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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

11/12 year old drinking

160 replies

McCrispy · 11/02/2023 09:39

at a family party
allowed 2 drinks with water in between whilst adult is monitoring

yanbu - that’s not on abs will lead to alcohol issues and associated dangers

yabu - it’s legal and allows kids to learn about drinking sensibly

OP posts:
Original poster
McCrispy · 11/02/2023 11:58

Lozzybear · 11/02/2023 11:35

Too young. My niece was allowed to drink gin from 13. Absolutely ridiculous, especially as her dad is a secondary school teacher. You would think that he would have more sense.

One set of these parents are teachers

OP posts:
Soakitup37 · 11/02/2023 12:01

I’m liberal about this but that seems just too young and no need. About 16 id say was more appropriate but then again it would depend on the individual and their maturity to drink at all.

CheeseandGherkins · 11/02/2023 12:05

Too young. There is no need for a child that young to be drinking alcohol. Plenty of nice soft drinks available. Alcohol is pushed way too much in society and far too many people use it as their drug of choice to anaesthetise themselves.

Original poster
McCrispy · 11/02/2023 12:07

TheaBrandt · 11/02/2023 11:49

Absolutely fine - if you are a really really shit parent. Studies show that children encouraged to drink young are far more likely to be problem drinkers.

Don’t bother responding saying “well never did me any harm” study shows it’s more likely to not definitely will.

I was a problem drinker and my mum had an absolutely no way policy! If I got caught I got hit but I still carried on doing it behind her back and putting myself in dangerous positions. I don’t want that for mine.

so this was a genuine question as in have these parents got it right by introducing sensible techniques. as opposed to their dc going out drinking unmonitored amounts away from the home.
tbh if they were 14/15 I would think fine but 11 for me is way to young abs I feel sad that even mine want to try this now

OP posts:
ShandaLear · 11/02/2023 12:10

My DS,11, enjoys a couple of glasses of merlot with his spaghetti bolognese. No, wait, I mean squash.

Don’t come at me Squash Police.

Pipinn · 11/02/2023 12:14

There are so many alcohol free alternatives that there is no need.
even if you wanted to let them try fizz or beer there’s 0%

MajorCarolDanvers · 11/02/2023 12:16

A couple of lager shandies I would not have an issue with.

Lunabetty · 11/02/2023 12:19

I absolutely would not even consider giving my 11/12 year old alcohol!

gogohmm · 11/02/2023 12:19

No, though a sip of champagne at weddings I wouldn't get het up about (mine said ick when I let them try it!)

DeoForty · 11/02/2023 12:20

I think there has been a bit of a shift away from giving kids alcohol. I was allowed wine and lemonade with my Sunday dinner for as long as I can remember. My folks always cited the 'don't make it a big deal and they won't think it's anything special' and it probably worked. I don't remember ever feeling like booze was off the table or forbidden as a teen. It wasn't 'new' or particularly interesting, but I did drink and sometimes got drunk.

I can see the argument about kids not needing alcohol and so why would you give it. But I think this is coinciding with the slight 'perfectionist parenting' that we see in recent years. Yes, they don't need it. But nuance is everything.

I don't really know the answer OP. I think it's a decision between adult and child and they are doing what they think is best. It would depend on the alcohol habits of the parents and the personality of the child.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 11/02/2023 12:21

No way would I give my 11 year old alcohol, he'd probably puke it up within minutes.

I don't get people who think drinking should be encouraged, it's one of the worse drugs (abiet class a's obviously) you could have.

Tiswa · 11/02/2023 12:22

Energy drinks are worse IMO the caffeine content is huge

KickHimInTheCrotch · 11/02/2023 12:23

I would be OK with a 14/15 year old having a small drink with parents but 11 is too young for more than just a sip.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 11/02/2023 12:24

If it was a complete one off I wouldn't think much of it but if it was regular I would report to social services.

takealettermsjones · 11/02/2023 12:33

I think it completely depends on the circumstances and environment. UK culture is obviously different but my (European) family members would laugh at the idea an 11 year old couldn't have wine with a meal, it's a really normalised thing to do. But then, they would also be horrified at the idea of alcopops, energy drinks etc.

I'm not at that age with my kids yet but I figure I will wait until they are asking about alcohol and then decide what's appropriate based on the circumstances and their age at that point.

In the OP's situation, it really depends how it was presented. Was it "you may have two alcoholic drinks tonight, one at 7pm and one at 9pm, but only if you promise to have lots of water in between"? Or was it just that the child saw the wine, asked for some, then a few hours later after having had water as normal, asked for a bit more? I feel like the former is bonkers, the latter not so much.

It also depends what it was - 8-9% could be a strong spirit with mixer or a weak prosecco or cava? That would also sway my opinion.

buttercupboots · 11/02/2023 12:49

Interested by the strength of opinion about this. I got my first wine glass at 5 years old (a sherry glass so very small) so that I could share a small glass of red wine each Sunday evening with my parents. Never did me any harm and I would say I've always been a more sensible drinker than my friends with a better understanding of my boundaries.

I'm pregnant with my first and don't think I'll be necessarily doing the same (although it is legal to have alcohol at home from 5) but I'd let them have a taste. By age 11/12 I don't think a couple of drinks at a party is bad as long as they aren't spirits and are closely monitored to not be drinking more!

Original poster
McCrispy · 11/02/2023 12:53

buttercupboots · 11/02/2023 12:49

Interested by the strength of opinion about this. I got my first wine glass at 5 years old (a sherry glass so very small) so that I could share a small glass of red wine each Sunday evening with my parents. Never did me any harm and I would say I've always been a more sensible drinker than my friends with a better understanding of my boundaries.

I'm pregnant with my first and don't think I'll be necessarily doing the same (although it is legal to have alcohol at home from 5) but I'd let them have a taste. By age 11/12 I don't think a couple of drinks at a party is bad as long as they aren't spirits and are closely monitored to not be drinking more!

It was a sparkly wine

OP posts:
Original poster
McCrispy · 11/02/2023 12:54

The kids were by no means drunk as they were encouraged to sip

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 11/02/2023 12:58

Do you give them weed too - you know like a gentle introduction to drugs?

SaltanVinegar · 11/02/2023 13:00

11 is way too young, IMO. No to energy drinks too, I don’t buy them, but DS14 occasionally buys them when he goes for his lunch. He knows I don’t like them, and why.

I’d consider allowing a v small amount of alcohol from maybe 15. We’re not big drinkers so it’s really only something that would come up at Christmas, or maybe a birthday.

MissCalamity · 11/02/2023 13:03

No, sorry not for me. My DS is 13 and I wouldn't even entertain giving him his own alcoholic drink at the moment.

He will often ask what I'm drinking & will have a sip if he likes the smell but that's it.

forwhatitsworth22 · 11/02/2023 13:05

Absolutely not, 16 at a push

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/02/2023 13:17

@DeoForty

My folks always cited the 'don't make it a big deal and they won't think it's anything special' and it probably worked. I don't remember ever feeling like booze was off the table or forbidden as a teen.

See I'm really suspicious of this approach.

My parents took this stance too and they always went on and on about this is what the French do. But all it did for me was reinforce how normal alcohol was and how central to family life it was. I don't think that's a good thing. It certainly wasn't for me.

I also think a lot of the motivation behind this is to allow the parents to drink more with less guilt.

Survey99 · 11/02/2023 13:18

Anyone encouraging their 11/12 year old (I would extend that to at least 15 years old) to drink alcohol is a "cool" parent😎 I would suggest trying to encourage friendships with other kids as this will not be the only "cool" decisions these feckless parents will make.

Backstreets · 11/02/2023 13:19

This rush to grow up these days. Let kids be kids.