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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 3 month baby for Hen do

279 replies

Layray · 11/02/2023 17:45

First time mum-to-be here and starting to plan my hen do. Getting married at Christmas so thinking October time for hen do. Baby will be about 3 months old by then and I don’t know if it is unreasonable to think I could leave my baby with partner for 2 nights?

Sisters are planning hen and they’re keen for a Friday/sat night hen in a lodge. We live about 5 minutes away from the lodge.

Has anyone else had their hen do with a new baby. What did you do? Would one night be better? Just don’t want to miss out on a proper hen experience!

So AIBU to leave baby for 2 nights for my hen do?

OP posts:
FarmersWife2019 · 11/02/2023 20:39

I do not ‘palm’ my son off to my husband. He helped create him.

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/02/2023 20:40

i bet there are very few dads who would agonise at the prospect of leaving their three month old for a stag do….

SouthLondonMum22 · 11/02/2023 20:41

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/02/2023 20:33

@MelaniesFlowers

are you saying people should only have kids if they wanna be with them 24/7??!

also I guess it makes sense for you if you didn’t like going out much in the first place.

So I guess my question is more for those who did enjoy an active social life before becoming a parent

Show quote history

I'm impressed that it took this long for someone to talk about 'palming' children off. 🙄

KarmaStar · 11/02/2023 20:42

Hi op
You will feel very different when baby is here and although the baby will be safe with his or her dad,it will be you,if anything,who doesn't want to leave him or her.
It would potentially be safer to organise a one day event,or two,if you like,and return home in the evenings.do this before anyone pays out deposits ect.🌈

secretllama · 11/02/2023 20:44

MelaniesFlowers · 11/02/2023 20:30

How? Easily.

We had children because we wanted to be a family and spend time together. Not to palm them off on someone else.

We were never big going out people anyway and we don’t drink, so there’s nothing we can’t do without them.

Show quote history

Ridiculous post. I want to be a family and spend time with my kids but my god I love nights out or days without them, its not mutually exclusive 😆

mummyh2016 · 11/02/2023 20:45

@MelaniesFlowers I 'palmed' my DS to my husband, you know his dad? The same way he 'palmed' him off on me when he went to work every day. I didn't realise we had gone back 100 years when dads apparently didn't parent their children.
Your comment says more about you than anything, get a fucking grip.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 11/02/2023 20:46

@MelaniesFlowers If you think that a parent with a penis looking after his own child is ‘palming’ them off then you maybe want to examine how you aren’t an equal in your own marriage rather than casting judgement on others

rothbury · 11/02/2023 20:47

I absolutely could not have left my baby for even one night at three months.

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/02/2023 20:48

rothbury · 11/02/2023 20:47

I absolutely could not have left my baby for even one night at three months.

@rothbury

why?

thatheavyperson · 11/02/2023 20:48

It's just too hard to predict how you'll feel until the baby is here, I think. I couldn't leave my son overnight now and he's 1! But equally, I've known people feeling totally fine about going away in the early months, and it's done them good.

Sorry, not a very helpful reply. I'd be nervous to commit to anything like this, but you know yourself best.

SnackSizeRaisin · 11/02/2023 20:48

I wouldn't. It's cruel. A 3 month old needs to be with its mum more or less 24/7. Fair enough go out for an evening or afternoon but any longer is not really right unless you have no choice.
If you are breastfeeding it will be even more ridiculous. Lots of 3 month babies cluster feed for hours every evening. They wake frequently throughout the night. It will be very upsetting for the baby if you are suddenly gone for such a long time. Plus you'd have to pump a lot while away which is tedious and time consuming and you might get mastitis.

If you want a proper hen do I think better wait until the baby's over 6 months, if breastfeeding then when they are aged over a year is probably easier.

YukoandHiro · 11/02/2023 20:49

You're not being unreasonable but you might really not want to when it comes to it

pawsandponies · 11/02/2023 20:49

I did not have any issue leaving my DS with his dad he is also his parent so I've never seen the issue. I combination fed.

I went to an overnight spa when he was around 4 months for a hen I probably did call a few times but it was fine. I don't get the reluctance to leave a child with their other biological parent unless they are a waste of space but then I wouldn't have had a baby with them.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 11/02/2023 20:50

SnackSizeRaisin · 11/02/2023 20:48

I wouldn't. It's cruel. A 3 month old needs to be with its mum more or less 24/7. Fair enough go out for an evening or afternoon but any longer is not really right unless you have no choice.
If you are breastfeeding it will be even more ridiculous. Lots of 3 month babies cluster feed for hours every evening. They wake frequently throughout the night. It will be very upsetting for the baby if you are suddenly gone for such a long time. Plus you'd have to pump a lot while away which is tedious and time consuming and you might get mastitis.

If you want a proper hen do I think better wait until the baby's over 6 months, if breastfeeding then when they are aged over a year is probably easier.

She will be married when baby is 6 months.

Cruel?🤣 What a drama llama you are

Merryoldgoat · 11/02/2023 20:52

My DH could’ve certainly looked after the baby as a formula fed and we both did a fair split of care from early on.

However I wouldn’t have wanted to. I didn’t feel great physically or emotionally and a weekend event would’ve been too much and I’d not have predicted that beforehand.

Personally I don’t like Hen weekends, I prefer one night celebrations which would be more manageable. I’d be hesitant about 2 night for me, not because of childcare.

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/02/2023 20:52

@SnackSizeRaisin

”A 3 month old needs to be with its mum more or less 24/7.”

really?

why?

i don’t think so, especially if not breastfeeding.

cruel… yeah right

SnackSizeRaisin · 11/02/2023 20:54

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/02/2023 20:40

i bet there are very few dads who would agonise at the prospect of leaving their three month old for a stag do….

That's completely different though. Most dads are pretty superfluous to a baby at 3 months. It's almost always mum that spends most of the time with a young baby.
If in your family it's dad who stays home and feeds and looks after the baby most of the time day and night, that would be different, obviously.

FarmersWife2019 · 11/02/2023 20:55

I was obviously cruel when I had to spend 4 days in hospital when my baby was 5wo. It wasn’t by choice but that didn’t determine my husbands capability at looking after him. He wasn’t babysitting, he was parenting.

Luredbyapomegranate · 11/02/2023 20:55

Isthisexpected · 11/02/2023 19:02

Unthinkable here to leave a three month old for overnights.

Please at least try and think of your baby before yourself.

lactationnetwork.com/blog/the-benefits-of-breastfeeding-a-timeline-for-the-ages/

Ignore this lot 👆posts like inevitably attract the woman-hating holier than thou brigade. (I hope you are proud of your yourself PP, god forbid a mother want to have fun, or a father look after his child while she does.)

5 mins away and it’s technically doable whether you are BF or not, but you will have to be in a routine of expressing and also (BF or not) be getting anything resembling decent sleep to even remotely enjoy it. You probably won’t be.

I would announce to your mates you are having a mother hen (mother of all hens?) the following summer, when you can go wild (but don’t tell Isthisexpected because it contravenes their misogynous manifesto)

SnackSizeRaisin · 11/02/2023 20:56

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/02/2023 20:52

@SnackSizeRaisin

”A 3 month old needs to be with its mum more or less 24/7.”

really?

why?

i don’t think so, especially if not breastfeeding.

cruel… yeah right

Biology. I don't think it's controversial. Do you think it doesn't matter who looks after a baby?

pawsandponies · 11/02/2023 20:57

The sexism on this thread is shocking.

Why does a man not have the same capabilities, or inclination, as a woman to look after their own child?

These are the same people who will probably moan about the unequal division of labour in 10 years time.

Bournetilly · 11/02/2023 20:57

I went away for 2 nights on my hen do when my DD was 3 months old, we got married when she was 4 months old. It was all already planned.

I was about 2.5 hours away and I did miss her a lot but it was good for DH to spend some time alone with her too, and I got some well needed sleep. You’ll only be 5 mins away so can nip home to see her if you want.

I was formula feeding so if you plan to breast feed may be different.

SnackSizeRaisin · 11/02/2023 20:58

FarmersWife2019 · 11/02/2023 20:55

I was obviously cruel when I had to spend 4 days in hospital when my baby was 5wo. It wasn’t by choice but that didn’t determine my husbands capability at looking after him. He wasn’t babysitting, he was parenting.

Being in hospital is a bit different to choosing to go out on the lash though. Obviously there are times when things are not ideal. Doesn't mean people should actively choose that option

secretllama · 11/02/2023 20:59

SnackSizeRaisin · 11/02/2023 20:48

I wouldn't. It's cruel. A 3 month old needs to be with its mum more or less 24/7. Fair enough go out for an evening or afternoon but any longer is not really right unless you have no choice.
If you are breastfeeding it will be even more ridiculous. Lots of 3 month babies cluster feed for hours every evening. They wake frequently throughout the night. It will be very upsetting for the baby if you are suddenly gone for such a long time. Plus you'd have to pump a lot while away which is tedious and time consuming and you might get mastitis.

If you want a proper hen do I think better wait until the baby's over 6 months, if breastfeeding then when they are aged over a year is probably easier.

This post is cruel to mothers who need an afternoon away for their mental health.

As I wrote in previous post I went away for a girls weekend (2 nights) at 3 months so this post doesn't phase me , but to woman who are struggling this would just make them feel guilty and is pretty awful.

Furrydogmum · 11/02/2023 20:59

I ebf for 6 month and didn't drink alcohol/smoke/be apart from my babies until ages after that.. You don't know how you will feel til it comes up...