Why the hell do some parents do this?

[Atethehalloweenchocs]

Went out for a nice celebration lunch. It was a step up from your regular restaurant, the kind of place where chef sounds out an amuse bouche, there is one menu for the day, the waiters put on white gloves to bring your plates and cutlery etc etc. But pretentious, but had heard good things and it was amazing food. And expensive, but a celebration so we splashed out. Near us was a group which a young couple with their two children. One was a babe in arms who cried - fair enough, babies cry and after a while of not being able to quiet him or her, dad went out and walked around outside. Much appreciated that he did that. However, the other child, a girl of about 5 or 6, was allowed to sing, at the top of her voice for over an hour. The same line over and over, which I finally worked out was 'I don't care' from Let It Go. For a fucking hour. I get it is hard to manage kids in public sometimes but you could see people looking from all over the restaurant. If we had been in the local pub I would not have thought twice. But in a place which is way out of most peoples usual daily reach, am I unreasonable to think those parents should have said something to this child and told her to stop?

Who has said they shouldn't?

But whether adult or child, you don't go to places where you can't act appropriately.

And there are plenty of NT adults that should follow that rule.

If the child has additional needs that means they can't get this rule you don't take them.

oh no people with disabilities have equal access to society in the uk unless they are a danger to themselves or others. There are special laws in place so attitudes like the one above don’t limit their participation in all parts of life.

But the problem is that the behaviours can make it hard for others with disabilities to access places. Often Ds biggest barrier to going out is the noise and disruption caused by others.

if he is struggling somewhere we leave, or go out long enough for him to calm. My view is his disability in situations like this doesn’t override everyone else’s right to enjoy somewhere.

there has to be give and take all around ideally.

A special person deserves to be there as much as anyone. When you say "act appropriately" what you mean is I only accept special people in society who can act NT, anything more than mild is not acceptable.

I just don't feel that expands to places that are aimed at adults. I totally agree with you about places aimed at kids and families.

I even took some rowdy kids to a local pub for lunch and got looks.

But a restaurant aimed at couples spending lots of money for quiet time? I just don't think it's fair.

It's about give and take surely? What about the cinema? So you pay upwards of £50 and there's constant screaming over the film?

I don't think you're right, I think there's common sense exceptions.

@Atethehalloweenchocs have you changes any details? You could be talking about me and my family. If so I've just posted a thread and I'm so sorry if we disrupted your lunch. We can't take our autistic boy anywhere without annoying people 😥

When you say "act appropriately" what you mean is I only accept special people in society who can act NT, anything more than mild is not acceptable. oh I don’t think that’s quite correct. Surely we are including all disabilities (sorry the “special” terminology isn’t one I like)? What the poster means is they only accept disabled people in their presence if it doesn’t impinge on their enjoyment. That’s not the way it works in the UK. We give disabled people additional rights.

But a restaurant aimed at couples spending lots of money for quiet time? there are adult only restaurants so that’s where you should go if you want to avoid children. It won’t ensure you aren’t sat in the same room as a disabled adult though and THIS restaurant isn’t adult only.

I went to a Michelin starred restaurant and had Monsters Inc on a young un's iPad in my eyeline the whole time.

YANBU!!! I went to a posh, hard to get booking for restaurant for my birthday last week. When we arrived there was a couple at the next table with a baby in a high chair, I thought FFS. Baby was beautifully behaved the whole time, so it then made sense to me why the parents had brought her!

I have two DC who aren’t well behaved what feels like a lot of the time. We go out for brunch at family friendly places, and for lunches or early dinners to pubs or chains. I would never take them anywhere really nice until they’re able to sit quietly (so maybe never!).

This is exactly why chain pubs were invented, so family with kids can dine out. I’m not surprised your annoyed, I would be too.

But just because they're autistic doesn't mean you should just allow them to go on without asking them to stop and not do whatever is necessary to distract or engage them. Whatever way you look at it it's lazy parenting.

I remember going to out local church for Christmas carols with DS who has ASD when he was little. I quietly whisper read books to him whenever not singing to keep him entertained. I wouldn't have let him just loudly sing 'Let it snow' all through the sermon.

If parents can't be bothered to talk to and entertain their kids at a restaurant then at least bring a kindle/phone and let them watch/play on it (silently). Letting them behave like this in a high end restaurant just isn't ok.

Why should OP move?
The children should behave surely or the family can be moved.

I am genuinely not aware of any restaurants that are adult only. I've never seen a restaurant say no children allowed, only pubs.

In fact I don't think they exist but please provide at least three examples?

Just did a search, nothing, nothing where I am. Did you make that up? It's a great idea and you should go for it!

Absolutely disgusted to suggest that disabled people be kept out of certain establishments because they are disabled. This place is fucking gross sometimes. Absolute entitled, nasty pieces of work.

Disgusting*

Chez Bruce doesn’t allow babies and young children.

Restaurant Story no children under 8.

Bob Bob Ricard no children under 15.

Shall I go on?

There are restaurants that won’t be adults only, but will have restrictions. A couple of the more expensive restaurants near me used to only allow children aged 11 and over, but seem to have recently lowered that to over 8. Some places will just not have a children’s menu, which will deter some parents from taking their children there.

We recently went to an evening showing of Avatar at the cinema. It finished at 21:45 on a Sunday evening. There was a couple
rhere who had taken their two very small children with them (both had bottles - they were that young). Of course being little kids they were talking loudly, singing. They weren’t being naughty - they were just being kids but the parents taking them to a three hour film plus adverts was wholly inappropriate.
my husband reported it to the cinema who came and monitored the situation and then spoke to the parents as it was clearly ruining the film for everyone. They decided to leave but not before the man in the couple came and threatened to kick my husbands head in!

I'd have asked to speak to the manager and they should have sorted it out.

You were a bit passive putting up with it @Atethehalloweenchocs

This is what I would have done. At the very least I would have spoken to the staff about it. My children were making a lot of noise (crying etc) in a restaurant once (we just couldn’t put a lid on it) and we were told we either had to leave or sit upstairs (which was empty!). We sat upstairs and were the only people there so at least everyone could relax. This wasn’t in the U.K. and there was no pussyfooting around our feelings 😁

YANBU. We had one today at an NT property, absolute wet blanket kid about 7/8 - “mumma. Mumma. Mumma I broke my stick. Mumma I broke my stick. Mumma. Mumma my stick. Mummaaaa I broke my stick”.

IF I was his mumma I’d tell him to stfu then ship him off to boarding school.

seriously though children aren’t disciplined enough. I don’t mean get the belt out, I mean engage with them and tell them it’s distectful to disturb other people, then it’s consequence time.

Yes, name some outside London.

And now it's that if you want a quiet meal you're excluded just in case there's a loud shouting person.

I don't think it's about excluding people with those needs from places, it's about reading the tone of a place

What about cinema then? You think it's fair to pay for cinema for a family and then you just never know whether or not you're going to have a constant interruption? Is that fair? Genuine question.