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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not cooking my teenager dinner

520 replies

Ohdesr · 08/02/2023 21:57

So I am really trying to use everything we have in the house before shopping for more.
today i made homemade tomato soup and garlic bread. My teen complained its not filling enough so they dont want that.
Cue her complaining for the next hour that she is starved, i gave her a list of things she could eat, tuna pasta, tuna mayo jacket potato, omelette, pesto pasta, even cereal.

She has now gone off in a strop because i wont go to the shop to buy her something saucy (?!) she hasnt eaten because nothing sounds nice. And now she’s gotten her dad involved saying i am starving her. Ahhhh

OP posts:
SezFrankly · 09/02/2023 11:50

redskydelight · 08/02/2023 22:10

hopefully you are making your teenager cook at least once a week?

I've certainly found mine are more appreciative of meals put in front of them once they realise that producing a meal isn't as easy as it looks.

Exactly the same in our house. DD is nearly 14yo. loves cooking meals herself and is appreciative of the efforts made, even if she doesn’t like the food. She’ll always try it, and we always get a thank you now ☺️

Xol · 09/02/2023 11:57

It's completely mad to refuse a meal because it isn't enough. By all means eat it and then decide whether you really do want something else, in which case you can fill up quite easily on what you had on offer. But just to refuse a meal and expect the cook to abandon what she had made and go out and buy you something else goes right into "entitled" territory.

And I do hope you told her Dad to butt right out, OP.

Xol · 09/02/2023 11:58

Wanderingowl · 09/02/2023 09:41

Soup and bread is inadequate as a main meal, the bread having a bit of garlic in it doesn't change that. It's hard to know without knowing how much lentils were in the soup, but it's very unlikely to have had anywhere near enough protein for anyone, least of all a teenager. But not only that, it's our responsibility as parents not only to provide adequate food for our children's needs but to model good eating. We don't have to be puritanical about it but telling a teenager, especially a girl, that tomato soup and bread is an adequate main meal, is a pretty good way to fuck up their relationship with food.

At 16 it's fine to tell her that you made tomato soup and garlic bread as that's all you are in the mood for today. And give her the ingredients and responsibility to make something to supplement it, like a substantial chicken salad. Or the ingredients to make herself a different dinner. But to provide her with a light meal and to tell her that's adequate as a main meal, is gaslighting.

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Gaslighting??? I may have heard it all now.

Xol · 09/02/2023 12:03

Sounds like an occasion for the mantra frequently heard in our house when my kids were teenagers: This Is Not A Flaming* Hotel!

*Flaming may have been substituted by other f and s words of choice depending on my stress levels at the time.

gamerchick · 09/02/2023 12:06

Wanderingowl · 09/02/2023 09:41

Soup and bread is inadequate as a main meal, the bread having a bit of garlic in it doesn't change that. It's hard to know without knowing how much lentils were in the soup, but it's very unlikely to have had anywhere near enough protein for anyone, least of all a teenager. But not only that, it's our responsibility as parents not only to provide adequate food for our children's needs but to model good eating. We don't have to be puritanical about it but telling a teenager, especially a girl, that tomato soup and bread is an adequate main meal, is a pretty good way to fuck up their relationship with food.

At 16 it's fine to tell her that you made tomato soup and garlic bread as that's all you are in the mood for today. And give her the ingredients and responsibility to make something to supplement it, like a substantial chicken salad. Or the ingredients to make herself a different dinner. But to provide her with a light meal and to tell her that's adequate as a main meal, is gaslighting.

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Heh, you did proper lemon lips typing that out didn't you? Brilliant, made me properly laugh man Grin love a bit of pompous bilge me.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/02/2023 12:11

I could cook a variety of meals by myself including spaghetti bolognaise, tuna fish pie and chilli con carne by age 13/14.

I could even go to the shop to buy the ingredients if they weren’t in the house.

Your DD is being ungrateful.

I do think soup isn’t maybe the most filling option but you did offer her more options so it’s not like she had no choice.

Could she occasionally cook herself eg fresh pasta with a sauce or make herself eg a simple pasta dish like carbonara if she didn’t fancy what you had and that was in the freezer/store cupboard?

JudgeRudy · 09/02/2023 12:14

YANBU for refusing to cook an individual meal for your daughter or make a impromptu shop run. Admittedly tomato soup might not float my boat but there's plenty of simple alternatives there.
I'd expect this from a teenager. What I would expect is for my husband to poke his nose in....so he feels there should be more on offer. Theres 2 choices and neither involve you. I think we all know the answer to that one 🤔

orchid220 · 09/02/2023 12:18

Brefugee · 09/02/2023 11:29

@orchid220 the OP mentioned several times that it's a substantial soup. Stop picking just because you can.
"I doubt there were much lentils" - don't be daft.

OP - can you post the recipe and a photo please Wink

I'm not picking. If there were a lot of lentils, it wouldn't be a soup as it wouldn't be liquid. Anyway, OP isn't even calling it lentil soup. She is calling it tomato soup, suggesting tomato is the main ingredient.

ancientgran · 09/02/2023 12:18

hryllilegur · 09/02/2023 11:40

I’m not sure you can generalise from your very specific food issue there.

For most people, tomato soup is just soup and triggers no trauma. If the OP’s daughter had the same issue as you, I’d imagine her mother probably wouldn’t have served tomato soup.

DS has coeliac disease. I don’t serve him food with gluten in it. That doesn’t mean gluteny food isn’t suitable food for everyone else.

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Good job I didn't generalise then, just commented.

Brefugee · 09/02/2023 12:21

I'm not picking. If there were a lot of lentils, it wouldn't be a soup as it wouldn't be liquid.

you are picking. I eat a lot of lentil soup. Sometimes it is denser than others. But stop bloody harping on.

Also for the "wah no protein" people. Seriously? Lentils and cheesy garlic bread.

this thread is hilariousl, tbh

MeridaBrave · 09/02/2023 12:22

hryllilegur · 09/02/2023 11:46

Again, those are your DS’s food preferences. And you cater to them.

Given the OP knows her daughter, and her kitchen is likely stocked with things people in her household eat, it’s probable that the list of foods she suggested her DD could make are actually things her DD would generally eat.

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It wasn't clear to me if these were things her DD liked, or just food the OP had, as she specifically said wanted to use everything up. I agree that if the DD is usually happy with those other options then yes it was a reasonable list.

Sceptre86 · 09/02/2023 12:23

She's 16 and being daft and self centred. You did the absolute right thing and if her dad is so bothered then why can't he go to the shops and get her something? In the time she spent moaning she could have had the soup, garlic bread and then another snack if she wasn't full. She could have also used her own two hands and made herself something. Yanbu.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/02/2023 12:25

orchid220 · 09/02/2023 12:18

I'm not picking. If there were a lot of lentils, it wouldn't be a soup as it wouldn't be liquid. Anyway, OP isn't even calling it lentil soup. She is calling it tomato soup, suggesting tomato is the main ingredient.

Show quote history

Never eaten Balkan or Middle Eastern tomato soups then I take it?

StaringAtTheWater · 09/02/2023 12:26

Reading this thread is giving a clue as to why we have an obesity crisis in this country! Homemade soup and bread is a perfectly adequate evening meal (whether you personally like it or not is just your preference). If you feel hungry after you can have fruit or a yoghurt or pudding. And the OP was generous enough to offer other non soup options. YANBU OP, stick to your guns!

orchid220 · 09/02/2023 12:26

Brefugee · 09/02/2023 12:21

I'm not picking. If there were a lot of lentils, it wouldn't be a soup as it wouldn't be liquid.

you are picking. I eat a lot of lentil soup. Sometimes it is denser than others. But stop bloody harping on.

Also for the "wah no protein" people. Seriously? Lentils and cheesy garlic bread.

this thread is hilariousl, tbh

I eat a lot of lentil soup too and it's not particularly filling. Regardless, OP described it as tomato soup not lentil soup which suggests lentils are not the main ingredient

Original poster
Ohdesr · 09/02/2023 12:28

In the nicest way possible i really don’t care what other people’s kids would like, whether they deem the meal acceptable etc.

Sorry for not saying earlier, her dad is not my husband, we have not been together in years and he panders to her. She texts him some hardship, he then contacts me and i have learned to no longer react. Agreed he is a dickhead though.

Tonight she will have a proper meal no soup on the horizion!🥳

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 09/02/2023 12:29

It was totally fine op. She could have ate the soup then had something else. She was just being a teen brat

Hankunamatata · 09/02/2023 12:30

Ohdesr · 09/02/2023 12:28

In the nicest way possible i really don’t care what other people’s kids would like, whether they deem the meal acceptable etc.

Sorry for not saying earlier, her dad is not my husband, we have not been together in years and he panders to her. She texts him some hardship, he then contacts me and i have learned to no longer react. Agreed he is a dickhead though.

Tonight she will have a proper meal no soup on the horizion!🥳

I'd be so tempted to offer soup again tonight. But I'm evil lol

Mummymiah123 · 09/02/2023 12:33

Personally, JennyDarlingRIP, it sounds like she’s going through what some would call “teenosterone”. In my house we have a take it or leave it attitude and trust me… it goes down a treat! If you don’t want to eat the healthy and nutritious food I’ve cooked for you, well you simply won’t eat. We don’t stand for raising ungrateful little s£*ts so I suggest you nip that in the bud ASAP.

Givezero · 09/02/2023 12:35

My Husband behaves just like your daughter when it comes to meals whilst my 2 children under 10 eat everything I put in front of them. In my head I refer to him as Princess Twat and I know I have a battle on my hands later when my children are old enough to know what's going on.

JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater · 09/02/2023 12:36

Either some posters eat like Henry VIII or they’re just being dicks for the sake of it.

You were not unreasonable at all, OP. 😆

xogossipgirlxo · 09/02/2023 12:38

Whoever's hungry, make yourself a sandwich, eat yoghurt or fruit, whatever. Don't offer cooking her extra meals etc., she won't die of starvation. Soup and bread is normal meal.

JavaQ · 09/02/2023 12:38

YANBU

If you don't train your children, the rest of us will have to suffer their appalling self-entitlement later.

budgiegirl · 09/02/2023 12:39

I'm not picking. If there were a lot of lentils, it wouldn't be a soup as it wouldn't be liquid. Anyway, OP isn't even calling it lentil soup. She is calling it tomato soup, suggesting tomato is the main ingredient

You really are! Who gives a stuff what the main ingredient was? OP considered it a filling soup. Regardless, if her DD won't eat it, she'll certainly be hungry. And there were alternatives, so it's all fine.

Bearlady · 09/02/2023 12:40

I have this problem too they expect food which is all ready to eat and homemade isn't glamorous enough. I was even showed a video from them which labelled a kitchen being an ingredient household only.