What is going on with parenting these days?

[whocaresaboutbeingpopular]

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year.

me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to….

put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig?

let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously?

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

This is really helpful BUT I literally do all of these things, including having started taking her to restaurants young, we walk her around before the meal, take toys, even had a new toy last time.

At 18mo I would bring anything they enjoy that can fit on a high chair tray or small table space. Colouring, games etc. and walk them around if they want to explore their surroundings - I know some people here think they should never have to walk around a small child ever, that reaching adulthood means they’re awarded some sort of special status that the world has to accommodate THEM, Bit on planet Earth it’s absolutely fine to do this as long as it’s safe and not in the way of staff carrying hot food and drinks

I see this post on so many threads and it's a myth!

quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/01/misbehave/

Oh and re eating out - take company! Especially company with kids. The more people to interact with the less bored they become.

Pr do what we did when figety DS came along and get takeaways because they’re too much of a PITA in restaurants (unlike perfectly behaved DD)

Oh that’s disappointing! I heard it in on a course so assumed it was true. However that article says it’s originally from 1907 so still proves the point!

It is true that every generation thinks the younger generation are entitled. Soft and lazy. I’ve said it on this very thread!

As I said before my mum was considered to be spoiling us and raising brats because she didn’t smack us.

30 odd years later smacking is outlawed in many places and considered child abuse where it isn’t illegal.

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl these are all helpful but I have tried them all, we always have company as we only go out for family birthdays etc. we take toys that fit on the high chair, we walk around the restaurant. We try and do a lot of family meals at home like you say, as a takeaway, but sometimes it’s a special occasion and we go out. I don’t think people would understand if I said no we can’t come because LO is too difficult to keep in the high chair so we go. I think alot of people have children like your DD and don’t understand what it’s like when you have a child like your DS!

Yep! We were so smug with DD and then when DS came along we were like “WTF is this? The other one is OK! Why is he pulling his pants down in a restaurant? Why is he screaming?” 😂 he’s 6 now and improved enormously but I have to watch him like a hawk whenever we go. Fully confident that 9yo DD could probably start Uni now and be absolutely fine 🤣

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl 😂 make me chuckle

I laughed too.

So, it wasn’t the parenting.

Oh I’m sure we will have something to do with it, but we also have something to do with patient and easy DD so who knows what the fuck is going on 😂

Moral of the story thread?

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

When my child ‘taps’ a screen on a colouring app it is a million miles away from them sitting with their parent or sibling colouring a page, chatting, interacting. There is literally no comparison. The physical process of them grasping a crayon and moving it across a page actually sparks new brain connections. Now there may be fantastic apps that allow you to do this on a screen but they are not in the hands of the average three year old you see in restaurants.

I have no issue seeing a child talking, laughing, drawing, reading, etc while they’re waiting for their food to be served. But screens are a lazy option. And the lazy option is often attractive but you’ll get (rightly) judged for it.

@canonlydoblue the app my DS has makes him mix colours to make a certain colour then ‘paint’ the right place, within the lines (they have Apple pens, or rather cheap knock offs, to use with their iPads) to make a picture. Literally no difference. My kids also do word searches, quiz apps, puzzles etc. didn’t realise the difference between a super smart kid and being the zombie kid of a lazy parent was grasping a crayon 🤣🤣

What do YOU do them that you get judged for then? I promise you there’ll be something. Do you think you deserve the judgement you get?

It so unbelievably pathetic and (IMO) indicative of an unhappy life to sit around staring at other families and casting judgement. It’s rather embarrassingly stupid to look and assume this is the whole sum of a family therefore they must be lAzY PAreNtS.

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

Im certain I get judged for plenty of things. We all make judgements. I will continue to judge (silently in my head and on mumsnet) aspects of poor parenting.

There's people who say my child is an angel because I've never used screens. Wonder if you just have a quiet child and know no difference?

In my family there are 3 sets of 2 siblings. Each family had a quiet one and a crazy one. None of us judge the parenting of the crazy one because we all know we've parented our own 2 the same and they've turned out very different.

Screens have their place and occasional use in restaurants so that grandma can take everyone out for a special meal etc is fine. Screens constantly, everywhere i would judge a little bit try to take into account all children are different and all parents struggle at times. Also how would I know how much screen time a kid gets the rest of that day/ week?

I was sitting in a cafe a few weeks go, a very indulging mother was encouraging her toddler to push a chair around the room. You can imagine the noise- a cross between a scrape with a bit of a screech- absolutely horrific. It probably went on, on and off for about half an hour while she gazed adoringly. There seems to be blinkers on some people, about how their little darlings are perceived. It does non of them any good whatsoever.

Meh..I was never going to allow tablets at the table but with an autistic son who finds going out for a meal overwhelming I now let him take his switch and if there's a long wait for food he is allowed to play on it for a short period.

Because i let him then I also let his younger brother as otherwise he sees his brother as getting special treatment.

My rules are no screens whilst eating or whilst others are still eating. Also if we are out for a bigger family meal no screens allowed.

Also op it's been a while since you had tiny children to look after, you will likely be looking back with rose tinted glasses at how well behaved your children were when young!

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl have you not read Melaniesflowers posts on other threads?

She is the perfect parent who likes to remind everyone of this fact.

Mind if I had had DS2 first I too would be smug because he was a DREAM.,, luckily I had my feral firstborn to humble me quickly and I recognise that it is potluck that DS2 is a walking talking dream child given I've brought both boys up the same (and tbf ds1 probably got more in terms of my actual attention as I didn't also have a rampaging toddler running riot when he was born).

Imo this is exactly what is happening.

I remember going for a coffee with a friend when my LO was about 10 months and so was his. His LO sat on his lap the WHOLE time we were there and did not make a peep. I didn’t even bring my LO she stayed with nana for an hour. I was honestly gobsmacked. My LO never ever ever just sat on my lap looking around, so much so that I distinctly remember her doing it for about 10 minutes once and being so confused. At 10 months that had nothing to do with how we both parented, their personalities were clearly very different to each other.

It’s like when parents ask how you get any chores done around the house and parents of chill babies say “aren’t they just happy watching you potter around?” Or “let them watch the washing go around the machine or give them a wooden spoon to play with,” 😂 um no that doesn’t work for high needs babies.

And there are so many cases where parents parent the same way for child 1 and 2 or even with twins and one is much more difficult to keep happy than the other.

Well that’s very sad for you, I’m sorry your life is so shit that that’s how you spend your time

Ooh did you happen to be in N Yorkshire?? The exact same happened to me the other week! I wish she’d put the child in front of a bloody screen!

Oh yes I’ve noticed she’s the MN resident judgy twat and perfect parent (easy when your child is 2 and doesn’t have much of a personality yet😂)

No @TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl isnt it a horrible sound?!

You’re on your own with the screens there though I’m afraid, she could have taken him out for a run at the park over the road, they weren’t eating or drinking, and she certainly wasn’t able to socialise! It seemed to be some sort of performance for all our benefit.

So maybe access a parenting course where you can discuss this with the person running the course and with with other parents attending who have children of the same age?

if you are already doing the things suggested, how many times do you try to do it before you give up? Changing behaviour is like a broken record - you have to do it over and over again, you may have to do it 10+ times before it works.