Why the hell do some parents do this?

[Atethehalloweenchocs]

Went out for a nice celebration lunch. It was a step up from your regular restaurant, the kind of place where chef sounds out an amuse bouche, there is one menu for the day, the waiters put on white gloves to bring your plates and cutlery etc etc. But pretentious, but had heard good things and it was amazing food. And expensive, but a celebration so we splashed out. Near us was a group which a young couple with their two children. One was a babe in arms who cried - fair enough, babies cry and after a while of not being able to quiet him or her, dad went out and walked around outside. Much appreciated that he did that. However, the other child, a girl of about 5 or 6, was allowed to sing, at the top of her voice for over an hour. The same line over and over, which I finally worked out was 'I don't care' from Let It Go. For a fucking hour. I get it is hard to manage kids in public sometimes but you could see people looking from all over the restaurant. If we had been in the local pub I would not have thought twice. But in a place which is way out of most peoples usual daily reach, am I unreasonable to think those parents should have said something to this child and told her to stop?

I found myself getting annoyed today. I was just in local Wetherspoons pub having a quick snack meal and coffee. It was very crowded and I was sitting on table next to stairs. 4 Children from same family about 8 down to 3 kept running up and down the stairs screaming and shouting and pretending to shoot people shouting bang bang you're dead over and over again. A lady walked up stairs to upstairs seating area with a big tray of drinks and one child ran right into her shouting bang bang. Made her spill drinks and almost pushed her backwards down stairs. I thought now parents will come but no. It carried on for 7-8 more minutes running up then down stairs also jumping down last 3 steps too. lots of people glaring at them but no one said anything. Then one child leaned over my ear and screamed bang really loudly. I turned and said I think you need to go and sit with your parents. You are making a lot of noise. Luckily a waiter came over and heard what I said and asked where their parents sitting. He took children back to parents. About 4 or 5 minutes later both parents came down stairs with children as we're leaving. As they passed boy about 6 or 7 who I had told to go back to parents turned and said bang bang I wish you were really dead. Parents said not one word to him. They just gave me a dirty look.

YANBU, but if I was paying for a quality lunch and special occasion I would have asked staff to deal with it, or gone over and said ‘great future ahead as a singer, but would it be possible for your daughter to use her indoor voice while we have our lunch?’

@BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers my autistic boy would be talking about his his stick for an hour or more. No amount of parenting would stop him. It's opinions like this that prevent me taking him places. It's exhausting just surviving as a parent of a child like this

Why should parents be limited to chain pubs 🤢 £60-70 for a three course meal is about average if not slight cheap for a non chain restaurant and certainly not a price point I would worry about taking DS. We usually do he has to talk to us during drinks and starters then can have his switch or IPad. I can remember him being young and is he was bored he would sing Thomas now he talks at you about trains. Not on the spectrum he just doesn't like quite 🤷‍♀️

Dd2 and her husband go out for meals all the time and this hasn't stopped since they had a baby almost a year ago. They would never go into a chain restaurant. They often take him to formal dinners at Cambridge. I'm sure they would not allow him to be disruptive and would leave, or one of them would leave with the baby.

Yanbu but you should have said something at the time. My kids have always behaved well in restaurants but I've seen some shocking behaviour from other families- kids standing on tables, shrieking, running around etc

Ime the posh/upper middle class parents are the worst. Highgate pubs at the weekend are a particular low point.

My parents were having dinner at Le Manoir aux Quat' Saisons. There were children on another table saying gameboys! I've never forgotten them telling me this and I've eaten there many times since. I have a well behaved 8 year old bit I wouldn't take him to a restaurant like that until early teens. YANBU!

to be honest as annoying as id find the parents i would be super angry with the staff. they should have nipped that in the bud from the start for the other customers.

anyone considering this girt can be SEN? Very common for autistic kids to have echolalia and repeat the same sentence over and over.
not that they can control it either.

my own daughter is autistic and I know people will look at me and assume I am permissive. But I have very little control on my daughter’s behaviours. She has poor understanding so asking her to stop won’t work and sometimes with actually make it worse.

I totally avoid going to places where I feel her behaviour can bother other people, but it can be extremely isolating at times.
I sometimes try taking her out so she can practice being in these environments and I can go out and see other people/ be with friends.

I wish people wouldn’t assume that us parent of SEN children are just a bunch of terrible lazy parents. If at least you knew the full story…

Special needs is not a bad term. Everyone has the same right to be in society

Yes, name some outside London.

Box Tree in Ilkley only allow children over 10 for dinner (over 5 for lunch).

Why didn't you speak to the staff and asked to be moved or the child shut up?why let it ruin an expensive celebration then complain here?it doesn't make sense to me.

If you think anyone should be removed because they are disabled (as that's why they are making 'loud noises') then you are an ableist piece of shit.

I have children but would not take them somewhere on an evening where they would cause a nuisance. Some restaurants ban children in evenings and for a good reason!

my autistic boy would be talking about his his stick for an hour or more. No amount of parenting would stop him. It's opinions like this that prevent me taking him places. It's exhausting just surviving as a parent of a child like this

In my experience, most people are extremely tolerant of people with disabilities, you shouldn't feel like your son has any less right to be there than anyone else. They are not more important just because they are neurotypical.

You know that's illegal right?

Also Sat Bains only allow children over 8.

L’enclume I think is children over 12
for dinner and 5 for lunch.

So there really are lots of fine dining restaurants that don’t allow young children or restrict the hours they can dine. It’s not just in London.

It’s interesting isn’t it that there is clearly this new trend for families with young children to go out to expensive restaurants. Late in the evening that’s normally reserved for adults only. Then let their kids behave badly.

I went to Sushi Samba for a lovely wedding anniversary dinner recently. Completely ruined by parents of young children who let them run about and babies that cried consistently and were walked up and down by my table. It’s so inconsiderate.

So..? children are allowed in cheap places but anyone with money should not be allowed to bring kids to anything other than pizza hut or Maccas .... as kids will be kids?

Kids can be amazing then have a shit night that embarrasses everyone.... Because they are kids.

Sorry your special night was ruined but as parents we are not responsible nor can be held responsible for every song they decide to sing.

As a human who lives in society, maybe understand that kids are /annoying/amazing/funny and being accepted in social situations is a good thing.

This is from a mum who is fed up with not booking a place somewhere... just in case I meet someone like you xx

Don't be silly op, people can do whatever they want now. They can ignore their noisy kids in nice restaurants and many other behaviours that would have been onsidered crass, bad manners or rude until relatively recently. We are not allowed to judge lest there is an excellent and genuine reason for their awful manners and lack of consideration. I wish it was ok to judge again, I miss it.

YANBU. they should have gone to Nando's.

Not responsible for every song they sing? Well yes you are. You are responsible for your kids and really ought to be able to get them to stop doing something so intensely annoying. If you can't, if you really can't stop your child once they decide to do something, then yes you are quite right to stay at home to practise.

It's amazing that we need to be even discuss whether people should behave well and be considerate to others in a public place.