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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare excluded my child

274 replies

BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 15:58

My child aged 7 sneaked a mobile phone in to school and from there into childcare. Of course I accept she was naughty and shouldn't have done it.
the childcare facility has now excluded my child - as she took a photo of another child - whist under there care.
They have said she had created a safeguarding issue.
She was caught by the staff and asked not to play on the phone, but they did not confiscate it. They handed it back to her. Older children have phones so this confused her. The phone has no sim and access to internet - it's used to play games.
AIBU to expect them to take responsibility for allowing a child to play with a phone? And then to exclude her with no prior warning?

OP posts:
purplebunny2012 · 12/02/2023 19:24

YWBU for not noticing she'd snuck it out, but I've voted YANBU as I don't understand why they let her keep it

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 12/02/2023 19:35

Rewards and consequences

OP posts:
SnowAndFrostOutside · 12/02/2023 19:39

I vote YABU because 7 year olds should know why they should not take a phone to school. I have a child of similar age too.

DC1 has a boy in the class who was expelled from primary for taking photos of girls underpants around this age too.

Emotionalsupportviper · 12/02/2023 19:39

Bababear987 · 11/02/2023 16:15

What is malicious about it? All I'm seeing is a 7yr old being a bit naughty and taking a photo of a child, I'm assuming a friend? The photo wasnt posted anywhere and 7yr olds wouldnt understand safeguarding and why its needed.

What sort of photo are we talking here?

Have I missed something here?

Show quote history

I agree - mischief rather than malice.

Zanatdy · 12/02/2023 19:39

Testina · 12/02/2023 19:21

@Zanatdy “Can you appeal to the head?”

This didn’t happen at a school.
It’s just a childminder.
The child hasn’t been “excluded” - the childminder just doesn’t want to take this kid any more.

There’s obviously a backstory.

Oh I thought it was an Afterschool club based at a school. My bad

ChildminderMum · 12/02/2023 19:40

Let her keep the phone, or told her to put it away in her bag and she didn't?

GoodChat · 12/02/2023 19:42

Has she been given a consequence by you?

Meandfour · 12/02/2023 19:42

Not RTFT but has OP answered whose phone the child had taken and how / when?

GoodChat · 12/02/2023 19:44

Meandfour · 12/02/2023 19:42

Not RTFT but has OP answered whose phone the child had taken and how / when?

It's a phone the child is allowed to use at home but has no sim or internet access

Miss1982 · 12/02/2023 19:58

How would a childcare provider know what access the phone has? They wouldn't have a password so can only assume it has access to everything. I doubt many childcare providers would have come across 7 year old with phones

Bellie710 · 12/02/2023 20:01

Why would a 7 year old have a phone?

namechange9374 · 12/02/2023 20:15

Completely extreme and over them top. I get safe guarding so the first thing they should have done was confiscate the phone. Then at pick up time ask the OP to make sure it is deleted. They didn't even seem to bother doing it that from what I have read.

I would ask to speak to the manager OP. Explain you understand your DD should not have brought her phone in. But to expect a 7 year old to understand safeguarding and to just automatically exclude her seems extreme to me.

My 6 year old sneaked a small toy into her bag last week so I know what they are like.

Allaboardthegroovytrain · 12/02/2023 20:23

Total over-exaggeration on their part. Kids break the rules sometimes and should be reprimanded but not excluded for something ike this. They should have taken the phone off her and given it to you at pick up.

niugboo · 12/02/2023 20:40

NumberTheory · 12/02/2023 19:00

If it’s serious, their response was appalling

  • Giving her the phone back.Yes, there are risks when confiscating property off a child. But clearly those risks were more severe from their perspective than the safeguarding issue of OP’s dd having a phone.
  • Not supervising her fully after giving it back despite knowing she had it.
  • Not asking for the photo to be deleted.
  • Allowing other children in the setting to have phones.
  • Not even mentioning it at pick up.

This was clearly not something they considered to be a serious safeguarding risk while it was happening. If they don’t even recognise that at the time, excluding the child - who will have no clue about the potential repercussions of taking a photo - is ridiculous.

As you say, childcare providers can afford to be picky, and that’s what this appears to be. Being picky so they don’t have to worry too much that they aren’t competent.

Show quote history

@NumberTheory i disagree.

2Rebecca · 12/02/2023 20:52

Most 7 year olds don't have or need a phone so I'd be wondering whose phone she has taken.

FallHappy1 · 12/02/2023 20:57

You can't honestly sit there and blame the childcare for you not realising your DC has taken her mobile phone to school. It's absolutely a safeguarding issue.

Testina · 12/02/2023 21:20

Meandfour · 12/02/2023 19:42

Not RTFT but has OP answered whose phone the child had taken and how / when?

You know you “see all” and read OP’s posts so you don’t have to RTFT?

Testina · 12/02/2023 21:20

Bellie710 · 12/02/2023 20:01

Why would a 7 year old have a phone?

Oddly enough, if you RTFT all will be revealed 🤷🏻‍♀️

Miss1982 · 12/02/2023 21:27

What does RTFT mean? I'm rubbish with acronyms. Guessing Read through........

Testina · 12/02/2023 21:30

@Miss1982 it has 2 translations, depending on the poster, but the meaning is the same:
Read The Full Thread
Read The Fucking Thread

I prefer the latter for people that turn up 10 pages deep and come out with, “whose phone was it?”

I really don’t get it. If you care enough to ask, why not care enough to just click on the OP’s sell all posts?

Miss1982 · 12/02/2023 21:49

🤣🤣🤣 got you

JarByTheDoor · 12/02/2023 21:54

There's a lot of people posting with incredulity that a 7yo has a phone at all, but I see lots of MNers mention their young kids having tablets to use at home so they can play on appropriate apps and watch suitable videos at times the parents allow it. A phone without a SIM is just a small tablet, and I can see it making far more sense to give a young kid an old phone that's not being used any more with no SIM and some restricted settings than to buy them a new Kindle Fire or whatever

Pinkfluff76 · 12/02/2023 22:04

Why on earth would you let a 7 year old have a phone??

Teenagehorrorbag · 12/02/2023 23:33

Havent read all the replies but am going to go slightly against those I have, here. Yes, DD shouldn't have taken the phone into school in the first place. BUT, if staff gave it back to her and said it's ok, without clearly telling her photos are not allowed, then they were negligent in not considering the risk.

I would say the sanction was OTT. Lessons learned on both sides, but I get where you're coming from, OP.

Time for a strong chat about rule breaking, and some explanations about privacy.

threatmatrix · 13/02/2023 00:31

It’s called discipline.

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