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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed?

147 replies

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 13:14

Persons A and B go to the same hobby group. They get on but aren't "friends".

They end up at a mutual friend's party. Neither are drinking.

Person A can't drive and had planned to get a taxi home.

Person B happens to mention they are driving past Person A's road on the way home.

Person A asks Person B if they can have a lift to the end of their road when they leave.

If you were Person B would you feel put on and annoyed?

OP posts:
Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 14:02

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 14:01

I'm always very, very wary of asking for lifts or favours from drivers and generally avoid it. I hate asking and always try to make it clear they can say no by giving them some excuse eg if they need to rush home for the kids.

Obviously, I would leave whenever they were ready and offered some money.

Their route came up in conversation and they don't know where I live.

They rolled their eyes and sighed as they said yes.

We generally get on or I wouldn't have asked. Now, I'm worried they hate me!

Their issue, not yours!

Original poster
AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 14:05

Just to be clear, I'd happily offer lifts (even to people I didn't like!) but maybe that's because I've spent so long waiting for buses! 🤣

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 08/02/2023 14:06

The reason people use 'persons A and B' in threads is that some posters will bend anything to make the OP out to be unreasonable. For the thrill of berating a stranger on the internet.

Original poster
AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 14:08

Yes, I didn't want to say I'm the non-driver because a lot of drivers on here feel they are taken advantage of and I didn't want that to be the default position for replies.

OP posts:
Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 14:11

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 14:08

Yes, I didn't want to say I'm the non-driver because a lot of drivers on here feel they are taken advantage of and I didn't want that to be the default position for replies.

Driving past the end of your road and dropping you off en route us not being taken advantage of!

FamilyLife2point4 · 08/02/2023 14:12

Person B was flaunting the fact they were driving past their street - if they didn’t want to be in a position to be asked, they shouldn’t have said.
It would have potentially been annoying if someone else had pointed all this out (if person B hadn’t mentioned it at all) and put them in a ‘can’t say no position’ but person B did that all on their own ….

RealBecca · 08/02/2023 14:12

Take a bunch of thank you flowers to the next meet up and you might end up friends

Figmentof · 08/02/2023 14:14

I can’t vote because you haven’t explained which way round the vote works. But no I would not be annoyed, it sounds like it would be no trouble and if I was averse to giving anybody a lift, I wouldn’t comment that I will be driving pass somebody’s road.

Phos · 08/02/2023 14:16

No I wouldn't be annoyed at all, I'd probably take you to your house rather than drop you at the end of your street. It would only be annoying if we weren't planning to leave at the same time and I felt like I was having to leave early or late for someone else's sake but you've clarified that wasn't the case. If they didn't want to drive you, they should have kept their mouth shut.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/02/2023 14:17

Persons A and B go to the same hobby group. They get on but aren't "friends".

You are acquaintances who "get on" and go to the same group. I would def give a lift home on that basis if it wasn't out of my way. I wouldn't let someone I knew whose house I was passing get a taxi. Its a party lift and therefore a one off surely?
Eye rolling in that circumstance is rude. But I might not want to get asked for a lift from the hobby group all the time.

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 14:17

RealBecca · 08/02/2023 14:12

Take a bunch of thank you flowers to the next meet up and you might end up friends

Flowers is a bit overkill but a follow up thank you text would be well received

Tohaveandtohold · 08/02/2023 14:20

Why would B mention they were driving by their road if they had no plans of giving them a lift. I don’t know why one would be put out, it’s not extra fuel or journey

pawz · 08/02/2023 14:25

If person B didn't know where you lived, it's not like they told you their route knowing you'd then ask for a lift - I think for me it depends, I enjoy being in the car on my own to unwind and hate awkward situations, I'd feel pressured into saying yes when my true answer would be "no I need alone time and like to sign to very lousy music" 😂

I don't think anyone was particularly unreasonable, but they might be used to being asked for lifts (and worried knowing you don't drive that hobby group might now involve lifts) and it's always hard being put on the spot like that.

StalkedByASpider · 08/02/2023 14:28

If they rolled their eyes at such a perfectly reasonable request I would have said "oh sorry, I just thought as you said you were driving past the end of my road it wouldn't be an imposition. Never mind, I'll book a taxi instead."

And in the future I would be coolly civil but nothing more.

But I HATE being made to feel that I'm a burden which is why I would rather get a taxi and tell them to stick their lift up their arse - albeit in a slightly more polite way.

I am always the driver (for long and complicated reasons) and I cannot see the issue in giving you a lift. If they didn't want to give you a lift, they shouldn't have mentioned they would be driving past your road.

VargaV · 08/02/2023 14:29

If I was A I wouldn't ask for a lift.

If I was B I would probably have offered unless I actively disliked A.

Original poster
AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 14:33

Yes, I get the needing to wind down / having some time to yourself thing after a noisy and busy event.

OP posts:
badgergirly · 08/02/2023 14:35

Very odd question.

StalkedByASpider · 08/02/2023 14:40

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 14:33

Yes, I get the needing to wind down / having some time to yourself thing after a noisy and busy event.

I'm autistic and I absolutely understand this. I like to wind down quietly when I've been anywhere.

But then if this is the case, don't mention that you're driving past someone's road, surely?!

I think Person B is rude. If they hadn't mentioned anything and you'd just piled in, they'd have a point but that's not what happened.

Seasonofthewitch83 · 08/02/2023 14:50

It would be weird of Joan to mention driving past Sues road in other context other than being ok with giving a lift...

Mummyof4Ireland · 08/02/2023 17:53

No I would have offered. Why mention it if that intention wasn't there!

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/02/2023 17:55

Not at all - I would offer a lift.

RosaDeInvierno · 08/02/2023 17:58

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 14:08

Yes, I didn't want to say I'm the non-driver because a lot of drivers on here feel they are taken advantage of and I didn't want that to be the default position for replies.

And its so much less annoying to have person a b c, or Joan and Jan or whatever

Hmm
Dibbydoos · 08/02/2023 18:00

No I'd have offered this tbh. You might not be friends, yet but you could become friends...

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 08/02/2023 18:02

AmIreallyBeverly · 08/02/2023 14:01

I'm always very, very wary of asking for lifts or favours from drivers and generally avoid it. I hate asking and always try to make it clear they can say no by giving them some excuse eg if they need to rush home for the kids.

Obviously, I would leave whenever they were ready and offered some money.

Their route came up in conversation and they don't know where I live.

They rolled their eyes and sighed as they said yes.

We generally get on or I wouldn't have asked. Now, I'm worried they hate me!

She's a bitch.

With all the stories of missing or killed women lately, who wouldn't offer or begrudge a lift that wasn't even out of their way Confused

WhatTrophy · 08/02/2023 18:04

If I were person B I'd be embarrassed I hadn't offered. Not excruciatingly so, but I'd be thinking "oh they shouldn't have had to ask".

I'm a driver who quite often does favours for people who can't or don't drive. I find it comes back one way or another.

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