Husband left the baby and locked his door

[Strawberryjam45]

Currently on maternity leave with my second child. DH has a very hard-charging job but has always been incredibly lazy at home. I basically do everything during the week but he will do something as a token when asked (i.e. cleaning the toy room).

Today we had a babysitter come for a trial and I was really left to do it all while DH used it as an opportunity to sleep. I went in once briefly during the day to explain we were off out to the park and he acted all annoyed saying that he had just got off to sleep. I'd ask DH in the morning to speak to the babysitter at the end of the trial and went in 30 mins before she was meant to leave, saying the same again and leaving the baby with him (I'm not sure why I did this but I think it was to encourage him to join us sooner rather than later).

The next thing I know he has left the baby in the kitchen and is back in the bedroom with the door shut. For some reason I was just mortified by this. Embarrassed in front of the babysitter and felt like something had clicked/my blood ran cold with the realization of something.

I have always know DH's behavior is less than ideal but have justified it with the view that he's a good provider/it's better for the kids to grow up with 2 parents but honestly I really wonder. He's an incredibly lazy reluctant participant in family life. What is the point. Any other perspectives?

i agree with your perspective

if its not a partnership, what is it and what.s the point

No-I was showing the babysitter the ropes so that she could be left with the children alone next time. This is something we could have both assisted with and each used her being there for a bit of down time.

What job does he do? If he does say a 9-5 office job then yes he is being incredibly lazy. If he is a medical professional working in a and e doing 80 hours a week then I'd expect him to be sleeping when he is at home and would probably feel differently about him not pulling his weight (although would expect some participation in family life still)

I ended up wasting 15 years of my life with someone like this. He couldn’t even provide enough for me to stay at home so his I provide excuse was rubbish too. Don’t be a fool like me. Either talk to him and make him change or LTB.

@Deviniaursula, yes it is. It's something which all his friends know him for. He's v lazy. But tbh before we had kids it was just a bit annoying at most as there wasn't lots that needed doing.

Leave.Him.

It’s not even just the laziness, it’s the fact he doesn’t care about his own kids and childcare. He has 0 interest.

It isn't better for the kids to grow up with two parents when those 2 particular parents are demonstrating beautifully to the children what a shit, unhealthy, sexist relationship is.

He has a very very busy job. 8am-8pm generally Mon-Fri but it's a job where you are always expected to be "on".

It's not the job that's the issue, even if he was present in the short time he was at home, I.e. trying to be helpful and involved that would be enough. But he isn't. I just get the impression he is always trying to avoid us/avoid having to do anything.

That's not laziness, that's shit parenting.

Who an earth puts their child into another room unattended and shuts the door? Wtf please NEVER leave him with them alone, incredibly stupid.

What is a hard charging job? How did he expect parenting to go with two children? Did he actually expect his life not to change in any way at all?

whats your role? Hopefully still full time and not taking a step back to accomodate a lazy sexist man.

He doesn’t give a shit about his kids. At all. Or you.

There's a difference between laziness and selfishness. When he chooses not to do something knowing that it's just adding to your workload and he doesn't care, that's a problem. You can't be like that when you have kids. He's not behaving like a partner and he's not behaving like a parent.

Exactly this. The argument of having two parents is always better is quite frankly idiotic when one parent doesn't actually contribute anything other than money to the house and both parents are likely to fuck up their kids perception of healthy relationships/loving parents.

OP, you simply can't trust your husband to be alone with your kids anymore - if you do then you're complicit in whatever happens. He's shown you exactly what he thinks to having kids and it isn't a good look.

Why would you put up with this?

He showed you.

The reason your blood ran cold is because you realised that he is prepared to act like this in front of other people, that he will not hide his disdain for you or your children for the sake of appearances and it actually doesn't matter what the cost is, he's going to do what he wants. This isn't an isolated grumpy/tired incident that only you are witness to, this is now in front of other people don't know in your home.

He doesn't care about you or your kids. That's the realisation. What you do from here is down to you.

I know that for me, he'd be out on his rear and back to whatever raised him.

@BatshitBanshee, yes that's exactly how I felt.

He's not lazy. He's selfish and he doesn't give a single fuck about you or your kids. Leave already and save yourself years of bitterness and regret.

Sorry but you don’t have a DH problem, you have a you problem. You married a man renowned for being lazy and now it sounds as though you’re trying to change him. As he is an adult and has always been like this I suspect he won’t ever change. Better to decide whether you are prepared to continue to put up with it and, if not, leave him.

Why is he so tired he needs to sleep during the day? When he came out of the bedroom did he just leave the baby like a parcel in the kitchen - where was everybody else at this time - you, the babysitter, your other child? Honestly though he sounds like a lazy arse and I wouldn't bother using the babysitter while he is around - he doesn't need a break because you are doing it all! Get the babysitter during the week while he is at work and use the time for a break for yourself!