding school, they might feel odd if they were the one young person not going.

Obviously this is true of some pupils, too. I couldn't have done that, but I can imagine there are situations in which it works for the best.

I suppose I'm just trying to say that boarding schools aren't the appalling prison camps which some people seem to think they are!

My DC's holidays were longer than yours, though - 4 weeks at Christmas and Easter, plus 2 weeks half term in October, 1 in Feb, 1 in May, and summer holidays from June - Sept. Plus they came home for exeat weekends in between the formal holidays twice a term. Even though they were a very long way away, we found ways to make sure they came home for all of those.

@Handyweatherstation

"The things I have worked out have come about with the support of an ex-boarders fellowship, where we share our stories and do our best to comfort each other."

Is this fellowship open to other ex-boarders? I am interested in finding out more as it sounds very helpful. Thanks.

‘I realise that some people couldn't cope with 2-3 weeks at a time,’

its the children who don’t cope. Parents are absolutely fine.
and from my experience of boarding schools - most children are NOT seeing parents every few weeks.

‘- 4 weeks at Christmas and Easter, plus 2 weeks half term in October, 1 in Feb, 1 in May, and summer holidays from June - Sept.’

same as non boarding private schools then.

I went to lots of schools both in this country and another growing up. Boarding was this country 11-14 and I always thought that it was the moving schools that meant I felt I never fitted in anywhere, but in a strange way not uncomfortable anywhere. I think if I dig deeper a lot of it will be connected to the boarding school bit.

I see other threads where travelling parents almost boast about their children attending multiple schools and it makes me feel ill. It has an enormous impact emotionally and socially.

One of my proudest achievements as a parent is that my DC went to one primary and one secondary. Stability is SO important. I don’t think boarding school provides a good substitute for stability in these sorts of situations though, for the reasons listed above (no love, no hugs, no privacy, no chatting about the minutiae).

I was sent to boarding school in the 1970s and I know for certain that things have changed a lot since then. I went from a tiny private school and being with my mum every day, to a boarding school 4 hours away from home and only being able to go home at half term. Other girls could go home a couple of weekends and several Sundays as well, but our family didn't have the spare cash for the train fare home for a weekend, and anyway it would have been for just a few hours really due to the length of the journey. I didn't make friends, I was bullied, and I was scared the whole time - mainly because I was/am autistic and find it very difficult not knowing what to do/where to go/how to behave/what's going on. I still have recurring nightmares about not knowing what my timetable is and what lesson I should be in. I was an odd child at a time when the reasons for being odd weren't understood. Having said that, I believe that I ended up with a better education as there was no option for not attending classes and doing my homework. If I had been at my local state school I believe I would have been able to get away with doing much less work. This does not mean it is not possible to get a good education at a state school, just that it would not have worked for me.

I agree about school stability - it's one of the big regrets about my children's primary experience - but the thing is, none of us can ever know what it's like on the other side.

I grew up in one place, went to the single primary school in my village, I did go to two secondary schools. I hated the entire school experience. Never bullied, but always alone. For secondary I left home at 7:30 and was back by 5 (on a good day) - knackered, carrying all my books, and then I still had to do homework, in a crowded house, with no-where I could actually set up with a desk that wouldn't be destroyed by siblings. The moment I turned 18 I was out of there, never spending 2 years in one place, and I would have jumped at being able to move out sooner.

My kids have had a very different upbringing, they'll have their own issues and things they vow they'll never do to their own kids. Boarding has issues, day school has issues, blanket damning people for making decisions you wouldn't make, when everyone's circumstances and experiences are different is the issue here.

@balconylife I've sent you a PM.

Have a friend who went to boarding school it was a real long time ago though.
Prefects could cane you.
Prizes for the best kept dormitory so you got bollocking by the others if you didn't do your bit.

You had stuff put in your bed etc.
Had to eat all the food you were given or somehow smuggle it into a tissue or something.

Slightly longer in summer but otherwise, yes.