Page 8 | Leaving 3 month baby for Hen do

Layray · 2023-02-11T17:45:11+00:00

First time mum-to-be here and starting to plan my hen do. Getting married at Christmas so thinking October time for hen do. Baby will be about 3 months old by then and I don’t know if it is unreasonable to think I could leave my baby with partner for 2 nights? Sisters are planning hen and they’re keen for a Friday/sat night hen in a lodge. We live about 5 minutes away from the lodge. Has anyone else had their hen do with a new baby. What did you do? Would one night be better? Just don’t want to miss out on a proper hen experience! So AIBU to leave baby for 2 nights for my hen do?

babyjellyfish · 12/02/2023 09:01

You're not selfish at all, @Layray. Your idea sounds like a great compromise.

Good luck with your pregnancy and wedding!

Ladybug14 · 12/02/2023 09:07

Wouldn't have worked for me

Ortegaa · 12/02/2023 09:08

@Layray you're not selfish AT ALL, you'll be 5 mins from home. You're allowed some fun. The people on here are just really bad weirdos in pressing to make you feel shit! Ignore the dickheads.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/02/2023 09:11

Ilikepinacoladass · 12/02/2023 07:32

You'll more than likely be knackered and won't want to go.

It would also be a shame for this to be a reason/ motivation to stop breastfeeding.

As someone else said doing one while pregnant sounds like something you'll enjoy more! Or a nice meal out with friends just before the wedding (although not sure I would even be up for a evening meal out at the stage, was so tired, so maybe an afternoon tea type thing!?)

@Ilikepinacoladass

why would she need to stop breastfeeding for the hen do? She could express. Or baby could have formula for a couple of days.

also what would you class as a good reason to stop breastfeeding? A mum stopping in order to have some time for themselves is a good reason in my view

babyjellyfish · 12/02/2023 09:18

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/02/2023 09:11

@Ilikepinacoladass

why would she need to stop breastfeeding for the hen do? She could express. Or baby could have formula for a couple of days.

also what would you class as a good reason to stop breastfeeding? A mum stopping in order to have some time for themselves is a good reason in my view

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Yes, she could express. But it's not conducive to having a good time at your hen do.

I went away on a work trip for 24 hours when my son was 7 months old and having 4-5 feeds a day. I pumped once on a construction site, which was awful, and several times in a hotel, which was much better. But each time I was in a hurry and that half an hour I spent pumping was half an hour I couldn't be either with my colleagues or resting. It was stressful. And even then, I wasn't pumping as often as I really needed to be, and I thought my boobs would explode.

At three months it would have been much worse because I would have had to pump more often.

I think pumping during a hen do or any weekend away would ruin it for me unless I was down to just morning and evening feeds.

Ilikepinacoladass · 12/02/2023 09:19

@LuckySantangelo35
I'm saying it would be a shame for it to become a factor in stopping breastfeeding, largely for her sake not the babies, to be honest! Just coz it might be something she regrets later on.

Yes you could express for two days. My baby was in SCBU away from me for 2.5 weeks, so I get that it is possible. It is a faff.

You risk mastitis and low supply if you don't express, and just use formula.

My main point would be that I don't think it would be enjoyable, at 3 months a few hours put of the house in the daytime was about all I could handle.

Ilikepinacoladass · 12/02/2023 09:21

@babyjellyfish
Totally agree! Pumping every three hours on a hen do does not sounds like fun.

HungryandIknowit · 12/02/2023 09:22

It's possible but I don't think it would be enjoyable for various reasons - tiredness and sleep deprivation, needing to regularly express if breastfeeding and potential blocked ducts, hormones and not wanting to be away from the baby. I would want to do it after the wedding when the baby was older tbh.

Can2022getanyworse · 12/02/2023 09:26

Just don’t want to miss out on a proper hen experience!

Of course the 'traditional' hen experience didn't usually include having a baby to look after in the first place...

At 3 months I'd have loved to be able to leave mine with their dad but they were clingy as fuck, breastfed and refused bottles and their dad was absolutely incapable of parenting his own dc (long story, finally saw the light that this was all an act of incompetency).

You might be fine, baby might be fine, dad should be fine. But it all might go tits up. When you have a baby plans change ALL THE TIME. Ensure your hens take that into account. A lodge 5 mins away sounds like a great idea for potential plan changes.

Squidlydoo · 12/02/2023 09:28

Is it possible for the baby to attend the hen do? Do you have someone like your mum or sister who could help with childcare? Could your husband come and collect the baby for periods? Or bring the baby to you?

when I was pregnant I had lots of thoughts and plans about how I would feel after a baby…. But hormones post birth are strong and designed to keep your baby alive (from the caveman days) so you may not be keen to leave your baby for two full days/nights? If there is some flexibility though, you can play it by ear and still have a great time!

while some babies happily take a bottle of pumped milk or formula, my BF baby didn’t. Again you won’t know.

like others have said, can the hen take place in late November so you get an extra few months!

GoAgainstNicki · 12/02/2023 09:28

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 11/02/2023 21:14

Honestly these threads are just full of spiteful, jealous weirdos who would rather make other women feel like shit than face the fact that they aren’t enjoying themselves outside of being a mum

Oh 100%

Ilikepinacoladass · 12/02/2023 09:37

Ilikepinacoladass · 12/02/2023 09:19

@LuckySantangelo35
I'm saying it would be a shame for it to become a factor in stopping breastfeeding, largely for her sake not the babies, to be honest! Just coz it might be something she regrets later on.

Yes you could express for two days. My baby was in SCBU away from me for 2.5 weeks, so I get that it is possible. It is a faff.

You risk mastitis and low supply if you don't express, and just use formula.

My main point would be that I don't think it would be enjoyable, at 3 months a few hours put of the house in the daytime was about all I could handle.

And regrets because it's a really handy tool / enjoyable thing to do, not because she worries it's impacted her babies health or anything worthy like that!!

Ortegaa · 12/02/2023 09:38

GoAgainstNicki · 12/02/2023 09:28

Oh 100%

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Fully agree

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/02/2023 09:44

bridgetreilly · 11/02/2023 22:34

Your baby is more important that your hen do, ffs.

@bridgetreilly

whose said it is?

you can still have a life though when you become a mum! Have things you’re interested besides baby, people other than your baby that you wanna spend time with, etc

forfuckssake23 · 12/02/2023 09:45

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/02/2023 09:00

At 12 weeks I still couldn't sit or walk comfortably. I'd be planning for a hen do much closer to my wedding in your shoes.

Oh god me neither.

And emotionally I was nowhere near ready to leave her overnight. I struggled to leave her for a few hours until she was about 8 months. But everyone is different I guess.

AliasGrape · 12/02/2023 09:48

Ortegaa · 12/02/2023 09:38

Fully agree

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They’re not ‘full’ of them at all.

There’s been one or two posters who have said something along those lines.

The vast majority of people have said that you won’t know how you will feel until baby is here and just be prepared for not feeling able to leave them.

Because it’s a very common and normal feeling. But it always gets twisted on these threads into either having a crap/ incompetent partner or being a ‘jealous weirdo mum martyr’.

Usually followed by ‘women should support each other’ which is pretty hypocritical to be honest.

Ortegaa · 12/02/2023 09:50

AliasGrape · 12/02/2023 09:48

They’re not ‘full’ of them at all.

There’s been one or two posters who have said something along those lines.

The vast majority of people have said that you won’t know how you will feel until baby is here and just be prepared for not feeling able to leave them.

Because it’s a very common and normal feeling. But it always gets twisted on these threads into either having a crap/ incompetent partner or being a ‘jealous weirdo mum martyr’.

Usually followed by ‘women should support each other’ which is pretty hypocritical to be honest.

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It's literally full of those comments, definitely not 1 or 2.

StarsSand · 12/02/2023 10:11

Personally I wouldn't have felt able to leave my babies at that age for a variety of reasons.

I think having a baby means the horse has somewhat bolted on having the 'proper hen experience', your life has changed a lot and you're in a new chapter. That's not a bad thing but maybe adapt your plans so it's more accommodating of the changes coming in your life.

There will always be women on here cheering each other on to drink and party while their stitches are still healing but I find it a strange thing to prioritise while your body is recovering, your sleep is poor and you're establishing a bond with your baby. It just seems like another kind of pressure.

FourFour · 12/02/2023 10:17

Sassysia · 11/02/2023 18:10

I’d be really surprised if you’d feel happy to leave your baby for two nights at 3mths. A lot will depend on how you’re feeding I guess. But emotionally I’m not sure you’d want to leave the baby, especially being your first.

Same. I have a 3m old and the last think I would want to do is leave my baby if I had a choice not to. Even if you are 5min away, your baby needs you even if you think you can handle it. I went out yesterday with my older dc and my baby was with my very capable dh, and she was so upset and niggly towards the end until I came back and she calmed down again. Wait to see how it goes with your baby here first and then decide.

FourFour · 12/02/2023 10:20

MelaniesFlowers · 11/02/2023 19:22

YABU and unrealistic.

The boat has already sailed on “the proper hen experience” because you’ll already have a child by then.

So if your breastfeeding you’ll need to pump, and even if you’re not the emotional attachment to your baby is so strong you’ll miss them too much to properly enjoy yourself.

This too, I mean the traditional hen meaning has sailed and you are just having a party /celebration. I wouldn't leave my tiny baby for a party. What happened to a nice meal out with your friends.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 12/02/2023 10:25

The baby will be fine but you might feel differently once they are here? If you are not getting married til December, can you not just plan an evening out for your hen do nearer the wedding date?

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/02/2023 10:25

FourFour · 12/02/2023 10:20

This too, I mean the traditional hen meaning has sailed and you are just having a party /celebration. I wouldn't leave my tiny baby for a party. What happened to a nice meal out with your friends.

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@FourFour

some women, some mothers, believe it or not would rather have a party especially for their hen do rather than a sedate meal at home where everyone is home by 10pm

eveyone is different

shortandpaleandoldandugly · 12/02/2023 10:25

Everyday I am grateful that all my friends were married long before three day hen parties became the norm. I don't get it OP. The whole point of a hen party is to mark the end of single life- given that you're already a mum I think that ship has sailed frankly. I would go out for an afternoon tea or something and call it done. Each to their own though I guess...

Flamingogirl08 · 12/02/2023 10:34

shortandpaleandoldandugly · 12/02/2023 10:25

Everyday I am grateful that all my friends were married long before three day hen parties became the norm. I don't get it OP. The whole point of a hen party is to mark the end of single life- given that you're already a mum I think that ship has sailed frankly. I would go out for an afternoon tea or something and call it done. Each to their own though I guess...

Is there anything worse than a smug judgmental comment followed by each to their own 🙄

Why should the OP just go for afternoon tea and not do what she enjoys with her friends just because she's a Mum?

MRex · 12/02/2023 10:43

Layray · 12/02/2023 08:57

Had a bit of time to think about it and I totally see how it would be difficult to know how I’d feel till the baby was here.

The reason it would be in October is that’s when the school holidays are and I live around 4h away from many of my friends. Some of whom are teachers and so that would make the most sense timing wise.

I like the idea of waiting till the following summer when the baby will be almost 1 to have a weekend post wedding hen do. Then perhaps an afternoon tea type thing for a few hours one Saturday in October. That way I would only be busy for a few hours with my partner and baby nearby.

Everything is new being a first time mum and I really don’t mean to sound selfish for wanting to have a bit of time with my friends! I might be desperate for a few hours of ‘normality’ by October and I think this sounds like a good compromise!

That all sounds perfect! It isn't selfish to want normality, you just might find you don't actually want it, and leaky boobs plus hormones make it not-normal anyway. An afternoon out with friends and an extra lie-in at home may seem more enticing when you get to it.