To be sick of giving this woman a lift home?

[MinceandMash]

I’ve got into a habit of giving a woman in my hobby group a lift home. To begin with it was done as a favour but now I feel like it’s become expected and she’s started to wait around for me at the end of a session. One time when I wasn’t able to attend she messaged me on FB asking where I was! I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. For context she lives about five minutes away from me but in the opposite direction meaning I have to drive to her house and then back on myself to get home. She doesn’t drive or own a car so car sharing isn’t an option. How the hell do I get out of this without coming across as a bitch?

I'm still wondering why they do it in the first place.

Is this in the evening in the dark?

Before you know it you will be the same as a recent thread about a cf having lifts for several years!
Nip it now op.

I wouldn't have a problem giving her a lift. I'd pick her up too. It's just being kind.

When she messaged you, she might have been concerned about you when you didn't attend.

Read it all now OP, not only should you give her a lift home every time but you should tell work you are finishing early to pick her up as well

next time you meet tell her you need to pick up a couple of bits then leave her in the car whilst you do you big shop. You can then ask her to help carry the bags in and unpack before you drive her home

I’ve had this and it’s annoying.

Where I used to work it became known that me and another woman who worked there lived in the same town. Around 10 minutes from each other. Another coworker gets involved and without asking me signs me up to give this other woman lifts home from work. It felt too churlish to say no at the time.

it dragged on for a little while with the expectation that I would just do it in spite of the fact that outside of the lifts home she’d barely talk to me. Then my car had to go in for repairs and I just didn’t tell her when I got it back. That broke that arrangement. I’m sure she figured it out when I drove past her at the bus stop. 😂

Just say you need to do a bit of shopping on the way home so you can’t give her a lift home. I’ve never minded giving anyone a lift only when it becomes an expectation as if you couldn’t possibly have anything else you’d rather be doing. Yes it may only be 10 minutes but if you’d planned to do something else I.e a spot of shopping, seeing someone else etc it can really hinder those plans.

At the end of it all, she chooses to go there so she should make her arrangements for how she’s going to get to and from the place without relying on other people.

If she is in the opposite direction it seems odd to have started giving a lift. I'd maybe not go for a few weeks or get a bus or something

If you do a favour for others often enough they start to expect it as merely their due, and you end up allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat. If you give some people an inch, they will take a mile.

Random acts of kindness yes, but being obliged to do someone else a favour all the time? Nope.

It shouldn't be expected, and if her message when you weren't there was to do with a lift then that's wrong. However, I don't see the big deal giving her a lift as it is hardly the opposite end of the city.

I was once asked if I'd give a colleague who choses not to drive a regular lift home and I was too slow to say No. After three days of listening to his dogmatic views on the iniquity of cars and how everyone should be forced to use public transport I told him to practise what he preaches. He thought I was being most unreasonable, irony was not his thing.

To begin with it was done as a favour but now I feel like it’s become expected and she’s started to wait around for me at the end of a session.

Well it’s still a favour even if it’s expected. She probably thinks you’re a nice person and happy to give her a lift. 🤔

One time when I wasn’t able to attend she messaged me on FB asking where I was!

Perhaps she sees you as a friend?

Anyway - your time, you choice. But many people these days would be really happy to have an opportunity to make a new friend. Doesn’t sound like she’s taking advantage to me, but clearly you resent giving a lift so I suggest you just to tell her you can’t provide her with a lift home anymore.

Where I used to work it became known that me and another woman who worked there lived in the same town. Around 10 minutes from each other. Another coworker gets involved and without asking me signs me up to give this other woman lifts home from work.

An interviewee was offered a job and told JudgeJ lives your way, she can give you a lift! When I said I wouldn't it was thought to be most unfair, taking the job off her because she couldn't get to the job without a permanenet lift from me.
Often the drive to and from work was the only time I had to myself and I really enjoyed it!

For all the people demanding the OP "be kind", its not at all kind of this woman to assume one lift means she can just assume lifts forever more and not ever offer any petrol money- thats very far from kind, in fact, its rude and entitled. I would never assume that just because someone kindly gave me an impromptu lift once, they were then obliged and signing up to do it on a weekly basis and I also had the right to send them messages to that effect. Its incredibly rude.

I agree with above, just continue making excuses and she'll eventually get the hint. You arent obliged to be a taxi service for people, we are all responsible for our own travel arrangements.

It's not a favour, it's now a duty (in her eyes). The distance becomes irrelevant, when it is such a duty she is messaging OP on FB to rustle up her expected lift!

This isnt applicable to the OP though as this woman quite happily makes her own way there so its not that she physically cannot, its that its more convenient for HER. She also doesnt seem to offer to contribute to petrol so not really comparable at all.

Yes, five minutes out of the OP's way, so there and back is costing both time and money.

I can see how this would be difficult for you.

I don't drive and have a committee to a volunteer group I have to rely on someone giving me a lift home.

When I first volunteered the venue was a fifteen minute walk from my home which is why I volunteered however a while ago we were required to move venues and at the time I spoke to the head volunteer that I would need to step down due to transport she offered me a lift home each week as they needed the volunteers and I was a five minute drive from her home.

I offered fuel on more than one occasion and she refused I bought her a lovely gift at Christmas and a gift at the end of each term also on team nights out my oh played taxi for us.

What I didn't realise is she wasn't happy and was slagging me off to the other volunteers and asked one of them to tell me she wouldn't be giving me a lift home going forward. She hasn't spoken to me since it makes our group really awkward.

Just speak to the lady

They won't feel like that about her, because she is clearly very appreciative of the lifts other people are giving her, and she also offers to pay for fuel. That makes a big difference, and she is not taking them for granted.

And as for the pp who said they would be happy to go anything up to 20 minutes out of their way to drop someone off? Total lol at that one. Forty minutes there and back? Nah.

Wow! She offered you a lift, you did all the right things in terms of offering petrol money, giving gifts….. and then she gets someone else to tell you she won’t give you a lift any more?

I’d find somewhere else to volunteer.

I love the people I volunteer with and the other volunteers

A friend offered to help me, I help her with other things and treat her to lunch when we're out

What I'm basically saying to the op is let the last know don't let it become awkward

@MinceandMash
is be happy to help of it was me, that said what about fuel contributions ?

To answer some questions no she’s never offered me petrol money, but to be honest that’s not the problem really it’s the expectation that I’ll always do it. Last week she even followed me out to the car park and to my car. Sometimes I’d like to be able to pop to the shops or get petrol on the way home.

Just be straight with her she's taking the piss.

Just say you don’t want to give her a lift anymore. End it there. That’s all you have to do.