Just want to say, I LOVE being single.

[theoldcatsmells]

I'm 41. I spent my entire life chasing men, hoping they would want me, hoping they would validate me. I'm ashamed of myself. It got me in so much trouble. Wasting my life being loyal to a divvy. Then a totally abusive and controlling relationship which is still threatening to ruin my life.

But…. I look back on my life and realise that every single best period was when I was single.

Answering to no one. Having proper alone time. Watching what I want and doing what I want. Also flirting, and the excitement of knowing I can flirt with anyone and speak to anyone.

I've been listening to this podcast called Alonenemt and it’s really fun.

I just have literally no need for a man, for validation. Now of course a decent loving partner is a thing to be cherished, I've never had it! Well I have but I was so young I found it boring. Maybe there's something wrong with me but I just want to say I am overjoyed at being single and finally it’s a relief to realise it. To realise that that’s what my happiness is.

Can you share things you enjoy listening to about single life?
Can you share why you love being single?
I just feel elated about it.

It isn't meant to be a 'gotcha' question and obviously no son is 'owed' a woman or anything else ridiculous.

While I was reading the thread I was struck by the number of women referring to their sons, yet also talking about how they would never want to settle down with a man again.

It came across to me as quite odd, that's all. Presumably they are raising their sons to be wonderful men who will one day bring a net positive to someone's life - and yet they are ruling out the possibility that any man could bring a net positive to their own lives.

I was reflecting on this slight contradiction, not lusting after a future where women are either shackled to men or mourning the 'error' of their singleness in some dystopian future.

Silent "While I was reading the thread I was struck by the number of women referring to their sons, yet also talking about how they would never want to settle down with a man again."

one thing has nothing to do with the other though. It's not a "contradiction" as you call it.

I should have won multiple Oscars for the roles I had to play to keep relationships (which i did successfully for years). No man has ever liked or accepted me for who I am. I could have had a long marriage if I stfu and ignored his infidelity and disrespect.

Only recently (40) realised that that is ok that no man loves/wants me (well, plenty want to fuck me, but hardly a compliment when most men would fuck a tuna sandwich). That is supposed to be THE WORST thing a woman can ever deal with but I am good with that.

I don't want to deal with anyone else's needs.

Yes, I haven't met the right man for me. Send him to me or shut up.

Don't appreciate the posters who say they have a wonderful partner and are so fucking happy....but if that ended they'd be single. Trying to be so relatable but coming off like smug smuggingtons saying I'm not tragic like you but have my support, stupid sister!

@StayGoldenPonyGirl For all the posters who say they have a wonderful partner, I'm sure there are plenty more reading this who envy single women and their freedom. I know I do. I believe happy relationships are quite rare, especially very long term ones. It's about the level of bullshit you can tolerate, and you get to the point when you have definitely had enough.

Stay "Don't appreciate the posters who say they have a wonderful partner and are so fucking happy....but if that ended they'd be single"

I tend to interpret this as more - cba with drama of leaving, but would make different decision if able to revisit the past. Yes, that is my bias showing!

They might feel that but ultimately being a 'married' woman is more important to them than being a happy woman.

I felt the same for ages...being married was better than being happy. My family (and coupled friends) were certainly a lot nicer to me too, despite my pain.

While I was reading the thread I was struck by the number of women referring to their sons, yet also talking about how they would never want to settle down with a man again.

It came across to me as quite odd, that's all. Presumably they are raising their sons to be wonderful men who will one day bring a net positive to someone's life - and yet they are ruling out the possibility that any man could bring a net positive to their own lives.

Presumably those who already have a son have at some point given a man a chance to bring a positive to their own life, and that man has failed to do so. Perhaps when their sons, who have been raised better, get a chance to create a happy life with a woman they will manage not to F it up.

I’ve been single for six years. I’m in my late 40s. I love my own company and being with my kids and my friends. I don’t miss sex in the slightest. I can’t see me ever wanting a relationship ever again.

Compromising & sharing are overrated.
My own bed, my own house and so it will stay!

I'm 35, single for about 5 years.
I did have a "toyboy" for the summer but that got dull so quickly... Honestly, men just bore me unconscious these days and I'm quick to ick. I'm sticking with flirting - it's only down-hill from there.

Good for you OP. I'm not single I'm in a LTR - but, I don't live with my partner. We socialise and holiday together, see each other 2 or 3 times weekly. I like my home, decor, space, not having to take a live-in man into account, not sharing a bed with a man every night. I remain surprised when people I know are surprised that I don't live with DP after several years. I don't see why we need to live together, we live down the road from each other, communicate daily, and we're perfectly happy as we are.

I've been married previously and although the split was amicable, I know I'm really not cut out for living with a man. I 'get it' when women are happily single. It's nice to be happily married I should think but for those happily single it's also cool to be happy in yourself and not want or feel you need a man to complete you. Live life on your own terms.

My neice in her twenties who's a very attractive young woman was told by a young man who she declined to date as "she saw him as a friend" told her "you'll be like you mum and your nan with no man" sae she didn't comeback with anything I've found that lots of young men try to undermine her confidence. Disappointing that these attitudes still prevail 😒

I see. One of them threads where only enthusiastic 'yes' replies agreeing wholeheartedly with the OP are OK

I was unhappily single most of my 20s, so I'm.very pleasd so many of you love it and I never said you shouldn't. Each to their own. For me, it was horrible.

This is good to read OP! Contentment comes from within! No one should rely on any relationship for their happiness.

Good for you OP, I’m pretty happily married but being able to just decide with no consideration of someone else and what they want sounds bloody lovely. I do miss those days sometimes, I think being single is very underrated, love DH very much but I think if I ended up single again I would probably just stay that way.

Good on you!

I ❤️ This thread! ❤️❤️❤️💋

and honestly? Yes! I’m a little jealous! And I’m one of the lucky ones - a husband who pulls his weight (ish), doesn’t abuse me etc. But Jesus! Some days the relentless toil of thinking about someone else. The compromises. And yes - we ve been together 20 years. I love him and all, but he also annoys me in a way no other human being can. So yes - when I read threads like this…. I am a little envious. And that’s before we get to all the abusive assholes out there.

The truth is… we don’t need men! A good one is nice! But a bad one? No flipping way.

And congrats on the horse! Fantastic idea!

And yes! If I became single tomorrow, hell would ice over before I’d couple again.

I love it too, OP, it's completely underrated and unfairly stigmatised by society!

Some great podcasts for you;

• Spinsterhood Reimagined
• Solo; The Single Person's Guide to a Remarkable Life

YANBU OP. My realisation came over 15 years ago. Never regretted choosing the solo life, still feel elated about it. It's so freeing, and I have no experience of abuse so it's not a case of better alone than with a dick scenario. I'm just much happier on my own.
Society is very uncomfortable with independent women, as you can see from this thread, and all the other 'single and happy' threads. For some odd reason men, and some coupled up women find us threatening. Luckily I give no shits 🤷‍♀️

O yes! Expectations are soooo high! Have you read all the threads on here about marital rape? Coercive control? Even just the mental load?

We have a f’ed up society! A society that values men above women. I have a son. He is the light of my life. I can already see him internalising the norms of this society. He and his friends have started calling things they don’t like ‘girly’ etc. I try my best to tackle this - but in reality it’s like fighting the wind. And he’s still far too young for social media and porn.

Please don’t blame women (mothers) for this…. I can tell you… I love my son! I would live with him forever. I will try and guide him to be a good partner to any man or woman in the future. But I can tell you this! I am glad I had a son. I am glad I didn’t have a daughter. I know I m much less likely to have to worry about abuse, coercive control, marital rape, etc etc etc.

I will do all I can to help make him a good partner and human being. But I cannot guarantee that I will be able to raise him to this. I ll be fighting centuries of patriarchy and social media and porn. I’m not sure I fancy my chances.

It's something I've always wanted to achieve in life and you have. So many women strive to be like you, good on you.

I am fairly newly and reluctantly single.

But I'm starting to feel very excited about it. That sense of total freedom is amazing. I've always had itchy feet and a desire to travel. It always felt too risky/irresponsible to actually do it, I didn't have the courage. But now, I'm very seriously looking into buying a converted van with good solar so I can continue to work remotely, selling up and going UK nomadic for a few years. Will it be lonely at times? Yes, of course. Will it also be an amazing experience (and let me save a ton of money for my solo retirement), I think so.

Oh my God, I wish I was you. In a shit relationship wishing I was single.