Why the hell do some parents do this?

[Atethehalloweenchocs]

Went out for a nice celebration lunch. It was a step up from your regular restaurant, the kind of place where chef sounds out an amuse bouche, there is one menu for the day, the waiters put on white gloves to bring your plates and cutlery etc etc. But pretentious, but had heard good things and it was amazing food. And expensive, but a celebration so we splashed out. Near us was a group which a young couple with their two children. One was a babe in arms who cried - fair enough, babies cry and after a while of not being able to quiet him or her, dad went out and walked around outside. Much appreciated that he did that. However, the other child, a girl of about 5 or 6, was allowed to sing, at the top of her voice for over an hour. The same line over and over, which I finally worked out was 'I don't care' from Let It Go. For a fucking hour. I get it is hard to manage kids in public sometimes but you could see people looking from all over the restaurant. If we had been in the local pub I would not have thought twice. But in a place which is way out of most peoples usual daily reach, am I unreasonable to think those parents should have said something to this child and told her to stop?

The family with the child was already there when we arrived, the child was occupied with colouring books.

Not locked away, but taken to places appropriate for their needs. where their behaviour won't upset other people who are splashing out for a special treat, and should be able to enjoy it. So posh restaurant, probably not, soft play, yes.

Bet you wished it had been a dog, they don’t do that 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣 but seriously children are way more annoying!

(I have both!)

I took my now adult Dc to restaurants but they wouldn’t have been allowed to disturb others. We would take quiet activities . If they had made inappropriate noise we would have left.

If people are 'upset' by disabled people, perhaps they're the ones who should stay home tbh. Honestly, it beggars belief that people are so open about their intolerance of disabilities. Just imagine if you said what you said about black people or gay people.

Totally disgraceful! I had a friend who was totally oblivious to her little darlings behaviour, but I could have strangled them. Mums these days allow their kids to think everywhere is a bloody playground. I would have complained to the restaurant manager, and refused to finish the meal or pay the bill if he allowed this to continue. It’s obvious others were fed up as well judging by tge looks that we’re flying round. Even now I’d write a letter and complain that staff were not looking after ALL their diners!!!! Totally unacceptable! Ex hotelier and restaurant owner.

Apparently so 🙄

The key is that restaurants are for eating. Very expensive restaurants are adult places.

People who bring their kids to good restaurants are obligated socially to fit in. That means teaching your kids beforehand how to behave, not expecting them to know.

Children have sometimes to conform more to adult wishes. Restaurants can be boring for kids. It is a judgment call whether to take them or not.

No the meal will not be as relaxing as if you did not have children. However, unless you are really inconsiderate, you will realise that your children are not allowed, by their behaviour, to impinge on other people's enjoyment.

If you can't handle this, choose a place with a kids menu. Then, you can guess people will be more understanding.

But in a place which is way out of most peoples usual daily reach, am I unreasonable to think those parents should have said something to this child and told her to stop?
Yes, they should have - but didn't.
So should the staff or manager - but didn't.
So should you - but didn't.

But no one made any move to tell her to be quiet.
Including you!

When I was a child there is no way my mother would have let us behave like that - and nor would we have done.
My DS did not behave like that either. I don’t understand what has happened. Nobody seems to think they owe anybody else any consideration. And that kind of self-centredness will not create a caring society

I judge away at people who sit down and give their child a tablet before they've even ordered their drink and they sit on it for 3+ hours watching you tube.

We were at a very smart hotel restaurant today for a multi generational lunch. We arrived at 12pm and left at 4. The children next to us watched their tablet the whole time. Ours read, chatted to their grandparents, played with Lego minifigures in a corridor where we could see them but for the last 30 mins whilst the adults were chatting over coffee my ds was allowed on his switch with his headphones on.

I think that was a nice balance.

I would have asked to be moved to a different table. If that wasn’t possible, I’d have asked management to speak to the parents. If that didn’t work, I’d pay for what we’d had and leave. And (depending on how many drinks I’d lol 😂) I’d tell the parents on our way out why we were leaving. But I definitely wouldn’t show myself up by being rude or aggressive.

"I would never shame her for singing. What I am annoyed at is this country is so disrespectful of her right to be a child in a social situation."

That's rather disingenuous. Nobody is saying that you can't take a child into a social situation. But surely you are doing that to demonstrate, practise and model how to behave in that social situation. So you step in and distract or correct any behaviour that is not appropriate. Or, depending on the behaviour, you leave. Personally, my four practised at family friendly places until I knew I could trust them in the smarter places. It's not difficult really and used to be common sense and common courtesy. As pp said, it's surprising that it's even a debate.

To everyone saying speak to the manager or waiter etc, why does someone else have to do your dirty work? Get up and speak to the parents yourself. Why put a minimum wage employee in an awful position who will then get into trouble. Speak up for yourselves!

Babe in arms till 7 in Italy, always took my daughter to restaurants, she knew how to
be around food etc never did she scream run around etc when older the children would often play outside the restaurant together,
there would be a couple of adults with them
but mostly loved the conversation food and drawing etc at the table .she did laugh loads but always respected other dinners as a family.the difference I think is talking with and including kids , sadly this seems rare in the Uk
often a Nonna ( grandmother) from family run
places would scoop her up as a baby and play or sing to her , it freaked me out to begin with
but as my friends local said it’s how we do it here.
so much better

Why parents can't tell their children to be quiet or stop running around I'll never know. Sometimes it's like they are oblivious to their behaviour and completely ignore them whilst they are annoying the hell out of other people

Wouldn’t bother me.

Often just as much noise from adults pfarr pfarr -ing loud over their banking deals and last years Marbo holiday.
Or whatever really loud.

Just read all your posts, OP. I see now why you couldn’t move tables. Some replies on here are ridiculous about being understanding and tolerant etc. the child sounds like a giant pain in the arse and the parents even worse for allowing it. Children should never be allowed to dictate like this. I would have been furious. Children should be welcome in restaurants but badly behaved ones should be given the boot along with their parents. I feel sorry for children like this. They are given no boundaries then they are disliked. A shame for them.

I agree! I cannot stand people being loud in restaurants. And it’s usually “empty vessels make most noise” - they’re never discussing their favourite Jane Austen novel, are they? 🤣

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen to be fair since I posted ive noticed it was yesterday! We went today at midday to try to be considerate. My statement still stands though. I tried my best to be considerate and keep him quiet. He did a great job but still definitely he stood out for his behaviour

Brilliant, let me in

Yes well said. Where there’s a bratty kid causing mayhem is a selfish adult who is a piss poor parent (obvs excluding mayhem caused by genuine SN).

Completely indifferent to how much screen time other ppl allow their kids.

But letting your child play a tablet to a volume they disturb other diners is rude. As is letting them sing, shout and run around. They are in a restaurant not a playground and they should be respectful of others. It's a pretty basic level of politeness.

Same. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at what other parents consider to be appropriate screentime for their children but I certainly would judge if the child was sat in a restaurant on a tablet with volume up and no headphones!

A child who sings is a happy child !!
previously you complained about the crying ?