Screaming baby on children's ward

[Tomblibooz]

I'm on the children's ward tonight staying with my little one (who's currently fast asleep). Across the hall is a baby, I'd estimate to be around 4mo, left by themselves and has been screaming/crying for over an hour. The sort of wailing that it's making itself choke. It's heartbreaking to hear, and so I went for a wander to see what was going on and to offer to help.

Only 2 nurses on tonight, so short staffed. Baby's mum has gone home to pick up some things. Baby is left alone screaming in a cot, and has been for the hour basically.

I offered to go in and try and calm little one, even just sitting shushing or singing lullabies, but was told they couldn't allow it.

Aibu in thinking you'd prefer your little one to be looked after by a random mum, than be left alone screaming for over an hour on it's own?

I appreciate my hormones are all over the place just now and I'm on about night 3 of no sleep, so I may bu!

Yabu - people leave their own baby's to cry it out, baby was safe so no drama

Yanbu - for baby and everyone else's sake

Your hospital has overnight volunteers? That's quite rare I think.

A lot of hospitals have a team of volunteers… why has no volunteers been allocated to the ward to assist with the distressed babies?

Volunteers dont tend to be in hospitals at night.

@Emotionalsupportviper I've read the initial post and a couple of add ons.

You need to get a grip. Seriously people are suggesting a stranger picks up a baby she has no connection too? Would you go to soft play and pick up a crying child because their mum nipped to the loo?

This baby could be infectious Would transferring that infection to her own child help anybody?

The mum needs to go home to collect stuff. Quite normal.

It's very easy to judge nurses for not responding to a crying baby/elderly person crying out if you've never worked as a nurse or a doctor.

We all start out distressed at having to walk past people who are trying to get our attention. Over time you become numb to it because the alternative would be feeling so distressed you couldn't do the job.

If a nurse attended every time someone very young or very old cried out because they're scared or lonely literally nothing on the ward would get done. It looks cold from the outside but it is the only way to save peoples' lives.

When our daughter was a young baby she was diagnosed with bronciolitis (sorry if I can’t spell that properly) and admitted after eight hours. I’m a type one diabetic, my husband was on a work trip abroad and my son was with his grandma a two hour drive away. I’m a type 1 diabetic, if I hadn’t gone home to get more insulin I would have become a patient myself. So rather than our daughter being in a cot for an hour without me, she would have been without me until I myself was discharged. Funnily enough diabetes doesn’t pause during the night.

@Tomblibooz you sound like a lovely caring person - it’s horrible to hear a baby cry like that even when it’s not your own.

Sounds like a typical NHS ward and they are understaffed.

I remember being on a child’s ward when my son was around 7 months old admitted with a chest infection (he was very poorly) and the nurses were surprised I didn’t leave him on his own overnight with them (why the heck would I???) From what I gathered from the nurse a lot of parents went home due to having other children and no help, eg single parents, must have been really hard on these mums (yes mainly mums, I think my DH was the only dad I saw for about 3 days) in the end dh & I swapped places so I could rest as my son was unsettled and was woken up every time his oxygen saturation alarm went off (hourly) we were in a side room so luckily I was able to ignore most of the noise from the ward.

Horrible situation all round sadly this is the way things are now, not enough staff and the majority of the staff really are trying their best all the time

My instinct would have been to offer to help but I know there are a lot of security measures and I wouldn’t have been able to. I remember both of mine were tagged not long after birth so we couldn’t leave the ward

Can you think of another scenario in life where you’d have professionals ignoring an alone, small screaming infant and it was accepted as totally normal? Where this wouldn’t raise safeguarding concerns?

Not the fault of individual nurses but the system is broken.

Well yes I would pick up a child that had fallen in soft play if their mum was in the toilet, what is wrong with that?

I'd also help a child if they fell of their bike next to me, but mum was someway away.

I think it would be odd not to.

Seriously people are suggesting a stranger picks up a baby she has no connection too?

I suggest you read more than the initial post and a couple of add ons.

Almost no-one is suggesting allowing a stranger to pick up a baby they have no connection to.

Almost everyone is saying "We can see why it isn't allowed - infection, you could be abusive for all they know, the baby's condition may mean that it shouldn't be picked up more than necessary, the hospital is responsible if anything happens to the baby etc. But Yes, it IS distressing to hear an infant sobbing their little heart out and not be able to do anything."

THAT is the overwhelming response.

Get a grip yourself.

And if I thought a child had hurt themselves in soft play (it can happen) damn right I'd go to see if they were ok, though most mums, when they nip to the loo, ask someone to keep an eye on their toddler and it wouldn't be necessary. This is a different situation though, because soft play is very public

Ds takes a whole host of medications. One of them the children’s hospital has to order in specially each month for him. I very much doubt our local hospital (or even the children’s hospital) have it in stock! When poorly Ds has a sick regime for it which means it needs to be given every 6 hours exactly. So in the case of an unexpected admission if I didn’t have someone who could go and get it then yes I very much would have to leave to get that. (And his specific feeds, pumps etc)

No one wants to volunteer at midnight , do you? No one even wants to work night shifts.

@Emotionalsupportviper The OP lays out the situation. Simply because the overwhelming response is to go to the baby does not mean this is the correct response.

The baby is in a cubicle. They are usually put into a cubicle if infectious illness is suspected.

Does it make sense to transfer this illness to OPs own vulnerable child?

I would under no circumstance allow a stranger to pick up and comfort my baby if they were crying. You may be happy the OP is a caring mum, but from the baby's mothers point of view, how would she feel to return and see a total stranger cuddling her baby?

I hate people being distressed, usually we have a prescription for some calming medication for the elderly at least. People cry a lot when they are unwell , confused. I wish we had a system where every person had a 1:1 when I moved to a little bespoke complex unit we have that and the difference it makes to my own wellbeing has been immense..

The below is not so much aimed at the OP who seems to get it’s a staffing issue and has had a horrid night but other posters who are saying it’s neglect or uncaring nurses.

I’ve worked quite a bit on peads wards and when I was very new to it i thought “why is no one comforting this crying baby that’s horrid”and then as I got more experienced I realised that the nurses primary job is to keep their patients alive. Crying baby is demonstrably alive, not only that they also clearly have a patient airway, are breathing and have sufficient circulation to perfuse their lungs. In the scale of sick kids they’re doing pretty ok - ABC is covered. D is also ok - they are alert, possibly in pain but alert. Therefore medically speaking this poor baby is in no imminent danger of dying and so would not be a medical priority if staffing is very short. The quiet baby that you can’t hear in the room on the other side of the ward may not be awake, breathing or even alive and so comes first.

that said on a busy night shift with not enough staff if I was sitting down doing paperwork/computer work that wasn’t incredibly complex like drug calculations I would hold a baby while typing one handed if possible but it isn’t always if the work is too complex - I don’t want to kill anyone with a drug error because I’m playing peak a bo, and even if it’s non complex it is always slower to type and bounce a baby at the same time. Day shifts are often easier as there are play specialists who’s primary role is comfort/distraction/play/meeting emotional needs who can help with the comfort needs of the children. I have seen in the US (but not here) volunteer “grandparents” who are all police checked etc and come and just cuddle the babies that need it. Maybe nhs hospitals need similar.

other thoughts - most well babies will settle with a clean nappy a full stomach and a warm crib with some shushing for a period, the nurses will have done all of that already (basic needs) unless there is someone literally dying somewhere else on the ward. Assuming they have done this I fully agree with pps sayiny maybe baby has severe bronch and so int being fed and so is just utterly miserable, there not going to settle sadly unless their fed and feeding them could stop them breathing so that’s a bad idea. It’s a peads ward not a nicu/scubu but it is possible the baby is withdrawing from opiates and those babies are often inconsolable, as are babies with meningitis often. I think we would all prefer that even if baby could t be calmed they could be being held lovingly while they cried at least but unless there is a spare member of staff/volunteers able to sit with the baby on their lap the whole shift that is not possible

final thoughts for those saying mum shouldn’t have left- if this poor baby is so unwell they won’t settle and mum has been holding them as they cried for the last 24-48 hours perhaps she has been sent home for a shower and some clean clothes and a kip- she’s no help to baby if she’s unable to function or worse snaps and shakes the child. I’m a full believer in putting a screaming but fed/clean/warm child down somewhere safe and going outside and punching a pillow etc rather than punching the child. People have limits

and final final thoughts to those that think a lone parent should ask SS to take their other kids into care so they could be in hospital with the baby - this isn’t going to happen. SS will expect you to leave the kid in hospital and wojld probably charge you with neglect and abandonment of the ones at home. How do we even know that this baby is accompanied by its mother, the child might be in care or taken from the parents - maybe mum has not left to get some clothes but has had custody removed - the nurses aren’t going to tell all the other parents that! the place of last resort for a child with no adults is the paediatric ward.

That’s terrible OP. I was in hospital with my little one when he was 10 weeks old and a nurse comforted him when he was crying because I’d gone for a wee!

I hate it, too, and agree 1:1 is ideal for those who need it.

Funnily enough I found I had way more time in psychiatry to attend to patients 1:1 (am a doctor).

When I have new medical students, I'm always struck by the fact they go and attend to every "help! Nurse!!" they hear whilst seasoned staff continue with their jobs because they know nothing will get done otherwise.

That's dreadful. My friend had a baby 6 months ago and on her maternity ward there was a woman who was just letting her baby scream whilst she was chatting on the phone and watching tiktoks etc. The midwives swooped in and picked baby up as obviously it was disturbing people sleeping as well as being distressing. I know maternity is different but id still expect a nurse to be able to comfort a screaming baby or at least see why it's crying!

That said - I don’t think comforting a crying baby is the nurses remit. It’s the parents. Mum shouldn’t have left baby. She should have arranged for someone else to bring her belongings and if that’s not possible sorry it’s dirty pants.

What about other children at home? What's supposed to happen to them?

Family/friends/Dad.

No contact with birth family sue to abuse.

Had left dad and been put in another area for my safety so no friends.

*due

Oh what a privileged world you live in.

No concept that things could be different for other mothers/parents?

They don’t provide anything though!
Nappies for the baby, fresh clothes, sanitary items for mum, painkillers for mum, food for mum etc etc etc

Surely going in the day is worse? There are far more procedures taking place for all patients, baby is more likely to be awake for longer.

But the staff aren’t there to actually care for the children? Especially not babies. They’re there to attend to their medical needs.

I guess if you have absolutely nobody - unless you live under a rock I struggle to understand how - no Mums at playgroup etc?