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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up with partner choosing the gym

156 replies

unsurerightno · 09/02/2023 15:46

NC for post. Been with partner 4 years. Love together for two. Trying to get the spare room decorated and furniture built. The last month partner has been to the gym 4/5 times a week and as I now WFH i'm obviously doing a lot more than I used when I was in office. Washing everyday, cleaning, built the wardrobes that arrived, cleared our bedroom out etc. every night I've been having dinner on my own as partner doesn't get back till 7:30 and I can't wait that long. I've asked him to give up golf next weekend to do a tip run and asked him to sort his draws etc out as they're full of crap he doesn't need. We've had a huge argument about this as I'm fed up of almost being second best and waiting around for him to be free.

OP posts:
rosegoldivy · 09/02/2023 17:25

I go to the gym 5 times a week, every week.
It's a non negotiable and saves my sanity but I do it at times that work around DH and 3 kids but I absolutely would not change it for anything and my DH knows it.

Think your BU to expect him to change something that's good for his physical and mental health

Cocobutt · 09/02/2023 17:30

He is an adult and can go out whenever he likes and shouldn’t have a curfew (if you don’t have DCs to look after).

Most people don’t get home until about 6 even if they leave straight from work.

However, the housework etc should be 50/50 and you shouldn’t be doing the majority just because you are home more often.

You’re either being a martyr or being walked all over.

Tell him X needs to be done and wait until he does it.
Share out there jobs and do not do his for him.

When do you go and do your hobbies?

LoraPiano · 09/02/2023 17:47

I think you are too reliant on him. YABU for doing all the housework as well. I think the dynamics of your relationship are changing to you acting like his mother, doing all the mundane work, asking him to come home early for dinner, wanting him to cancel plans with friends, and in turn he is acting more like a child and less like a responsible adult since all the housework is done for him. You need to gain some independence, divide housework equally, get a hobby. Go to the gym yourself. Do something with your evenings and weekends rather than waiting around for him.

Reinventinganna · 09/02/2023 17:54

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 09/02/2023 16:55

Sounds like he's having an affair if he is spending that much time away from you. NO ONE, not even gym junkies go that many times. Plus weekend of golf? I'd be asking who she is.

They do! I do.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 09/02/2023 17:55

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 09/02/2023 16:55

Sounds like he's having an affair if he is spending that much time away from you. NO ONE, not even gym junkies go that many times. Plus weekend of golf? I'd be asking who she is.

That's a stupid comment. Of course they do. Clearly you don't, but you don't speak for everyone.

Lcb123 · 09/02/2023 17:57

Well don’t do all the house work then? And do the other things together after 7.30? Why not join him at the gym. Sorry but you sound very needy. I love when my partner goes out and I have time alone… and I certainly don’t do housework then

ComfortablyDazed · 09/02/2023 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fluffi · 09/02/2023 18:08

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 09/02/2023 16:55

Sounds like he's having an affair if he is spending that much time away from you. NO ONE, not even gym junkies go that many times. Plus weekend of golf? I'd be asking who she is.

😂😂😂
4-5 times a week is nothing!

I go 6 days a week most of the time (sometimes everyday) and then do extra sports / active activities at weekends during the day. And work full time.

Most of my gym buddies are similar to me, 5 days is the minimum / easy week of training and they work and have families, it’s very doable! 💪

jtaeapa · 09/02/2023 18:12

Either he is having an affair or he is quite simply obsessed with himself and his pursuits. Nothing in it for you either way - I would get rid now before you have kids.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 09/02/2023 18:17

Well I don't know anyone who goes that often, the people I know who go to the gym go about once a week or twice a week.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/02/2023 18:19

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 09/02/2023 18:17

Well I don't know anyone who goes that often, the people I know who go to the gym go about once a week or twice a week.

I workout 5 times a week. What’s the point in going once? What a waste of money!

Eyerollcentral · 09/02/2023 18:19

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 09/02/2023 18:17

Well I don't know anyone who goes that often, the people I know who go to the gym go about once a week or twice a week.

Most people I know who go to the gym go every work day before, at lunch or after. It’s extremely common

Missedvocation · 09/02/2023 18:20

All these people saying ‘don’t have kids with this person’ - I agree. Because he’ll end up with a possessive mother for a partner!
what on earth is wrong with going to the gym? Who on earth eats before 1930? You are adults right??

ShandaLear · 09/02/2023 18:22

I would find someone telling me I can’t go to the gym because I have to clean out my drawers very odd. Are you his mum? Maybe he likes his crap in his drawers.

Wishimaywishimight · 09/02/2023 18:36

This has become a thread full of posters just dying to say they go to the gym 15 times a week have 18 other hobbies and work 2 jobs 😁

Wishimaywishimight · 09/02/2023 18:39

OP, I too would be annoyed if he's never home before 7.30. Who makes dinner every night? If he cooks when he gets home it could be 8.30 before you eat. I'm sure lots of people ate fine with this but I don't like eating late.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 09/02/2023 18:39

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 09/02/2023 18:17

Well I don't know anyone who goes that often, the people I know who go to the gym go about once a week or twice a week.

So because you don't know them, they don't exist and anyone who says otherwise is having an affair? Grin

puppacup · 09/02/2023 18:43

This is what I don't understand about people who say they go to the gym/hobby 5+ times a week. if your partner does the same how do you have time together & with friends.

puppacup · 09/02/2023 18:45

I've already done spin and weight training today and I'm just about to go do crossfit.

But I wouldn't say it's normal to do a spin class, weigh training & crossfit in one day?

ShirleyPhallus · 09/02/2023 18:47

puppacup · 09/02/2023 18:43

This is what I don't understand about people who say they go to the gym/hobby 5+ times a week. if your partner does the same how do you have time together & with friends.

We both get up early and work out at the same time / sometimes together

Then we have evenings free for other stuff

puppacup · 09/02/2023 18:48

I go 6 days a week most of the time (sometimes everyday) and then do extra sports / active activities at weekends during the day. And work full time.

How do you fit it all in? Are you dc older? Does your partner spend the same time on hobbies? I would like to go more & work p/t but family & friends takes up a lot of my time.

puppacup · 09/02/2023 18:48

This has become a thread full of posters just dying to say they go to the gym 15 times a week have 18 other hobbies and work 2 jobs

🤣

puppacup · 09/02/2023 18:50

@ShirleyPhallus don't you ever crave a lie in? I assume no dc? 😆

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 09/02/2023 18:50

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 09/02/2023 17:14

I’ve never eaten at 7:30. It’s always done and dusted by 6:30.

I’d be pissed off if l were you. What’s the point being in a relationship if you don’t see much of each other?

You’ve never gone out for dinner and eaten later than 6.30? Been to a friends for supper and it got served at 7 or 7.30?! Gosh.

OP, I never get home from work / finish WFH before 7 and it’s often much later. I too go to the gym every week day and again at the weekend.

Some flexibility required from you, I think.

Yarrawonga · 09/02/2023 18:52

Sounds like he's having an affair if he is spending that much time away from you. NO ONE, not even gym junkies go that many times

No one?

I do.