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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming baby on children's ward

394 replies

Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:10

I'm on the children's ward tonight staying with my little one (who's currently fast asleep). Across the hall is a baby, I'd estimate to be around 4mo, left by themselves and has been screaming/crying for over an hour. The sort of wailing that it's making itself choke. It's heartbreaking to hear, and so I went for a wander to see what was going on and to offer to help.

Only 2 nurses on tonight, so short staffed. Baby's mum has gone home to pick up some things. Baby is left alone screaming in a cot, and has been for the hour basically.

I offered to go in and try and calm little one, even just sitting shushing or singing lullabies, but was told they couldn't allow it.

Aibu in thinking you'd prefer your little one to be looked after by a random mum, than be left alone screaming for over an hour on it's own?

I appreciate my hormones are all over the place just now and I'm on about night 3 of no sleep, so I may bu!

Yabu - people leave their own baby's to cry it out, baby was safe so no drama

Yanbu - for baby and everyone else's sake

OP posts:
Fifi00 · 09/02/2023 10:01

Twentywisteria · 09/02/2023 09:54

I hate it, too, and agree 1:1 is ideal for those who need it.

Funnily enough I found I had way more time in psychiatry to attend to patients 1:1 (am a doctor).

When I have new medical students, I'm always struck by the fact they go and attend to every "help! Nurse!!" they hear whilst seasoned staff continue with their jobs because they know nothing will get done otherwise.

Show quote history

Yes I moved to ABI/Neuro private sector where people cannot be cared for in standard nursing homes due to challenging behaviours. I much prefer it the standard of care is better.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/02/2023 10:01

I'm a paediatric nurse. And unfortunately you aren't allowed to approach other people's babies, unless the parents have given permission, and even then we do t like it, as It's also not great for infection control and confidentiality. I'm sure the nurses are well aware that the baby is crying, but sometimes you literally just can't get to them, other than to pop their dummy back in and give them a quick cuddle or pat, nappy check etc. it's really really hard.

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 10:02

@SpecialK2023 who’s going to pick up mums insulin and other meds at a locked house that only she has a key for in an area that she just moved to escaping DV?
you don’t know why mum had to leave

Alexandernevermind · 09/02/2023 10:02

I know they are understaffed and underpayed, but as a pediatric nurse, if you can't give a distressed baby a comforting hug then you have switched off emotionally and shouldn't be in your job. It's cruel and Victorian and I would be making sure the parents knew what was going on.

ChildminderMum · 09/02/2023 10:02

There was a thread on here not very long ago where a mum was in hospital with her baby and hadn't managed to eat anything in several days as there was no food available to parents on the ward.
Lots of posters were telling her she was absolutely ridiculous and was supposed to leave her baby alone/in the care of nurses to go and get food.

And now when a mum does exactly that she's also wrong?

I would write to PALS. And your MP. The care isn't adequate due to staffing issues.

Any patient who is screaming in distress for over an hour might be alive, but they aren't having their basic needs met. Why on earth should we accept this?

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 10:02

I had only been in the area for about 6 weeks at that point. I hadn't been able to start at any groups as yet. Honestly you have no idea how hard it was.

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 10:03

Swiftswatch · 09/02/2023 10:00

They don’t provide anything though!
Nappies for the baby, fresh clothes, sanitary items for mum, painkillers for mum, food for mum etc etc etc

Surely going in the day is worse? There are far more procedures taking place for all patients, baby is more likely to be awake for longer.

Show quote history

When I was in they found me some breast pads because my boobs were leaking. They’ll help if they can.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/02/2023 10:03

negomi90 · 09/02/2023 00:26

I work on a childrens ward. Sometimes medical procedures are awful. Sometimes babies object to treatment and no amount of soothing makes it better.
The baby will have been fed according to how much is safe. Many babies in hospital at the moment have breathing problems. They can't feed as much as they want, because a full stomach impedes breathing in babies.. The baby may be hungry, but that will be for a reason.
The baby may also be protesting breathing support. Some don't mind it, others hate it.
It may also be protesting feeling sick and rotten and be in the state where nothing will comfort it.
Sometimes these babies can't be consoled and believe me people try very hard.

And this as well. Babies that are NBM will cry because they are hungry and there is literally nothing you can do to comfort them. The nurses will be well aware and feeling just as bad that they can't get to them. I've been there!

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 10:04

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 10:02

I had only been in the area for about 6 weeks at that point. I hadn't been able to start at any groups as yet. Honestly you have no idea how hard it was.

I don’t, no and I don’t think it sounds easy. There’s always an exception and sounds you genuinely would have been one. I would think in the vast majority of cases situations like this can be easily avoided.

There’s also delivery apps who will deliver orders like Uber eats etc.

thebellagio · 09/02/2023 10:05

For all of you saying to make a complaint, please please PLEASE realise that this type of scenario is EXACTLY why nurses are striking.

My child was in hospital for 9 days last year. I was the only one allowed to stay with her on the ward, and due to covid, we weren't allowed to swap parents at all. I saw first hand how fucking hard nurses are working and how short staffed they are. There were times when I had to leave my kid alone so I could go to the toilet, take a shower, nip out to Costa and buy some breakfast/dinner. The rest of the time we were holed up in a cubicle with no one else to talk to.

Before her hospital stay, I'd only ever been in hospital while giving birth. I'd never needed medical treatment for anything more serious than a sprained ankle in my life. To see how hard nurses are working over a prolonged period was bloody mindblowing and no one should be complaining to PALS over something like this - we should be complaining to our MPs that the NHS has come to this.

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 10:05

I was in a refuge. And then temp accommodation. Starting with nothing. I had no money worth a damn. I genuinely couldn't have afforded Uber eats.

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 10:07

westoftheplanets · 09/02/2023 10:05

I was in a refuge. And then temp accommodation. Starting with nothing. I had no money worth a damn. I genuinely couldn't have afforded Uber eats.

As I said there’s always an exception and I’m not trying to minimise the struggle you had. As I also said, in the vast majority of cases this shouldn’t happen.

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 10:07

@Alexandernevermind Do you want them to leave the toddler with a tracheotomy that needs regular suctioning or the stop doing the insulin infusion or stop assessing the deteriorating asthmatic or the stop chasing the registrar to let them know the kid with the head injury’s gcs is now 11 or the broncholitic baby has a pH of 7 to sit with the crying baby who they checked on 25mins ago and was medically fit but lonely?

Itsrudemeghan · 09/02/2023 10:08

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 10:00

But the staff aren’t there to actually care for the children? Especially not babies. They’re there to attend to their medical needs.

I guess if you have absolutely nobody - unless you live under a rock I struggle to understand how - no Mums at playgroup etc?

Show quote history

Would you say hospital staff aren’t there to attend to the needs of patients with conditions like dementia? That they are just there to provide for medical needs alone?

Sartre · 09/02/2023 10:09

YANBU. They will have reassured Mum her baby would be ok and they’d be keeping an eye on them so she’ll be none the wiser.

It happened to me when I was readmitted to hospital after DS was born when my c-section wound reopened. They sent me down for an ultrasound and I wanted to take DS with me but they wouldn’t let me, instead they said they’d keep an ear out for him and help if he was upset. I reluctantly left him sleeping and went to have the ultrasound. When I returned he was on his own absolutely devastated, bright red in the face and really worked up. Not sure how long he’d been screaming but there was no one around at all, he was totally alone. I was devastated and couldn’t stop crying, he was only a few days old.

Really kind of you to offer to help the baby and a massive shame they wouldn’t let you. Also awful of them to just leave the baby, they must be completely heartless.

Swiftswatch · 09/02/2023 10:09

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 09:55

That said - I don’t think comforting a crying baby is the nurses remit. It’s the parents. Mum shouldn’t have left baby. She should have arranged for someone else to bring her belongings and if that’s not possible sorry it’s dirty pants.

For how long? A week? A month??

You realise not all hospital stays are a few hours 🙄

ChildminderMum · 09/02/2023 10:10

Namechange12908 · 09/02/2023 09:18

I’m another who blames the parent. Midnight is not the time to pop home and leave a baby to get stuff. I can’t see what could be needed that urgently that the hospital couldn’t provide. Should have waited until daylight before going to get stuff, then perhaps a friend could have helped, more staff on ward and others aren’t trying to sleep.

She'd probably settled the baby to sleep and was hoping they'd sleep a couple of hours at that time.

What do you think the hospital would provide? She might have needed food, nappies, clothes, medication for herself.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/02/2023 10:11

@SpecialK2023 comforting upset babies it children, absolutely is in our remit. If parents aren't there. Of course it is. We had a long term baby who's parents hardly ever visited. ( and no reason why they couldn't. And they got money from our Samaritan fund to help.) that navy was rarely on her own. She had loads of cuddles and fuss. The judgement of her parents was quite tricky though. We stayed neutral and said nothing. But completely agreed with them!

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 10:11

@Itsrudemeghan in an ideal fully staffed shift absolutely however a huge part of being a nurse is prioritisation who needs your time and attention right now to reduce medical deterioration. It’s not ideal but it’s firefighting and trying to keep patients safe is our priority

Getamoveon36 · 09/02/2023 10:11

If you see the mum return when you are still there I would be letting her know.

Swiftswatch · 09/02/2023 10:15

@SpecialK2023 But the staff aren’t there to actually care for the children? Especially not babies. They’re there to attend to their medical needs.

Why not though? They feed older patients, they change catheters, pads and nappies for adults, clean the sheets, sponge bath and dress the patient.
You’re setting an incredibly low bar for healthcare.
No other patient who is too unwell to carry out basic tasks for themselves is expected to have someone to do all care.

I’m not suggesting a healthcare provide is expected to do EVERYTHING for a baby, but this new idea that they are expected to do NOTHING is bullshit.
We pay more into the nhs than ever, more taxes and yet the service it offers is worse than ever. 30 years ago staff on the ward would have made the mum a cup of tea and sent her off for a sleep.

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 10:16

Itsrudemeghan · 09/02/2023 10:08

Would you say hospital staff aren’t there to attend to the needs of patients with conditions like dementia? That they are just there to provide for medical needs alone?

Show quote history

In many sense, yes, I’d agree. When my Grandad was in hospital with dementia the family took turns to ensure his food was ordered, he was bathed, was offered drinks. The nurses would have presumably picked it up if they had to but didn’t really expect the care he received day to day in a nursing home to be replaced by medical staff.

The NHS is on its absolute knees. It’s not right but you’ve got to work with what we’ve got not what we’d like.

Alexandernevermind · 09/02/2023 10:17

@Wishiwasatailor

@Alexandernevermind Do you want them to leave the toddler with a tracheotomy that needs regular suctioning or the stop doing the insulin infusion or stop assessing the deteriorating asthmatic or the stop chasing the registrar to let them know the kid with the head injury’s gcs is now 11 or the broncholitic baby has a pH of 7 to sit with the crying baby who they checked on 25mins ago and was medically fit but lonely?

Op had a conversation with said nurse, so I would assume that they weren't in the middle of a life saving procedure.

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 10:17

Swiftswatch · 09/02/2023 10:15

@SpecialK2023 But the staff aren’t there to actually care for the children? Especially not babies. They’re there to attend to their medical needs.

Why not though? They feed older patients, they change catheters, pads and nappies for adults, clean the sheets, sponge bath and dress the patient.
You’re setting an incredibly low bar for healthcare.
No other patient who is too unwell to carry out basic tasks for themselves is expected to have someone to do all care.

I’m not suggesting a healthcare provide is expected to do EVERYTHING for a baby, but this new idea that they are expected to do NOTHING is bullshit.
We pay more into the nhs than ever, more taxes and yet the service it offers is worse than ever. 30 years ago staff on the ward would have made the mum a cup of tea and sent her off for a sleep.

Read what @Wishiwasatailor said. It’s not a “new idea” it’s reality. The state of the NHS genuinely terrifies me but you can’t go in with unrealistic expectations.

kittensinthekitchen · 09/02/2023 10:18

There weren't any wires, it was just in a cot with it's normal clothes on, no sheet etc either.

@Tomblibooz

I dont understand how you knew this if the baby was alone in a private room with the door closed Confused