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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to use the bus like everyone else?

454 replies

toddlertamer20 · 10/02/2023 22:47

Hi,
I'm a single mum of 3, live in london and am now reliant on a wheelchair. I use buses to get around as I don't drive. I'm just getting so sick and tired of people being so incredibly selfish on buses. Wheelchairs have the priority, as obviously we cannot fold, however, as I have found out in the last few years, if there are prams on board and they refuse to fold...there is not much the driver can do as they can't be physically removed.
Most of the time, if a bus comes along with 2 prams, I will wait for the next bus. But sometimes I have to be somewhere and considering that is the only spot I am able to use on the bus, I feel like I should be allowed to use it. Everytime I insist that I need to get on it either a)end up with an argument eith the driver as he won't ask people to move or fold their prams....then a call to TFL who apologise and promise the educate the driver again.
b) I get let on but then the people with the pram won't move and argue with me, one of these times the driver was oblivious that I was mid gangway still and pulled off causing me to be thrown into a pole and break my arm. Or c) They just pull off and don't even attempt to let me on or put the ramp down.
Today again I ended up in a big argument. I needed to get a bus to get my youngest from school. The bus didn't come for ages. It eventually came but 3 buggies were on board, one without a child in it. The driver tried to tell me the next bus would be along in 20 minutes to which I said I couldn't. So he played the announcement asking the people to move their buggies. Then suddenly another passenger comes to the door and informs me that I need to wait as the people with the prams were there first. So I told him that actually by law I have priority, and I need to be on this bus. He then proceeds to tell me how I just need to wait and can't just get on and kick people off. At this point I was late already to get my child from school, so I did insist I got on. In the end I was allowed on bus got a mouthful off both the parents with the prams. I just don't know if it's me. I can understand it's frustrating if you're on a bus and suddenly you have to move or fold your pram up, but I cannot fold my wheelchair. It feels like everyone thinks I am in the wrong when I'm trying my best to just be a normal mother! Please tell me there aren't just selfish people put there...or is this honestly just me?
(by the way I do try to leave super early to make sure I have plenty of time to get there but then I am also waiting outside in the cold and I have problems with my joints so not a good combination)

OP posts:
marshmallowsforbreakfast · 11/02/2023 07:32

I'm really shocked reading this, and I'm so sorry that you've had to put up with that. I wouldn't dream of not moving or making room for someone in a wheelchair. I'm shocked that people do, especially so regularly
.

plumduck · 11/02/2023 07:33

That is utterly ridiculous and I'm so sorry. Round these parts most people get off and move.

Plumbear2 · 11/02/2023 07:53

This is why we need to go back to buggys bring folded before you board. Generations managed it before, you just need to ensure you have an easily foldable buggy

Holedin · 11/02/2023 08:03

Sorry to hear your experiences. I'm in London and bus drivers have always insisted that buggies fold or get off if a wheelchair needs the space. No drama about it, but I guess it just depends on time of day and the people on the bus at the time. I've seen the driver simply refuse to drive any further if people ignore him, so I guess that's one action they can take even if they can't physically remove the prams.
I've been using buggies in London for the past 4 years and I do find buses very limiting with just the two spaces, and they're also so slow and unreliable, so I prefer to use the tube or Overground even if it means walking for much longer or having to carry the buggy down steps. Appreciate that you can't do that with a wheelchair though. Worth looking into the taxicard which gets you cheaper taxi rides.

LlynTegid · 11/02/2023 08:07

Sorry to read of such selfish people. A sad reflection of the culture we have in this country.

Justfolditin · 11/02/2023 08:12

I recently took my pram on the bus for the first time and saw a sign saying to fold away if a wheelchair user needs the space. I didn't know that before but now I do and it's a reasonable rule. It would be a faff folding my pram so I would probably get off the bus instead and wait for the next one if put in that situation. I'd never refuse or argue though.

Ducksurprise · 11/02/2023 08:16

But I never understand why anyone puts their kid in a school they need to rely on a bus to get them to,

How far would you expect OP to wheel to get to school?
Plus loads of people live a bus ride from rhe nearest school.

Renoir56 · 11/02/2023 08:17

I'm also in London and generally find the drivers good. Take a note of which bus company it is, the registration and time and contact the bus company. It is not ok that you are not able to use the wheelchair space.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. People are so selfish.

Ultraninja · 11/02/2023 08:24

People are selfish, and a lot don't expect to do the slightest thing to help others. I remember my Mum folding the pushchair every single time we went on a bus. She had 3 kids and no car so we went everywhere by public transport or on foot. I talked to her about this the other day and she confirmed that nobody wheeled a pushchair or pram on to the bus. They were folded up while waiting for the bus (not when it arrived) and put in the section for luggage at the front of the bus. Then we sat on ordinary seats. She says it was a hassle getting up, ringing the bell, working back towards the push chair as we approached the stop... but she also said nothing compared to being wheelchair bound, or having to use a bus with a walking aid.

BigFatLiar · 11/02/2023 08:32

But I never understand why anyone puts their kid in a school they need to rely on a bus to get them to

Or a car?

plumduck · 11/02/2023 08:34

BigFatLiar · 11/02/2023 08:32

But I never understand why anyone puts their kid in a school they need to rely on a bus to get them to

Or a car?

There's not always a choice! Loads of schools are over subscribed in some areas and the unlucky ones have to take their kids on a bus to school.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 11/02/2023 08:52

I think if I were a wheelchair user I would spend my entire day in a rage. People are selfish idiots.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/02/2023 08:57

Justfolditin · 11/02/2023 08:12

I recently took my pram on the bus for the first time and saw a sign saying to fold away if a wheelchair user needs the space. I didn't know that before but now I do and it's a reasonable rule. It would be a faff folding my pram so I would probably get off the bus instead and wait for the next one if put in that situation. I'd never refuse or argue though.

It’s not actually just a reasonable rule. This should be law unless the buggy is to be treated as a wheelchair as the child themselves is disabled. Those spaces were hard fought for by disabled people and subsequently populated by parents with small children, who now think they should take precedence simply by virtue of getting on the bus first.

Mardyface · 11/02/2023 09:00

This is shit and of course they should have moved/folded. No question.

For those people who say generations before managed to fold I'm guessing that people around them were more helpful or bus drivers less pissy or actually there were just fewer people around? Folding a pushchair with a baby in it while wrangling a toddler and carrying shopping is not easy and it's the kind of puzzle that used to make it hard for me to leave the house in my pnd days.

Of course people in wheelchairs should have priority but I do hate the way these threads end up with everyone slagging off mothers yet again. Maybe the rule should be all able bodied people should sit upstairs and unless there's space upstairs they don't get on. Then the whole downstairs could be for 1. disabled people or 2. those with very small children.

Johnnysgirl · 11/02/2023 09:01

if there are prams on board and they refuse to fold...there is not much the driver can do as they can't be physically removed
Not sure why you think this; of course they can (and do)?

Luana1 · 11/02/2023 09:06

Johnnysgirl · 11/02/2023 09:01

if there are prams on board and they refuse to fold...there is not much the driver can do as they can't be physically removed
Not sure why you think this; of course they can (and do)?

Yes I've been on buses where the driver refuses to move until a space is made for a wheelchair user. The driver can definitely force the issue if they are willing to.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 11/02/2023 09:08

Yes I've been on buses where the driver refuses to move until a space is made for a wheelchair user. The driver can definitely force the issue if they are willing to.

As they should. Wheelchair users should always have priority over a pushchair.

BubziOwl · 11/02/2023 09:19

How disappointing Sad I avoid public transport with my pram as much as possible, though it's hard living rurally. I have never actually had a situation where a wheelchair user has got on the same bus as me, but I would absolutely get off the if they did without question - and where I live, that means waiting at least an hour for the next one (hence why I avoid buses!). I wouldn't be able to fold my pram on a bus whilst also keeping my child safe due to my own physical health problem. But that's the risk I take when I get a bus, wheelchair users clearly take priority.

Awful to hear about you breaking your arm too. I have noticed whenever I get on the bus with a pram, the driver never waits for me to get to a seat with the pram, they just hurtle off straight away - this is on NSL windy roads, so they do accelerate quite fast as buses go and it throws you about a bit. It really annoys me, but I'd have hoped they'd at least wait for a wheelchair user before pulling off! How awful that they wouldn't!

I can't see why some clever people can't redesign bus set-ups so that there are more accessible spaces. Even ignoring prams, it's ridiculous that in many buses only two wheelchairs could fit at one time.

Another pram-related thing that annoys me is on trains where they say prams can use the bike area so long as no other bikes want them, and people with bikes can prebook the space but they can't be booked for prams and buggies. Why?! What makes cyclists more important than babies in prams?

Plumbear2 · 11/02/2023 09:21

Mardyface · 11/02/2023 09:00

This is shit and of course they should have moved/folded. No question.

For those people who say generations before managed to fold I'm guessing that people around them were more helpful or bus drivers less pissy or actually there were just fewer people around? Folding a pushchair with a baby in it while wrangling a toddler and carrying shopping is not easy and it's the kind of puzzle that used to make it hard for me to leave the house in my pnd days.

Of course people in wheelchairs should have priority but I do hate the way these threads end up with everyone slagging off mothers yet again. Maybe the rule should be all able bodied people should sit upstairs and unless there's space upstairs they don't get on. Then the whole downstairs could be for 1. disabled people or 2. those with very small children.

And yet we managed.

Mardyface · 11/02/2023 09:22

Did you read my post @Plumbear2 ? Or just jump in to say you managed without saying how? I'm sure people would find that helpful.

sashh · 11/02/2023 09:23

I keep saying on these threads, and I keep being told I am unreasonable but there should be a £10 charge for using that space if you are not a wheelchair user or using a SEN buggy.

Plumbear2 · 11/02/2023 09:25

Mardyface · 11/02/2023 09:22

Did you read my post @Plumbear2 ? Or just jump in to say you managed without saying how? I'm sure people would find that helpful.

Because we managed. Carry baby, fold up pram lots could be folded single handed. Have toddler on reins, carry bags. Yes it can be done. We all did it and many more buggies could fit on buses.

Johnnysgirl · 11/02/2023 09:26

sashh · 11/02/2023 09:23

I keep saying on these threads, and I keep being told I am unreasonable but there should be a £10 charge for using that space if you are not a wheelchair user or using a SEN buggy.

Why? It's available to prams if empty, on the understanding that you vacate when a person in a wheelchair arrives.
Paying for the space would preclude being turfed out of it, which would leave wheelchair users worse off.

CrystalCoco · 11/02/2023 09:26

JFC what have I actually just read!

London has a reputation (fair or not / whether you agree or not) for being unfriendly but this is beyond!

Decent people would do everything they can to accommodate a wheelchair user, I can only imagine how hard it is to get around in a wheelchair on an average day, never mind with selfish arseholes like this - and the parents who won't even fold AN EMPTY pushchair! wtaf!

Really sorry this is happening to you OP, life is stressful enough as it is without the added worry of whether you can actually get on a bloomin' bus to pick your child up from school! 💐

Mardyface · 11/02/2023 09:28

Plumbear2 · 11/02/2023 09:25

Because we managed. Carry baby, fold up pram lots could be folded single handed. Have toddler on reins, carry bags. Yes it can be done. We all did it and many more buggies could fit on buses.

Show quote history

So in this scenario you're carrying pushchair, baby, toddler on reins and shopping bags! Without help too! So many hands.

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