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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does he keep blocking me?

360 replies

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 11:21

I’ll try to keep this short, 2 years ago I was approached by a group of guys whilst I was on my way home, one asked for my Snapchat and I gave it to him because I was single and instantly attracted to him.

when I got home we chatted for a bit but I guess I must of said something he didn’t like because I was quick enough blocked. (Can’t remember what). Anyway about 9 months later he added me on Facebook and told me he had just got out of jail ect…. We started talking again and I actually really started to like him. It was constant conversation I felt like I had known him years.

He asked me what I wanted, I said obviously right not just too take things slow, as I knew he was speaking to other girls at the time as I could see his friends list and he would add about 50+ girls daily. Obviously we was both single and only just started speaking so I wasn’t expecting him to cut everyone off. He didn’t like the fact I said I wanted things to go slow and said that I was obviously sleeping around and he blocked me.

He unblocked me about three days later and message me telling me he missed me, he said to me I need to “ move correctly “ if I wanted to be his girl. We started speaking again for a few days And he was consistent on wanting to stay at my house. But I was wanting to take things slow at this point so I was making up excuses every time he asked. He told me I wasn’t serious so he blocked me for a good couple of months.

I was really confused because he was telling me how much he likes me and how he wants me to be with his girl soon ect… how could he say all that but just block me again?

He added me again about 4 months later and messaged me saying “I’m coming to yours” I told him no because what did he think this was. No contact for so long and then to just message me telling me he was coming to mine. Anyway we spoke on the phone and text for about a week I posted a picture on Snapchat and you could see Clevlage this made him mad and he blocked me.

I messaged him on Facebook telling him to never ever try and contact me again. He ignored that for a bit but soon apologised and we soon started talking and made up. I was round at my friends house having a drink and she told me to invite him over. So I did and he came.

as soon as he seen me he told me I was so beautiful and even better looking in person and that was is it I was his now. He was trying to kiss me and was being all over me as soon as he walked in the door. I was like kind of being shy because I’m not used to that and he said I was all talk and Boring.

every time my friend left the room he would try whipping out his penis and ask me to put it in my mouth. I told him no and that my friend was here he didn’t care. We was drinking and something was said between me and my friend that he didn’t like, he then proceeded to throw a moam sweet in my direction that actually ended up hitting my face.

later that night he ended up staying in the spare room with me and we did end up having sex. But we ended up arguing again after I can’t even remember what over and he told me to never speak to him again.

he left and later on that day I messaged him and apologised we spoke for that day but later that night he literally blocked me. I got my friend to look on his Facebook profile the next day and I seen he had gone into a relationship with someone. Not even 24 hours after being in bed with me I was so angry and hurt by him.

I text him and told him that I knew and that I would never ever forgive him for it. Two months later he had made a new Facebook and added me I seen his friend request and left it sat there for a few days. I was still so hurt by this person but the curiosity and my feelings made me want to accept him and to see what he wanted.

when I accepted him I didn’t message him I waited for him to message me to see what he had to say for him self. He didn’t even try to apologise he just made it out like it was nothing.

somehow we ended up talking again but it felt very different this time, I invited him round to stay the night at my house after talking for about a week. And it was really good like when we met this time it was so much different to the rest we was sat chilling enjoying each other’s company a lot.

he asked me to be his girl but I said to him what’s the point all you do is block me and treat
me like I’m nothing to you. He promised he wouldn’t do that again, and me like an idiot believed him again lol.
everything was good at mine apart from when I was on my phone and he was accusing me of trying to hide it and accuse me of speaking to lads. I don’t know why but I felt like I have to constantly reassure him.

we ended up making a video of us having sex, which I feel so so stupid about because I sent it him. He was saying to me that I’m so sexy and that we should make an only fans account and to give him the password and we share the money 50/50.

anyway when he left in the morning he was asking me to come back that night but I had to go to work. He wasn’t really that bothered by that and we continued to call and text, he was so much quicker now with the replies he would send me paragraphs and message me first now and so much quicker. He was even sending me snaps whilst he was out and in the shower. He never used to reply so quick and frequent before.

I posted a picture on my story on Snapchat a few days later nothing bad, he messaged me and asked me who I was trying to impress.I told him no one and he didn’t speak to me all night he left me on read. I messaged him the next morning like lol hi at least you didn’t block me this time. We spoke for a few more days and he asked me to be his girlfriend like officially this time.

I said yeah and then the next message he asked me was what I was doing?, I told him I was just waiting for my friend to get a taxi and then going to bed. He literally started ringing my phone out but I didn’t answer because I was busy.

he messaged me saying to never ever speak to him ever again in my life, that me and him will never ever ever happen again and that my friend was clearly a lad & then blocked me (this was a week ago).

I was so confused and still am so confused, I know he’s blocked me loads of times before but obviously we never really was anything and met briefly but now that we have had sex and met and actually spent time together and him ask me to be his girlfriend it’s left me so confused and hurt.

two days ago I got added from a Snapchat account from “search”, I never post my Snapchat details anywhere I’m very private.

i accepted it to see who it was and it had no snap score, no bitmoji no nothing. The account was telling me that he lives in the town next to where I am from, how they had me on their old Snapchat and had made a new one and was adding all their old contacts. I kinda of believed it so I said okay and they tried starting a conversation I left them on read and they kept messaging me.

I looked at the account more as the hours went on and the account snap score wasn’t going up. The account was asking me if I had ever been on a night out in Liverpool ( this set alarms of in my head as I was planning a night out in Liverpool with the guy who blocked me). It then started telling me how he wants to lick my bum and have him bum licked. Which is exactly what he was asking me to do to him at mine but I wouldn’t.

the account asked me if I had an only fans and that I should because I’d make loads of money. Something was just telling me this person wasn’t who they said they was. They wouldn’t send me a red Snapchat or a voice note just a saved picture. I told the account if they don’t tell me who they are I’m blocking them.

the account said it would tell me who they are but not to tell anyone and to keep it a secret between us because he’ll get in trouble. This threw me of thinking it was him because why would he get in to trouble. I was watching the way the person was typing to see if it was the same as the way the guy I was seeing typed but it seemed to me like the fake account was purposely trying hard to make their grammar and spelling bad.

the account said that they knew me, that I have met them in person but wouldn’t tell me anything else. I ended up blocking the account but I still feel like it’s him I don’t know, I don’t get why he would do that but I don’t get why anyone else would do that aswell.

I don’t understand why someone if they did want to speak wouldn’t just try to talk to me of their actual account but I don’t understand at the same time why he would make a fake account but have me blocked on his if he did want to talk to me.

I am so confused at the moment, the fake account thing is making me a little bit paranoid as if it isn’t him why would someone go to so much effort to watch me, it feels kind of creepy.

sorry about the long post my brain is just very foggy at the minute and I have all these thoughts and questions I need help getting answers too I know I’ll never get them of him but can’t someone try and paint a picture for me.

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 15/02/2023 22:43

Is it his beard, his balaclava or the way he shoves his penis in your face at parties?

Instead of sims, watch

FenghuangHoyan · 15/02/2023 22:43

Oh and @Babgirl2023x don't bother responding to my post, because I'm not going to be looking in this thread again... A bit like what you should be doing with this abusive shit.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:46

My feelings for him make it feel like it’s out of my control though. Despite all the things he has done, for some reason I’m sticking around and I really do not want to believe me when I say that.

But it psychically hurts me, to the point I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I don’t want to get out of bed and I just have 0 motivation. I understand why I’m being told to block him and just move on but it really isn’t that easy. Not for me anyway, I’m not a strong person and I have really strong intense emotions. My heart psychically aches.

OP posts:
nothingcomestonothing · 15/02/2023 22:46

it’s the things he says to me when we’re good

OP catch yourself on. You're still talking about 'when we're good', you were NEVER good, this was never anything other than him playing with you because he can. And he will as long as you let him. STOP romanticising this, it's nothing more than him playing with you - no great mystery, no special connection, just an abuser and his prey.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:49

it might not of been real but to me in that moment of time it was real and it felt real every word every lie he told me I believed him because even though he has done horrible things and treated me poorly I wanted to just overlook it all.

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 15/02/2023 22:49

I just want peace

Good. Hold onto this thought, please.

As for the 'uncontrollable feelings'; they're likely just hormonal, or a symptom of your neglected upbringing, or perhaps, to put it simply - he's rubbed shit in your eyes.

SingaporeSlinky · 15/02/2023 22:49

Sit and write a list of every single horrible thing he’s done to you or said to you, if you find it difficult discussing these things. Then take the list to your mum, or a friend, or a counsellor.

Just from what you’ve told us in this thread it’ll already include:
Threatening to stab you
calling you a dirty slag
pushing you off the bed
bending your fingers back and laughing
being sexually abusive
demanding you ‘prove’ where you are
throwing a sweet at your face
trying to make money from your sex tape

I suspect there’s more you haven’t even said here.

Then try and explain to them why the hell you can’t stop thinking about this idiot. Because he’s good looking and tells you you’re beautiful and special? Until you ‘do something wrong’ and then you’re just a dirty slag.

If your daughter gave you this list of things her boyfriend had done, what would you tell her?

CohenTree · 15/02/2023 22:51

Never mind about why HE keeps blocking YOU! Why are you wasting your time with this asshole of humanity? He not only sounds deranged, he sounds dangerous.
Please for your own sake have no further contact with him.

CohenTree · 15/02/2023 22:54

Believe me, you WILL get over this and then you'll kick yourself for being such a fool. No offence meant, we've all been there.
Direct your emotions toward somewone /something else.
It really is that easy.
You can do it.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:57

I think it may be a mixture of all three, as a child when I was upset I would honestly sit and cry and cry for hours. I had a boyfriend in high school who broke up with me I must of been with him for about a month. I cried all night and simply refused to speak to anyone for 24 hours yet the day after I was back to normal and literally over the situation. I am a very very emotional person my mum is forever telling me I’m emotional I feel everything intensely, anger is intense, being sad is intense, heart break is intense. Honestly when I’m sad I feel like dying when I’m angry it’s like everything goes black. I have pulled my hair, punched my self in the head, smashed things when having an angry outburst ( in the past). I have grown and learned to not react that way when I’m angry.
I have had several failed attempts at counselling but I could not open up, I was raped at 14 by my friends cousin, I was called a liar at school and had to leave for a whole year because of the bullying.
The case got dropped which I was angry about, but I just moved on with my life and put that in the background and eventually I went back into school. Maybe this could be part of the reason why I am not sure

OP posts:
CohenTree · 15/02/2023 22:59

p.s. don't be confused... just keep one thing in your mind: He's a psycho and you don't want anything to do with him.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 23:03

There is more, there’s a lot more that this boy has done to me that I have accepted and allowed him to put me through.
Honestly I think the list would be as long as my arm. If my daughter even handed me a list of things that he had done to me, I would honestly take away all her devices and make her cut all contact with him.

OP posts:
topherman · 15/02/2023 23:03

He sounds lovely. Keep up this fun game of cat and mouse with him, it's really romantic and shows how much he cares for you. You're so special to him he just can't stand the thought of you with anyone else. It's all really normal and healthy and I foresee a really bright, happy and healthy future with this lad.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 23:07

it seems easier but it’s like every time I finally get to the part of letting go he drags me back in

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 15/02/2023 23:10

You've had a lot happen to you which was absolutely not your fault, but it is your responsiblity to not let this man be the next bad thing.

Try to engage with some help, I know you're not doing this on purpose, but you are the only person who can make it stop. If you keep going back in there for more, all you will get is more of the same.

Sussexlass84 · 15/02/2023 23:11

OP - I ask this gently but why does it matter to you so much to understand why he's treating you like this?

You'll never know why, you need to let go of this need to understand him. He's showing you who he is - he's sexually assaulted you, emotionally abused you, hurt you...you don't need to understand this man. He isn't worth it.

You can't change him - you can only change your response to him. Stop giving him your time, block and move on.

ThreeLittleDots · 15/02/2023 23:26

he drags me back in

He doesn't, you choose to. You are in control.

steff13 · 15/02/2023 23:44

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 23:07

it seems easier but it’s like every time I finally get to the part of letting go he drags me back in

No. He sounds like a horrible person, but he can't drag you back in; you're choosing to go back.

TightPants · 16/02/2023 00:02

God, this is a depressing read.

OP, as nearly everyone here has said, please get urgent counselling.
This man is bloody dangerous, you really need to wake the fuck up.

JudgeRudy · 16/02/2023 00:26

I imagine most readers will do as I did, so start off with good intent and an open mind then think 'that's enough, can't read anymore'.
You sound about 15! He doesn't like you, not really. He fancies you and he fancies his chances. He's not necessarily being dishonest or even 'wrong' but I'd guess he wants something very different to you.
I'd advise you to just ignore/block him but if you can't switch the tables. Tell him you don't want to mess him about cbecause realistically he's not able to give you what you want. Tell him if you bump into him in six months time when he's working with a job and a home you'll consider a date.
He has cocklodger written all over him!

Wishawisha · 16/02/2023 01:29

I have never been so sad and disappointed at an update before. Oh Op, PLEASE try and get yourself out of this cycle.

He’s a bad, bad man that treats you like crap and you just keep allowing it. Why he says he loves you and sees a future together is obvious - it draws you back in. He just needs to message a few nice lines and suddenly you’re back begging him to be with you again even though he is a monster.

It sounds like you have had a difficult life but please try and imagine the future you could have. Finish your course at university. Get a career. Eventually probably move away from your area and start afresh. Meet a man one day who is not emotionally, physically and sexually abusive and just loves you for you. Start a family and have children that will never be in this situation. Break the cycle.

WaddleAway · 16/02/2023 04:35

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 23:07

it seems easier but it’s like every time I finally get to the part of letting go he drags me back in

Again, acting like it’s out of your control. It’s not. You’re dragging him back in because you’re letting him. Just stop.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 16/02/2023 04:43

Are you trying to get your story picked up by Take A Break?

Hamster1111 · 16/02/2023 06:20

Your posts have really made me worry for you @Babgirl2023x you sound so vulnerable but at the same time you so want to get out of this situation. I wonder if any of the domestic violence charities could help you work through this.

I'm sure it's been suggested elsewhere, but try to picture your real future with this man, not the imaginary one. Those four kids he wants you to have, you wouldn't want them to have this abusive waster as their father. What job would he do? Where would you really live? He seems barely literate and you are at university getting your life together. He will probably end up back in prison. Potentially for hurting or even killing you or your children. Or for his pathetic gangster nonsense. He will fuck up your whole life if you let him.

I feel like he knows your background, all your insecurities and how you're trying to pull yourself out of your past. He feels inferior to you, because you have potential and drive. He wants to control you because he knows deep down he is a loser and is threatened. Please don't let him.

Fuckstix · 16/02/2023 07:07

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:46

My feelings for him make it feel like it’s out of my control though. Despite all the things he has done, for some reason I’m sticking around and I really do not want to believe me when I say that.

But it psychically hurts me, to the point I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I don’t want to get out of bed and I just have 0 motivation. I understand why I’m being told to block him and just move on but it really isn’t that easy. Not for me anyway, I’m not a strong person and I have really strong intense emotions. My heart psychically aches.

Everyone pretty much has been in this position when they've had their heart broken. What do you do? You wallow for a bit. Don't eat, or eat crap. Stay in bed. Sleep/ don't sleep. Then you start to move on. Focus on other things. Heartbreak passes eventually. It doesn't kill or main you. Granted, it's easier when it's a clean break but you have the power to make this a fairly clean break by blocking and continuing to block this unstable and abusive man. You owe it to yourself to push through the hard bit.

Who is this friend you've been talking to? I'm guessing not a uni friend who has seen his threats etc? She doesn't sound as though she understands what's going on. Talk to a counsellor or a friend who knows the full picture. Or tell her the full picture, that he's abusive and you're infatuated.

Keep him blocked. Keep distracting yourself or working through the tough period. You will reach a stage of not knowing what you were thinking. I promise you. It's hard but you're not unique in how you feel. There's nothing special making it impossible for you to move on.

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