Leaving 3 month baby for Hen do

[Layray]

First time mum-to-be here and starting to plan my hen do. Getting married at Christmas so thinking October time for hen do. Baby will be about 3 months old by then and I don’t know if it is unreasonable to think I could leave my baby with partner for 2 nights?

Sisters are planning hen and they’re keen for a Friday/sat night hen in a lodge. We live about 5 minutes away from the lodge.

Has anyone else had their hen do with a new baby. What did you do? Would one night be better? Just don’t want to miss out on a proper hen experience!

So AIBU to leave baby for 2 nights for my hen do?

Why should the OP just go for afternoon tea and not do what she enjoys with her friends just because she's a Mum?

Why not indeed. It's not like three month old babies need their mum is it? Why not go for a three day piss up?

Surely becoming a mum and having a child, and particularly one so young, changes things? After all, if it didn't, the OP wouldn't even be asking the question would she.

🙄

@shortandpaleandoldandugly

some women, some mothers, believe it or not would rather have a party especially for their hen do rather than a sedate meal at home where everyone is home by 10pm

when you become a parent you have a baby not a lobotomy! If you enjoyed a good drink and party before being a mum, chances are you will still like doing that from time to time once you’re a mum

not everyone wants a sedate homely afternoon tea or meal

eveyone is different

Lots of mummy martyrs on this thread OP. Its absolutely OK for you to go and enjoy your hen and your baby won't be scarred for life.

@shortandpaleandoldandugly

three month old babies will be fine with their dad for a couple of days cos he you he is also one of the kids parents

three month old babies will be fine with their dad for a couple of days cos he you he is also one of the kids parents

In my case, at 3 months my dds were EBF and wouldn't take a bottle so not quite true.

Afternoon tea; how boring. Each to their own I guess ...

Exactly.

Honestly some people on this thread sound like the nuns who used to teach me. Enjoying life, especially as a married woman, is SINFUL and shameful and you’ll be struck down for even CONSIDERING have fun outside your child or marriage

Not everyone chooses to breastfeed.

Not every breastfed baby doesn’t take a bottle.

Personally I’d have gone away when either of my babies were three months. If I was close, I might nip home for a quick cuddle, but their father is perfectly able to look after them.

You aren't selfish. Not at all.

It will depend on the baby's temperament too. I know some have talked about how fussy some babies can be at this age, how they don't sleep etc but that isn't always the case. Mine is approaching 10 weeks now and is super chilled so far, he also started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and has a decent bedtime routine which anyone can do, not just me. This has definitely helped me feel comfortable enough to start leaving him with my husband, parents, in laws etc from 2 weeks old, first night away at 6 weeks.

Whatever you decide, I hope you have a wonderful time and congratulations on the wedding.

I imagine she's asking because of how much mum's are judged for daring to have a life outside of their children. You don't already need to be a parent to second guess yourself due to society constantly hitting you over the head with that message.

@shortandpaleandoldandugly
Why not go for a three day piss up?

Why not indeed - genuine question, why shouldn’t she?

The idea of either parent going on a three day bender when there is a new baby at home is selfish and immature IMO.

The baby didn't ask to be born. It's only little for such a short time. Maybe grow up and give the binge drinking a miss for a while.

It amazes me the way people passionately argue for people to get drunk and party like it's this important and necessary thing.

Totally agree with this. I healed really quickly from birth and was on the school run to get DSD with baby the day I got home from the hospital. Went out for lunch with baby the next day, she slept through from really early on. By 3 months she was sleeping 12 hours a night so you won't necessarily be a sleep deprived mess still recovering from birth at that point. I (shock/horror) went away for a night with my husband when mine was 3 months and she stayed with my Mum. She now stays with Nanny overnight at least once a month.

Of course the opposite could be true and going away will be the last thing you want and that's completely fine also.

The point is its not selfish at all and you don't need to feel guilty about it. It's certainly not cruel as one ridiculous pp suggested.

So when you become a parent you can ONLY do important and necessary things? You can’t have something for yourself outside your children? That is a one way ticket to being a shit parent TBH. I’ve gone away from when mine were babies. Sometimes to <clutches pearls> go on a bender. They’re 6&9 now and they have a full understand that MY enjoyment is important, that I’m a person in my own right with my own interests and friends and they respect me a hell of a lot more for it.

Your children will not thank you for being an overbearing martyr.

OP ignore those with sticks up their arses - go and have fun! Worst comes to worse, you’re only 5 minutes away

So the issue is drinking... not the actual time away? 🙄

It amazes me the way people passionately argue for people to get drunk and party like it's this important and necessary thing

Absolutely agree.

The issue is other people have fun in a way that involves something that is seen as slightly contentious and the dullards of MN cannot stand it

So @shortandpaleandoldandugly yiu only do important and necessary things as a parent?

I hope you never watch TV, or read a book - in fact WHAT are you doing in MN? Not important or necessary. Why aren’t you spending time with your child instead?

I couldn’t have done it emotionally. I was also ebf so practically that wouldn’t have worked either. I think you should wait and see how you feel after having the baby, you might be surprised. I thought I would be fine to go out etc but I really wasn’t happy to.
horses for courses though, someone I know left their newborn with their dad and went away with their husband for 3 nights about 200 miles away when the baby was 6 weeks old 🥴

My mum never did anything with friends, ever. She never went away or met up for lunch because she martyred herself for us and hung around in case we needed her.

The result - come teen years we hated her being around so much, the lack of space was depressing and she had o friends left because she hadn’t nurtured her friendships . so suddenly she’s in a house with teens who have better things to do, she hasn’t had anything for herself in 15 years and only has herself to blame.

Ill be damned if that what happens to me

I know right! MN is full of snobbery around drinking, partying,and socialising! God forbid a mum does it.

I hope you never watch TV, or read a book - in fact WHAT are you doing in MN? Not important or necessary. Why aren’t you spending time with your child instead?

Yes because half an hour on MN is exactly the same as drinking for three days sure. My children are older now PP. They are not three month old highly dependent babies.

Mums should wear crimpolene two pieces and take up knitting and bridge if they MUST tear themselves away from their little darlings. And even then they must ONLY enjoy themselves for 10 minutes, and when the children are asleep.

But it’s not necessary!!! Or important!!! That’s the rules.

It doesn’t matter how old your children are - why aren’t you focussing on them right now? Awful! Poor children.

also, have you met the concept of ‘father’. A baby probably prefers mum if mum is primary carer but certainly doesn’t need her if dad is around.

If the thought of a woman enjoying herself disturbs you may I suggest some deep self reflection on why YOU are perhaps the problem