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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not cooking my teenager dinner

520 replies

Ohdesr · 08/02/2023 21:57

So I am really trying to use everything we have in the house before shopping for more.
today i made homemade tomato soup and garlic bread. My teen complained its not filling enough so they dont want that.
Cue her complaining for the next hour that she is starved, i gave her a list of things she could eat, tuna pasta, tuna mayo jacket potato, omelette, pesto pasta, even cereal.

She has now gone off in a strop because i wont go to the shop to buy her something saucy (?!) she hasnt eaten because nothing sounds nice. And now she’s gotten her dad involved saying i am starving her. Ahhhh

OP posts:
angela99999 · 10/02/2023 18:21

I have four children, now adults. I can understand your frustration OP, my boys in particular were such a pain, often refusing to eat with us at dinner time (because they'd stuffed themselves with cereal, Pot Noodle or toast just beforehand) then raiding the fridge an hour later so that I'd find they'd already eaten some of the the food that was meant for dinner the next day. The easiest mealtimes were those when they were so hungry that they would eat anything that was put in front of them.

There were sometimes as many as nine of us for meals so I really wasn't going to faff about producing different meals for anybody.

ozymandiusking · 10/02/2023 18:29

Sorry but I don't think just soup for an evening meal is enough. What about soup as a starter, followed by a lovely cheese omelette, and ice cream ( if you have any) for pud. You have to "sell" it to her.

TheAllButterBiscuit · 10/02/2023 18:36

OP said that she was keen to use up all the food in the house, so clearly values avoiding waste and shopping economically. Don’t you think it’s therefore best to teach the daughter those same values? As an adult I don’t find that I have the money to just go to the shop and buy whatever I food I fancy whenever I don’t like what’s in the house… and I sure as hell didn’t shop like that when I first left home. Help to set your lid up for the life they are likely to lead by teaching them to use what they have before buying more.

For this saying a bowl of soup isn’t adequate dinner, I would point out that the DD didn’t eat the soup and find it wasn’t enough… she refused to eat the soup because it allegedly wasn’t enough! I log she had eaten it and remained hungry, I might have had some sympathy. But this just sounds like entitled behaviour to me.

Hobnob90 · 10/02/2023 18:36

Soup is definitely a lunch option, not evening meal. Thinking back to when I was a teen and very hungry non of those options sound really substantial. I think I would feel disappointed.

Hawkins003 · 10/02/2023 18:38

Reading with intrigue

neighboursmustliveon · 10/02/2023 18:44

jtaeapa · 08/02/2023 21:59

I suppose it depends how far the shop is and how much money you have.

If the shop is round the corner and you have money to buy her something of her choosing, then I suppose YABU (I would have fridged the soup and eaten it myself tomorrow).

However, if the shop is far enough to be a nuisance and you are short, then YANBU.

We live practically next door to a supermarket and thankfully money is not an issue but faced with plenty of options like the OP has give? No way would I be going to the shop to buy more food!

phoenixrosehere · 10/02/2023 18:45

ozymandiusking · 10/02/2023 18:29

Sorry but I don't think just soup for an evening meal is enough. What about soup as a starter, followed by a lovely cheese omelette, and ice cream ( if you have any) for pud. You have to "sell" it to her.

You have to "sell" it to her.

It’s a 16 yo, not a toddler. The teen could have the other foods available in the house if she is truly hungry. OP listed plenty of options that were in the home besides what she made. Teen is old enough to make her own meal if she doesn’t like what is being offered instead of thinking her mum should leave the house for her when there is plenty of food there to eat.

Valeriekat · 10/02/2023 18:46

CaspianPlover · 08/02/2023 22:21

It depends on how old the teen is, a baked potato takes a good hour to cook, not many teens are good at whipping up a meal on demand. Cereal is not an evening meal. Why didn't the Poster cook one of the options she listed to feed her child.

Show quote history

Because a teenager is perfectly capable of getting her own food if she doesn't like what is on offer, her mother is not her servant and she should be helping with meal prep!

Dogcafedreamer · 10/02/2023 18:50

Hobnob90 · 10/02/2023 18:36

Soup is definitely a lunch option, not evening meal. Thinking back to when I was a teen and very hungry non of those options sound really substantial. I think I would feel disappointed.

Disappointed does not mean that they can't eat it, whilst waiting for a jacket potato to cook?

I mean OP may also have one of those modern appliances called a microwave, where they could part cook a potato and then put it in the oven to crisp up?

I don't think the teen would starve to death.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 10/02/2023 18:53

Last night I cooked a "Hello Fresh" meal (prawns and spicy bulgar wheat) . The teens didn't like it. Fine it was ok, nothing special. But, instead of bitching and moaning they cooked tuna pasta instead.

Tonight I've gone outand realised when I was getting ready that there wasn't a lot in. So DS1 walked to the co-op with me and I bought the frozen meal deal for him to take home and cook for them to share.

Teens are more than capable, or at least they should be, of feeding themselves.

CountryMouse22 · 10/02/2023 18:59

Can I come round for lunch? I'd gladly eat any of those!

pollykitty · 10/02/2023 19:01

There’s a rule in our house - you complain, you make your own food. I despise it when kids treat their mums like a servant. You offered choices, if she doesn’t like them, tough.

user12345678213 · 10/02/2023 19:20

Unless she is on a diet, soup an bread doesn't cut it for a growing teen.

I offered soup an bread to my poorly 23yo and she turned her nose up at it... went for egg and beans on toast.

Reacted like a teen.. no biggie.

Alwaysintheway · 10/02/2023 19:22

My goodness OP, honestly tell her it's this or nothing, our young people have no concept of money worries etc. They live in their own bubble and treat parents like we are their butler. Don't give in if you do it will set the precedence for years to come. I know I have made this mistake and have suffered for it for a few years now. Be strong, stand your ground, shrug and tell her she will have to starve then.

myfaceismyown · 10/02/2023 19:25

I am on a low carb diet and currently salivating over your home made tomato soup and garlic bread - if your teen turns her nose up at it, can I have it?

steph21282 · 10/02/2023 19:32

Ignore this behaviour i cook 3 meals a day for my 4 kids and we always have left overs and quick cook food for kids that busy my 16 Yr old been telling everyone for 6 months I don't feed him including school it was a power trip on his half

ozymandiusking · 10/02/2023 19:33

I know she isn't a toddler, I didn't expect the Mum to cook her dinner! I was hoping she would be able to rouse her interest and the daughter to cook it herself.
Sometimes, on mumsnet, some people just deliberately misunderstand you.

JockTamsonsBairns · 10/02/2023 19:34

Wanderingowl · 09/02/2023 09:41

Soup and bread is inadequate as a main meal, the bread having a bit of garlic in it doesn't change that. It's hard to know without knowing how much lentils were in the soup, but it's very unlikely to have had anywhere near enough protein for anyone, least of all a teenager. But not only that, it's our responsibility as parents not only to provide adequate food for our children's needs but to model good eating. We don't have to be puritanical about it but telling a teenager, especially a girl, that tomato soup and bread is an adequate main meal, is a pretty good way to fuck up their relationship with food.

At 16 it's fine to tell her that you made tomato soup and garlic bread as that's all you are in the mood for today. And give her the ingredients and responsibility to make something to supplement it, like a substantial chicken salad. Or the ingredients to make herself a different dinner. But to provide her with a light meal and to tell her that's adequate as a main meal, is gaslighting.

Show quote history

See, this sounds really weird to me. I'm the youngest of six, and my mother frequently (once a week) made soup and bread for dinner. She was an excellent budgeter, and could make the housekeeping money stretch so that all of us were fed well. She made a fabulous tomato and lentil soup, which would have chopped carrots and leeks in it, and would make her own version of 'croutons' to add - basically cubes of toast and cheese.
I've got 4 older brothers, and I don't recognise this MN thing where teenagers are "inhaling food", and need a limitless supply of meals on tap. My mother certainly couldn't have afforded to feed my siblings and I in that way, and none of us were hungry. Likewise, I have 3 DCs (adult and teen sons, and one teen daughter), and none of them have required the amount of food I read about on here (and DS1 played rugby before anyone brings that up).

Dalekjastninerels · 10/02/2023 19:34

Mum used to give my brother and I choice and accomodated us (I have issues to this day with certain foods touching) but we always were grateful and never would have been so rude about what was on offer.

Xol · 10/02/2023 19:35

Valeriekat · 10/02/2023 18:46

Because a teenager is perfectly capable of getting her own food if she doesn't like what is on offer, her mother is not her servant and she should be helping with meal prep!

Show quote history

No need for a baked potato to take an hour. 10 minutes in the microwave, maybe another 10 minutes in the oven to crisp it up.

Plenty of 18 year olds are at university or working awy from home, and therefore may well have to learn to "whip up meals" whenever they want to eat. If they aren't, then the more practice they get at home, the better.

Dalekjastninerels · 10/02/2023 19:38

JockTamsonsBairns · 10/02/2023 19:34

See, this sounds really weird to me. I'm the youngest of six, and my mother frequently (once a week) made soup and bread for dinner. She was an excellent budgeter, and could make the housekeeping money stretch so that all of us were fed well. She made a fabulous tomato and lentil soup, which would have chopped carrots and leeks in it, and would make her own version of 'croutons' to add - basically cubes of toast and cheese.
I've got 4 older brothers, and I don't recognise this MN thing where teenagers are "inhaling food", and need a limitless supply of meals on tap. My mother certainly couldn't have afforded to feed my siblings and I in that way, and none of us were hungry. Likewise, I have 3 DCs (adult and teen sons, and one teen daughter), and none of them have required the amount of food I read about on here (and DS1 played rugby before anyone brings that up).

Show quote history

Yes; my oldest nephew is 16 and is not eating his parents (Brother is his Dad) out of house and home and neither did my brother.

Xol · 10/02/2023 19:39

user12345678213 · 10/02/2023 19:20

Unless she is on a diet, soup an bread doesn't cut it for a growing teen.

I offered soup an bread to my poorly 23yo and she turned her nose up at it... went for egg and beans on toast.

Reacted like a teen.. no biggie.

Home made soup with cream and lentils plus home made garlic bread? Seems pretty substantial to me. At 16, girls have stopped growing.

MourningTea · 10/02/2023 19:52

My nearly 3 ds displays this behaviour.
I simply sit him in front of his dinner and if he doesn't eat it that is that.
When I was a teenager there was no room for debate, I ate what was in front of me!
I soon learned there was no alternative.

rachellovesdouglas · 10/02/2023 19:53

I get the same in our house. And the nagging they do os unbearable. I am always told there is nothing to eat. I have learnt over the years to translate the phase “there is nothing to eat”, into ‘we have ran out of pot noodles or some other type of instant lazy food. Ignore, you have told them what is available, shut the door on them and let them sort themselves out. Life is to short to listen to that BS. Its draining.

Sizzlebot · 10/02/2023 20:16

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