Page 9 | To be sick of giving this woman a lift home?

Evasmissingletter · 13/02/2023 09:21

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 I understand my post was clearly about socioeconomic disadvantaged people. I understand you replied. “If the UK had a different attitude, and took personal responsibility and stopped being lazy and learned to drive they'd have less people out of work.”. So how I was supposed to deduce from that you were talking about middle classes?

clairelouwho · 13/02/2023 09:27

The thing with driving lessons you don’t need to have them with a driving instructor. If you have a family member over a certain age who has been driving x amount of years they can teach you how to drive.

Then you need to pay for provisional license, theory test and eventually practical driving test with examiner. Plus any, no doubt, lowered cost of tuition from family member or friend. So it’s not necessarily the case that being unable to afford professional tuition means you’ll be unable to drive.

BreatheAndFocus · 13/02/2023 09:28

Just invent a regular chore/visit that will occur after the hobby group and is in the opposite direction to her house. I’d give her one final lift home then take that opportunity to tell her that due to the above chore/visit, you’ll no longer be able to give her a lift home and she should make other arrangements.

ZombieMumEB · 13/02/2023 09:36

You can either be direct - let her know this arrangement no longer works for you, and do not give her a reason or excuse.

If pressed, just say you'd rather not go into it as it's personal.

Or you could take the cowards way out, and make the lifts uncomfortable for her, so that she chooses another option.

Depending on the night, and if shops are open - just go shopping on the way home, and drag it out, so she gets home later.

Start playing Christian music in the car, and sing along.

Join Amway and try to recruit her.

UdoU · 13/02/2023 09:42

ramanw · 13/02/2023 08:51

I would say you are picking a cousin up from work for the next few weeks as their car is broken. Hopefully then she will just stop asking.

I have a lady in work who does this to me (but not as bad). She gets picked up every single day by a family member because she comes in in heels and thinks she's above walking home. When he can't get her, she will ask me. I live in the complete opposite direction. She also asks for lifts everywhere on lunch when she could walk there in 10 minutes. Piss take.

I hope you say no?

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 10:28

Silly to say people who can't drive are lazy. How judgemental. Some people can't afford it or don't want to prioritise the costs (even middle class people!). It's not just the cost of lessons, it's what comes after: the cost of the car and upkeep, parking and possibly permits, fuel and the big one insurance. Some people struggle to pass the driving test. Some don't drive for ecological reasons. I know people who live in big cities where congestion is horrendous, parking expensive and difficult, and there's reasonable public transport who just never bothered as they don't see the point.

flabbygoldfish · 13/02/2023 10:29

I get the OPs point. It is not the cost\time but the entitlement and assumption that this is a continuing arrangement which grates. Done it once so now committed for evermore with probably no thanks or acknowledgment.

MrsMikeDrop · 13/02/2023 11:25

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 10:28

Silly to say people who can't drive are lazy. How judgemental. Some people can't afford it or don't want to prioritise the costs (even middle class people!). It's not just the cost of lessons, it's what comes after: the cost of the car and upkeep, parking and possibly permits, fuel and the big one insurance. Some people struggle to pass the driving test. Some don't drive for ecological reasons. I know people who live in big cities where congestion is horrendous, parking expensive and difficult, and there's reasonable public transport who just never bothered as they don't see the point.

This is fair enough, but then surely you don't expect others to drive you either?

HuntingoftheSnark · 13/02/2023 11:56

I don't drive and would never accept a "regular" lift, only as a one off and would always offer money in those rare cases. I attend a meeting every Sunday and, if train strikes mean I can't get there, I make alternative plans. An exception was Christmas Day last year when I did accept a lift and gave a gift in return. I agree that it's incredibly CF ish to expect.

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 11:57

Not sure what one has to do with the other @MrsMikeDrop? My comment was about non-drivers being called lazy. But no I wouldn't expect people who couldn't drive to refuse all lifts or drivers to boycott non-drivers - that would be quite odd (if that's what you meant?)

The OP seems mainly fed up by this woman's entitled attitude, as well as being tied into the arrangement, not by her being unable to drive (if that's even the case) IMO.

TheBadLuckOfTeelaBrown · 13/02/2023 12:00

I would just tell her ('ask' her) to walk from yours in future so that you don't need to drive out of your way. And also say in advance that you have to do things on the way home so that you can't. Occasionally. randomly. Just to stop her expectation. She is a CFer

PurpleButterflyWings · 13/02/2023 12:40

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1

To @MakeItADouble2 You sound like a CFer and chancer who doesn't think of anyone else but yourself. The OP has MORE than done her share, she didn't intend it to be every single day! She has a right to drive where she wants in her own car! You're clearly not a driver and are so self-absorbed that you can't see that 'only 5 minutes out of her way' adds up. Petrol, time, etc. It's people like you who will reap what you sow because you are so incredibly selfish you can't see it from the OP's point of view.

To @doodleygirl Because she doesn't want to! What is it that you don't 'get' about that? OP wants her freedom, her peace, her privacy. She is not a taxi service! You people who don't 'get' that are clearly CFers and chancers who don't think of anyone else but your selfish selves and see anyone with a car as your personal taxi. No woman has to 'be kind' to selfish CFing chancers! How about you CFing chancers try 'being kind' yourself, and stop expecting people to be your free personal chauffeur because you're too lazy to get off your arse and learn to drive like every other normal well-adjusted adult!

Well said! @PurpleButterflyWings The amount of ignorant CFers on here who say 'it's only a couple of minutes out of the way' boils my blood! No, it bloody well ISN'T 'only' that. You can the see lazy CFs on here who don't drive and expect us drivers to be their personal taxi service and chauffeur! We adulted and got off our arses and got our licence and car, maybe they should try that! Instead of being so lazy and having no initiative and expecting every one to cater to them. They honestly just simply don't 'get' it because they have no personal responsibility and are used to being catered for. Oh and the #bekind aholes can get stuffed! Why is it always on us doormats to #bekind ? Why is it that these CF chancers are never #kind to us? Why is it all one way! Time for the CF chancers to #bekind . For a change.

To @wurlycurly
Why is it always on the good people, the mugs and the doormats to #bekind ? Why don't the CFers and chancers ever bekind? I think the OP has already #beenkind for too long. Stop telling people to #bekind. Try being kind yourself by allowing others to be assertive and have self esteem and self respect.

I love these posts. You do know how to roar @IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 - and I love it! I could have written all that. !!! The entitlement of some - not all but SOME non-drivers/people who have no car is breath-taking. Utter UTTER CF-ers! Of the highest order. I am also guessing that you are someone who has been used and mugged off by CF-ers like this, as I have too... and so has DH. DH used to get people expecting him to drop them off when he worked in a factory some 20 years ago.

His workplace was about 2 miles from where we lived - and a couple of times he gave several people a lift home a mile or two further on from our house, as it was raining hard, or they missed the bus and would have to wait 20 minutes for another. Almost immediately, they started waiting for him to finish work, (every day) and were constantly hanging around outside for him and their 'lift,' and started bitching at him when he was a few minutes late coming out.

Got on his tits so much that he got a pushbike and started cycling to and from work. Putting HIMSELF out, getting rained on, and having to cycle along a busy A-road in the dark to get home. I have had a number of similar experiences, and so have many drivers I know. Entitled CF-ers assuming you're their free taxi service, and being aghast, and annoyed, and actually quite nasty when you withdraw the 'service.'

As for the 'why can you not have an adult conversation' posters. LOL as if. Everyone knows not as simple and straightforward as that, and it's a lot easier to come on here and say 'I woulda said this and I woulda said that!' But you wouldn't.

I am also mightily sick and tired of the #bekind brigade. AKA do what other people want you to do, no matter how much it inconveniences you, even though these same people wouldn't lend you as much as a cardboard cup with a teaspoon of sugar in it.

Also, yes I KNOW some people cannot drive, and/or cannot afford to learn, but that doesn't mean people who CAN drive should be their free taxi service. For an occasional emergency yeah sure, but on a regular basis. Not likely. Had far too many people taking the piss ta very much!

milkyaqua · 13/02/2023 12:43

For context she lives about five minutes away from me but in the opposite direction meaning I have to drive to her house and then back on myself to get home.

So many posters seem to have missed this sentence in the opening post. How's she going to walk from the OP's?! It would make more sense for her to walk home from the activity.

Bellaboo01 · 13/02/2023 12:46

MinceandMash · 12/02/2023 18:52

I’ve got into a habit of giving a woman in my hobby group a lift home. To begin with it was done as a favour but now I feel like it’s become expected and she’s started to wait around for me at the end of a session. One time when I wasn’t able to attend she messaged me on FB asking where I was! I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. For context she lives about five minutes away from me but in the opposite direction meaning I have to drive to her house and then back on myself to get home. She doesn’t drive or own a car so car sharing isn’t an option. How the hell do I get out of this without coming across as a bitch?

Wouldnt bother me to be honest. I would consider that someone that lives 5 mins away to be very near and i would be kind and offer to give that person a lift home.
If YOU dont want to - just be an adult and say to her - 'Sorry, i am unable to give you a lift home, see you at the next club'.

LeandraDear · 13/02/2023 12:50

MinceandMash · 13/02/2023 07:50

The colleague I often give a lift to bought me a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates for Christmas to say thank you. I didn’t expect it at all but also I know if I were struggling they’d reciprocate. That’s the big difference here. It’s appreciated.

Is this at night? The lift

Whatifitallgoesright · 13/02/2023 12:50

If you need to pop to shops or get petrol on the way home just tell her you're doing this. Her choice then to wait for while you do these jobs or find alternative route home.

If she suggests you drop her off and then do these jobs I'd imagine laughing and asking her if she was taking the piss.

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 13:01

Me too @Bellaboo01 but our attitude seems to be making some posters furious 🙂

I go to a monthly club and my friend gives another member, who lives a few minutes drive from her, a lift with no drama or resentment

Thelnebriati · 13/02/2023 13:18

OP, the problem with being passive is you end up seething. Wouldn't it just be so much easier for you to state your expectations and set some boundaries? Whats stopping you talking to her?

OhGingleBells · 13/02/2023 13:35

No, you are certainly not being unreasonable. Your car, your choice. BUT, as someone who cannot drive, (multiple reasons) it makes such a difference to me when someone like you is able to help out. It’s can be embarrassing not being able to drive and very isolating if it’s the difference between going to hobby or not. If she is female and it’s an evening hobby then letting her walk alone or even get the bus (depending on what the area is like) isn’t ideal. I always thank people and offer petrol money and do generally offer to walk the difference between houses if feasible. You are doing a really kind thing and I’m sure your friend really does appreciate it.

Could you come up with multiple person lift share perhaps? So one week you take her and a couple of others and the next couple of weeks someone else does? Better for the environment too!

clairelouwho · 13/02/2023 14:06

OhGingleBells · 13/02/2023 13:35

No, you are certainly not being unreasonable. Your car, your choice. BUT, as someone who cannot drive, (multiple reasons) it makes such a difference to me when someone like you is able to help out. It’s can be embarrassing not being able to drive and very isolating if it’s the difference between going to hobby or not. If she is female and it’s an evening hobby then letting her walk alone or even get the bus (depending on what the area is like) isn’t ideal. I always thank people and offer petrol money and do generally offer to walk the difference between houses if feasible. You are doing a really kind thing and I’m sure your friend really does appreciate it.

Could you come up with multiple person lift share perhaps? So one week you take her and a couple of others and the next couple of weeks someone else does? Better for the environment too!

That all just sounds a PITA.

It’s isolating but it’s your choice to not drive, is it not? I’m sorry but I don’t generally mind giving lifts but I would absolutely resent being made to feel responsible for another adult being unable to attend a hobby due to their decision to not learn or get a car.

As for the multiple person car share idea, so go even further out of your way to suit other non drivers to continue the CFery.

clairelouwho · 13/02/2023 14:07

LeandraDear · 13/02/2023 12:50

Is this at night? The lift

Show quote history

Does it matter?

Frazzledmummy123 · 13/02/2023 15:30

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 13/02/2023 08:52

You misunderstand me I was talking about the UK non-driving culture in general regarding driving, because there are so many posters on here that say they 'don't drive' and they're middle class, not just low socioeconomic.

And as I said, even the poorest of the poor in other countries still have driving lessons, tests, and buy a car etc. Even the poorest socioeconomic people manage to do it. And those on welfare. So it's not really a justification because poor people in other countries do it, so there is no reason they can't in the UK.

Show quote history

I was wondering how long into the thread we'd get before someone tried to turn it into a bashing non-drivers thread 🙄.

It isn't about people being lazy and not driving, but about people who are non-drivers being CFs and expecting lifts.

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 16:51

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 10:28

Silly to say people who can't drive are lazy. How judgemental. Some people can't afford it or don't want to prioritise the costs (even middle class people!). It's not just the cost of lessons, it's what comes after: the cost of the car and upkeep, parking and possibly permits, fuel and the big one insurance. Some people struggle to pass the driving test. Some don't drive for ecological reasons. I know people who live in big cities where congestion is horrendous, parking expensive and difficult, and there's reasonable public transport who just never bothered as they don't see the point.

They invariably see the point of getting into, and utilising, other people’s cars, though….

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 16:54

There are some tedious martyrs on this thread.

It doesn’t matter how inconvenient or annoying the OP finds it. It doesn’t matter how taken for granted she feels. She must #bekind

@clairelouwho nailed it.

MichelleScarn · 13/02/2023 17:00

The #bekind just do it CF posts are staggering! This has reminded me of another thread from the view of a non-driver who asked a hobby group person for a lift home, who agreed and gave her the lift, but the jon driver person felt the driver was being unreasonable as she rolled her eyes, cue lots of posts calling the driver a bitch/horrible/awful etc for this, despite giving a lift!!! Madness of entitlement+