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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

11/12 year old drinking

160 replies

McCrispy · 11/02/2023 09:39

at a family party
allowed 2 drinks with water in between whilst adult is monitoring

yanbu - that’s not on abs will lead to alcohol issues and associated dangers

yabu - it’s legal and allows kids to learn about drinking sensibly

OP posts:
MrsRandom123 · 11/02/2023 10:31

14 yeah but 11/12 no way

philautia · 11/02/2023 10:40

Absolutely not. No alcohol, no energy drinks. Why do they need it?

I was given alcohol at Christmas from this age onwards and it really normalised it for me. It can be very damaging, especially with the culture of drinking here. Ended up with a dependence for 15+ years and now I don't drink alcohol at all.

LadyJ2023 · 11/02/2023 10:56

No for my 4 till 18 no need and we barely drink anyhow. I see groups of 11,12 yr olds outside our co op drinking bottles of cider and being totally unruly and no way would i want our 4 to get mixed up in that from gaining a liking for it at home

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/02/2023 11:00

McCrispy · 11/02/2023 10:23

So what’s the view on energy drinks at that age ?

My dd has bought the occasional energy drink for herself from age 13. I do not approve. The law states 16.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/02/2023 11:06

BabyOnBoard90 · 11/02/2023 10:29

Hence under my roof? They could also do crack cocaine with their friends, that doesn't mean I need to be a supplier.

The more something is demonised and verboten the more it is sought after by some teens. Are your dcs teenagers yet?

McCrispy · 11/02/2023 11:17

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 11/02/2023 10:25

My kids won't be permitted any alcohol under my roof until they're fully grown adults

You know they'll just go and drink elsewhere with friends though yeah? I'm assuming you don't have kids yet

OP, far too young to be drinking spirits like that. There's just no need at that age

It wasn’t mine
and wasn’t spirits
but it was too much and now has mine questioning why they can’t -
just feel like am I but getting something

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 11/02/2023 11:22

A lot of people buy into this idea that it's healthier to "normalise" drinking in the belief that it won't be as dangerous/enticing if its part of the family.

I think this is total nonsense. My dad was very much an advocate of this and was always encouraging us to drink watered down wine at family events etc, telling everyone it was "what people do on the Continent" etc. And he had a highly dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. It was just a figleaf to normalise his own drinking.

It's not rocket science: the more alcohol consumption children see in family life the more likely they are to drink themselves. The idea that it will help them moderate their drinking is total balls.

If you want them to have a healthy relationship with alcohol, model one yourself: ie drink in moderation, not every day and don't nag people who are not drinking to do so.

BabyOnBoard90 · 11/02/2023 11:23

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/02/2023 11:06

The more something is demonised and verboten the more it is sought after by some teens. Are your dcs teenagers yet?

So essentially by this logic I shouldn't tell by child don't do drugs, commit heinous crimes; because it will motivate them to want to do it?

You people aren't as clever as you think

MintJulia · 11/02/2023 11:25

At that age, it's not only about leading to alcoholism. It's also that their organs are not mature enough to deal with alcohol which is basically a poison.

I can't think of a single reason why you would allow it.

userlotsanumbers · 11/02/2023 11:27

Stupid, ignorant behaviour. There's no need for them to develop a taste for alcohol.

halfthesun · 11/02/2023 11:30

YABU ... do not make alcohol a treat. It is a poison. Lived in a pub as a child and witnessed a number of people die due to alcohol abuse including my father - he was 43 years old.

adulthumanfemalemum · 11/02/2023 11:32

Not that young, but around 14/15 I started offering mine a glass of champagne for a toast or similar but they say wine is horrible. Gave eldest a malibu and coke on her 16th birthday, she didn't even finish it. My kids at least are currently not that bothered. 11/12 definitely too young. My 12 year old would think I was mad or joking if I offered him.

Lozzybear · 11/02/2023 11:35

Too young. My niece was allowed to drink gin from 13. Absolutely ridiculous, especially as her dad is a secondary school teacher. You would think that he would have more sense.

Abraxan · 11/02/2023 11:36

I don't mine mid-older teens having the odd drink occasionally in certain situations.

But 11/12y is too young imo.

Mind, I do have memories of family Christmas parties and the odd Babycham. To be fair, I reckon I was older than 11y though.

ScienceDragon · 11/02/2023 11:37

Setting aside the normalisation of alcohol use, and the wisdom of offering it to children (who have poor understanding of risky behaviours in the first place) there is quite a bit of research demonstrating the impact of alcohol on adolescent brains.

The effect of alcohol consumption on the adolescent brain: A systematic review of MRI and fMRI studies of alcohol-using youth

The effect of alcohol use on human adolescent brain structures and systems

Effect of alcohol use on the adolescent brain and behavior

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/02/2023 11:40

The more something is demonised and verboten the more it is sought after by some teens

Yes and no. It's true that teens find the idea of something more enticing if its forbidden and their peers are doing it.

But at heart your social and emotional compass comes from your parents and how they behave, what behaviours they signal are acceptable and not acceptable.

If your parent is offering you alcohol from a young age (and drinking heavily themselves in front of you) this is telegraphing to a child at a subconscious level that its normal and healthy behaviour. The child is therefore far more likely to normalise it in his/her own life.

Yes many kids flirt with drinking too much as teens and then realise that it's not big or clever and learn to drink more sensibly. That may be unavoidable. But a kid who has been brought up in a family where alcohol is totally normalised is less likely in my view to have that moment of self-realisation that it's not big or clever. They are more likely to see alcohol as a necessary social prop or a good way to unwind if its something that is done every night at home and carry on with it when they get to adulthood.

I grew up thinking alcohol was something totally normal because my parents drank on a daily basis (never to great excess but far more than was good for them). Thankfully I never developed a serious problem with booze but I drank more than was good for me for too long. It took me until my late 30s/early 40s to realise the impact it was having on my life.

I still drink now but basically never more than once a week weekends and at social events and never to excess. And very rarely in front of my child. And I never do that "cheeky glass of wine with dinner" thing and mealtimes at home with my daughter don't involve alcohol unless they are special occasions.

I'm determined for it not to become a routine part of daily life.

Abraxan · 11/02/2023 11:40

McCrispy · 11/02/2023 10:23

So what’s the view on energy drinks at that age ?

I wouldn't allow any child to have an energy drink personally.
I don't like the idea of them for anyone, unless taken for a specific purpose. If I remember rightly they are recommended after some sport activities.

MissWings · 11/02/2023 11:41

I have an 11 year old and she does not need alcohol. Utterly ridiculous.

Stressfordays · 11/02/2023 11:43

Not a chance. 15/16 yeah but were not a drink at home kinda family. I certainly wouldn't be buying alcopops for them.

Stressfordays · 11/02/2023 11:45

I let mine occasionally have a lucazade sport but I don't like it. I bought them a bottle of the elusive prime not long ago and told them it is the first and only time I will buy it and I only did it as all their friends had tried it and they wanted to. Cans of monster etc. Not a chance.

TheaBrandt · 11/02/2023 11:49

Absolutely fine - if you are a really really shit parent. Studies show that children encouraged to drink young are far more likely to be problem drinkers.

Don’t bother responding saying “well never did me any harm” study shows it’s more likely to not definitely will.

TheaBrandt · 11/02/2023 11:51

What peoplevwork said spot on. Most kids don’t really rebel they follow what you do it’s their normal.

Basilandparsleyandmint · 11/02/2023 11:54

No need at that age - my DS is 16 and only just started letting him have few drinks on special occasions.

My dd is 12 and her and her friends are really into bubble teas and no interest in alcohol.

GoodChat · 11/02/2023 11:56

If you're making them drink so much water in between what's the point of drinking alcohol?

Apple sours for an 11 year old is absurd.

slowquickstep · 11/02/2023 11:56

2chocolateoranges · 11/02/2023 09:45

Definitely not!

legal drinking age is 18 for a reason, we allowed ours to have some alcohol at 16 and now that they are 19 and 21 neither drink much.

11-12 is just stupidity!

The legal age to buy alcohol in the U.K is 18, a 16 or 17 year old can consume alcohol with a meal in a bar/restaurant as long as they are accompanied by an adult that has paid for the the alcohol