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AIBU?

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Original poster

To admit I read it?

156 replies

TinaTeaspoons · 12/02/2023 10:47

Been worried about sister of late.
She has chronic health issues but are well controlled but seems unhappy and fed up. She is approaching 40, no kids, lives with our mum and stepdad and is single.
Was meant to be seeing a friend for dinner the other night, they cancelled and seems to have sent her into an even worse mood.
She does work as a outreach worker (ironically) but only does part time.
I was in the house alone last night and not proud of this
but I read her diary. She had not hidden it well but I know that's not an excuse.
Basically it had me in tears. She wrote about what a failure she is, what an embarrassment to the family she has become, how she gets used by everyone, and is invisible to us all and about her loneliness and how she has nobody to really chat to and other more disturbing info that I cant write here.
So what do I do now? Admit I read it and ruin our relationship or what?
I have felt on the verge of tears ever since which I know is my fault but I just knew she wouldn't open up to me. Again, I know that isn't an excuse. I haven't even told DH. Just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
keeprunning55 · 12/02/2023 21:22

@DuplicateUserName

Yes, and she clearly regrets it. I would call that a mistake. It’s not the main issue is it. She is worried about her sister.
People steal, lie, commit much worse than the op and make awful decisions in life-I expect most of them feel it was a mistake.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 12/02/2023 22:33

keeprunning55 · 12/02/2023 21:22

@DuplicateUserName

Yes, and she clearly regrets it. I would call that a mistake. It’s not the main issue is it. She is worried about her sister.
People steal, lie, commit much worse than the op and make awful decisions in life-I expect most of them feel it was a mistake.

Absolutely spot on. She has posted that she knew it was wrong and asked for advice as to what to do with the information she has as a result - information that includes an indication that her sister intends to harm herself. In response, the majority of posters have declined to give any advice at all, in favour of putting the boot in because she read the diary, and infighting with anyone who dared to suggest that the sisters’ wellbeing was the most important thing.

And have you noticed something ? Has anyone noticed it ? The OP hasn’t been back since 12.30 this afternoon. And I don’t blame her. One look at some of the awful, judgmental things that have been written from folk who clearly care more about the ‘betrayal’ of reading her diary than what actually happens to her obviously vulnerable sister, should have told her that MN is not the place to post about such things. If the intention was to make the OP feel worse than she already did, then congratulations because that’s clearly what’s happened.

NoodleC · 12/02/2023 22:43

Gymnopedie · 12/02/2023 13:33

Tell her you are struggling and you know she is working part time but would she have time to help out a bit at yours. Say i need help to get sorted and you are so good at xyz.

There's this and one further upthread about asking her to baby sit. I get that it's trying to make her feel involved and valued, but if as she writes in her diary she feels like everyone uses her that isn't the best place to start. Fun social things, coffees, shopping, days out are the first things.

Hi i see your point of view, i did not think about her feeling used. Thanks for mentioning it as i would hate to make it worse, i hope the OP ignores my original post. Cheers hun 👍

echt · 12/02/2023 22:43

DotAndCarryOne2 · 12/02/2023 22:33

Absolutely spot on. She has posted that she knew it was wrong and asked for advice as to what to do with the information she has as a result - information that includes an indication that her sister intends to harm herself. In response, the majority of posters have declined to give any advice at all, in favour of putting the boot in because she read the diary, and infighting with anyone who dared to suggest that the sisters’ wellbeing was the most important thing.

And have you noticed something ? Has anyone noticed it ? The OP hasn’t been back since 12.30 this afternoon. And I don’t blame her. One look at some of the awful, judgmental things that have been written from folk who clearly care more about the ‘betrayal’ of reading her diary than what actually happens to her obviously vulnerable sister, should have told her that MN is not the place to post about such things. If the intention was to make the OP feel worse than she already did, then congratulations because that’s clearly what’s happened.

Show quote history

The OP did not ask for advice as to what to do, only about should she tell her sister about having read the diary. So yes, that's what posters focussed on.

Lavender14 · 12/02/2023 22:46

I wouldn't tell her you read it as she would feel betrayed and embarrassed on top of whatever else she is already feeling and I don't think much good would come from it. I'd try to actively include her and invest in her and encourage her to tell you herself

Phatgurlslym · 13/02/2023 12:58

We don’t actually know what the “other disturbing things” are. Might be extreme to OP but not so much to others.

Most of us are more concerned about the violation because it vindicates the sister’s view that her family doesn’t treat her like an equal or with respect. Thank

also the reaction the OP got on here is a demonstration of how people react to your written words and give what they think is honest feedback in response. It might make her think very deeply about how she will approach and treat her sister going forward.

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