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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed?

147 replies

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 13:14

Persons A and B go to the same hobby group. They get on but aren't "friends".

They end up at a mutual friend's party. Neither are drinking.

Person A can't drive and had planned to get a taxi home.

Person B happens to mention they are driving past Person A's road on the way home.

Person A asks Person B if they can have a lift to the end of their road when they leave.

If you were Person B would you feel put on and annoyed?

OP posts:
Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 19:37

Thatboymum · 08/02/2023 19:14

Personally I can’t stand giving non drivers a lift and if people ask me I feel awkwardly obliged to say yes when inside I’m dying to say no. Even if money is offered I just feel like saying do I look like a taxi

Why don't you like it? What's the issue?

GoldenCupidon · 08/02/2023 19:38

If she is a woman and you are a man, I would understand her not being keen even if you get on fine at dance class. I wouldn't really want to give a man from my class a lift back when it was the two of us alone in the car, unless it was someone I knew well.

Thatboymum · 08/02/2023 19:47

Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 19:37

Why don't you like it? What's the issue?

Show quote history

Various reasons, because it’s never just once it ends up being an expectation from people in my experience and rarely petrol money is offered, I also like being alone in my car when I don’t have my kids because it’s nice to just be alone and listen to music and that then means they are eating into that down time for me, I might not have been planing on going straight home so I’d have to drop them going out my way to then go where I needed to go, and generally I just find it a real burden like if the person had an emergency then yeah i wouldn’t mind but over all my view is I’m not an Uber go and pay for a taxi or a bus because it’s not my problem you don’t drive. I sound rotten but honestly car time is my time and I really value that alone time

SpookyBlackCat · 08/02/2023 19:48

You asked her for a lift and she gave you a lift, so I don't see the problem.

I agree that she's probably just worried it will become a regular occurrence.

SpookyBlackCat · 08/02/2023 19:53

I don't mind giving lifts but a few years ago my mum was doing a class in the next village over and started giving a woman a lift even though it meant driving out of her way to pick her up. Then, the woman wanted to pick up some shopping before she headed home. Then, one day my poor mum sat in her freezing cold car in the doctors car park for over an hour waiting for her to come out. It was nuts and I told my mum she needed to knock it on the head.

Maybe this woman has had an experience before where she ended up giving someone lifts and they took the piss.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 08/02/2023 19:53

Based on your update OP then yes the driver is a bitch and a dick. If she really didn’t want to give you a lift then don’t do so but don’t go all eye rolling, sighing etc like she’s doing you a favour. I can see why you’d be a bit wary of her now.

I’d maybe text her if you have her number or reassure her that you won’t be after a regular lift from her (just in case she’s worried that you will be after a regular lift from her!).

Luckymonth · 08/02/2023 19:53

No why, not if they're going in that direction anyway. Perhaps there's more to this, like they're strangers? I don't get it.

SpookyBlackCat · 08/02/2023 19:54

Also, I wouldn't text her anymore about it. That's just weird. Just don't ask her again.

Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 19:56

@Thatboymum but this was a one off, is that not different?

AaaaaandBreathe · 08/02/2023 19:58

Lennybenny · 08/02/2023 18:19

I would be annoyed. You don't drive so you can't return the favour.
They rolled their eyes...they were annoyed and forced into a corner. You didn't give them the option to offer. You literally didn't give them a choice either. They had to agree or look like an arse.

Why would they look like an arse unless they are being unreasonable? It's literally pulling in at the side of the road for less than a minute, no detour.

Personally as soon as she rolled her eyes I'd have said 'sorry, didn't realise it was an issue as you're passing. I've booked my Uber'.

One day person B will hope for a favour (that doesn't even put anyone out) and I hope she's met with an eye roll, a sigh and told no.

Cococomellonn · 08/02/2023 20:01

OP I've posted above but you actually sound very nice. I wouldn't think too much more about it. You asked for a lift. Maybe they didn't want to do it but, so what, it's not the end of the world and it's their choice but no reflection on you.

I also wondered if the "sigh" was a joke. Seems odd.

Roselilly36 · 08/02/2023 20:02

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 08/02/2023 13:15

I'd have probably offered if I was driving.

Me too

Climbles · 08/02/2023 20:04

I have a friend that often acts like this. She’ll do anything for anyone but will sort of huff about it too. It makes the other person feel awkward and like they are a massive imposition and ruins the fact is actually very generous with her friends.
Any one who begrudges a lift home in those circumstances is an ass.

Wetblanket78 · 08/02/2023 20:08

Exactly this

CoorieInByTheFire · 08/02/2023 20:09

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 14:01

I'm always very, very wary of asking for lifts or favours from drivers and generally avoid it. I hate asking and always try to make it clear they can say no by giving them some excuse eg if they need to rush home for the kids.

Obviously, I would leave whenever they were ready and offered some money.

Their route came up in conversation and they don't know where I live.

They rolled their eyes and sighed as they said yes.

We generally get on or I wouldn't have asked. Now, I'm worried they hate me!

Person B is not someone I’d worry about hating me.

EffortlessDesmond · 08/02/2023 20:10

Why would anyone be so petty as not to offer a lift?

ZekeZeke · 08/02/2023 20:35

Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 18:39

At least read the OP, otherwise you look as if you don't know what you're talking about.....

Show quote history

Sorry, I didn't get the first part.

Perhaps the driver is afraid they will get lumbered giving the OP a lift home on a regular basis so they didn't want to start something they don't want to commit to.

You do a favour once or twice then it becomes a habit.

blackpearwhitelilies · 08/02/2023 20:37

No. I’d have offered.

clpsmum · 08/02/2023 20:53

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 08/02/2023 13:15

No. I would have offered.

This. Why on earth would you be offended at someone you know asking for a lift when you are going that way???

clpsmum · 08/02/2023 20:54

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 13:28

Although I've now changed my mind and agree that this post is annoying simply because I used a flamenco dancer in my post. It was an accident but still...

I like the dancer!

clpsmum · 08/02/2023 20:55

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 13:55

I'm person A, the non-driver

Your acquaintance is an arsehole!!

purplehair1 · 09/02/2023 07:40

Is this a troll? Why would anyone be annoyed at this? Perfectly reasonable request.

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