Leaving 3 month baby for Hen do

[Layray]

First time mum-to-be here and starting to plan my hen do. Getting married at Christmas so thinking October time for hen do. Baby will be about 3 months old by then and I don’t know if it is unreasonable to think I could leave my baby with partner for 2 nights?

Sisters are planning hen and they’re keen for a Friday/sat night hen in a lodge. We live about 5 minutes away from the lodge.

Has anyone else had their hen do with a new baby. What did you do? Would one night be better? Just don’t want to miss out on a proper hen experience!

So AIBU to leave baby for 2 nights for my hen do?

I think it will be really difficult to make that call right now. My LO was bottle fed which made it easier but he stayed away typically 1 night a week from about 4 weeks old and then me and DH went to Barcelona for 3 night when he was 4/5 months old. To be honest I think I had a touch of PND and I felt I was losing it so that time to myself each week and on holiday was amazing and helped keep me sane.

I was in exactly this position last year - my DS was 3 months old for my hen. He was EBF but even if he hadn’t been, I couldn’t imagine leaving him for more than a few hours at that point, let alone over night. Two would’ve been unthinkable.

I had a small hen with a few close friends in a local town. We did brunch, a yoga class and a bit of a picnic and my husband visited a friend nearby with the baby and brought him to me for a feed before the picnic.

I don’t think I’d have enjoyed myself being away from him for much longer at that age. They’re still so tiny at 3 months and need you to be close.

And sorry to sound sappy, and I know everyone is different, but I really didn’t give two hoots about having a “proper” hen once he came along - my priorities were very different.

I hope whatever you do you have a lovely time, and congratulations on your baby!

I don't think you will know how you will feel until your baby is here. My baby is 6 months old and I've left her for an hour a handful of times with her dad whilst I've nipped out. There's no way I could've left her overnight at 3 months but everyone is different.

Sorry just to add that my baby would've been too distressed for me to leave her for long periods at that age too. I went to the hairdressers when she was 8 weeks old and she cried so much my partner had to bring her to me in the salon!

@StrawBeretMoose

It was me that mentioned it. I am aware that it's very rare thankfully. It was more a response to PP who implied that because some men abandon their children it means men as a group are not good parents. Some women have other difficulties it doesn't stop the majority being brilliant parents with no complications.

I don't judge you as boring at all, as you said it's all down to how you feel, and if you don't want to be apart then of course that's your choice.

However I did take offence to PP who implied that women who did feel like going out were bad mothers. Or that perfectly capable men are unable to take care of children.

Don't underestimate how you might feel once baby comes. I genuinely couldn't bear to be away from my baby. Felt totally bereft when I went to a hen do when he was 6 months, for a day! I never ever thought I'd be like that. Also it will be A LOT of pressure once the baby is born to get it onto bottles and used to sleeping alone etc if you've booked and paid for something. Both my babies slept on my chest for the first 3 months! You just don't know how you'll feel, you could be fine but could also want to be sitting in bed half the day snuggling up! X

This!
I would have considered myself to be a pretty laid back parent before I had DC1, and I genuinely thought I'd be completely fine with leaving him with his dad while I caught up with friends. Ex-H was a very competent father, and our DC1 was his fourth child - so I had no reason to be concerned.

I just couldn't do it though. Once DC1 was born, I had this innate need to be with him. Going out with friends was just something I really didn't want to do. I have genuinely no judgement towards any mum who feels ready for a break by that point - but you just don't know how you're going to feel.

Do what feels right for you OP, it's just tough as you won't know how you'll feel yet. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with a few nights away.

This

Aside from the practicalities, if you are breastfeeding, I don't think you would want to leave your baby for two nights at this age. It's normal to want to be close to your baby when they are small.

Also, a day and/or night out can be a 'proper' hen do. I don't understand why a night or weekend away is required. In this time of people's budgets being increasingly squeezed, your friends would probably appreciate a more budget friendly option as well.

I did it and the DCs were fine DH and my mum were really hands on from day 1 so they always felt comfortable with them also. I breastfed mine but also gave them a bottle with expressed milk so that was never an issue. Some people struggle leaving their children which is totally fine but like others have said you won't know till you have the baby how you will feel.

It's not wrong to leave the baby, just doesn't suit everyone.

Couldn't agree more. There are always some real judgy martyrs on these sorts of threads.

@LuckySantangelo35

Many reasons, but mainly because my babies were EBF and I couldn’t express.

Wow!! He didn’t ‘have’ to do that at all. I’d have been fucking furious if my OH was so inept he disturbed my lovely hair appointment to deal with the baby.

You could do one night? If you live 5 mins away then you could go home and leave the girls to it!
Even if you are formula feeding you may not want to leave the baby.
Your priorities change and you find yourself not giving a damn about nights out for a good while.
So try to have a flexible plan that leaves it open for you to chose.

Why had your partner not looked after his baby before 8 weeks? Hairdressers is hardly a long period, did you literally spend 8 solid weeks with your baby without your partner doing anything along with her?

I would be pretty pissed off with DH if he was unable to look after his own child. DS1 was a horrendous sleeper so every Sunday from about 6 weeks I would feed him then DH would either take him out or just downstairs and come back 4 hrs later for his next feed so I could sleep. Lovely bonding time for them also and personally for me sharing the load was important especially when having a child that slept for no more than 2 hrs at a time.

Make sure any plans that are made can be tweaked. I.e changed to one night? No one can be sure how you will feel closer to the time and you will then be caught up in pleasing others or loosing out financially and sacrificing what you want to do reference your baby. I couldn't have left any of my kids but I've known people to go abroad for 4 nights without their new born? It's a very individual thing. I've friends who are all too happy to palm kids off and try to scoop me up in the process and I do things on my terms that make me feel comfy as a mum and not just to please the wilder ones.

As much as people are saying “you might not want to be away from your baby” - it works the other way. You may want to do nothing more than to have a chilled couple of nights with the girls!

I hope all the twatty posts haven’t driven the OP away.

OP I would see if you can book it and reduce to one night at a later date just in case!

Your baby is more important that your hen do, ffs.

….have I missed something? Did anyone say this wasn’t the case? I don’t understand

At 3.months I would've most definitely appreciated a 2 day break....however I'd have spent it sleeping 😴 😁 see how you go OP..... no judgement here! X

THE COMMENTS ON THIS THREAD ARE FUCKING INSANE!!!!! Why make a woman feel bad for wanting a bit of fun! Fucks sake are men really this incapable of looking after THEIR child? Women should support woman and not bring them down like the twats on here do 🤬

Oh good I'll remember this, next time my newborn won't settle, I'll just drop her off to her dad at work!

I breastfed. Would have been happy to do this as my husband is a complete 50/50 parent. I would have had a whole night away if there was this opportunity. Didn’t have that, but please just do what you feel like doing. Go for it now if you can manage the costs if you don’t go. You will know your life/husband/baby. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for whatever you want to do.

Haha yes, never mind that they’re busy or can’t physically help much, they are so unimportant that it’s fine to disturb their day with a screaming baby 🤣

I feel bad for women who say their OH can’t cope with the children. I think “what if you ended up in hospital for a week, or worse even passed away”. They’d bloody cope then so of course they can cope while their poor wife has a hair appointment