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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare excluded my child

274 replies

BrokenAndAfraid · 11/02/2023 15:58

My child aged 7 sneaked a mobile phone in to school and from there into childcare. Of course I accept she was naughty and shouldn't have done it.
the childcare facility has now excluded my child - as she took a photo of another child - whist under there care.
They have said she had created a safeguarding issue.
She was caught by the staff and asked not to play on the phone, but they did not confiscate it. They handed it back to her. Older children have phones so this confused her. The phone has no sim and access to internet - it's used to play games.
AIBU to expect them to take responsibility for allowing a child to play with a phone? And then to exclude her with no prior warning?

OP posts:
Mooseknuckle · 13/02/2023 07:45

Former Childminder here-
I’d have taken the phone and said ‘ooh I’ll keep that safe until your mum gets here.’

Then just double checked with you about photos on it.

I’m now a teacher and kids smuggle toys etc into school regularly- all those posters saying my child would never do that, they sometimes do.

Exclusion is overkill.

I get the safeguarding issues. That’s been dealt with - by you I might add.

Are older children allowed their phones in the setting?

Do you think another parent is going to complain to Ofsted?

Sounds a bit dramatic to me.

Emmamoo89 · 13/02/2023 09:04

I'm changing mine to YANBU. Some of the comments are ridiculous. She's 7. She won't know what malicious means. She's wasn't being malicious. X

TinyTear · 13/02/2023 10:43

@CatA27 you say "why would a child need a phone they weren't allowed to take out of their bag"

For the walk to and from school? I think that makes perfect sense.

CatA27 · 13/02/2023 11:01

@TinyTear Fair enough,I remember a time when we could manage a bus journey or a walk without needing a phone, also creates more risk of theft and bullying! A school I used to work at, if a parent deemed it necessary for a child to take a phone to school, they had to send a letter and the phone was handed in on arrival and given back at the end of the day

TinyTear · 13/02/2023 12:11

CatA27 · 13/02/2023 11:01

@TinyTear Fair enough,I remember a time when we could manage a bus journey or a walk without needing a phone, also creates more risk of theft and bullying! A school I used to work at, if a parent deemed it necessary for a child to take a phone to school, they had to send a letter and the phone was handed in on arrival and given back at the end of the day

My eldest is still only in y6 but just got the first phone.

They have a 'phone bag' in class where all phones go at the start of the day and they get them at the end of the day.
Kids are 11 and seems the trend is getting first phone for 11th birthday (for most some had it before) so we did the same...

they are all just kind of starting to get to school alone, (London zone 2) and I actually feel better knowing she has the phone for the walk home.

PeachyPeachTrees · 13/02/2023 13:02

Your child shouldn't have sneaked the phone in, but she's only 7 and these things happen. The childminder should have confiscated the phone and kept it until the end and then returned it to the adult picking up. The childminder knew she had a phone and had the ability to take a photo, this could have been easily avoided. Why didn't they delete the photo straight away? Considering how serious they deemed this to be that they permanently excluded your child, I find it unbelievable that they didn't even mention it at pick up and discuss it. Suddenly having to arrange alternative childcare is not easy. You have a right to feel annoyed about it.

Euchariahere · 13/02/2023 13:24

Truth is probably this isn't the first issue the childminder has had with your family op. As an ex childminder I would wager that. Unlikely she would terminate the contract on this one thing. But probably loads has happened before this.

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 13/02/2023 14:07

Teenagehorrorbag · 12/02/2023 23:33

Havent read all the replies but am going to go slightly against those I have, here. Yes, DD shouldn't have taken the phone into school in the first place. BUT, if staff gave it back to her and said it's ok, without clearly telling her photos are not allowed, then they were negligent in not considering the risk.

I would say the sanction was OTT. Lessons learned on both sides, but I get where you're coming from, OP.

Time for a strong chat about rule breaking, and some explanations about privacy.

Completely agree with and lesson learned in my part, I can check her bag every day going forward but can't go back in time. I do think it was an overreaction but don't think they can go back on it now.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 13/02/2023 14:12

Mooseknuckle · 13/02/2023 07:45

Former Childminder here-
I’d have taken the phone and said ‘ooh I’ll keep that safe until your mum gets here.’

Then just double checked with you about photos on it.

I’m now a teacher and kids smuggle toys etc into school regularly- all those posters saying my child would never do that, they sometimes do.

Exclusion is overkill.

I get the safeguarding issues. That’s been dealt with - by you I might add.

Are older children allowed their phones in the setting?

Do you think another parent is going to complain to Ofsted?

Sounds a bit dramatic to me.

I think another parent has now complained and my daughter has been used as collateral. Older children are allowed phones and are not supervised with them. I deleted the phone and it's now locked away. Older siblings play sports and the most weekends are spent on the sideline. She was allowed the phone to play games on to keep her entertained. I considered a formal complaint but I'm in the opinion of what's done is done now.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 13/02/2023 14:15

namechange9374 · 12/02/2023 20:15

Completely extreme and over them top. I get safe guarding so the first thing they should have done was confiscate the phone. Then at pick up time ask the OP to make sure it is deleted. They didn't even seem to bother doing it that from what I have read.

I would ask to speak to the manager OP. Explain you understand your DD should not have brought her phone in. But to expect a 7 year old to understand safeguarding and to just automatically exclude her seems extreme to me.

My 6 year old sneaked a small toy into her bag last week so I know what they are like.

This - thank you

OP posts:
GoodChat · 13/02/2023 14:18

OP is this the first issue they've had with her?

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 13/02/2023 14:42

Hmm1234 · 12/02/2023 19:05

What kind are f child have you created that at 7 thinks it’s ok to sneak a phone and start taking pictures of other kids. So wrong

A mischievous one agreed. But still a child that makes mistakes as all humans do.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 13/02/2023 14:42

GoodChat · 13/02/2023 14:18

OP is this the first issue they've had with her?

It's the first issue that's been raised with me.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 13/02/2023 14:44

It does feel extreme then.
And the fact she's discussed it with other parties like the PP screams unprofessional.

Have you managed to find alternative childcare?

ellyeth · 13/02/2023 14:52

Her being excluded does seem excessive - but don't you check what she takes with her? And isn't it too young for a 7 year old to have access to a mobile phone without supervision?

musicalgymball · 13/02/2023 14:54

@BrokenAndAfraid
"I'm stuck now - midterm there's nothing available. So it feels like it's punising me despite paying for my child to be supervised."

I agree. You paid them to look after her. All this crap about you not disciplining her - obviously you can't do that while you're not present.

They should have done something about the phone, that's what you're paying them for. It's not like she started a punch up.

I think you should open a formal complaint. This childcare response to a minor misdemeanour is ridiculous and completely removes their responsibility in dealing with a minor misbehaviour with anything short of the nuclear option. What a waste of money paying them for childcare.

musicalgymball · 13/02/2023 15:02

There's a reason things like the justice system have sliding scales of punishment and response and you don't get life in prison for every minor breaking of the rules.

Can you imagine if schools did what this childcare did? If kids got excluded for breaking a rule about bringing in an everyday item that they, their parents and all the people around them use constantly, to do exactly what they did - take a consensual selfie with a friend?

What kind of a society would we live in?
Half the people walking around would have been expelled from school!

This response is a ludicrous overreaction and if childcare can't deal with something small like use of a phone without having the common sense to confiscate the phone, they don't have the common sense to be looking after children.

FriedEggChocolate · 13/02/2023 15:25

OP I think that you've dodged a poor CM to be honest. There should be a consistent application of rules in her settings - older kids shouldn't have phones either, all phones found get turned off and go in their bag until the DC is collected. The fact that the adult in that setting returned the phone to your DD is ludicrous.

Hope you find an after-school club or other CM with better enforced, consistent rules.

Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 13/02/2023 17:07

GoodChat · 13/02/2023 14:44

It does feel extreme then.
And the fact she's discussed it with other parties like the PP screams unprofessional.

Have you managed to find alternative childcare?

No but luckily my boss is understanding and will let me wfh until I'm able to find another childminder

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 13/02/2023 17:08

FriedEggChocolate · 13/02/2023 15:25

OP I think that you've dodged a poor CM to be honest. There should be a consistent application of rules in her settings - older kids shouldn't have phones either, all phones found get turned off and go in their bag until the DC is collected. The fact that the adult in that setting returned the phone to your DD is ludicrous.

Hope you find an after-school club or other CM with better enforced, consistent rules.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 13/02/2023 17:09

musicalgymball · 13/02/2023 15:02

There's a reason things like the justice system have sliding scales of punishment and response and you don't get life in prison for every minor breaking of the rules.

Can you imagine if schools did what this childcare did? If kids got excluded for breaking a rule about bringing in an everyday item that they, their parents and all the people around them use constantly, to do exactly what they did - take a consensual selfie with a friend?

What kind of a society would we live in?
Half the people walking around would have been expelled from school!

This response is a ludicrous overreaction and if childcare can't deal with something small like use of a phone without having the common sense to confiscate the phone, they don't have the common sense to be looking after children.

I don't disagree with you !

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenAndAfraid · 13/02/2023 17:12

ellyeth · 13/02/2023 14:52

Her being excluded does seem excessive - but don't you check what she takes with her? And isn't it too young for a 7 year old to have access to a mobile phone without supervision?

Yes it is too young to be unsupervised that's why I was paying a professional to supervise her. I was not searching her bag in the morning and In hindsight I will have to check her bag every day.

OP posts:
Sherrystrull · 13/02/2023 18:49

Op, you weren't supervising her when she put her phone in her bag.

Madamum18 · 13/02/2023 20:55

I am astounded at some of these replies. This child is SEVEN. She did something naughty just like lots of 7 year old! She knew it was naughty but like most 7 year old are reasonably likely to do, she gave in to temptation, she did it anyway! I can't believe everyone on here has 7 year old paragons of virtue!!

After the phone was seen at the Childcare facility, she was GIVEN BACK THE PHONE!! Eh? Why on earth was the phone not removed from her, a discussion with her about why she must not bring phones and a discussion with her mum, ie working with the parent to help the child learn from this!! And ensuring the child has some consequences, agreed with parent, for her naughty action!

What utter rubbish to exclude a 7 year old child for "creating a safeguarding issue"! Ridiculous!!

Yes OP they should have spoken to you.

I would not want them looking after my child again though so I would look elsewhere!

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