What is going on with parenting these days?

[whocaresaboutbeingpopular]

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year.

me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to….

put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig?

let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously?

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

I saw a woman change her child’s nappy on a restaurant floor the other week.

It’s awful for other patrons, but I saw the same 30 years ago. So no change there.

@Tiddler39 I totally agree. It seems on mumsnet, any woman (because it's always a mum who gets slagged off for this, rarely a dad) who dares to interact with her child in public is performance parenting.

I can only imagine these accusations come from incredibly insecure people. Most people aren't even considering what strangers in public think of their parenting, let alone performing for them...

@Liorae you do know that’s parenting right? There’s nothing performance about it, it’s just actual, decent parenting. Maybe stay at home if you don’t want to see someone read to their child and let them hold a menu ffs

None of that is “performance parenting”. It’s just basic parenting that all parents should be doing.

I agree about quick meals out. Cafe lunch, pub dinner, that kind of thing - keep it around an hour, so they can build up their tolerance. We took DD out for lunch (she’s 3) at the weekend for the first time in a while, it wasn’t hard to keep her occupied with games of I Spy and talking to her. No tablet needed, just a bit of effort and engagement.

There are women in every generation that do that performance parenting. At least since the late 70s. I’ve seen men doing it too now occasionally, so that’s new.

But reading to your child in public is not performance parenting. Unless you are doing it with that special voice which is saying ‘look at me, I’m parenting’ We can all identify that.

I even tell my partner off if he doesn't use headphones on his phone when watching something on a train or at a table. It's just plain rude whatever age. If everyone did it you wouldn't be able to hear a thing.

My Parents were OTT as in children should be seen not heard. So no noise whatsoever, sat up straight, not even allowed to touch anything and don't get me started on how to eat properly and etiquette at a table from the minute I was out a high chair 😂

I'm hoping as my LO grows up I'll be a little lenient but if they start screeching I'll be taking them straight outside 😂 not just for others but I can't stand loud noises or screaming. I'm a bit noise sensitive. Obvs I can't predict her toddler years but I'd hope she would manage basic parenting and scoulding 😅 I'd feel so embarrassed if she was really badly behaved.

You can also chat to your kid while they're playing a game on their tablet, or play with them. Sound can be set low or turned off. No different to playing a card game etc. Tablet does not necessarily equal zombified state.

Actually it’s completely different to colouring or playing a game as it uses a different part of your brain processes.

@MelaniesFlowers maybe so but that doesn't change the impact it has on people around you? Which is what this thread appears to be about. (Although I would love to see the peer reviewed neurological evidence on this statement 😬😬😬)

The information is out there if people care enough to find it.

edition.cnn.com/2020/01/16/health/child-brain-reading-books-wellness/index.html

@MelaniesFlowers it's not either/or though, as this generic news article seems to suggest. It's possibly to have a child who is read to frequently and also uses screens sometimes. I would know, I have one. There's nothing wrong with his brain.
The problem here is that people take a snapshot of a moment in a restaurant and judge parents' whole ethos on that moment.

Personally I think the shrieking and running around is totally unacceptable and would never allow it (and have also hardly ever seen it). The screens thing, I just think it's another thing some parents like to feel superior about.

@londonloves That “generic news article” links to peer reviewed studies and scientific evidence if you care to follow the sources.

Unless your child has had an MRI, you have absolutely no idea of the impact screen time has had on his brain.

@MelaniesFlowers I suspect we won't agree on this, and that's fine, you're perfectly entitled to your views.
My point is, though, that these studies are very polarised. Reading = good brain. Screens = fucked brain. And the parenting discussions here are equally polarised. Coloring book = good, respectful, attentive parenting. Screen = lazy, crap parenting.

If you'd sat next to us in a restaurant on Friday late afternoon last week, you'd have seen my 5yo playing a game on my phone for ten minutes with the sound off while we waited for our food. You, and many others in this thread, would no doubt have judged me for my shitty parenting.
You wouldn't have seen us reading together in a cafe at lunchtime and me engaging with him for a full day of sightseeing. You wouldn't have seen him taking part in activities at a museum in an engaged and interested way. You would probably not have noticed him giving me back my phone when the food arrived and chatting with us throughout the rest of the meal. You wouldn't have seen any of that. You'd have judged me on 10-15 minutes of our day.

We’ve never taken screens out, tbf this means that it wasn’t much fun and all the conversation was directed at engaging DD rather than DH and I talking. But at 3 (just turned) she can sit reasonably well at a restaurant, she says please and thank you to waiters and waitresses if asked how she is she will say “I’m fine thank you, how are you”. She does need a lot of exercise so it’s not that she isn’t fidgety etc. We just keep stating expected behaviour.

Yeah we have definitely had meltdowns etc but it’s a process. But I wouldn’t judge another parent who uses a screen, kids are all different.

Just been to Aldi. Woman with two kids, maybe about 6 and 7, letting then run around the aisles screaming and nearly banging into people. That's a pretty regular occurence there, people letting their kids treat the supermarket like a playground. Makes me so mad.

How?

Will they be age 21 and unable to pick up a pencil.

God the barrel scraping is embarrassing

There are plenty of studies on the effects of excessive screen time on child development. Here's one. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30997257/

This is why it is a problem: www.bbc.com/news/education-46019429

My two are now 16 and 19, but when young we took them to restaurants all the time. They were the usual Pizza Express type places where they gave them colouring books etc and they would just colour and chat with us and were generally lovely.

Last year we were sat in an Ask restaurant next to a young couple with one child. The child was on an iPad very loudly watching something while the parents seemed to struggle to converse. It ruined our meal TBH.

I suppose it will just get worse and worse, with prices rising fewer and fewer people will be able to take their children out for meals regularly and how will they ever learn how to behave appropriately in those settings? <sad face>

This. I get it! The trauma generation don't want to repeat the trauma. But befriending your child and absolving yourself of all authority and wisdom to discipline (not beat, discipline eye roll), is creating a world of little vultures who are growing up to be little entitled shits that the world has to deal with! I hear parents talking about such kids, and I feel repulsed! And I see them at restaurants and it makes me seeth. I don't dine out during school holidays, and when I do, as a childless couple, we pick restaurants we know won't attract parents in tow with rugrats.

This topic runs too deep. But have to add, it also boils my blood that parents think anyone outside of them, should have to coo and caa over their baby, tolerate their toddler, and be polite to their 'learning and growing' child. No. We don't all want kids, and so we don't feel obliged to parent yours.

Love adult only hotels, and holidays off season! A pure luxury!

Don't get me wrong. I think kids bring great joy lol but the lack of parenting is an actual pandemic. You've got a toddler screaming a restaurant down, but you're occupied with a newborn? Family planning is a thing!

Yes this!

Anyone who defends this kinda nonsense in this post, is guilty of imposing their parentinto responsibility on the greater public! We don't care about your child's milestone and teaching moments people. Pick the f child up and keep it moving.

I know parents who have no tolerance for other kids lol and I know why. Parenting is a mammoth task. But if you choose it for yourself, then handle your business.