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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not cooking my teenager dinner

520 replies

Ohdesr · 08/02/2023 21:57

So I am really trying to use everything we have in the house before shopping for more.
today i made homemade tomato soup and garlic bread. My teen complained its not filling enough so they dont want that.
Cue her complaining for the next hour that she is starved, i gave her a list of things she could eat, tuna pasta, tuna mayo jacket potato, omelette, pesto pasta, even cereal.

She has now gone off in a strop because i wont go to the shop to buy her something saucy (?!) she hasnt eaten because nothing sounds nice. And now she’s gotten her dad involved saying i am starving her. Ahhhh

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 09/02/2023 19:59

orchid220 · 09/02/2023 19:50

What makes you think I'm giving it a lot of thought? The fact I'm on this thread? you are too! Regarding whether something would make me "stuffed", I go on experience.

Maybe have a read of my responses and then have a look at your responses....

JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater · 09/02/2023 20:11

I think orchid might have a worm.

Sophie89j · 09/02/2023 21:45

Our teen daughter did this once, she didn’t do it again as I didn’t give in 😂 I think she resorted to toast that night.

Createausername1970 · 09/02/2023 21:59

We do have soup as our dinner sometimes. DH likes chicken noodle, I add extra veg, noodles and crispy bacon to his. DS likes carrot and coriander, I add extra veg, pasta and grated cheese to his. These are tinned soups, not homemade. I serve it with crusty rolls and butter. It's not a regular offering, but it's well received when I suggest it.

I genuinely cannot see what the issue is. If DH or DS are still hungry afterwards (but they usually are not) then some fruit and Greek yoghurt usually suffices.

Sometimes I make a rhubarb and apple crumble with fruits from our garden. We can't manage a main meal and a pudding, so our evening meal is just the crumble and custard. It's not a regular occurrence, but well received when I suggest it.

Evening meals come in all shapes and sizes in our house.

blackheartsgirl · 09/02/2023 22:06

😂 this reminds me of when dd1 was about 13 and on a contact visit told her dad that there was no food in the house and she was starving.

cue him ringing me in outrage as to why she had had nothing to eat and then my then 16 year old ds (who hadn’t gone) pointed out to him that I’d cooked a nice tea which she’d eaten and then because we had no crisps or biscuits in the house as it was the day before shopping she turned her nose up at things like crackers and cheese, bread etc

in his words ‘there’s plenty of food dad, it’s just food she can’t be bothered to eat’

i won’t go to the shop for fussy teens when there’s food in the house, my only exception being if they’re poorly and they fancy something specific or if the dds play football or do dance and there’s not much in

liann34 · 10/02/2023 05:29

I'm just trying to imagine my old school Jamaican mum's face if I told her she was gaslighting me with the dinner she'd cooked. 😂

Dogcafedreamer · 10/02/2023 07:29

jtaeapa · 08/02/2023 21:59

I suppose it depends how far the shop is and how much money you have.

If the shop is round the corner and you have money to buy her something of her choosing, then I suppose YABU (I would have fridged the soup and eaten it myself tomorrow).

However, if the shop is far enough to be a nuisance and you are short, then YANBU.

Tell me this wasn't meant!

Should OP employ a biker and chef for the teen, I mean if she can afford it!

ButtOutBobsMum · 10/02/2023 07:51

Ohdesr · 09/02/2023 19:49

I am interested in what accounts for a substantial meal. I was full yesterday and i am today too 😂

I hope everyone who was inspired to eat soup is full!

I had my soup for lunch. No way was it a big enough meal for dinner WinkGrin

xsquared · 10/02/2023 08:25

Recipe for a spicy tomato lentil soup I had recently, courtesy of my friend.

One bowl and a little bit, served with crust bread and butter was comfortably filling and satisfying.

2 mugs red lentils. Cover with cold water & simmer until soft (skim off the froth)
2 med onions, 2 carrots, 2 cloves garlic, chop fine.
1 veg stock cube in 1/2 pt boiling water.
2 cartons passata
1 tsp each of smoked paprika, ground cumin
ground coriander, curry powder (hot or mild, to taste) celery salt, sugar. Add more heat if required with chilli.
Add all to cooked lentils & slow simmer 45 mins. Taste & add salt n pepper then add chopped fresh coriander or parsley. Cook longer for better flavour. I just add extra spices as needed. Whizz up if you want it smoother.

OP, what you offered sounds fine. My ds is the same. He looks in the fridge and announces there's never anything to eat, when what he means is he can't go through the effort in making anything for himself.
Sometimes he'll complain when it's sausage and bean casserole instead of pizza or burger, so he'll announce that he's going to KFC instead. I don't object but he ends up eating what we've cooked anyway.

They'll eat it if they're hungry enough and if they really can't stand what you've cooked, they'll find something eventually.

Really odd how some posters seem to think you should just drop everything, to go to the shops if your dd turns her nose up at your meal.

Also, not everyone has their main meal in the evening. Jacket potato with tuna mayonnaise and possibly a generous blob of butter, and salad is substantial as an evening meal. It's hardly a couple of celery sticks!

aonbharr · 10/02/2023 11:29

FurAndFeathers · 08/02/2023 22:13

Are folk struggling with comprehension or deliberately ignoring the 5 additional meal options that OP offered?

cereal is now considered a meal?

aSofaNearYou · 10/02/2023 11:33

cereal is now considered a meal?

Well yes - breakfast.

But all of the other things she suggested were substantial meals.

hryllilegur · 10/02/2023 12:06

aonbharr · 10/02/2023 11:29

cereal is now considered a meal?

surely, cereal was was as an additional snack option to supplement the allegedly not substantial enough soup and garlic bread.

Or an option for a 16 year old who can’t be bothered to cook for herself.

But, as @aSofaNearYou notes, it would be considered a meal at breakfast.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/02/2023 12:23

liann34 · 10/02/2023 05:29

I'm just trying to imagine my old school Jamaican mum's face if I told her she was gaslighting me with the dinner she'd cooked. 😂

I can see your mum's face now, even though I've never met her! 😂

My old school northern mam would have given me my "head in my hands to play with" as the saying goes.

myfeethurt · 10/02/2023 17:35

We regularly have a 'forage for yourself night' if I'm late from work or going to gym or just can't be bothered.

helpplease01 · 10/02/2023 17:35

What are you? A restaurant! Cheeky cow. Tough shit. You've given her plenty of options. Let her sulk. Give in and your creating a monster, and a Tod for your own back.

Bekstar · 10/02/2023 17:41

My ten year old knows if he doesn tlike what I'm cooking he can make his own. He even occassionally offers to make a family meal so he can have a say in what we are eating. But if you've offered and she's refused she is the only one been unreasonable.

Beesevenoaks · 10/02/2023 17:44

I tend to give my 17 yr old the option of Udong noodles, stir fry or pork or chicken 10 mins in wok & 20 For oven protein. Next day Pasta 5 mins with whatever.

Fish & chips with veg and either steak/duck on high days.

She can cook or me ~ we discuss !

Missingpop · 10/02/2023 17:47

She’s got legs hasn’t she tell her to walk to the store & buy her own tea. I bet if you offer to call domino’s she’d be there like a shot

sumayyah · 10/02/2023 17:49

My teen wouldn't dare 😂
She's disabled but I've always expected her to either eat what I make or find herself something to eat, with a bit of me talking her through the how to do it she can now make herself a selection of different meals
I only go out to fetch food for my ARFID child as he only eats nuggets and chips and will gladly take the starve option if his safe foods unavailable

My mum never made more than one meal option growing up, my sister had the same portion of lasagne reheated for 5 meals (yes even breakfast) until she backed down and ate it, that might have been slightly extreme

Hodnett32 · 10/02/2023 17:52

This is where madness lies. Something of her choosing? It's not a cafeteria, soup and garlic bread are perfectly reasonable offering.

GUARDIAN1 · 10/02/2023 17:56

If she's so hungry, she would eat some or all of what has been offered. Stick to your guns.

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 10/02/2023 17:57

Perhaps more hearty soup as if I was hungry I don’t think just a bowl of tomato soup with garlic bread would suffice
Maybe next time give it with a grilled cheese sandwich

however she is unreasonable - I wouldn’t go to shops for one meal if I had suitable food in the house

You gave her a choice - not sure how much more saucy you can get then a soup 😂

if her dad has a problem tell him he’s very welcome to get a deliveroo sent to your house

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 10/02/2023 17:58

Personally ont find soup filling for a evening meal but she can go to the shop herself and make whatever she wants

JillinSwindon · 10/02/2023 18:03

You've offered her lots of tasty, filling and nutritious things she could presumably make for herself. Otherwise as a teenager i assume she's old enough to go to the shop on her own and choose something for herself.?

Perhaps now's the time to suggest she could start to take some responsibility and learn some useful life skills - maybe take a hand in cooking family meals as well sometimes. You never know, she might enjoy the challenge!

Grizzledstrawberry · 10/02/2023 18:14

We often have homemade or shop bought refrigerated soup and baguette as a evening meal, I didn't realise until now that its verging on child abuse, I'm surprised my teenager is still alive.

I shall stop immediately, these children are obviously neglected eating all those vegetables.