Screaming baby on children's ward

[Tomblibooz]

I'm on the children's ward tonight staying with my little one (who's currently fast asleep). Across the hall is a baby, I'd estimate to be around 4mo, left by themselves and has been screaming/crying for over an hour. The sort of wailing that it's making itself choke. It's heartbreaking to hear, and so I went for a wander to see what was going on and to offer to help.

Only 2 nurses on tonight, so short staffed. Baby's mum has gone home to pick up some things. Baby is left alone screaming in a cot, and has been for the hour basically.

I offered to go in and try and calm little one, even just sitting shushing or singing lullabies, but was told they couldn't allow it.

Aibu in thinking you'd prefer your little one to be looked after by a random mum, than be left alone screaming for over an hour on it's own?

I appreciate my hormones are all over the place just now and I'm on about night 3 of no sleep, so I may bu!

Yabu - people leave their own baby's to cry it out, baby was safe so no drama

Yanbu - for baby and everyone else's sake

And depending on the treatment it may have simply not been possible. If a child is hooked up to machines then pushing them around becomes much harder.

sadly many of the normal soothing techniques don’t work in hospital settings

It is awful watching things deteriorate in the NHS due to inadequate funding and staffing. I am sure that there are a myriad range of factors that I wouldn’t know about due to management structures for example. Personally, I wish we’d return to Matrons but no doubt that is simplistic!

I spent time in hospital as a child in the 80s. Parents were confined to visiting hours which sounds barbaric now but suited me well! I preferred being in hospital! The nurses was awesome, really kind and loving. I remember a table on the ward where those that we well enough had meals and did crafts. I remember the ward being decorated, well kept toys (big lovely dolls house) , and time, books and cuddles from the nurses. I didn’t want to go home.

In the mid nineties, I spent a year as a hospital HCA in a big London hospital. The ward (elderly medical) was busy but felt reasonably staffed. I would have a bay of 6 people to care for -obs, personal care, food/fluids, minor wound care etc. We would double up staff for bed changes and some personal care if needed. Nurses did the drugs round. We still had NHS employed housekeeping staff who provided drinks, meals, water for flowers and so on. We still had Matrons. I imagine it is very different for HCAs/ nurses now.

My son has spent a lot of time in a large Childrens hospital. It’s very different now - staffing is awful and nurses don’t have the time to settle children, they are frequently left to scream if parents can’t be there. It’s such a difficult thing to see and I feel for everyone involved - the children, the parents who can’t be there and the staff who are doing their best in unacceptable situations. We’ve been lucky that, although we have no family support, we have two parents and two children, although I remember doing the sprint to the canteen for a sandwich when my son had fallen asleep.

Sympathies, @tiredwardsister Don't listen to the idiots on here - they don't the tiniest clue what it is like. And don't feel bad about leaving - the system will eat you up, and ungrateful twats will still complain that you're not doing enough (why aren't you jiggling a crying baby in a pram while also adjusting an art line? What could be simpler?). You have to look after yourself because no one else will 💐

That is lesson that perhaps I took too long to learn!

I work with adults not children but the focus with nursing at the minute is to keep everyone alive and stable, that's it. If I spent time consoling one patient another might die I would lose my job and registration. Thats why I left medical unit, the basic care stuff you can't do. Much happier in my private little unit. There's not enough staff to recruit.

In the 13 years I have been in the peads system with DS I can honestly say I can only think of two nurses we have encountered who had the air of “not caring”

the nurses, and HCAs, have got us through so seriously rough rides over the years. We have nurses from when he was a baby who still stop when they see us in clinic to check in with him, we have specialist nurses for some of his conditions that are always at the end of the phone.

thank you for all you do!

I am a bit confused that a young baby who is clearly in hospital due to being ill has been left on its own in a side room. I would be complaining to the Ward Manager or Matron as that is unacceptable.

@rogueone I'm a bit confused that you are confused. What's confusing you? Baby was allocated a side room presumably because it needs a side room and it's mum has popped home to collect some stuff.

I think the difference here was the type of cry was just so desperate,

That's not a cry you can mistake - that poor little one! It's not a cry you can shut out either - Nature designed it to cut through our every nerve so that we would attend to the infant, and that's exactly what our instinct is - even that little girl's.

I'm glad s/he finally settled - as you say, it's horrible having to leave a little one to suffer but I'm sure the nurses will have made sure that there wasn't anything serious to worry about. Hopefully the mum will be back soon (if she isn't already) and will be able to check for full nappies etc.

And those people criticising the baby's mother - you have no idea what she has to cope with. As PP's have mentioned, she may have other young children to look after, be a single parent with little or no support, have to get in touch with her boss (at home) to explain that she can't be at work the next day etc - anything. Its easy to say "I'd never leave my ill baby" if you only have one child and no-one else relying on you. Please don't judge this mother.

I’m another who blames the parent. Midnight is not the time to pop home and leave a baby to get stuff. I can’t see what could be needed that urgently that the hospital couldn’t provide. Should have waited until daylight before going to get stuff, then perhaps a friend could have helped, more staff on ward and others aren’t trying to sleep.

YABVU. You have no right to touch another persons child without their express permission. The baby has been checked and is being monitored by the staff.

Do you seriously think staff could allow a stranger to enter the room of a baby in their care to do whatever they like with that child? You're crazy.

Babies doesn't choke from crying and mum isnt gone indefinitely

You need a massive reality check. Don't be ridiculous. Babies don't die from crying. It's their 'thing'

I would put the in a complaint, not towards the nursing staff but definitely towards the senior management team with responsibility of the staffing in that ward…. Director of Nursing/ Chief Nurse.

I have working at director level for several NHS Hospital Trust for many years and it is that serious. I won’t disclose my position but it is not a slight against the nurses, they should not be put in the position where they are so stretched that their list of priorities (for good reason) just cannot stretch to reassurance.

It would require an investigation into safer staffing numbers with the Director of Nursing, and at the very least, Director of HR to consider staffing shortfalls and strategies to overcome.

it is also worth noting that the frequent board meetings (dates of which are listed on all NHS websites) have a section dedicated attendance from members of public where questions can be raised in person, via teams or sent in advance via email. Raising the issue in that arena or via formal complaint will ensure that it is flagged during annual audit and any future CQC inspections or any future investigations (if relevant).

i feel sorry for the nurses who are pushed to work under such crap conditions that they have no HCA to assure younger patience .

What if she has other children at home and a friend doing her a favour who needs to get home to their own kids?

It's clear some of you have incredibly simple lives.

To those saying mum shouldn't of left. You don't know full picture. Mum may not be allowed unsupervised access to child, child may be in Foster care, mum may have another sick child in another hospital (I once knew of a mum with sick twins in 2 different hospitals an hour apart, she may have other kids with no overnight childcare (how many threads on here of people with no one to help with childcare), she may of had to pop home to get her own medication. If baby in long time she may of needed a break. My dd was in and out of hospital and not every dm can be glued to their dc side 24/7 in these circumstances so please stop judging a dm who is probably just trying to do her best.

As for the nurses again they are just doing their best at looking after the needs of all and perhaps in their professional opinion baby was ok to be left at that time. Nurses on kids wards do tend to actually know what they are doing and a crying baby is normal.

Did you read the thread, or…?

@Tomblibooz personally I would put in a complaint and just be clear that the nurses were doing everything they could but state how long the baby was alone and in distress. Management need evidence of things not working in order to implement change and unfortunately complaints are the easiest way to evidence some things. They could potentially have an HCA or similar with a role to support little ones like that when needed, then it doesn't take away from nursing time. But they won't do it if they don't know its needed and the nurses will be too busy to really push for change themselves.

I've been in the same situation, except the mother sat by the cot and let her own baby cry all night. It's shit but not your business.

Patients*

@JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater Of course I read the bloody thread. Random mum wants to comfort a crying baby who is being treated and monitored on a children's ward.

What have I missed?

Babies cry!

This thread has really upset me, I have no doubt that the mum thought her baby was going to be taken care of while she was gone. It's really distressing for a baby to be crying for hours. The nurses should have been honest and told her she couldn't leave until morning or someone would have to drop her some things as they are short staffed.

Tell us you didn't bother to read the thread without telling us you didn't bother to read the thread.

A lot of hospitals have a team of volunteers… why has no volunteers been allocated to the ward to assist with the distressed babies?

Poor little thing. I suspect this is what happened to my very poorly baby 30 years ago. I couldn’t stay as I had a poorly three year old at home too, but I did spend most of the day there. When he came home after 8 days he never cried and only woke four hourly on the dot and went straight back down, even though he was only three weeks old.Makes my heart ache.
Please don’t say you would never leave your baby sometimes it’s an impossible juggling act.

One big difference in our local hospital is they have a lot of HCAs on each ward, very few nurses. This seems to work much better, as the HCAs do a lot of the everyday care activities and frees up the nurses to concentrate on the drug/medical side. Dr appearances are infrequent.