Child spoiling holiday

[Carrie76]

We’re currently on a ski holiday, first time for the kids. Child no 2 is refusing to go to ski school, he thinks it’s boring. The other 2 would rather ski with parents too but they’re okay to do it.

I’m currently sitting in the apt with the middle one as if he’s not doing ski school he’s not going skiing. He’s very headstrong and I don’t think he should get his way. I’m now resenting the fact that I’ve to sit here for 2.5 hrs until the lesson is over. Do I then let him ski in the afternoon??

This thread could have been half the length and twice the use if the people who have never been skiing and never experienced ski school had STFU!

Like the OP?

@4thonthe4th
So you didn't say this? *But then I wouldn't take my kids on holiday and then put them in childcare...

👌🏼 This!

Obviously skiing isn’t something he enjoys but has been dragged along anyway. Hope it isn’t his only “holiday”*

You quite clearly stated that you consider ski lessons to be childcare. And you wouldn't use this. Fair enough, but a different view from most, I suspect. So why is your opinion different for climbing lessons, sailing lessons in a hotel different? Those are skills being taught, but ski lessons are childcare?

And Bit of a comprehension fail there. It's ok, you're not embarrassing me. If there's any comprehension fail, it's yours, as the OP has stated her child enjoys skiing.

He might enjoy the skiing but feel frustrated that his technique has yet to catch up his ambition. That won't change unless he takes the lessons. Did he enjoy the hour out with you op, or charge ahead?

I don't understand this. Make him go to ski school. If he doesn't fancy it, tough. Since when do children decide the agenda? He's beyond lucky. Most kids would kill to be on a holiday right now. You're being a wet lettuce.

When you go on a ski holiday, skiing is the daily activity and the whole reason you’ve gone to that place.

It’s not like a holiday where you choose a different activity each day or perhaps do something for an hour, skiing is the focus of the whole day. A lot of people don’t see, to understand that.

In order to ski, people need to be safe and competent. They need lessons as well as practice. So when children go with their family, they will spend the day on the mountain. There is usually a mixture of lessons and family time.

If a child decides they don’t want to do their lessons and that is allowed, if they cannot ski competently, it means at least one adult doesn’t ski either the whole time. I know some people think children should call all the shots and determine what’s going on in the day, but this kind of holiday isn’t a flexible arrangement of multiple different activities.

I think Op done the right thing. She’s talked to him and engaged with him, and made the future expectations for the rest of the week clear. I would also speak to the teacher and ask them to keep an extra eye on him and try and boost his confidence a bit. And then just carry on.

If it really doesn’t work out, they will have to consider whether they go again. But for now, I’d be pretty firm and be making clear it not negotiable. The lessons are probably 2 hours and not all day. It’s not a big deal.

Why does he have to go ski school? If he doesn’t like it?

Is your partner there? Can they take him out?

I was in a similar position with my then 9 year old - she refused to go to ski school. But for her it was because she really lacked confidence and was worrying she was dragging everyone else back. I ended up getting her 121 tuition all week.

Actually I had the same experience with my son - he is a confident and brave skiier and just wants to do black runs. he felt the class he was in was way below his level (it wasn't). The ski school moved him up a group so he felt much better (I suspect they were going on the same slopes).

But in any case while they want to go fast, they also need to learn basic skills and it sounds like my son, yours just wants to go fast.

Personally I like spending time with my kids especially on holiday so I would want them to come along with me anyhow. Personally seems a bit selfish he is being punished for it. Your supposed to be enjoying yourselves aren’t you.

From experience my children always went to ski school into classes relevant to their age and skill. I doubt very much they would have appreciated being put into their siblings groups. However, not knowing what country you are in, as the school holidays vary and may not have started where you are therefore not much choice. Tell him that at the end of the week when he passes the test, if he is very good he will jump a level, ready for the next year’s lessons in a higher class.

For Christs sake… my opinion isn’t different… if you look at the post i actually replied to; I pointed out that yes, I did believe ski school was the same as kids clubs in hotels which, despite also teaching skills, I still believe are childcare.
Is that clearer for you?

Yes, I did say I wouldn’t put my dc in childcare on holiday.., it says so in my post :/ why are you confused?

She has stated he isn’t enjoying ski school… that’s the point of this thread.

Personally I like spending time with my kids especially on holiday so I would want them to come along with me anyhow

Then perhaps a skiing holiday isn't for you? Fair enough, it's not for everyone. But if a child wants to ski, it's essential they learn to do it properly. It's only 2.5 hours a day, there'll be plenty of time for family time too.

Ok I don't know if I am making assumptions here but I am assuming most people asking questions like this don't go skiing.

You can't just 'go skiing'. That's not a thing. You have to learn and it's completely standard to do ski-school as part of the trip. Like when you learn to dive for example. There is no substitute for 'learning in situ' - it's part of the trip. I would wager that most people on their first, second or even third ski holiday (kids and adults) factor in ski school. That's why Ski Holiday operators often include ski school as part of the package price.

I am a good skiier. I have ski'd for years. I have done ski seasons, but I STILL benefit from lessons in a group setting as well as one on one.

As a beginner, it's not optional. You are a danger to yourself and others if you don't have a lesson. Would you give someone an oxygen tank and tell them to crack on diving in the open water just because they've been to the local pool and think they know it all? You would not.

It's not 'childcare' or 'dumping the kids'. He may even be in a group with adults if there are adult beginners. It's part and parcel of first ski holidays.

If he is too good for the group, the instructor will move him up one. But he needs to go. Simple

He needs to learn to ski safely, within his ability and read the terrain. An impetuous beginner is likely to impede others and cause injury ti themselves and others. If he is used to sports coming easily and being competitive he may find group sessions dull until he reaches a level of competence and maturity.

Yes, I did say I wouldn’t put my dc in childcare on holiday.., it says so in my post :/ why are you confused?

So if you went on a holiday where there was a sailing class, and your child wanted to sail, you wouldn't send them to lessons, because your child must spend 24 hours a day with you, and not be in 'childcare'. Fair enough, but not how I'd be holiday. I want my child to have a good time. There'd still be plenty of time for my child to spend time with me. I'm so glad that I didn't treat my kids like this, or I wasn't treated like this by my parents.

We've been to hotels with clubs. My kids didn't go much, and I never made them, but they went on the odd occasion, and it would never occur to me to stop them.

I was lucky enough to go skiing as a child a couple of times, and of course I went to ski school. Still spent plenty of time with my parents.
They also let me have windsurfing lessons for a couple of hours a day on one holiday. Still spend plenty of time with them.

You’d want your child to have a good time… OPs child is not having a good time…. This is the point of the thread……

I've never been skiing so I'll say from the outset that it's perfectly possible I'm talking utter nonsense here... but would a bit of reverse psychology work?

So - compliment him on how quickly he has picked up skiing and how great it is he can ski "fast" - but then talk about how very few people manage to truly master control and the kind of skill/talent needed to - say - ski competitively. Something like that.

I'm someone who gets frustrated if I don't feel I'm being allowed to progress in something fast enough - if I feel I'm picking up something well I want to be constantly moving forward and I get impatient - always have been that way. But if someone mentions a particular skill/element that "most people find extremely hard" (regardless of how easy/hard it actually is)- you can bet anything I'll make it my mission to master it.

If you plant the seed/idea that mastering control, slower manoeuvres etc... is actually HARDER than just going full pelt down a steep hill (I suspect it actually is - but again - I have no idea about skiing!) - then it might help with his mindset. Possibly he feels that going slower etc... makes him look like a baby or whatever. It doesn't - but it might be his reality in his mind. If he sees it as mastering more challenging skills that will ultimately HELP with his speed/skiing ability, it might help.

You’d want your child to have a good time… OPs child is not having a good time…. This is the point of the thread……

You've not answered my question. You wouldn't allow your child to have sailing lessons on holiday because you consider it childcare, and they must be with you at all times?

Regardless of this, if the OP's child wants to ski (which they do, because they enjoy it!) they must attend skiing lessons, for their own safety. Skiing and lessons come hand in hand. Perhaps in future they could consider private lessons, although this is very expensive, but it could just be that the child wants to go faster than they currently have the ability to do. Not unusual for a 10 year old ! But that doesn't mean that they shouldn't have to attend lessons.

You have to be able to ski safely and within your limits. Show him some ski ing accidents on YouTube. That will scare the bejesus out of him

@4thonthe4th

and op isn’t having a good time if she has hang back with him and not ski herself

so sometimes you have to compromise

that op has to compromise and also the child at the age of 10 has to compromise too, he’s old enough to know that other people and what they want matters too. It’s not just his holiday

They speak both.. so some French shouting, then some English shouting.
mainly it’s just “keep the skis parallel” and “turn”. The instructions aren’t complex!

I’m afraid I haven’t read the whole thread, but I would probably take him to pick up the other two and ask the instructor to have a chat with him about why we learn how to do something properly.

It’s great he’s so confident in some ways but, as with any skill, it’s not actually the case that you can have one lesson and be off doing it no problem. There is risk to you and others in doing so. Sounds as if he doesn’t really have much respect for the learning process and that’s what I’d be trying to tackle in your shoes.

I know plenty of experienced skiers who have had nasty injuries and a lot of them have been to do with overconfidence!

No matter how much you like your kids, it doesn’t turn you into a ski instructor. Insisting that he isn’t a danger to himself and others is not a punishment.

NO, you are ruining the holiday letting the little brat dictate !

yes he’s dictating and you’re letting him but maybe it’s a rubbish holiday for him?!

Can he ice skate? If not I’d take him ice-skating this afternoon and provide absolutely no help or advice at all until he begs for it.

The OP's son is probably one of those annoying children that can do any sport well with minimal instruction. My DS went ice-skating for the first time at age 10, strapped the skates on and off he went, no help, no advice and certainly no begging. He did one ski lesson (inside) and was incredibly frustrated that the other kids didn't get it right first time. I can see how your son can be bored if he has natural aptitude and is waiting for others to master stuff that comes naturally to him.

We've yet to find a sport that my DH finds difficult and he's very competitive - even to the point that he can be unhappy with a win if the other competitors are too far behind. Not necessarily a good thing, but if your son is the same, he probably doesn't see the need to endlessly practice something that he could do first time, and would maybe benefit from one on one practice rather than a group including (younger?) siblings.