Leaving 3 month baby for Hen do

[Layray]

First time mum-to-be here and starting to plan my hen do. Getting married at Christmas so thinking October time for hen do. Baby will be about 3 months old by then and I don’t know if it is unreasonable to think I could leave my baby with partner for 2 nights?

Sisters are planning hen and they’re keen for a Friday/sat night hen in a lodge. We live about 5 minutes away from the lodge.

Has anyone else had their hen do with a new baby. What did you do? Would one night be better? Just don’t want to miss out on a proper hen experience!

So AIBU to leave baby for 2 nights for my hen do?

I wouldn’t have wanted to.

I had an evening out (pre kids) for my hen. It was still a ‘proper’ hen do.

Well it is - you apparently dislike it because it isn’t important or necessary. So what though - genuine question, why must new mums only do important and necessary things?

The update sums everything well and sounds very sensible (and less stressful as well). Enjoy both your parties!

It is a fact that I’ve never once seen a post of value from you. Never once seen a worthy contribution.

As soon as I see your username I know I can discount whatever you’ve said as all you ever post is nonsense trying to goad other posters.

So what though - genuine question, why must new mums only do important and necessary things?

No one said that and I would urge you to re read the original comment that I agreed with. However, when people have babies surely there has to be some reduction in the drinking, partying, nights away while they are still so young. If someone is genuinely not prepared to make that sacrifice for at least the first few months of a child's life (in fact, if they think it is a sacrifice) then I would question whether they are ready to have a baby at all.

It sounds from subsequent posts that the OP has thought of a compromise solution which sounds like it will work better for her and her baby.

I'm sure a lot of the mums on here that wouldn't have left their 3mo baby were able to gradually build up their social life and get to the point where they feel comfortable going on a break without their DC. For some mums it is after a few weeks, others a few months, some a year etc.

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl is obviously projecting a little based on her childhood.

My DD did a weekend away at a similar age. She found it easy to pump, so being bf wasn't a barrier. It's fine to leave your baby with people who you trust. It's great to get Dads as capable as Mums and knowing how to settle etc them.

You seem to be confusing facts and opinions my dear. And your opinion of me is not fact, or is it an opinion I value.

How utterly arrogant to think “I don’t agree with this person therefore I can objectively say their opinion and their value is wrong”.

One night out in a year for the OP - I think you need to calm down a little. Also you can’t reduce from 0.

I also don’t think you should be so smug because you’re one of the posters who’ve shamed OP into reducing her hen do to an afternoon tea. Poor OP has obviously been made to feel terrible before her baby is even born

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl the OP, as a mum to be, asked for opinions and received them. She then used the responses to come to her own conclusion. No one was "shamed" into anything.

You don’t think the horrified payers telling her she’s selfish and it’s shit parenting is shaming?
ok then

I've posted a few times on this thread because I feel so sorry for the OP but it looks like she has done the sensible thing and pissed off from this insane thread 🤣

There's 2 camps here, some mums who are fine to leave baby for a bit and some who aren't comfortable. Both situations are fine, the judgement and binge drinking comments seem a bit much though. I don't remember OP saying she was going a 3 day binge drink?!

My friend had a hen similar to this, a lodge in Wales with a hot tub. We did some long walks in the country in the day and then yes had a couple of glasses of bubbles in the hot tub later. It wasn't a 3 day piss up. Then again she already had children by that point so according to some posters this hen was inappropriate. I hadn't had my child yet so I suppose I was allowed to go and have fun. Although I did have a DSD so not sure about the rules on that.

YY the last hen do I was on was in Ireland and mostly a walking holiday! We walked miles during the day Then we went to the pubs on a night time. You can tell we are all early 40’s 😂

The last hen do I was on I accidentally answered a FaceTime from my mother in law whilst I was in the bath, naked and hungover. She had my child at the time. Shock horror.

🤣🤣🤣😂🤣

Brilliant!

LOVE your username BTW. I watch that video whenever I feel a bit blue. WELL IT WAS FUCKING ONE O-YIZ 😂😂

I’m glad someone got the reference. I was concerned I would be perceived as a Cher Lloyd super fan.

I think the main theme of the comments is that OP might not actually feel like doing it, or enjoy it (tired, hormonal, not wanting to leave the baby etc etc).

Most people haven't been high and mighty talking about the needs of the baby, but for some reason some people want to jump to that conclusion and argue against it..

When I mentioned it could be a shame if it led to stopping breastfeeding earlier than she would have, I straight away got someone saying well what is a 'good enough' reason to stop breastfeeding. lol I wasn't talking about the needs/feelings of the baby at all to honest, I meant it might be a shame for the OP!

Most people haven't but there have been a few that have insinuated that only those that don't give a shit about their kids would leave them which is what has understandably got people's backs up.
Some people will be ready to be apart from their kids and some won't, either option is fine. What isn't fine is the mum shaming posts.

@mummyh2016
Yes, pretty sure the baby is not going to remember being left for 2 days, especially if with it's father/another close carer.

Much more important is the mother's feelings about the whole thing, and how it might impact her! (Which obviously in turn would impact the baby eventually)

Exactly.

There's a difference between ''If you feel ready, that's fine but just be aware that you might be exhausted and not enjoy it'' and ''You won't feel ready, trust me. You'll be sooooo bonded with your baby that you won't want to leave them''.

I left my 3 month old for exactly this reason. I was formula feeding, she was our second child and it was only one night. I loved every single second of it and she was fine.

Also left her with DH the night before the wedding. I have zero regrets!

My little one has been going to his Dad's twice a week for 6/7hrs at a time since 4 months. He's breastfed (still is at nearly 3!) and I pumped when he was there to keep supply up, I never felt anything but relieved to have a break to be honest, and enjoyed the time to myself but can't imagine being up for anything as tiring as a hen do. Also think leaving him overnight would have been much harder emotionally, especially for two days. But that's in no way saying that if you're fine with it you're a bad parent!

People saying babies need to be with their mother's 24/7 is total rubbish, they are fine as long as with a carer they know and trust (ie. The father!)

I've read this whole thread and wow, some of the comments 🙈 very interesting stuff!
My baby stayed overnight with my sister, who adores my daughter, at 5 weeks old so myself and DP could celebrate our anniversary. Dinner and two drinks afterwards, home by 11pm and ready for bed! She has since stayed a few more times with my sister and once with MIL and she will be going to MIL again next weekend as we have a family dinner on my side. Staying overnight with people who want her and cherish and love her so we can have some time together and have a little break is a win win in my eyes!
One thing I will say about alcohol that hasn't been mentioned in this context yet is how my relationship with alcohol changed since giving birth. I thought I would be gagging for a glass of wine as soon as I got home but I wasn't, I've rarely drank since I've had her. The handful of times I have drank I have felt very anxious and on edge the next day so I would say be careful of that OP, I was surprised by that myself. Also my LO is 3 months old and even though she is good as gold and sleeps through the night I could not imagine anything worse than a "typical" hen party right now! Have the type of hen you want, suit yourself and your baby will be fine with their Dad!

@Laneymoo
Totally agree with this re alcohol! Think my main concern would be the impact on mental health after the 2 days, combination of being hung over, hormones, tiredness, then having to look after a small baby, it's such a fragile time mental health wise anyway, you've got to look after yourself x