What is going on with parenting these days?

[whocaresaboutbeingpopular]

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year.

me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to….

put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig?

let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously?

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

I hate the little blighters! But I often think I’d be happy living on a desert island 🤣
Seriously, as you get older you have to choose your venues more carefully.
I have 2 small grandchildren and when we take them out to eat we only go to very child friendly places. I expect to eat fish and chips or something similar. I don’t expect to drink. Colouring books are provided. iPads abound. Gradually, we are introducing them to more grown up places.
We wouldn’t darken the doors of these places as adults. We know the places to go where children are rarely seen.
But there are gobby adults to contend with sometimes. I find that dining as upmarket as you can afford helps a lot. ( not that we can afford that very often!)

Same. Being ND isn't a get out of jail free card for obnoxious behaviour. It's still a parents job to supervise and manage your child, ND of not.

Drives me nuts. Kids stuck in front of screens in restaurants, volume up full, or allowed to run around screaming and being annoying. Seems to be the norm. It’s selfish parenting. (Yes I have kids, no mine have never been allowed either screens at the table or to run around in restaurants).

The child won't develop their fine motor skills as well.

the nursery my son went to was run similarly. It was a glorious community nursery in a church hall, with many older women. At snack time all the kids had to sit at one giant table and interact and learn table manners. Then came along Curriculum for Excellence and the ‘child led’ approach. Meant the kids could just snack when they wanted and with no structure. Meant the staff had to constantly have snacks available so couldn’t interact with kids as much. Staff also had to observe kids so they could tick a box as to whether junior knew what a triangle was rather than just interact with them and use their experience/instinct to highlight if junior needed extra help with something. It was so much more chaotic and it made me sad.

Just Googled this. Is this yet another batshit brainwave by the Scottish Government?

I think If you could look back at a video of yourself as a parent when your children were small you would be surprised all the things you’ve forgotten about ..
No your children were not well behaved all the time
no you were not a perfect parent whose kids didn’t annoy others
you only see a snapshot of the parents and child day
you have no idea what they did or didn’t do or what they are going thro …

You’ve totally got child led wrong
it is not about adults not interacting with children
it
is about observing
then being able to provide what they need to develop
it’s about letting the child play and solve problems and use open ended resources their own way to solve problems
it is definitely not about ticking boxes
it is moving away from that and from pre planned activities and topics
take a look at froebel
reggio
forest school
the slow approach
I’m glad things are moving this way
And rolling snack is about children taking responsibility for they own needs
at home children can ask for drink snack
when they feel the need

you’re welcome

This

How dare we expect children to be taught manners - they’re being brought up by parents who have none - and no respect for other people.

we should be delighted to be entertained by ill mannered children while we’re out spending our hard earned money. Because really there ARE no ill mannered children because they all have special needs - or that’s what this site would have us believe.

the lunatics are running the asylum.

@nannykatherine well thank you but I stand by my opinion based on my observations. Each child had a massive book assigned to them and the nursery workers admitted that keeping this book up to date seriously impinged on their time with the kids and made their job more stressful. Each book had about 100 indicators and the nursery workers were constantly sticking in stickers off a roll on their wrist to demonstrate how these indicators had been met. It was ridiculous.
I’m all for kids socialising and having fun but for some things, they learn by following the example set to them, from adults and older kids, like table manners. They won’t learn those from their peers if they are all four years old!

Yanbu op it's very annoying!

@MelaniesFlowers just don't be too smug is I think what is meant. I now have an almost 3 year old, I still haven't resorted to tablets but man alive has the behaviour deteriorated over the past few months. Until very recently I too thought I had spawned an angel and taught him perfect manners, I definitely haven't.

Another ironic point that I feel is lost on those that are judging the current generations parenting. The parenting you see today is as a direct result of the previous generations parenting. If the previous generations had it so 'right' why don't we all just copy exactly how we were parented?

100% this. The smugness/lack of awareness, understanding, inclusivity is mind blowing. I really had hoped society had moved beyond such unnecessary judgement. Hey ho, shame on them - I say judging their judgement!

Screens are so annoying. We don't use then at restaurants but they are noisy and it ruins the atmosphere. Plus my kids spend the whole time straining their necks to try and watch other kids screens. Otherwise they are usually a pleasure to eat out with, we wouldn't do it Otherwise.

i can report that I went to a very child-friendly end-of-half-term-holiday type restaurant and not one screen in sight. So clearly all the parents round here took note of the OP’s disapproval and left the screens (or perhaps any children that need them) at home.

I genuinely couldn’t give a shit about screens but surely anyone can see how fucking annoying screens WITHOUT headphones are???? My youngest was a nightmare in restaurants for about 3 years so we just didn’t take him - we didn’t turn up, stick the tv on in the middle of the table at full volume and glare at everyone around us to dare challenge our ludicrous entitlement 🙄.

Honest to fucking god.

😂. So they prefer the delights of screens to your scintillating and entertaining company. Maybe you just need to up your conversational game?

Of all the arguments against children using screens, I must admit to finding the "they're a corrupting influence on our own impeccably-behaved brood" one more than a little funny. Maybe teach them not to be sheep and follow the crowd?

@Peaplant20

Mum of 3 here. My advice would be:

• Lower your expectations. Don’t expect your LO to sit still for long - it’s just not fair at that age. Lots of the issues on this thread are because parents want to continue their old life with regard to eating out. You can’t. Try quick meals out or a coffee at a cafe first and build up to lunch or dinner.
• If she’s in a high chair and getting restless, get her out and sit her on your lap and do something with her, like look at a book. Pre-empt.
• Consider having a specific toy or book that she ONLY gets when you go out for a meal. Then she’ll look forward to it. My kids liked a set of teddies that you dress in different outfits - it had loads of possibilities.
• Give her the menu. Seriously! My kids loved being given the menu to ‘look at’, because it was something they’d never seen before. They also felt grown up. Then I would read it to them.
• Involve them in choosing what to eat.
• Sit them so they are facing other people in the restaurant so they can people watch.
• Accept that you will probably have to interrupt your own meal at some point, and possibly leave straight after the meal. Just acknowledge that this won’t be fun for you for a few years but you are teaching her valuable lessons that will pay you back.
• Don’t give in and give her a screen - however tempted you are. This will be controversial on this thread but I personally think that if you do it once she will ALWAYS ask for it from then on. Make it something you just don’t do and then she won’t ask.
• Goes without saying, but don’t use your own phone at the table!

Not for me thanks. The term ‘rolling snack’ is about the worst thing I’ve heard all week.

So they’re teaching kids to eat, alone, whenever they feel like it instead of at set times all together around a table?

😬

OP might be early 40s and be the same age as parents of an 18mo…

These are really good tips thanks!

Bringing up a kind child but calling the OP names for having an opinion? Bit strange that.

I'd rather 100 kids on muted tablets than 1 minute of that kind of performance parenting.

😱

Read it back. If you REALLY think sitting your toddler on your lap and showing them a book or toy to keep them quiet is ‘performance parenting’ then things have really lost their way.

There’s not a lot that shocks me on MN but this really has!