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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does he keep blocking me?

360 replies

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 11:21

I’ll try to keep this short, 2 years ago I was approached by a group of guys whilst I was on my way home, one asked for my Snapchat and I gave it to him because I was single and instantly attracted to him.

when I got home we chatted for a bit but I guess I must of said something he didn’t like because I was quick enough blocked. (Can’t remember what). Anyway about 9 months later he added me on Facebook and told me he had just got out of jail ect…. We started talking again and I actually really started to like him. It was constant conversation I felt like I had known him years.

He asked me what I wanted, I said obviously right not just too take things slow, as I knew he was speaking to other girls at the time as I could see his friends list and he would add about 50+ girls daily. Obviously we was both single and only just started speaking so I wasn’t expecting him to cut everyone off. He didn’t like the fact I said I wanted things to go slow and said that I was obviously sleeping around and he blocked me.

He unblocked me about three days later and message me telling me he missed me, he said to me I need to “ move correctly “ if I wanted to be his girl. We started speaking again for a few days And he was consistent on wanting to stay at my house. But I was wanting to take things slow at this point so I was making up excuses every time he asked. He told me I wasn’t serious so he blocked me for a good couple of months.

I was really confused because he was telling me how much he likes me and how he wants me to be with his girl soon ect… how could he say all that but just block me again?

He added me again about 4 months later and messaged me saying “I’m coming to yours” I told him no because what did he think this was. No contact for so long and then to just message me telling me he was coming to mine. Anyway we spoke on the phone and text for about a week I posted a picture on Snapchat and you could see Clevlage this made him mad and he blocked me.

I messaged him on Facebook telling him to never ever try and contact me again. He ignored that for a bit but soon apologised and we soon started talking and made up. I was round at my friends house having a drink and she told me to invite him over. So I did and he came.

as soon as he seen me he told me I was so beautiful and even better looking in person and that was is it I was his now. He was trying to kiss me and was being all over me as soon as he walked in the door. I was like kind of being shy because I’m not used to that and he said I was all talk and Boring.

every time my friend left the room he would try whipping out his penis and ask me to put it in my mouth. I told him no and that my friend was here he didn’t care. We was drinking and something was said between me and my friend that he didn’t like, he then proceeded to throw a moam sweet in my direction that actually ended up hitting my face.

later that night he ended up staying in the spare room with me and we did end up having sex. But we ended up arguing again after I can’t even remember what over and he told me to never speak to him again.

he left and later on that day I messaged him and apologised we spoke for that day but later that night he literally blocked me. I got my friend to look on his Facebook profile the next day and I seen he had gone into a relationship with someone. Not even 24 hours after being in bed with me I was so angry and hurt by him.

I text him and told him that I knew and that I would never ever forgive him for it. Two months later he had made a new Facebook and added me I seen his friend request and left it sat there for a few days. I was still so hurt by this person but the curiosity and my feelings made me want to accept him and to see what he wanted.

when I accepted him I didn’t message him I waited for him to message me to see what he had to say for him self. He didn’t even try to apologise he just made it out like it was nothing.

somehow we ended up talking again but it felt very different this time, I invited him round to stay the night at my house after talking for about a week. And it was really good like when we met this time it was so much different to the rest we was sat chilling enjoying each other’s company a lot.

he asked me to be his girl but I said to him what’s the point all you do is block me and treat
me like I’m nothing to you. He promised he wouldn’t do that again, and me like an idiot believed him again lol.
everything was good at mine apart from when I was on my phone and he was accusing me of trying to hide it and accuse me of speaking to lads. I don’t know why but I felt like I have to constantly reassure him.

we ended up making a video of us having sex, which I feel so so stupid about because I sent it him. He was saying to me that I’m so sexy and that we should make an only fans account and to give him the password and we share the money 50/50.

anyway when he left in the morning he was asking me to come back that night but I had to go to work. He wasn’t really that bothered by that and we continued to call and text, he was so much quicker now with the replies he would send me paragraphs and message me first now and so much quicker. He was even sending me snaps whilst he was out and in the shower. He never used to reply so quick and frequent before.

I posted a picture on my story on Snapchat a few days later nothing bad, he messaged me and asked me who I was trying to impress.I told him no one and he didn’t speak to me all night he left me on read. I messaged him the next morning like lol hi at least you didn’t block me this time. We spoke for a few more days and he asked me to be his girlfriend like officially this time.

I said yeah and then the next message he asked me was what I was doing?, I told him I was just waiting for my friend to get a taxi and then going to bed. He literally started ringing my phone out but I didn’t answer because I was busy.

he messaged me saying to never ever speak to him ever again in my life, that me and him will never ever ever happen again and that my friend was clearly a lad & then blocked me (this was a week ago).

I was so confused and still am so confused, I know he’s blocked me loads of times before but obviously we never really was anything and met briefly but now that we have had sex and met and actually spent time together and him ask me to be his girlfriend it’s left me so confused and hurt.

two days ago I got added from a Snapchat account from “search”, I never post my Snapchat details anywhere I’m very private.

i accepted it to see who it was and it had no snap score, no bitmoji no nothing. The account was telling me that he lives in the town next to where I am from, how they had me on their old Snapchat and had made a new one and was adding all their old contacts. I kinda of believed it so I said okay and they tried starting a conversation I left them on read and they kept messaging me.

I looked at the account more as the hours went on and the account snap score wasn’t going up. The account was asking me if I had ever been on a night out in Liverpool ( this set alarms of in my head as I was planning a night out in Liverpool with the guy who blocked me). It then started telling me how he wants to lick my bum and have him bum licked. Which is exactly what he was asking me to do to him at mine but I wouldn’t.

the account asked me if I had an only fans and that I should because I’d make loads of money. Something was just telling me this person wasn’t who they said they was. They wouldn’t send me a red Snapchat or a voice note just a saved picture. I told the account if they don’t tell me who they are I’m blocking them.

the account said it would tell me who they are but not to tell anyone and to keep it a secret between us because he’ll get in trouble. This threw me of thinking it was him because why would he get in to trouble. I was watching the way the person was typing to see if it was the same as the way the guy I was seeing typed but it seemed to me like the fake account was purposely trying hard to make their grammar and spelling bad.

the account said that they knew me, that I have met them in person but wouldn’t tell me anything else. I ended up blocking the account but I still feel like it’s him I don’t know, I don’t get why he would do that but I don’t get why anyone else would do that aswell.

I don’t understand why someone if they did want to speak wouldn’t just try to talk to me of their actual account but I don’t understand at the same time why he would make a fake account but have me blocked on his if he did want to talk to me.

I am so confused at the moment, the fake account thing is making me a little bit paranoid as if it isn’t him why would someone go to so much effort to watch me, it feels kind of creepy.

sorry about the long post my brain is just very foggy at the minute and I have all these thoughts and questions I need help getting answers too I know I’ll never get them of him but can’t someone try and paint a picture for me.

OP posts:
FenghuangHoyan · 15/02/2023 22:03

OP, you need to get professional help. This guy is treating you pretty horrendously (it's advise) and yet you're still talking to him and saying he's "in your soul" ( whatever that means).

You're going to end up in a bad place eventually (such as the 10 O'clock news) if you do not get him out of your head and life.. Assuming this is real of course, as I'm hoping it's made up, as I honestly can't understand why you'd still be mooning over someone so terrible. Honestly, forget how attractive he is and focus on how awful a human being he is.

Change your number and block him and stop something what he's doing and find someone else.

It's your life, but everyone is saying he's abusing you and this won't end well for you and you're still talking to the tosser. He blocked you because he's manipulating you. He treats you poorly because he's abusing you and you're enabling him. For heaven's sake, snap out of it and see what you're doing and get the hell away from him and stay away.

FenghuangHoyan · 15/02/2023 22:07

Oh and read the last line of your last post to yourself over and over until it sinks in.

You're still infatuated with this horrible person and need to get the hell away from him as quickly as possible.

Merangutan · 15/02/2023 22:09

OP, he sounds absolutely pathetic. Constant blocking, strops and social media behaviour like a school-age boy. Prison and pushing his dick in your face and throwing sweets at you were all you needed to tell you about this total loser, never mind all of the drama afterwards. He’s not rehabilitated from prison: he continues to be an absolute waste of time who needs to sort his issues out. Look back at what you’ve typed! How fucked up will your head be in a relationship with him when it’s like this when you aren’t?!

BabyOnBoard90 · 15/02/2023 22:09

sorry about the long post

Are you though?

ThreeLittleDots · 15/02/2023 22:09

I think about when we’re together and it’s just me and him and it is good. He would be so so nice to me and he made me feel so happy and like I had butterflies. That version of him I love so much

This 'version' of him isn't real, I promise you. You can't change him.

My abuser spent a fortune on wining and dining me, cooking me meals at his house too, to outside appearances the perfect gentleman, called me sweetheart, lovely. In the bedroom his was a monster and it wasn't love. You know this isn't love.

ThreeLittleDots · 15/02/2023 22:12

They get off on reeling you in by telling you everything they think you want to hear, and when they've done that, they abuse you. They enjoy it. It's an ego trip.

GoldDuster · 15/02/2023 22:13

I just don’t understand how he went from “wanting” and “loving” me to not giving a eff about me.

Because, again, he is abusing you, he never loved you.

The only thing that you need to understand is that he is psychologically and emotionally problematic, in a big way, and he is abusive.

This will not change. That's the limit of what you need to grasp.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:15

It really is pathetic, I don’t like the childishness of the whole situation and it is so embarrassing. I really wish things could of gone differently and that he was different but that will never happen now

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 15/02/2023 22:18

that will never happen now

Make sure it doesn't.

takealettermsjones · 15/02/2023 22:18

Come on OP. Stop trying to understand, and cut him off. Put your phone down and go to sleep. Tomorrow, delete your social media apps. Go outside. Hug your mum. Find a hobby.

You need to cut this off now, before you end up pregnant.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:20

Thankyou, this is real and I really wish it wasn’t.
I have emailed my university and I have asked them if they can help me with mental health help or counselling. Hopefully I can open up this time, I do find it hard expressing my emotions and discussing my life in real life.

I am still fighting the urges to not unblock him and I will admit that I am finding it hard and it is hurting but I guess to heal I need to hurt first.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:24

I know I feel bad because everyone is giving me such good advice and I sound like I’m not taking any of it onboard but I really am listening and appreciate absolutely everything I have been advised to do. But I will admit I am finding it hard, night time and going to sleep is the worse for me. I sit and imagine me and him together in my head and I’ll just escape into my mind where it’s just me and him and we’re together and we are happy. When I snap back into reality I make my self sad because it was never even true but it feels so real to me.

OP posts:
Tuilpmouse · 15/02/2023 22:27

OP. Seriously, that's about the most messed up shit I've ever read. Have some self-respect. 99% of women wouldn't give that utter twat the time of day, however "hot" he might be.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:30

i make sure to be careful sexually wise, I would never ever want to bring a child into such a toxic and vile situation ever. He really wants me to have his baby, he talks about me and him having four kids together all the time. But he would not be the best candidate for a father.

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 15/02/2023 22:30

I sit and imagine me and him together in my head and I’ll just escape into my mind where it’s just me and him and we’re together and we are happy

In the meantime, what could distract you? A new podcast etc to listen to? Do anything you need. It's so important to invest in yourself rather than this utter asshat.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:33

This isn’t just about his looks, I’ll admit he is very good looking. But that isn’t it, their is something about this boy (too me anyway) that is so different to anyone else. He isn’t my usual type (psychically) he’s quiet muscly, he works out, he has chest hair and a beard. Which is the complete opposite to what my usual type is.
But it’s not his looks that I love though. I can’t quiet out my finger on it what it is.

OP posts:
Skinnydogz · 15/02/2023 22:37

Is it the way he treats you like crap? Or physically abuses you? Or demands you prove where you are? Or is it the chest hair?

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:38

I reconnected with my longest friend over the weekend. She is going through a break up with her baby dad so we are in similar situations at the moment. My friend and I were discussing both our situations and when I told her about mine she mentioned to me that she has heard from a few people that he was in jail because of his ex girlfriend (apparently this is why he was recalled) but he told me different.

I found that being out with my friend and being with my friend was distracting me but he was still on my mind. I was talking to her about him 24/7 to the point I felt I needed to just stop talking because she will be getting sick of hearing it. So at the moment now I’m back home I have redownloaded sims and I’m going to play that to try and keep him of my mind for a bit

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 15/02/2023 22:39

I sit and imagine me and him together in my head and I’ll just escape into my mind where it’s just me and him and we’re together and we are happy.

This is a fantasy, that's all. It's not real, it's never happening.

I'm sure he's encouraging you to get pregnant, because then he's really got you where he wants you, and your life will be more violent, miserable and painful than you can imagine and you won't be able to get away from him.

The thing that you can't quite put your finger on about him? That's the psychopathy.

Skinnydogz · 15/02/2023 22:39

Sorry but this is what I would say to a friend, I'm being nicer than I would I'd you were a friend. If I knew you, I'd tell you to get a grip. It does seem like you haven't been with anyone else and have nothing to compare this to which is why you are making such dire decisions

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:41

😂 the chest hair was a big thing for me because I have always said I really don’t like chest hair it’s just an ick I have but on him I don’t even care. ( I have nothing against chest hair btw lol).
it’s the things he says to me when we’re good the way he just sounds so sexy when he speaks to me I don’t even know what it is I honestly could not say.

OP posts:
FenghuangHoyan · 15/02/2023 22:41

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:33

This isn’t just about his looks, I’ll admit he is very good looking. But that isn’t it, their is something about this boy (too me anyway) that is so different to anyone else. He isn’t my usual type (psychically) he’s quiet muscly, he works out, he has chest hair and a beard. Which is the complete opposite to what my usual type is.
But it’s not his looks that I love though. I can’t quiet out my finger on it what it is.

FFS, you're still talking about loving him? Seriously?

What about all the nasty shit he's done? All the abuse? All the crying and pleading you did?

I'm out of this thread. As I said, you need to get help and you need to snap out of it.

I'm still not convinced this is real...or at least I'm hoping to hell is not.

WaddleAway · 15/02/2023 22:42

You’re still talking like all of this is out of your control, like you just can’t help yourself. You can. But until you realise that you’ll keep going back to him.
And he’s not a boy. He’s a dangerous, abusive, jealous man.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 22:43

My friend told me to just give him his space and that he will be back. But that wasn’t what I was wanting to hear to be honest, she was telling me to post a new profile picture and show him what he is missing. But I am not going to be doing that because I don’t want to play childish games I just want peace

OP posts:
WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 15/02/2023 22:43

You have it right in front of you.

He’s controlling. Narcissistic. And just downright nasty.

This if this is what he’s like ‘before it’s even started’ what’s it going to be like a few years down the line? Isolated from your friends, family? Having a life? A job? Being able to go out without him starting a fight and accusing you?

This is your sign….. Block him never look back. RUN as fast as you can.

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