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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does he keep blocking me?

360 replies

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 11:21

I’ll try to keep this short, 2 years ago I was approached by a group of guys whilst I was on my way home, one asked for my Snapchat and I gave it to him because I was single and instantly attracted to him.

when I got home we chatted for a bit but I guess I must of said something he didn’t like because I was quick enough blocked. (Can’t remember what). Anyway about 9 months later he added me on Facebook and told me he had just got out of jail ect…. We started talking again and I actually really started to like him. It was constant conversation I felt like I had known him years.

He asked me what I wanted, I said obviously right not just too take things slow, as I knew he was speaking to other girls at the time as I could see his friends list and he would add about 50+ girls daily. Obviously we was both single and only just started speaking so I wasn’t expecting him to cut everyone off. He didn’t like the fact I said I wanted things to go slow and said that I was obviously sleeping around and he blocked me.

He unblocked me about three days later and message me telling me he missed me, he said to me I need to “ move correctly “ if I wanted to be his girl. We started speaking again for a few days And he was consistent on wanting to stay at my house. But I was wanting to take things slow at this point so I was making up excuses every time he asked. He told me I wasn’t serious so he blocked me for a good couple of months.

I was really confused because he was telling me how much he likes me and how he wants me to be with his girl soon ect… how could he say all that but just block me again?

He added me again about 4 months later and messaged me saying “I’m coming to yours” I told him no because what did he think this was. No contact for so long and then to just message me telling me he was coming to mine. Anyway we spoke on the phone and text for about a week I posted a picture on Snapchat and you could see Clevlage this made him mad and he blocked me.

I messaged him on Facebook telling him to never ever try and contact me again. He ignored that for a bit but soon apologised and we soon started talking and made up. I was round at my friends house having a drink and she told me to invite him over. So I did and he came.

as soon as he seen me he told me I was so beautiful and even better looking in person and that was is it I was his now. He was trying to kiss me and was being all over me as soon as he walked in the door. I was like kind of being shy because I’m not used to that and he said I was all talk and Boring.

every time my friend left the room he would try whipping out his penis and ask me to put it in my mouth. I told him no and that my friend was here he didn’t care. We was drinking and something was said between me and my friend that he didn’t like, he then proceeded to throw a moam sweet in my direction that actually ended up hitting my face.

later that night he ended up staying in the spare room with me and we did end up having sex. But we ended up arguing again after I can’t even remember what over and he told me to never speak to him again.

he left and later on that day I messaged him and apologised we spoke for that day but later that night he literally blocked me. I got my friend to look on his Facebook profile the next day and I seen he had gone into a relationship with someone. Not even 24 hours after being in bed with me I was so angry and hurt by him.

I text him and told him that I knew and that I would never ever forgive him for it. Two months later he had made a new Facebook and added me I seen his friend request and left it sat there for a few days. I was still so hurt by this person but the curiosity and my feelings made me want to accept him and to see what he wanted.

when I accepted him I didn’t message him I waited for him to message me to see what he had to say for him self. He didn’t even try to apologise he just made it out like it was nothing.

somehow we ended up talking again but it felt very different this time, I invited him round to stay the night at my house after talking for about a week. And it was really good like when we met this time it was so much different to the rest we was sat chilling enjoying each other’s company a lot.

he asked me to be his girl but I said to him what’s the point all you do is block me and treat
me like I’m nothing to you. He promised he wouldn’t do that again, and me like an idiot believed him again lol.
everything was good at mine apart from when I was on my phone and he was accusing me of trying to hide it and accuse me of speaking to lads. I don’t know why but I felt like I have to constantly reassure him.

we ended up making a video of us having sex, which I feel so so stupid about because I sent it him. He was saying to me that I’m so sexy and that we should make an only fans account and to give him the password and we share the money 50/50.

anyway when he left in the morning he was asking me to come back that night but I had to go to work. He wasn’t really that bothered by that and we continued to call and text, he was so much quicker now with the replies he would send me paragraphs and message me first now and so much quicker. He was even sending me snaps whilst he was out and in the shower. He never used to reply so quick and frequent before.

I posted a picture on my story on Snapchat a few days later nothing bad, he messaged me and asked me who I was trying to impress.I told him no one and he didn’t speak to me all night he left me on read. I messaged him the next morning like lol hi at least you didn’t block me this time. We spoke for a few more days and he asked me to be his girlfriend like officially this time.

I said yeah and then the next message he asked me was what I was doing?, I told him I was just waiting for my friend to get a taxi and then going to bed. He literally started ringing my phone out but I didn’t answer because I was busy.

he messaged me saying to never ever speak to him ever again in my life, that me and him will never ever ever happen again and that my friend was clearly a lad & then blocked me (this was a week ago).

I was so confused and still am so confused, I know he’s blocked me loads of times before but obviously we never really was anything and met briefly but now that we have had sex and met and actually spent time together and him ask me to be his girlfriend it’s left me so confused and hurt.

two days ago I got added from a Snapchat account from “search”, I never post my Snapchat details anywhere I’m very private.

i accepted it to see who it was and it had no snap score, no bitmoji no nothing. The account was telling me that he lives in the town next to where I am from, how they had me on their old Snapchat and had made a new one and was adding all their old contacts. I kinda of believed it so I said okay and they tried starting a conversation I left them on read and they kept messaging me.

I looked at the account more as the hours went on and the account snap score wasn’t going up. The account was asking me if I had ever been on a night out in Liverpool ( this set alarms of in my head as I was planning a night out in Liverpool with the guy who blocked me). It then started telling me how he wants to lick my bum and have him bum licked. Which is exactly what he was asking me to do to him at mine but I wouldn’t.

the account asked me if I had an only fans and that I should because I’d make loads of money. Something was just telling me this person wasn’t who they said they was. They wouldn’t send me a red Snapchat or a voice note just a saved picture. I told the account if they don’t tell me who they are I’m blocking them.

the account said it would tell me who they are but not to tell anyone and to keep it a secret between us because he’ll get in trouble. This threw me of thinking it was him because why would he get in to trouble. I was watching the way the person was typing to see if it was the same as the way the guy I was seeing typed but it seemed to me like the fake account was purposely trying hard to make their grammar and spelling bad.

the account said that they knew me, that I have met them in person but wouldn’t tell me anything else. I ended up blocking the account but I still feel like it’s him I don’t know, I don’t get why he would do that but I don’t get why anyone else would do that aswell.

I don’t understand why someone if they did want to speak wouldn’t just try to talk to me of their actual account but I don’t understand at the same time why he would make a fake account but have me blocked on his if he did want to talk to me.

I am so confused at the moment, the fake account thing is making me a little bit paranoid as if it isn’t him why would someone go to so much effort to watch me, it feels kind of creepy.

sorry about the long post my brain is just very foggy at the minute and I have all these thoughts and questions I need help getting answers too I know I’ll never get them of him but can’t someone try and paint a picture for me.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 16/02/2023 07:13

This guy is really not worth the trouble. He’s playing with you. Forget him, block and move on.

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:13

Aw thankyou, that is what the aim is I want to finish uni and move and start a fresh life else where. It’s sad, but I do need to get rid of this boy out of my life. He clearly doesn’t care about me and never did so I’m not even going to waste anymore of my time on him.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:13

Thankyou, he is blocked and I do plan on keeping it like that.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:15

cocklodger 🤣 I love that, & no you are so right I think even if he did get a proper job I still wouldn’t give him a chance. He said to me he wants to go legit and get a proper job for me. But that never happened so he can’t really be that serious about wanting to “settle down”.

OP posts:
704703hey · 16/02/2023 08:16

Good. Honestly, you can have a much better life. You're young and bright and can articulate some issues which you know are holding you back.

If you have a good gp you could speak to them about emotional issues, or look into therapy of some sort.

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:16

Lol, no not at all. I came on here to ask for advice and this unfortunately is just my shit show of a love life.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:19

At my gp it varies each time I book an appointment which doctor I am given. I don’t necessarily have a specific doctor, but I have requested help from my university, we’re currently off until next week due to the holidays so hopefully when it is back open, I can receive some information on where to get some help.

OP posts:
704703hey · 16/02/2023 08:23

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:19

At my gp it varies each time I book an appointment which doctor I am given. I don’t necessarily have a specific doctor, but I have requested help from my university, we’re currently off until next week due to the holidays so hopefully when it is back open, I can receive some information on where to get some help.

Actually I'd suggest putting on your favourite music and relaxing until next week, going for a walk or whatever you like doing.

This bloke does sound like a lot of hassle, you need to clear your head a bit.

Things will get better :)

RedHelenB · 16/02/2023 08:23

You're both as bad as each other by the sound of things. Not sure what you actually want , to be " his girl". And what would that entail? You're an adult presumably and responsible for your own actions. Time to grow up.

CohenTree · 16/02/2023 08:38

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:13

Thankyou, he is blocked and I do plan on keeping it like that.

Good on you! Well done. We are all rooting for you.

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:39

Well what I wanted is what he told me. I wanted me and him to be together, I wanted him to “prove me wrong and show me real love”. I really don’t understand how I’m coming across as bad as him? For wanting him to be the version of him self that I have fallen for? I understand that I have been very stupid but I really wouldn’t put me on the same level as him because I would never treat him or anyone the way he has.

I think people are forgetting he wasn’t horrible to me all the time, we would constantly be in contact, he would even text me and video call me when he was stood in this shower. I have had some really good times with him it has not always been the way it has he has been good to me before and he has made me happy just as much as he has made me sad.

OP posts:
CohenTree · 16/02/2023 08:41

Stop thinking about him know. He's blocked from your devices, now expel him from your thoughts.

CohenTree · 16/02/2023 08:41

now not know

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:42

thankyou, I won’t lie I lack the motivation to go out on a walk but I do need to go out for a bit today to do some food shopping so I know that will be a big distraction. I have woken up in a different mindset today, honestly if he doesn’t want me then it’s his loss after all.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:43

I really wish I could block him from my head, there’s nothing more I wish more. I wish I could just flick my feelings off but today I do feel better, I have realised a lot and silence speaks volumes to me.

OP posts:
ninjasnap · 16/02/2023 08:44

This is beyond pathetic. You will of course keep speaking to him and playing his stupid games. He sounds thick as shit as well as a complete prick.

What is wrong with you that you are still entertaining him?? And don't say "true lurrrrve". The guy's a criminal, and you need help if you think he's a good option.

You need to help yourself.

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:45

Thankyou

OP posts:
Twentywisteria · 16/02/2023 08:50

You can feel very strongly for someone and still walk away. You have to engage your rational mind. It will hurt - but if you never leave the hurt will never end.

You're caught in a pattern of fighting and reconciliation. It's wasting your life.

We can't save you. Only you can save yourself. Stop being a passive victim and be the adult you need to be for yourself.

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:51

But that’s the point in this post I’m reaching out for help and advice and I have requested help from my university that I was advised to do, so it isn’t like I’m trying. I am trying, he’s blocked and as much as it hurts I know I need to keep him blocked.

I do love him & I can’t help that I have no control over the way I feel for him, but I can control the way I allow him to treat me hence why he’s still blocked.

I could of just sent him a photo of where I was, like he wanted because he did give me the ultimatum. If I was to send him “prove” of my mum, I would of still had a chance. But I kept some sort of composure and I told him no which obviously he doesn’t like.

even if I was to unblock him I know he would not speak to me, he would not accept me back because to him me blocking him would be “disrespectful”. So I’m not wasting or trying to waste anymore time on someone who doesn’t give a f about me.

OP posts:
704703hey · 16/02/2023 08:51

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:42

thankyou, I won’t lie I lack the motivation to go out on a walk but I do need to go out for a bit today to do some food shopping so I know that will be a big distraction. I have woken up in a different mindset today, honestly if he doesn’t want me then it’s his loss after all.

He's really not the great love of your life, honestly. He's too erratic and unethical for starters.

Just find anything to keep you occupied for the time being until you get some calm. Food sounds good! You could try a new recipe later or your favourite.

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 08:53

I feel like I’m trauma bonding with him, I’m not too sure on what it is but when I’ve been researching emotional abuse it came up and I feel like it hits the nail on the head.

OP posts:
Pilgit · 16/02/2023 09:00

There's a frequently used phrase on the relationships board - when someone tells you what they're like - believe them. He has told you through his words and actions that he is an abusive wastrel. Believe him. You need to examine why you are attracted to someone who mistreats you, why your self respect doesn't encourage disgust in your response to him. You know you are worth more. You are worrh better

nothingcomestonothing · 16/02/2023 09:13

I do love him & I can’t help that

You don't love him, you love the version of him you wish he was. He isn't that person, you deserve that person but he isn't it.

I would of still had a chance

he would not accept me back

Catch yourself thinking like this please - a chance at what, more abuse? He doesn't get to accept you back, you don't want him! You need to reframe this in your head, you're giving him all the power and talking to yourself like this is still something you want. You don't want him and his nasty controlling abusive shit, do you?

Babgirl2023x · 16/02/2023 09:25

The friend in question is the friend who’s house I was at when I met him for the first time properly. To be honest when I first met him she did tell me to never speak to him again, and that he’s crazy and there something in his eyes that she doesn’t like.

Basically she could hear me crying because to be honest he was being horrible to me when I was alone with him. This is where he was bending my fingers back, nipping me and accusing me of having a boyfriend.

at her house in the kitchen, one of the guys I used to date was bought up into conversation. Now he already knew about this guy and because he doesn’t like him for whatever reason he has never actually told me. When he first found out about me and him I was blocked and told that I could “never be his” after I had been near him. To be honest I don’t even know how he found out because the guy I was dating was years ago before I even met him and we didn’t put it on social media it was kept on the low.

basically anyway, at my friends house he was asking her about him and if she knew him. My friend was mistaken and thought that he was on about someone else. He did not like the fact that my friend said that she thought the guy in question was okay and he started to argue with me over this. He pulled at knife out, of her washing up and started waving it about in my direction. My friend was arguing with him at this point, but I had to move her out of the room because he was just getting more angry.

I did manage to diffuse that situation though, but what I haven’t included in this post is that and that when he came to my house the second time that we met the first thing he did was grab a kitchen knife. I said to him what are you actually doing and that I don’t feel comfortable in the house with him whilst he’s walking around with that. He said to me that it’s for his protection and he was going to just keep it beside the bed just in case anyone ran in on him when he’s sleeping. I tried to explain to him that I would never ever do that to anyone and that I would never set him up, that I do not live the same life that he does.

OP posts:
DeadOrchid · 16/02/2023 09:34

You need to massively raise your standards OP. None of this ok, it doesn't matter that he doesn't always treat you badly - he should NEVER treat you badly - you deserve so much better.

He is an abuser - emotionally, physically and sexually. He thinks it's ok to wave knives around and thinks nothing of doing that in front of other people - I dread to think what he is really like when you are on you own with him, I still feel that you are minimising his behaviour and there is more that you aren't saying here.

To be honest I'd have been calling the police the first time he threatened me with a knife.

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