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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to use the bus like everyone else?

454 replies

toddlertamer20 · 10/02/2023 22:47

Hi,
I'm a single mum of 3, live in london and am now reliant on a wheelchair. I use buses to get around as I don't drive. I'm just getting so sick and tired of people being so incredibly selfish on buses. Wheelchairs have the priority, as obviously we cannot fold, however, as I have found out in the last few years, if there are prams on board and they refuse to fold...there is not much the driver can do as they can't be physically removed.
Most of the time, if a bus comes along with 2 prams, I will wait for the next bus. But sometimes I have to be somewhere and considering that is the only spot I am able to use on the bus, I feel like I should be allowed to use it. Everytime I insist that I need to get on it either a)end up with an argument eith the driver as he won't ask people to move or fold their prams....then a call to TFL who apologise and promise the educate the driver again.
b) I get let on but then the people with the pram won't move and argue with me, one of these times the driver was oblivious that I was mid gangway still and pulled off causing me to be thrown into a pole and break my arm. Or c) They just pull off and don't even attempt to let me on or put the ramp down.
Today again I ended up in a big argument. I needed to get a bus to get my youngest from school. The bus didn't come for ages. It eventually came but 3 buggies were on board, one without a child in it. The driver tried to tell me the next bus would be along in 20 minutes to which I said I couldn't. So he played the announcement asking the people to move their buggies. Then suddenly another passenger comes to the door and informs me that I need to wait as the people with the prams were there first. So I told him that actually by law I have priority, and I need to be on this bus. He then proceeds to tell me how I just need to wait and can't just get on and kick people off. At this point I was late already to get my child from school, so I did insist I got on. In the end I was allowed on bus got a mouthful off both the parents with the prams. I just don't know if it's me. I can understand it's frustrating if you're on a bus and suddenly you have to move or fold your pram up, but I cannot fold my wheelchair. It feels like everyone thinks I am in the wrong when I'm trying my best to just be a normal mother! Please tell me there aren't just selfish people put there...or is this honestly just me?
(by the way I do try to leave super early to make sure I have plenty of time to get there but then I am also waiting outside in the cold and I have problems with my joints so not a good combination)

OP posts:
Blinkingheckythump · 10/02/2023 22:52

you're not at all in the wrong people should move and it's disgusting that they don't. But I never understand why anyone puts their kid in a school they need to rely on a bus to get them to, but especially if you're fighting to actually get on the bus when it does arrive like you are. Is there not a closer school they could go to? Not that you should have to move them, I'm just genuinely curious why you don't have them in a closer school.

Danikm151 · 10/02/2023 22:53

this gives me the rage.
I’ve regularly folded up my pushchair when I see wheelchair user needs to board the bus.
one time i had to tell the driver to let them on as we could move over to make room.

priority is for wheelchair users. T&cs say pushchairs may need to be folded during busy periods.

frankly parents with the giant monstrousity pushchairs that can’t really be folded have no place getting on a bus during rush hour. Get a stroller or learn how to fold your heavy bulk travel system up!

Original poster
toddlertamer20 · 10/02/2023 22:56

Blinkingheckythump · 10/02/2023 22:52

you're not at all in the wrong people should move and it's disgusting that they don't. But I never understand why anyone puts their kid in a school they need to rely on a bus to get them to, but especially if you're fighting to actually get on the bus when it does arrive like you are. Is there not a closer school they could go to? Not that you should have to move them, I'm just genuinely curious why you don't have them in a closer school.

hi, my daughter attended the school before I moved house and was a single mum. My situation then was different, so now I have moved I'm a bit further away. My daughter is very happy and settled and ASD so moving her is not going to be possible.

OP posts:
RatedAce · 10/02/2023 22:56

YANBU!!!! I accidentally clicked yabu, sorry!

Blinkingheckythump · 10/02/2023 22:58

toddlertamer20 · 10/02/2023 22:56

hi, my daughter attended the school before I moved house and was a single mum. My situation then was different, so now I have moved I'm a bit further away. My daughter is very happy and settled and ASD so moving her is not going to be possible.

Show quote history

Ahhh I see. I'm sorry it seems like you've been through a lot. If she has asd are you entitled to any support with travel to and from school? Maybe taxis would be provided?

Blinkingheckythump · 10/02/2023 22:59

RatedAce · 10/02/2023 22:56

YANBU!!!! I accidentally clicked yabu, sorry!

You can change your vote by clicking on the other option

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/02/2023 22:59

That’s really bad OP, I’m so sorry. People can be so selfish. Of course the buggies should fold.

I mean, I must confess I stopped using buses when I had a buggy and I discovered how tricky things could be space wise, but I would never have insisted that I didn’t have to fold.

As you say, you don’t have the choice to either 1. Not be there or 2. Fold. You have to use that space. Buggies can fold.

Kanaloa · 10/02/2023 22:59

To be honest public transport in the UK can just be awful. When we visit family in the US not only are the buses incredibly cheap, there is space for 2 buggies or prams plus a wheelchair. Plus you never see people crammed in like sardines.

I’m surprised this happens to you so often though - I must say I’ve never seen it happen. Most people either fold their pram or get off. Is it very regular?

Kanaloa · 10/02/2023 23:01

Although when I was young I never really took the kids anywhere I couldn’t walk to because of the awkwardness of public transport with a pram. It’s too much hassle holding a baby in one hand and trying to fold up a pram with the other. Luckily I live in a small town and am a great walker, so it wasn’t really necessary to get the bus.

SpinningFloppa · 10/02/2023 23:01

Don’t know what part of London you live in but I live in London and the drivers always make them get off or fold always. I got off for a woman in a wheelchair and she had a go at me and made me feel like an idiot. So can’t win sometimes

SpinningFloppa · 10/02/2023 23:03

Kanaloa · 10/02/2023 22:59

To be honest public transport in the UK can just be awful. When we visit family in the US not only are the buses incredibly cheap, there is space for 2 buggies or prams plus a wheelchair. Plus you never see people crammed in like sardines.

I’m surprised this happens to you so often though - I must say I’ve never seen it happen. Most people either fold their pram or get off. Is it very regular?

Yes I’ve just said the same below I get the bus daily and I’ve never not seen a bus driver insist that the pram is folded or comes off, I’ve witnessed parents be made to leave the bus for a wheelchair user if they won’t fold the driver is always very insistent the wheelchair takes priority

Gossipxox · 10/02/2023 23:06

This is shocking and the drivers should be doing more about it, I often get on the bus with my pram, and on one occasion I got off the bus for a wheelchair user not because I was asked but because it is the right thing to do. But the drivers where I am in the north east are pretty good at informing people with prams that there is a chance the buggy may need to be folded if a wheelchair comes on. It’s a disgrace your getting the backlash from mothers with their prams it’s rude on their behalf

grumpycow1 · 10/02/2023 23:08

That’s terrible! I’ve always folded up my pram as soon as I see a wheelchair. I wish I’d been on your bus OP as I would have given them a right mouthful.

LewisCapaldisCamelToe · 10/02/2023 23:11

I have a bus pass but tend not to get the bus anywhere because I struggle to get into the stupid wheelchair space they put on my local buses. It can make me panic and hyperventilate if it's not going well and everyone is looking at me and waiting for me.

When there isn't space for me to get on the bus, it's infuriating. I don't feel safe or like I can rely on the buses to get me anywhere on time, so I end up either driving or staying home if my partner has the car.

Its hard enough navigating the world when disabled or in a wheelchair, before adding in people who feel able to push us around and make life harder.

Original poster
toddlertamer20 · 10/02/2023 23:13

I live in South East London, and it doesn't happen daily no. But it happens enough to knock my confidence. I've had some amazing drivers also, I shouldn't forget those. But it's the bad experiences that stick in your mind more, it's also embarrassing when people start mumbling and muttering. I had one bus where I was allowed on and a lady with a pram said 'and where am I meant to put my buggy? on my head?' And comments like that do really get to me.
And also, before I was in a wheelchair I also had toddler in prams...a few years ago now. And I also had to fold or get off. And I really honesty don't ever remember a wheelchair user getting denied. Unfortunately though, being on this end it happens a lot more than you realise. Like I said above, there have been lots of times where the driver hasn't even attempted to let me on, so the people on the bus may not even be aware. And yes some wheelchair users can be really rude...I can of understand why now! I'm not like it myself but people do not realise how privileged they are until it's taken away from them.

OP posts:
CitronVert22 · 10/02/2023 23:20

Not at all unreasonable, OP. It's quite clear the space is for wheelchairs, not buggies. If you regularly get the bus, you make sure to choose a buggy that will fold. Back in the day you had to fold the buggy before getting on the bus, which made juggling it and a child much harder!

Mariposista · 10/02/2023 23:22

not unreasonable at all. A person in a wheelchair has a far harder life than a person with a pram, and besides the fact the wheelchair legally has priority, the stupid pram pushers should have the decency to realise that and have a bit of empathy. For a wheelchair user, a simple task that most people take for granted like catching a bus is 50 times harder. Fold or leave.

SpinningFloppa · 10/02/2023 23:33

Interesting I’m in SE London as well and usually if the driver hasn’t told people to move the the passengers certainly will and I’ve seen people be shouted at by passengers for not moving

ilovesooty · 10/02/2023 23:35

I'm shocked and saddened to hear you've been treated like that. Of course a wheelchair and its user should have priority over a buggy, and you should be able to get on and off the bus safely.

ChungusBoi · 10/02/2023 23:40

People can be awful. If I was on your bus when that happened. I’d help fight your corner. Can you email your MP and the bus company explaining what had happened, how often, the impact on you, and what action you would like to see?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/02/2023 23:42

I’m surprised this happens to you so often though - I must say I’ve never seen it happen. Most people either fold their pram or get off. Is it very regular?

I've seen many a stand off here in East London. Sometimes the driver announced that he's not moving the vehicle until people have rearranged themselves to let the wheelchair on. Then everyone starts arguing until eventually a buggy stomps off the bus. I've never seen a pram folded down in these cases, and I'm not sure it would be possible in some cases.

It's really difficult because the buses are well used and the next one is just as likely to have no space.

QueefQueen80s · 10/02/2023 23:46

I never used buses with my pushchair for this reason. You absolutely have priority but the amount of bus drivers in Leeds who drive past people in wheelchairs.. I really feel for you/them. Waiting for another bus in the cold/heat and not even sure if that'll have space!

justloveandlightx · 10/02/2023 23:49

YANBU op. I'm so sorry that it's like this for you, people really are not considerate when it comes to situations like this. I have a toddler and would fold his pram up and move in a heartbeat if you needed the space.
Bus companies need to sort this out and put things in place to ensure there is space for wheelchairs at all times, I find it bloody unacceptable that they just expect you to wait for the next bus when you have places to be like everyone else.
I don't want to live on this planet sometimes!

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 11/02/2023 00:02

Just yet another example of how wheelchair users are overlooked and ignored.

I'm very lucky that I don't have to use public transport with my wheelchair. I honestly think I could have a panic attack t the thought of it. We are already so vulnerable...

Lilbunnyfufu · 11/02/2023 07:29

Blinkingheckythump · 10/02/2023 22:52

you're not at all in the wrong people should move and it's disgusting that they don't. But I never understand why anyone puts their kid in a school they need to rely on a bus to get them to, but especially if you're fighting to actually get on the bus when it does arrive like you are. Is there not a closer school they could go to? Not that you should have to move them, I'm just genuinely curious why you don't have them in a closer school.

I rely on 2 trains to get Ds to school and no there is no closer school that can deal with his needs sometimes there's no choice. I would love Ds to go to the local school but they can't meet his needs.