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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed?

147 replies

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 13:14

Persons A and B go to the same hobby group. They get on but aren't "friends".

They end up at a mutual friend's party. Neither are drinking.

Person A can't drive and had planned to get a taxi home.

Person B happens to mention they are driving past Person A's road on the way home.

Person A asks Person B if they can have a lift to the end of their road when they leave.

If you were Person B would you feel put on and annoyed?

OP posts:
Manthide · 08/02/2023 18:10

I am unable to drive now due to my eyesight having deteriorated and I find it awkward to ask for a lift so I wouldn't say anything first unless they offered. Dh drives me to work for 6am and a colleague who doesn't drive lives in our road. I don't think twice about taking her with us though she sometimes runs late. It doesn't cost any more. Often I have to walk back ( about half an hour) after 8 hours manual work. I know 2 people who live near me. I did ask one of them if they could drop me off but I found it very difficult though I work with her most of the time. Another time I had failed to ask her so started off on my own and a lovely lady who I don't work with saw me and told me to get in. The first lady had complained about the colleague in our road taking advantage.

LookItsMeAgain · 08/02/2023 18:13

As you said you were going to get a taxi (i.e. pay for your transport home) did you offer anything to the person who said they would be going past the end of your road?

DelilahJane · 08/02/2023 18:14

Are you expecting a lift after every class or just the once ?

viques · 08/02/2023 18:15

As I one-off I would have offered and refused any offer of payment, but would be wary of a weekly lift as I have learned from MN that these things escalate into real issues of grievance.

Lennybenny · 08/02/2023 18:19

I would be annoyed. You don't drive so you can't return the favour.
They rolled their eyes...they were annoyed and forced into a corner. You didn't give them the option to offer. You literally didn't give them a choice either. They had to agree or look like an arse.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 08/02/2023 18:20

As a driver, I wouldn’t mind in the slightest. But I often drive people all over the place, without a qualm. Maybe just make it clear that you’re not “expecting” a lift every week, just say that you were taken by surprise when she mentioned that she drove your way. Ask her if it works for her to lift share, and you pay for petrol, but make it clear that you won’t be offended if she’d prefer not to as a) you joined the class expecting to sort out your transport, and b) you understand completely that it’s not always convenient to give lifts every week, but that you really appreciate that she did it the other day.

Lennybenny · 08/02/2023 18:21

Did person B know that's where you lived?

It sounds like they were talking in general about the drive back and you jumped in with a give me a lift.

godmum56 · 08/02/2023 18:22

Speaking as a driver, I think that the person you asked might be feeling a bit once bitten.....not by you but in general...and therefore be wary of saying yes as a one off when they know that you are going to be meeting again regularly.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 18:25

B is a total bitch

ZekeZeke · 08/02/2023 18:26

Is it an aerobic dance class where you would build up a sweat and perspire?
If so I wouldn't want you in my car.

MichelleScarn · 08/02/2023 18:33

Person B happens to mention they are driving past Person A's road on the way home.

Depends how this came about....

B- heading home soon, need to watch out for traffic at Morningside Crescent.

A- ooo I live there can I get a lift

Or

A- I live on Morningside Crescent, roadworks driving me crazy as taxi fare really racks up while stuck
B- oh ill be going past there on my way home.

MargaretThursday · 08/02/2023 18:33

How did the actual conversation come up and how was it done?

Because if B feels they were manoeuvred into a situation they couldn't refuse eg by person A asking them in front of lots of people if they drive past their house, or someone calling across the room "hey, B, you drive past A's house don't you?" then I can definitely see them feeling put upon.

I mean, I have no idea where most of my acquaintances that do the same groups as me live in order to find out that sort of thing. So it seems an odd conversation to just happen.

You've also got the situation that driving past the end of the road-well, if it's after a party (ie dark) I'd feel I had to go up to your house and watch you inside, because I'd worry that if something happened between the end of the road and your house I'd feel really bad. And a taxi would take you to your house, so it wouldn't be like you'd have been walking otherwise.
So the "just drop me here" can easily be another 5-10 minutes while they get out of the car, you wait until they've got into their house, you turn the car round etc. I would always do that, but it isn't always just a quick jump out, no hassle at all.

As a non-driver I really appreciated lifts, so I'm normally happy to give lifts because I know how much easier it is. However there are times when there's a reason why I really don't want to be put in that situation.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 18:35

I don’t see it matters how the conversation came about. B is driving right past her road. The inconvenience is nil.

Cococomellonn · 08/02/2023 18:37

did they give you a lift then?

nettie434 · 08/02/2023 18:38

Person B was being unreasonable because they shouldn't have mentioned they were driving past Person A's road if they weren't prepared to offer a lift.

Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 18:39

ZekeZeke · 08/02/2023 18:26

Is it an aerobic dance class where you would build up a sweat and perspire?
If so I wouldn't want you in my car.

At least read the OP, otherwise you look as if you don't know what you're talking about.....

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 08/02/2023 18:39

ZekeZeke · 08/02/2023 18:26

Is it an aerobic dance class where you would build up a sweat and perspire?
If so I wouldn't want you in my car.

Years ago when I was learning to drive me and another woman regularly got a lift with the aerobics class teacher who was also a friend of ours, both to the class and back as I lived in the same road as the aerobics teacher and think other woman lived on the way home. We must’ve been hot and sweaty!

I’m in two camps, maybe this woman doesn’t want to be tied into a lift every week but I’d say as @BillyNotQuiteNoMates says to her with a get out clause for the driver.

I do also think the driver is a bit of a bitch to mention she’s driving past/near the top of your road though, especially with women and safety so much in the news these days. I heard of a woman near where I live the other week who was walking home from the station as she’d missed the last bus, our local minicab office has closed and apparently no Ubers were nearby for her and she was attacked by a random man. Doesn’t cost much to be kind as others say you may become friends.

I’ve had people when I haven’t drove somewhere (I do drive) offer to drop me home out of their way but I’ve never expected it and reciprocated in some way where I can.

huuskymam · 08/02/2023 18:41

I don't see why person B would mention they're practically passing person As door if not offering a lift. Seems a bit strange.

Original poster
AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 18:42

It was a one off after a party. I wouldn't dream of asking for a regular lift. If I can't make my own way home after a class then I can't go. I am not anyone else's responsibility. I can absolutely see how a couple of one off lifts becomes a habit becomes a chore.

They didn't know where I live. Their route home came up as part of a general conversation so they didn't know they went past my street. They might not have said if they knew I guess. Maybe.

I asked in private afterwards. I said something like "You said you were going past x Street on the way home. I live there. If you don't have to rush home for the babysitter or anything, could I be cheeky and ask if you could drop me off at tescos (it's at the end of my road and they literally drive past it). Hope you don't mind me asking and don't worry if you can't"

They said "sigh. I can. I'll be leaving at x time"

I said "if you really don't mind that would be great. Just shout me when you want to leave" then when she said she was leaving I asked her again if it was a bother and she said it was fine.

On the way back I said "I was going to get a taxi so can I give you some petrol money?" they declined.

I sent a thank you message afterward. I only have her number because of the class WhatsApp. She replied with a thumbs-up.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 08/02/2023 18:43

Lennybenny · 08/02/2023 18:21

Did person B know that's where you lived?

It sounds like they were talking in general about the drive back and you jumped in with a give me a lift.

Well you're telling someone you're driving do you tell them all the roads you pass on your way? Confused

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 18:44

Ok @Lennybenny I take it back. Sorry!

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 18:45

@AmIreallyBeverly she really is just rude. You haven’t put her out in any way. If she didn’t want to she could have just said sorry I have to go via x road on the way home.

Missingpop · 08/02/2023 18:47

No not at all & if person B does then they need to get out more & stop being such a bloody drama queen

Unicorntastic · 08/02/2023 18:47

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 18:42

It was a one off after a party. I wouldn't dream of asking for a regular lift. If I can't make my own way home after a class then I can't go. I am not anyone else's responsibility. I can absolutely see how a couple of one off lifts becomes a habit becomes a chore.

They didn't know where I live. Their route home came up as part of a general conversation so they didn't know they went past my street. They might not have said if they knew I guess. Maybe.

I asked in private afterwards. I said something like "You said you were going past x Street on the way home. I live there. If you don't have to rush home for the babysitter or anything, could I be cheeky and ask if you could drop me off at tescos (it's at the end of my road and they literally drive past it). Hope you don't mind me asking and don't worry if you can't"

They said "sigh. I can. I'll be leaving at x time"

I said "if you really don't mind that would be great. Just shout me when you want to leave" then when she said she was leaving I asked her again if it was a bother and she said it was fine.

On the way back I said "I was going to get a taxi so can I give you some petrol money?" they declined.

I sent a thank you message afterward. I only have her number because of the class WhatsApp. She replied with a thumbs-up.

Wow, she’s not a very nice person is she!? I’d be cool cvil next time you see her at the class. It was a one off event and she couldn’t give you a lift?!

MichelleScarn · 08/02/2023 18:51

Not a very nice person? Even though she gave op a lift?

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