What is going on with parenting these days?

[whocaresaboutbeingpopular]

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year.

me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to….

put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig?

let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously?

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

FGS no one needs to attend a parenting course on how to entertain their child in a restaurant. Just go and hope for the best and bring a load of crap with you to keep the child happy, or don’t go

But I’ve already stated the reasons why I don’t think a parenting course is appropriate so we are just going around in circles. You haven’t actually offered any advice or tips but you’re happy to judge other mums. I don’t get why mums love judging other mums so much we should be helping each other.

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

Oh I have other hobbies too thanks. Fine art without the use of a iPad being one of them….

ooooooh la-de-dah good for you (as my DD would say, what a crap flex)

See I’m jealous now. I wish I had fine art as a hobby and had a shit time at restaurants staring at other families <runs off crying>

The OP started the ageism route…it’s an ageism thread

There has to be a balance. You can't go to a family friendly place in half term and complain when there are kids around. I remember once seeing a post on a forum (not MN) suggesting that kids should be banned from Pizza Hut 😂 My kids and I went into town yesterday and at the end of the day, we walked to the bus stop, there was a man already there who rolled his eyes when we approached!

But equally some parents are inconsiderate of others and do think the world should revolve around their little darlings. Like the mum in Clarks yesterday complaining that we "jumped the queue" because I booked an appointment and she didn't. And no way would I have allowed a toddler to hold up a queue of people on the stairs.

Part of it i think is , and I mean this in the nicest way, but when some people have children their world becomes very small and they don’t have the headspace or mental capacity to realise that the actions of their child is having a detrimental effect on others.

You picked the venue. You reaped what you sowed.

@Peaplant20

“But I’ve already stated the reasons why I don’t think a parenting course is appropriate so we are just going around in circles. You haven’t actually offered any advice or tips but you’re happy to judge other mums. I don’t get why mums love judging other mums so much we should be helping each other.”

I’m not sure why it’s my job to help you address the problems you have going to a restaurant with your child - you’re the parent, that’s your job- I’ve made suggestions but apparently none of them suit - as I don’t know you or your “high-needs” child I’m not sure how you expect me to magic up a bespoke behaviour plan for your child - maybe talk to some other parents you know and ask for help, or pay for 1:1 help.

Where have I mentioned ages? Have I sneered that they were “young mums”? How old do you think I am? Maybe some of the parents looked around my age……

The OP didn’t start the ageism route at all. And the ageist post asking if OP was menopausal has sadly been deleted (I say sadly NOT because I agree but because I don’t think posters should get to effectively get away with posting stuff like that)

And as for the rose tinted glasses re my own kids - not true, they had their moments and it wasn’t all sweetness and light, in fact we have had several issues with my teen over the last year. However they were always bought up to consider others and to be polite, and know how to behave in public.

Interestingly , the youngest (17) has the least empathy and consideration for others - they are the only one that has used social media for most of their secondary school life, I fully acknowledge family life is more difficult with the advances in tech, which is why boundaries and teaching social skills are more important than ever.

And posters are still banging on that I shouldn’t have gone to that venue - you are so boring - I have explained over and over why we happened to be there.

Don’t you know @whocaresaboutbeingpopular that if you can’t work out a discipline plan for every child in the country then you’ve no business criticising the behaviour of a single child. FACT! 🙄

So your youngest is 17 but you’re complaining about the parents of an 18mo who were about your age? Ok then.

Any thread with “these days” in the title is an ageism thread, whether intentional or not.

Just read that your eldest is 27. There’s no way no how I believe that you’re the same age as all the parents of toddlers when you have a 27 year old yourself.

@Dijoduo

wow you’ve got a bit of a chip on your shoulder haven’t you? Don’t tell me - you’re one of the parents who uses screens.

1. I am no stranger to being judged as I was a teenage parent. Lots of people my age have pre-school children if they have waited till later on to have kids.
2. as a member of the public I feel I can comment on things that I see in public, including parenting of children of any age, especially on a parenting forum.
3. I still have not mentioned age, how you have twice - and also made a big pre conceived and judgmental assumption about me and my age based on the age of my oldest child.

When did I ask for a bespoke plan? I asked for tips about parenting…. On a parenting forum 😂

You are very, very, very aggressive - has anyone told you that before? No, I’m not “one of those parents”, actually. My DS is near-blind and near-Deaf so a screen would be useless to him. DD is only 6mo so no use to her either. I haven’t made any comment at all on whether I think screens are appropriate. You might want to check your assumption that any comment you deem offensive to you (without any merit) is from someone with an ulterior motive. Paranoia isn’t a good look for anyone.

You’ve said “these days”, insulted a specific generation and commented on how things used to be done differently in your day. Those are comments on age. Even as a teenage parent (to a now-27 year old) you are absolutely not the same age as the vast majority of parents of toddlers now.

Your thread was, innately, a dig at people who are younger than you. You didn’t say “parents who use screens” or “parents who allow their children to be loud” (who existed in your generation too, by the way) - you said that current parents to young children are a problem. You insulted the parenting of an entire generation of parents based on the behaviour of a few. That is an ageist comment.

Your subsequent comments have been incredibly rude and abrasive. You aren’t coming across well.

We won't eat out with SD and DGS any more. He's 2.10, won't sit still, is very noisy, won't engage with colouring or a screen, and has been known to climb on the table and stand there licking a window! He just wants to run around all the time and is encouraged to do so by his DPs 'to settle him', which goes down really well with waiting staff, as you can imagine.

I know I'm a dinosaur, but we ate out almost every week with our DCs back in the day and they would bring a small toy and play quietly or we would talk.

@Peaplant20

“When did I ask for a bespoke plan? I asked for tips about parenting…. On a parenting forum 😂”

Now now, don’t be so disingenuous - you were directing your plaintive requests for advice towards me, due to me being “so opinionated”. I gave you some suggestions but apparently your situation is so unique and you’ve tried EVERYTHING, that it’s clear you need a bespoke plan .

@Dijoduo

Your subsequent comments have been incredibly rude and abrasive. You aren’t coming across well.

pot, kettle black dear. You were very rude so I replied in the same manner.

Another assumption - you are saying women in their late 30s/early 40s don’t have toddlers? Wow even more ageism from you - maybe some reflection is in order. In the meantime I will be ignoring you.

1. Where was I rude and abrasive?
2. I never said women in their late 30s/early 40s don’t have toddlers.

I assume you, therefore, have no response to what I actually said and concede I’m correct whilst trying to imagine things to be angry about?

actually In my first comment I was clearly asking as a general question not directly at you.

Now you mention it, there's a dog poo problem in my village. I'd welcome some stronger enforcement here.

I am going to leave this thread as it is getting really repetitive, and the same things keep being said over and over again.

What I will take from it is:

Screens for kids are acceptable to a lot of people to manage behaviour - each to their own, however virtually everyone agrees that they should be muted or headphones used.

Most people find the insistence of toddlers being allowed to walk down stairs in crowded places, or where people are in a hurry rather than be picked up annoying and indulgent.

The shrieking hasn't really been commented on that much, most people have said that they would take their children outside, however general behaviour and entitlement has been talked about a lot, and the general outcome was we are all becoming more entitled and less considerate of others, especially since covid.

Thanks to those who discussed this without resorting to personal insults and assumptions - old bag, peri-menopausal, judgemental, opinionated, child hater, seething with rage, angry, should only comment on children my own children's age etc. etc. to name but a few. There also seems a view amongst some that children should be allowed to go everywhere, and adults just have to accept this, but adults should not go to child-friendly venues unless they have a child with them.

Apart from the personal insults, I have found this discussion and other people's views really informing, and it has made me reflect that I need to try to see the benefits of parents being able to socialise with some respite via screens - (although I will never agree there is any benefit for a baby watching a phone in the pram!) and that for all I know that may be the only screen time they have in a day.

I have tried really hard to keep up with this thread and respond (I hate thread starters who disappear). I am still of child bearing age (urgh as if I would do that again!), despite having a much older child . A lot of my peers age have pre school or primary school age children. I can see that parenting has changed a lot since mine were young, and so has child behaviour - rose tinted glasses notwithstanding I don't think that it is for the better.

I don't know how the ethos has developed that a child cannot ever be bored, entertain themselves, be refused anything, hungry without having that need filled as soon as possible by their parent or a screen, and as a professional working with teenagers, I would like to discuss that more and the potential impact of this on parents when their children are teens, however this is probably not the forum to do that!