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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child spoiling holiday

356 replies

Carrie76 · 08/02/2023 08:02

We’re currently on a ski holiday, first time for the kids. Child no 2 is refusing to go to ski school, he thinks it’s boring. The other 2 would rather ski with parents too but they’re okay to do it.

I’m currently sitting in the apt with the middle one as if he’s not doing ski school he’s not going skiing. He’s very headstrong and I don’t think he should get his way. I’m now resenting the fact that I’ve to sit here for 2.5 hrs until the lesson is over. Do I then let him ski in the afternoon??

OP posts:
AliciaMayEmory · 08/02/2023 13:17

Sounds like you now have a plan, OP. SKi school is so important. Our DC had ski lessons, both before we took the skiing and on ski holidays, both of which they enjoyed. Our eldest DC was on a ski trip with school and got separated from her group. Luckily, as she has had lessons before, she was able to ski down to resort, via a black run, ask for help and be reunited with her group. Absolutely terrifying when she told us, and really shook her up, but her skills meant that she was able to get down from the mountain and to get help. Speed down the slopes is fun, but skills keep them safe.

user1496146479 · 08/02/2023 13:20

Blessedwithsunshine · 08/02/2023 08:27

You are being very unfair, young children hate being separated from their parents. Ski school is such a long and tiring day for little kids.
You want him to go so you can go off and ski, and enjoy yourself but honestly that’s unrealistic with young children.

They get very cold and tired quickly. I say put the children first and go swimming or sledging and enjoy some quality time with your children. A girls ski holiday is probably easier at this age. Some of my friends have put their children off skiing for life by insisting on clubs and they refuse to go at all now.

Did you read any of the OP posts?

Wetblanket78 · 08/02/2023 13:33

Tell him the rules are he has to go to ski school to learn to do it safely. Learn how to slow down etc it's either all or nothing. He won't be able to do anything if he breaks his leg.

Catcharolo · 08/02/2023 13:35

WombatChocolate · 08/02/2023 12:15

When you go on a ski holiday, skiing is the daily activity and the whole reason you’ve gone to that place.

It’s not like a holiday where you choose a different activity each day or perhaps do something for an hour, skiing is the focus of the whole day. A lot of people don’t see, to understand that.

In order to ski, people need to be safe and competent. They need lessons as well as practice. So when children go with their family, they will spend the day on the mountain. There is usually a mixture of lessons and family time.

If a child decides they don’t want to do their lessons and that is allowed, if they cannot ski competently, it means at least one adult doesn’t ski either the whole time. I know some people think children should call all the shots and determine what’s going on in the day, but this kind of holiday isn’t a flexible arrangement of multiple different activities.

I think Op done the right thing. She’s talked to him and engaged with him, and made the future expectations for the rest of the week clear. I would also speak to the teacher and ask them to keep an extra eye on him and try and boost his confidence a bit. And then just carry on.

If it really doesn’t work out, they will have to consider whether they go again. But for now, I’d be pretty firm and be making clear it not negotiable. The lessons are probably 2 hours and not all day. It’s not a big deal.

Agree!! On a ski holiday you ski. All day. Whether you like it or not!

(This thread is reminding me of a thread I once read on a walking holiday in the Lake District. The holiday was a hiking holiday but the wife was complaining as she wanted to spend the afternoon watching films and drinking hot chocolate..)

Ive never given my dc are choice about what we do on holiday! There are 4 of them so imagine the fights! God knows what they’d come up with and it probably would be weird. They always seem to have a lot fun whatever we do though and they never complain! I personally think giving kids decision making responsibility, which is ultimately what giving them too much choice leads to, is actually a stress they don’t need.

SandyLanes · 08/02/2023 13:38

Great thread, if only for the amusing posts from the non skiers who seem to think you can just rock up to the Alps and give it a go! Also to the posters who have suggested they do something else like skating or hiking - that’s not the point of the holiday and more importantly, OP’s son does actually want to ski!

Well done on getting some sort of resolution OP. Of course he should go to ski school.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 08/02/2023 13:40

So rather than you both ski together you’re both sitting in an apartment?? Right…

massistar · 08/02/2023 14:00

Sounds like a good resolution OP. Next time pop over to the Skiing topic though as you won't have to wade through 200 pointless responses on AIBU and get advice from people who've actually been skiing!

TibetanTerrah · 08/02/2023 14:00

DeliberatelyObtuse · 08/02/2023 12:39

You have to be able to ski safely and within your limits. Show him some ski ing accidents on YouTube. That will scare the bejesus out of him Wink

My ex went skiing, had never been before. Refused lessons as "it'll be fine". Broke his leg on his first day and spent the rest of the holiday stuck indoors!

Youre doing the right thing OP. He can't just stamp his foot and refuse. He's old enough to articulate why he doesn't want to go at the very least, and be open to compromise.

DeadOrchid · 08/02/2023 14:03

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 11:58

This thread could have been half the length and twice the use if the people who have never been skiing and never experienced ski school had STFU!

Like the OP? Confused

The OP can ski - she hasn’t said that she’s never had lessons, she’s just not having them this year. She happy on green runs and that’s fine.

I learned as an adult, had lessons for several years, confident on a red and could get down a black safely if I had to. I totally lost my confidence this year, a combination of crowded slopes, previous accidents due to others being out of control, a covid gap and peri-menopause induced anxiety - I booked one private lesson and it was eye wateringly expensive - prices have really risen in the last few years.

Claxonia · 08/02/2023 14:18

Have had this conversation with my kids. Our attitude is:

They are lucky kids.
We have other holidays when we spend all our time together.
If they don’t go to lessons their dad or I have to miss out and we only have one week a year skiing.

FYI we send them to lessons morning and afternoon and ski together on the last day.

Leftbutcameback · 08/02/2023 14:24

Sounds like you’ve reached a good compromise OP - good parenting! I don’t have kids but I have been skiing and the value in the lessons is to teach you technique, including avoiding injuries, and how to be safe in what can be a risky environment. Anyone can fling themselves down a slope fast (except those who are too scared like me!), but they risk injuring others as well as themselves. The class size also sounds good, lots of opportunity for individual guidance. I hope you both enjoy the rest of the week!

Dinoswearunderpants · 08/02/2023 14:29

Sounds very entitled and ungrateful. Thinking he's better than the instructor at age 10. Yikes!

LaDamaDeElche · 08/02/2023 14:30

As threads go this one has more odd responses than usual! Of course he should go to ski school. Tomorrow tell him he’s going and that’s it. Skiing can be a dangerous sport and you need to learn properly. No wonder so many kids are so entitled with the crazy responses on here. Good luck to the people who would be asking for their child moved to a more advanced group before they’ve even fully learnt the basics 😂 Do you not think the trained ski instructors would do this if they actually thought that they had someone who was advancing very quickly?

SpeedReader · 08/02/2023 14:40

I haven't read all the posts despite being a speed reader, but I am glad the OP has made it clear that no school equals no skiing.

We are not doing kids any favours by making things too easy for them. I teach the bigger kids (uni level), and every year there are more and more students who do not have the concentration span to sit through a one-hour lecture or spend a couple of hours on focused study. The ability to concentrate is not a skill we are born with - it's something we need to learn. When left to their own devices plenty of kids (and adults) will sit around playing on their phones and checking the socials. (The irony that I'm posting on Mumsnet on a work day!)

In the case of ski school - just because the kid thinks he's too accomplished does not mean he actually is. And even if he might be moved to an intermediate group, if no such group is available, what's the harm in him staying in the current ones and getting the full week of tuition? So he gets a bit bored - bring out the world's tiniest violin. He's got plenty of time to enjoy himself with afternoon skiing, which he'll now be able to do safely on account of the lessons!

macaronicheese123 · 08/02/2023 14:44

Yes, you are very unreasonable! and also a little precious if 2.5 hours sitting with your child is ‘spoiling holiday’.

SlightlyJaded · 08/02/2023 14:45

Quick poll for clarity:

Does ANYONE who has ever been skiing before, think the OP is wrong to put DS in ski school?

Please feel free to quote this post if you are a skiier and think it's un-necessary.

I'll wait....

JussathoB · 08/02/2023 14:56

Hi this is frustrating for you all. I think strictly speaking he’s got to go to ski school otherwise it’s no skiing at all. However it is worth taking up the suggestion of another poster to talk to the ski school instructor and see if something can be done. Maybe he got told off yesterday or something, or maybe a different group would suit better - different instructor, different children ? or help this move on.
in the long run if you want to take the children skiing again your only option would be to do some 121 or family lessons to get him prepared properly safety wise etc

Reigateforever · 08/02/2023 15:42

Skiers, have you never had a near miss because another skier, who can ski fast straight down hill but does not have any skill to turn enabling them to avoid people lower down the piste? So dangerous.

DeadOrchid · 08/02/2023 17:13

I’ve been hit by out of control children and adults - never badly injured but it’s contributed to me being a nervous skier.

My friend was hit by an out of control snowboarding child at speed a few years ago - she was a little ahead of me when he bombed past at a point where you couldn’t see clearly as there was quite a drop off. I went over the drop and he’d knocked her over - a really dangerous spot to happen as people up hill wouldn’t see until they were almost on top of them.

I checked my tracker and I was doing over 30mph, so no idea how fast he was going.

Parents and child were unapologetic and when I asked why he was going so fast - she shrugged and said he was still learning.

HepzibahSmyth · 08/02/2023 19:06

Which one of you is the parent here? I don’t understand why you are pandering to such nonsense. He has to learn for his safety. He’s only ruining the holiday if you let him. Put him to the class and no I wouldn’t take him out in the afternoon if he hadn’t attended.

shivermetimbers77 · 08/02/2023 19:18

Keen skier here who has done many many weeks of ski school: I don’t think ski school is necessarily the best thing for everyone. I always enjoyed it as it was inexpensive and good for meeting people, but my nephew took to skiing very quickly and just needed one private one to one lesson and a lot of practice and was at the same level as many get to after a week or more of ski school and is now an excellent skier. He would have been bored stiff in ski school..An awful lot of ski school is standing in a queue waiting to go and I am convinced that a bit of one to one instruction by a coach (if you can afford it) or an experienced skier who can teach good parallel and stopping technique, would prob be just as good .. But I realise that’s just my perspective.

Mariposista · 08/02/2023 19:32

You are being very responsible to ensure that your beginner child learns to ski correctly. My aunt had a nasty accident requiring surgery after being ploughed into by an out of control child who thought he knew better.
The issue here is you son can't be defiant and choose what's what. What the parents say goes I'm afraid.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/02/2023 00:29

I took him out for an hour on the condition that he goes for the rest of the week which he has agreed to. We will all go out together this afternoon.

So he won then. Kudos to the kid.

GoodChat · 09/02/2023 09:41

Has he gone today Op?

Rosie22xx · 09/02/2023 18:00

Why are you making him do ski school when he clearly doesn't want to? It's not mandatory for him to go, so I'm just confused. Would you do something because you're being forced to, even though you don't want to do it? You are his parent yes, you aren't his owner or controller. He is an individual and has his own interests.