Boyfriend cancelled night away because he feels sick..aibu?

[songasongasing]

I booked a nice hotel a couple of hours away from home for tonight and paid for train fares as a little valentines treat.
Altogether cost around £250
It's been booked for a month.
Anyway it gets to today and he says "babe I feel so sick I can't go away -my back is aching and I've got a blocked nose"
Okay
So I say can we not just go -even if we just go to hotel and enjoy the room.
He refused
So that money is Wasted
Also I booked a bottomless brunch and the no show fee is £20

Anyway trains gone now so we have missed it
I'm in living room and he's watching tv in bed

Aibu to be annoyed ?

I would have gone alone, not because I like going away on my own but because I am tight and I would want to get my moneys worth rather than losing £250.

He can’t help being unwell but he could have still gone, being unwell in a hotel room isn’t any different to being I’ll at home really.

@StarsSand well then your gonna have to live in a bubble then ..as it's not practical to hibernate for a week with a cold

YABU

Your BF not feeling well and doesn’t want to have all the hassle of packing an overnight bag, getting the train etc. Why should he go if he’s not going to enjoy it and the extra exertion will not help him feel
better.

You say going on your own is pointless, but l for your bf going somewhere when sick doesn’t make sense and is pointless too.

For people saying it’s just a cold he should go, , just because people can and do go to work when they have a cold cos they need to get paid and/or their work piles up in their absence, doesn’t mean they have to suffer in their leisure time as well.

If my partner got the hump with me for being unwell I’d be reevaluating my future with them.

I think this is a really key point here. How are things in general? How is he when he is normally sick?
As a older and wiser (somewhat) woman I seriously ask you to consider trying to go on this trip yourself. The one person you can count on is yourself. See this as a challenge for personal growth. Learning to enjoy and love your own company. It isn't "sad" or "pointless". It's about being independent and not reliant on other people for happiness.

Side note Valentine's day is just doomed to cause issues. We have never celebrated it. We have a wedding anniversary which is special to us and worth something so much more than a date set mainly to make people spend money. Which often can cause resentment and arguments in relationships.

If this is a good relationship find and cherish your own date. It is so much more special imo. 💓

I think it’s shit of him, but I’d encourage it age you to get a bit more open minded and enjoy your own company more. The thought of going to somewhere like a hotel to have some alone time with a book, mooch about a new place sounds great! Being happy alone is key to being able to experience deep contentment in my experience.

Personally when dating I’d leave the romantic planning to the bloke. Wouldn’t dr

You ANBU. And he might be and might not be!

At the age I am with my household I would have gone alone!!!!

You still have time to catch another train?

Send a WhatsApp to your mates to see if anyone is free to join you. Otherwise go and enjoy the freedom.

Might be just what you need and he will feel a fool for not powering through. Or, if he is sick, grateful that something was salvaged from the weekend.
Alternatively he is falling out of love and this is a the beginning of the end.

Posted too soon. Wouldn’t dream of booking something for Valentine’s Day. He’s probably not particularly interested in you. I’d get the hint and move on

This could be my daughter's scenario in reverse.

Cancelled out of bf's 30th birthday plans which included hotel and spa - yesterday she was fine, just had a mild headache. Today she has proved positive for Covid. She doesn't feel 100 per cent, has felt a lot worse in life, but is it fair to travel and give Covid to others? Will she feel worse later today / tomorrow? I don't think we can diagnose so readily.

If OP's bf doesn't feel well, he doesn't feel well. Unfortunate situation but there it is.

My daughter is very upset too, but importantly her bf tells her to rest up, stay safe and not travel.

I'd have gone on my own. Sounds like bliss!

Some of you are proper ridiculous.
I am currently stuck at home with some bloody cold and there is no way I would go for some romantic weekend.
Quite a few of us have the problem that we look ok, don't sound ill and have just weak symptoms on the outside but inside my head is incredible amount of noise, my eye is about to pop out because of sinuses, have headacheand I get dizzy when I stand up, my ear is killing. And medicine is not scratching it at all.
But if you saw me, you would think I am making "I feel like shit" up.

Stop being twats. People are allowed to be ill (even if it's not clearly visiblr) and not martyr themselves by dosing up and making themselves feel worse by trying to power through.

That sounds great to me. I’d have a book to read or play on my phone if I felt self conscious at the brunch. I’d have a lovely bubble bath and some bubbly and chocolate but my household always seems noisy and chaotic (in a nice way) so solitude and peace are probably more appealing to me😊

This.

unless his back was so bad he couldn’t walk (I’ve been there) , he could’ve gone. Even if he just lazed about with you in the hotel room or lobby/bar area. He just used it as an excuse not to go.

What has the relevace of him being at work yesterday got to do with how he feels today? It is possible to be well one day then ill the next.

Anyway, i had these symptoms last weekend, tested and was positive for covid. The last thing i would have wanted was a bottomless brunch.

You should have just gone to the hotel on your own. The money is spent so why not go and enjoy the room yourself and have a takeaway and a wonder round the local area instead of sitting feeling resentful.

Blocked nose, feeling sick, achy? Absolutely I would stay away from people.

How do you know it's a "mid cold"? He's saying he feels too unwell to go out. OP is pissed off about their plans being cancelled but surely the individual who is ill is the best judge of how they feel.

@FlatWhiteExtraHot - and how do you know how mild or not this cold is? Have you never had a bad cold? Lucky you.

You should have gone on your own, or ask anyone close to you.
As he is ill you dont want his germs is it??

He is sick you are being unreasonable.

I would have gone alone and gone to the brunch, probably wouldn’t have made full use of the ‘bottomless bit’ alone but still would have had a lovely brunch.

Sadly it’s your your own fault the money is wasted. You didn’t fancy going alone, he didn’t fancy going while he was sick.

Sorry your disappointed though. It’s a shame as I am sure you were looking forward to it.

He sounds pathetic. I’d get rid

If he is well enough to go to the office then he is well enough to go to a hotel. You made an effort to arrange it, you paid for it, he is not making any effort. If my loved one would do all this I would definitely try to participate. It is selfish.
If he is feeling that bad that he can't move and has a fever etc the only right response would be 'I am so sorry, I appreciate everything you did, how about we go away x weekend when I am better and I will sort everything'
Honestly, I would ditch the boyfriend

Re him - I dunno, depends how ill he is, how tired he is, and what kind of person he is.

You can’t control any of that, but you could have gone yourself and had a chilled out time, watching movies, reading, having long baths and enjoying a long lunch. Unless you absolutely hate being alone, I don’t see how that could be pointless.

May sound daft but do you have travel insurance?

If yes you may be able to claim.

Worth a shot.

Have you contacted the hotel to see if they will allow you to change the dates? They might say no but always worth asking. You sound very disappointed as you have put a lot of thought and effort in which is understandable but he's ill - even if he did drag himself away he would probably be miserable & it would be ruined anyway. If you can't swap the dates why don't you see if anyone else can make use of the hotel for the night, it's a shame for it to go to waste. Sorry OP you're clearly very upset and disappointed, it sounds like you were really looking forward to it.

What’s the point of posting if you’re not going to bother to explain it properly?

He could be a thoughtless arsehole who consistently shows he doesn’t give a shit about you, or he could be a great guy who’s unfortunately just sick at a bad time.

I generally think he should offer to share the cost if he is sick - but possibly not if he earns a lot less than you, never asked you to book it in the first place, and wouldn’t have gone for non-refundable options himself.

I think it’s really sad that you’ve wasted the money instead of having a great trip exploring by yourself.