AIBU to not want to spend Mother's Day with MIL?

[WorkingMutha]

My MIL has just sent me an email asking that our family come to hers for Mother's Day. I honestly cannot think of a worse way of spending Mother's Day. She extends this "invitation" every year and every year we get guilt tripped when we decline. I have a DH and two DDs who try to spoil me on the day by taking me out to brunch or similar. I think it's really sweet that they try to give me a day off. However, my MIL seems to think we should be celebrating her motherhood and can't understand why we wouldn't want to go to their house and spoil her on the day. Hubby is on my side and doesn't want to spend the day at his parents', either. He'll send her flowers, call and send a card but AIBU to think that the torch has passed and Mother's Day isn't about her anymore?

I don’t know why that makes it okay. The GM had shit mothers days so should the DM. Maybe the men should step up.
I think this is how MD is for lots of young mums sadly and the sad bit is they are meant to be happy and grateful for it.

I don't live in the same city as my mum so don't get to see her on mother's day. We could see mil on mother's day but tend to visit on the Saturday before so she can open her presents on the day. That day is then dedicated to her. I get to have mother's day to spend with my kids and dh. I wouldn't mind spending part of the day with mil but she would want to include my sil and quite frankly I have no desire to spend time with her anymore than she does me so it's stalemate. It's all fair and well for posters to say you should include the mil but what if she has more than one child and wants to spend the day with all of them? What if you dont wamt yo spend time with all of them?

I don't think yabu actually. She's had her fair share of mother's days. There is still nothing stopping your oh visiting her either before the day, after or for a few hours during. If you live nearby then of course you could include her in some of your plans which would be a kind gesture so if you were going to afternoon tea invite her along. That way you could still have a lie in, breakfast in bed or a meal cooked for your dinner, restaurant or takeaway but had made her happy too.

You seem a bit mean to me. Surely you can do brunch and pop to see her at tea time?

And the OP isn’t her DHs mother either! But if it hadn’t been for the OPs MIL, there wouldn’t be a DH!!!

My now adult DDs organise lunch for me, their MILs and DD1s stepmother. It’s great!

Did @WorkingMutha ever come back to the thread?

It doesn’t seem to occur to OP, that her MIL might find it hard to invite them round for Mother’s Day; when she meets with rejection every year? Its probably quite plain on OP’s face, what she thinks?

We went to see MIL today, who is probably dying. Reading this thread made me realise, she probably won’t see another Mother’s Day, whereas if I live as long as her (hopefully not), I’ve got over 30 more ahead of me. Perhaps look at it that way OP, instead of thinking just about yourself!

Mothering Sunday isn’t actually about mothers at all. Mother’s Day is a made up hallmark thing like Valentine’s Day. So everyone saying it’s to celebrate mothers…it’s not

Here you go, love, a big chunk of your education obviously got missed out.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday

Oh and while I’m at it, you might as well learn about Valentines Day too.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day

Well thankfully my darling Mum and MIL both agreed Mothers Day was a load of nonsense and we treated Mother’s Day as a normal Sunday ..my children included !
We all love and care for each other every day .💕

@Blossomtoes Mothering Sunday is a religious holiday and bake times day certainly didn’t start with a card from hallmark. My education is obviously better than yours love.

No, it didn’t start with a Hallmark card but that’s what you originally said - Mother’s Day is a made up hallmark thing like Valentine’s Day.

Wasn’t the tradition that servants could go home to their mother church and also see their families

YANBU to not want to spend Mother's Day with MIL and you shouldn't have to. Your DH could take the kids to see her in the afternoon and give you a few hours of me-time; that would make my day for sure.

I don't normally spend Mother's Day with either my Mum or MIL now my children are a little older but I always make sure they have a lovely card and gift and then arrange another day to have some one on one time and perhaps do afternoon tea or a lunch out my treat instead. Both happy with this and so are we.

This.

In adulthood I hope my DS remembers mothers day and makes some gesture to thank me for being his mum, but I'd be really proud of him if he chose to treat the mother if his children while they are too young to treat her.

Being a mum to a toddler is knackering, but my DS can't give me a lie in or cook me lunch.

'Well thankfully my darling Mum and MIL both agreed Mothers Day was a load of nonsense and we treated Mother’s Day as a normal Sunday ..my children included !
We all love and care for each other every day.'

@Notallaboutthemoney that's a lovely way of looking at it. It's a pity all families can't do this throughout the year though.

I agree with you @RumandSpinach when you're a dm of young dc you're in the thick of it, it is exhausting. It is these early Mother's days where you need rest more than ever, and dhs need to help to make this possible, as dcs are too young. I can't believe there are older women sitting begrudging this. When dcs are alittle older it will be far easier on everybody and for dh to go off and see his dm if wanted etc.

Honestly I've always found this a hit wires. If your in to holidays then valentines is the day your partner is meant to spoil you. Mother's Day is for his mother. Think it's a bit mean and I'd be hurt in the future if my kids don't feel they need to see me anymore on Mother's Day

I can't believe there are older women sitting begrudging this.

I can’t believe younger women are! The whole family, including DM and/or MIL could go out for lunch or have a meal together at home. What OP is saying, is that she can’t stand to do that with her MIL - a whole different ballgame!

'I can’t believe younger women are! The whole family, including DM and/or MIL could go out for lunch or have a meal together at home. What OP is saying, is that she can’t stand to do that with her MIL - a whole different ballgame!'

Why should she though? This is DM/MIL's wishes, not hers. Why does an exhausted mother with young dcs have to go out because DM/MIL want to do that? I have tried what you suggested @Quisquam for my first Mother's day with a baby. It was made all about other people, I spent the day running around after others, with a high needs baby which they never helped me with ordinarily let alone on this day. Never again will I try to please others while putting myself last yet again. I wish I'd let dh take the baby and put my feet up!

Why should she though? This is DM/MIL's wishes, not hers.

It goes with the territory of marrying into a family. My MIL always treated me, the same as her daughters. She told me twice yesterday, as we were leaving her, that she loves me - presumably she knows each time we see her, it could be her last time. (We live a considerable distance away)

I try to treat our DCs’ partners, the same as our children. I’d be hurt, if my DIL made it plain she did not want to come to our house for lunch, because she didn’t want to spend an afternoon with us.

We are the sandwich generation, looking after elderly parents, caring for two adult DC with disabilities, and the grandchildren whenever DIL asks us, if we can. It’s still exhausting in our 60s! TBH, life was easier when the DC were children.

AIBU to think that the torch has passed and Mother's Day isn't about her anymore?

Yes, YABU. And also seriously unpleasant.

You sound selfish. Why can't you do both?