For not cooking my teenager dinner

[Ohdesr]

So I am really trying to use everything we have in the house before shopping for more.
today i made homemade tomato soup and garlic bread. My teen complained its not filling enough so they dont want that.
Cue her complaining for the next hour that she is starved, i gave her a list of things she could eat, tuna pasta, tuna mayo jacket potato, omelette, pesto pasta, even cereal.

She has now gone off in a strop because i wont go to the shop to buy her something saucy (?!) she hasnt eaten because nothing sounds nice. And now she’s gotten her dad involved saying i am starving her. Ahhhh

Health wise we are actually apparently better eating a larger meal at lunchtime than dinner time

So if you view soup and sandwich or jackets potatoes with fillings as light lunch - ideally you should eat it at dinner

I am slightly bemused - surely it's volume / calories/ nutrition content that matters - not what it is as such ?

Rubbish. Neither me nor Dh cooked much as teens living at home. Yet we are both very good cooks now (and he is also a great ironer!). I learnt to cook in my early twenties when I needed to. There is this misconception that unless these skills are learnt early, they’ll never be leant. Simply not true.

Regarding teens cooking a family meal sometimes - yes of course this should be encouraged. But a bit of notice and discussion about it beforehand. It’s no good telling a hungry teen to cook their own meal on a moment’s notice.

I learnt to cook in my early twenties when I needed to

But wouldn't it be better if they learned when they are at home, with you? So that when they leave, they won't live on a diet of fast food and chicken nuggets, while they learn. They'll already have the skills they need to hit the ground running, and hopefully have a good idea of nutrition. That's what I'd call good parenting, not just pandering to their every whim.

Expecting your teenagers to cook occasionally also teaches them not to take you for granted! And that it's everyone's job in a household to make sure things run smoothly, and to pull their weight. Don't you expect them to do some household chores? Is this not the same thing?

It’s no good telling a hungry teen to cook their own meal on a moment’s notice

The OP didn't - she offered a meal, and alternatives that her DD rejected.

So the child stops and the parent should give in ? Where do you draw the line ?

@budgiegirl I never ate fast food or chicken nuggets! I learnt to cook a variety of meals fairly quickly, stir fries, salmon etc. Nothing wrong with baked potatoes/pasta/eggs sometimes. Then I got more interested in cooking, watched TV cooking programmes and expanded my repertoire. Yes it might have been easier if I’d cooked before but it wasn’t terrible either.

Could she not have eaten the soup, and then stuck a jacket potato in for herself to have afterwards? With some tuna as suggested.

She is just being a teenager, I agree but adults don’t have to give in to the behaviour.

@budgiegirl yes of course kids and teens should do some chores and mine all do. My oldest two are 21 and 20 and are fantastic young adults. They muck in at home doing university holidays and are both becoming very independent. Neither are competent cooks (yet!) but can cook simple meals, eggs, pasta etc. And clean up afterwards. They are also independent in many other ways - my middle dd thought nothing of travelling by train alone across the country to visit a friend in her mid teens. And alone by tube aged 11 into Central London when she did a holiday course.

My oldest recently was wonderful when dh and I were going away to celebrate our silver wedding anniversary. Youngest dd (15 and autistic) had a meltdown over packing to stay with a friend while we were away so much so we couldn't deliver here there the night before we left. Dd1 stepped up, we left early the next morning, dd1 helped her sister with packing and drove to drop her off at her friend's. She took on the stress as she didn't want us to have our trip spoilt. Her kindness and patience was fantastic and I am far prouder of that than any meal she has made.

Independence comes in many forms. I suppose that's why I don't worry too much about cooking, they will learn when they need to. It's just one aspect of becoming an adult.

What is this weird need for some posters to stuff their kids to the gills, just because it’s the evening?

And who isn’t finding a jacket potato ‘filling’?

Obviously it depends on what you put on it but a jacket potato in itself is not exactly filling.

But surely people on are here aren’t labouring under the believe that a baked potato on its own was what was being offered?

It was to be stuffed with tuna. (Protein, for the postered obsessed with that).

I’m genuinely surprised at what people don’t think constitutes a meal. Though I don’t think any of those posters has suggested what they think does.

Looking at it from her view, soup and bread (because that's all garlic bread is really, in terms of "how filling it is") isn't really a substantial meal. A lovely lunch, but a bit lacking for the main meal of the day.
The rest of her refusal of anything you offered, was just teenage strop. But I don't think she was particularly unreasonable to think the meal was a bit nothingy.

YANBU just keep calm and carry on.

Jacket potatoes are very filling!

@bendmeoverbackwards

I'm sure that your DC are wonderful people, mine are too! (and are the same age as yours).

But your comments here *I cook a meal for my family every night unless we go out or get a takeaway. My teens don’t yet cook family dinners mainly because they are busy with their studies and I have more time.

It seems to be some people on MN wanting a medal for providing something very simple for their dc ie a cooked meal *
seem to indicate that you believe parents who do not provide a cooked meal every evening for their teenagers are somehow failing as parents. Your choice if you cook everything, and they don't have to cook at home, that's fine. But I'm simply pointing out that parents are not failing in their duties if teenagers sometime have to cook for themselves once in a while.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Teen wants something different then teen can get off her fucking arse and sort it.

Agree- I read this poster typing with a cat'sbum mouth as well.

If I was willing to go to the shop (at 10pm!) to buy saucy delights every time mine made a face at whatever culinary tour de force I produce I’d be bankrupt and they’d have rickets.

My mum used to say to us, you’ve got two choices, take it or leave it. She was not an exceptional cook, it must be said, and sadly leave it was not a genuine option😂

Feelin like both a good and bad parent on this thread cos I taught the DC (10 and 14) how to make an omelette last year. Didn’t begin as a life lesson but I am not afraid to invoke the dark magic of the self-made omelette. Interestingly, the 10y.o is now better at them than me, she’s really got a knack with eggs. So now if they don’t want what I made, it’s ‘why don’t you make yourself a cheese and tomato omelette then?’

Truly amazing how the idea of doing something for themselves suddenly makes whatever lovingly prepared stew/ fish they didn’t want to eat instantly more palatable.

A teenage huff is, well, just that. YANBU in the least. A brioche a banana a protein yoghurt toast porridge and pepperoni - gettin Hungry Caterpillar vibes here. Seriously though, that menu is more than a lot of kids will get today. Some kids are livin on beans and bugger all else, got to think a lot of kids (including mine) benefit from regular reminders that they’re lucky to have half a dozen choices at all.

I have found my era!

😁

I don't think it's enough for an evening meal by itself or with tuna although I appreciate they could have had other things in this case. I suppose it depends on how you eat but I think most people have a lighter meal at lunchtime and more in the evening. Certainly school aged children do.

I could've easily wrote this myself almost word for word on the teens complaining. My eldest used to do this before she moved out. I would make food she would say she didn't like it... That's fine at 17 she could do herself food. Then it would be the case of her asking for money to go to the shop or money for McDonald's or chinese cos there was nothing she liked-despite coming shopping specifically to choose things she wanted for me to buy for her. I'd say no to shop or takeaways after doing an £80 food shop and she would declare i was starving her. You're not being unreasonable shes been offered choices from home why go to the shop for the sake of it when theres perfectly good food at home to be eaten

This thread inspired me to make soup today!

@Sssshh

im still unclear as to why you couldn’t have something like jacket potato, tuna and salad as an evening meal though? And if that doesn’t constitute an evening meal, what does?

@orchid220

eh?? You don’t think say a big jacket potato with say a whole tin of tuna and some salad would be enough?! Are you kidding?