Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare excluded my child

274 replies

BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 15:58

My child aged 7 sneaked a mobile phone in to school and from there into childcare. Of course I accept she was naughty and shouldn't have done it.
the childcare facility has now excluded my child - as she took a photo of another child - whist under there care.
They have said she had created a safeguarding issue.
She was caught by the staff and asked not to play on the phone, but they did not confiscate it. They handed it back to her. Older children have phones so this confused her. The phone has no sim and access to internet - it's used to play games.
AIBU to expect them to take responsibility for allowing a child to play with a phone? And then to exclude her with no prior warning?

OP posts:
GoodChat · 11/02/2023 21:05

OP, is @memememe correct that you refused to delete the photo?

Casilero · 11/02/2023 21:07

2bazookas · 11/02/2023 21:02

First all focus is on the phone, despite being told the issue is safeguarding.
Then you all focus on OP and her DD.

Nobody has considered the other child's experience, or their parents reaction. Probably one or both explain the exclusion of OP's DD to safeguard theirs.

Fair point.

I'm just commenting on the situation presented by OP. And reacting to comments also based on the original post without any further details.

If it's purely as presented by OP then I stand by my comments.

I can only comment on the facts presented.

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 21:14

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 11/02/2023 16:17

AIBU to expect them to take responsibility for allowing a child to play with a phone?

Where's your responsibility?

While I'm paying an adult to supervise my child - i expect that she will be supervised. I can only supervise when I'm present, and of course as soon as I'm aware I can take action.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 11/02/2023 21:16

So was it you supervising when she snuck her phone into school? Or someone else?

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 21:24

MichelleScarn · 11/02/2023 16:01

Why did she take a photo of this child, did the child know about it? And what did she do with it?

She took a selfie style photo of her and her friend. She didn't do anything with it

OP posts:
Casilero · 11/02/2023 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 21:39

GoodChat · 11/02/2023 21:05

OP, is @memememe correct that you refused to delete the photo?

No as soon as i was aware I permanently deleted the photo. I was not told at pick up and was only emailed later that evening when my child was in bed. So as I didn't get a chance to get my child's version of the events as they happened.

OP posts:
Casilero · 11/02/2023 21:40

Sorry for typing errors. I'm dyslexic in my defence.

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 21:42

GoodChat · 11/02/2023 21:16

So was it you supervising when she snuck her phone into school? Or someone else?

I got her and my her older siblings ready for school. I don't search her bag before school, only after school to check for letters/ homework. I am checking her bag daily before school now.

OP posts:
Rufus27 · 11/02/2023 21:46

nofluffsgiven · 11/02/2023 18:30

@Rufus27 that would be unfortunate, but it can't be helped. A child that young doesn't really understand deep consequences like that.

Fair point. I guess the thought of it happening is always in my mind so this post triggered me a bit.

Jellycatspyjamas · 11/02/2023 21:47

OP perhaps you should immediately give up your job because clearly you're 7 year old child is clearly far too fucking retarded to go to a childcare facility where all the other mumsnetters children go.

Perhaps you could make your point without using disgusting, discriminatory language to describe… I don’t know what the fuck you were describing with that word, but complaining about nasty posts while using that word is the mother of all ironies.

Gazelda · 11/02/2023 21:50

@Casilero your most recent post includes an incredibly offensive word. I hope you never use that word in real life.

I'm assuming you are ignorant at how offensive it is, and that you will ask MN to delete your post.

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 21:52

musicalgymball · 11/02/2023 17:12

Seems extreme to exclude a kid just for taking a single photo. Unless they had other behavioural issues I don't see why a photo warrants exclusion. Delete the photo when the parent arrives so the childcare provider can see that the photo has been deleted from the phone and the recently deleted folder has also been deleted, then let the parents discipline the child at home, maybe remove some privileges at childcare as a punishment for the child and move on.

Were there any other reasons for exclusion?

@BrokenAndAfraid what are you going to do for childcare now?

I'm stuck now - midterm there's nothing available. So it feels like it's punising me despite paying for my child to be supervised.

OP posts:
Nofurme · 11/02/2023 21:53

ChickenDhansak82 · 11/02/2023 16:14

So the issue is the photo taken, not the child having brought a mobile phone.

I have two 7 year olds, and neither would understand what safeguarding is, and would not really understand why they can't take a photo of someone else. They have school photos and see older people taking selfies etc...

SO... if they saw the phone, told her to put it away and not take any photos, and THEN saw her taking photos, then yes they are right to exclude her.

BUT... if she took the photo but then put the phone away when asked this would be very unfair to exclude her as per the reasons above by this being beyond what a 7 year old would understand.

Exactly this!

This a 7 year old! Of course they have no idea if safe guarding etc! Nor any idea why taking a photo is such an issue!

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 21:54

Bababear987 · 11/02/2023 16:26

Dont get me wrong, the OP is being ridiculous and her child should have done as shes told.

But I dont think a 7yr old took a photo maliciously or understands the consequences of safeguarding etc. To me a 'malicious' photo would mean the 7yr old deliberately intended to harm or cause harm which i doubt is true- sounds more like poor discipline and poor decision making.

Surely they could have had a very stern word with the OP and explained if it happened again it would result in expulsion.

Which 7 year old does as there told ALL of the time?

OP posts:
BadNomad · 11/02/2023 21:55

If the issue was the photo, can they prove that the children know taking photos is wrong?

Wolfiefan · 11/02/2023 21:58

Very rude!
A seven year old doesn’t need a mobile. SIM card or not. If they’re not old enough to understand rules around phone use then they shouldn’t have one.

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 22:00

Testina · 11/02/2023 16:14

What kind of childcare is this that allows any children to have phones? And gives hers back to her?

Why do you let a 7yo old have free access to it, to fe able to sneak it in?

And bullshit to her being confused at older ones being allowed. She’s 7 not 3! Well ild enough to understand that rules differ by age.

Year 6 (aged 10) are allowed phones and can do what they want on them. I guess that's why I'm cross - they gave her the phone back which created the safeguarding issue,
The phone is used as a bargaining tool - shes the youngest of 4 so wanted to play games like her older siblings do.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 22:02

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 11/02/2023 16:08

If it is against the policy of the childcare provider, yes, they have every right to exclude your child. Why aren't you accepting responsibility for the (mis)behaviour of your child and trying to shift the blame to them?

Because I'm paying them to look after my child. Had I been aware and had a phone I would have removed it from her

OP posts:
Casilero · 11/02/2023 22:02

Gazelda · 11/02/2023 21:50

@Casilero your most recent post includes an incredibly offensive word. I hope you never use that word in real life.

I'm assuming you are ignorant at how offensive it is, and that you will ask MN to delete your post.

Oh God the irony of ironies.

You are being incredibly offensive to OP and implying there's something wrong with her child and/ or her parenting. That's why I used word that I KNOW is offensive.

But rather than actually take on board what I'm saying, and what YOU are implying by your words, you focus on the offensive word and ask me to delete my post. I'm actually accusing you of implying the OP and her daughter are somehow deficient. That YOU are expecting all children to be NT and cannot comprehend that all children are not the same, and some indeed are neuro diverse. My own twins were certainly in this category and that's why posts like this really really annoy me.

fUNNYfACE36 · 11/02/2023 22:06

I t Hinksey she's a handful and this was a way of getting rid

Casilero · 11/02/2023 22:07

There's been post after post after post on here, on a parenting forum, slagging off the OP and her terribly naughty 7 year old CHILD

I just think it's shit that's all. Anyway, I'll bow out now as clearly it's hit a nerve with me and I'm probably derailing.

Apologies OP.

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 22:12

Testina · 11/02/2023 16:36

@StaunchMomma “She broke a school rule by taking it in. She broke a serious school rule by taking photos of other children.”

I don’t think she took the photo anywhere near school - from another post, it’s a childminder not an afterschool club run by the school.

She took it an ofsted registered childcare. The childcare provider did not even ask me to delete the photo - but of course I did

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 22:18

Loics · 11/02/2023 16:25

"She wasn't going to do anything with it" isn't a good enough excuse. Many children can't have photos shared anywhere due to safety issues, such as an estranged parent who could harm them if they were to know where to find them. OP saying it wouldn't have been shared anywhere, even if it wouldn't have, isn't enough, they can't take someone's word for it. Even if not a common issue, for lots of children the wrong person seeing that photo and figuring out where they go to school/nursery/college puts them in serious danger.

Show quote history

I completely agree with you - that's why they should have confiscated the phone and given it back to an adult

OP posts:
HateEatingInTheDark · 11/02/2023 22:19

Christ sake shes 7 !