Super nanny

[Marmaladeoncrumpets]

Watched what I assume was an old show on tv today (is super nanny still going?) and fairly shocked by the tactics used. I remember seeing it on Sunday mornings many years ago, before dc and Dh and I saying to each other, what a nightmare having kids looked, as we lounged around probably hungover and with no commitments for the day 🤣
I do remember thinking she was great, but then, I had no kids or no idea 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did you ever follow her?

I think they say oh dear I understand your upset it's okay to be upset take a deep breath and give me a hug let's talk it out.
Adults would be called abusive and leave them.

Nope, was never smacked, not once (Mid 40s). No guarantee on that one.

I'm a great believer of natural consequences. So throw your food on the floor - no food, misbehave at the park- go home, drink a bottle of vodka and end up needing to be rescued- grounded for a month.

😆 🤣
Because there are no other options than this for well behaved children. And clearly behaviour is your priority.
The close mindedness on this thread is eye-opening, ironically!

It depends on the behaviour and the situation.

First and foremost, presuming everyone is safe and not in any immediate harm, I would look at exactly what just happened and any reasons why it might have happened. Any consequences would be fitted to the action as much as possible - for example, throwing the food they would have to help clean it up and when I plate up a fresh meal it will consist of whatever is leftover so might not have their favourite bits or the deliberately broken toy they would have to buy a new one using what's in their piggy bank. We would talk about why they did what they did, how that's made other people/them feel, and what they could do differently next time to avoid it happening again. I also use it to inform my own parenting, for example if I realise that 5yr old gets volatile when overtired then I'd manage that situationin future so that I can pre-empt it and intervene before they reach the plate throwing stage.

I used the step when dc were little. It wasn’t a punishment, more a safe space for them to be away from the situation and try to manage their own emotions. 2 of mine would be able to calm themselves but one of mine couldn’t - she has big emotions. She’d start to calm (stop looking like she was going to hit me and lash out) and I’d say “do you need help to calm down?” She’d say yes, and I’d give her a cuddle.

Different dc need different approaches and support. for me, the step was a safe space but also a clear boundary.

That's completely different tho needaholiday, that's a calm down, time in step by the sounds of it.

Well okay then but can guarantee most did. Some didn't. Like I said before I've got nothing against my parents for doing it.

I like her and enjoy her sorting out the relationships in the house. Always winced when she would say 'not asseptable' but suddenly in the recent ones she's saying it properly...and I sort of miss it. We quote it quite a bit.

Why? If you consider they brought you up well and you feel you're a competent confident adult as a result, why on earth would you not emulate them? Personally I'd take something my parents did that I knew from my own experience to be effective over the constantly changing trends pushed by 'experts' with money to make.

And if your partner hit you now in a similar way? What is the difference in your view? Not goading, just trying to point out the problem with it. I presume you don't plan on smacking your own.

Obviously if my son is upset I'll deal with it differently.

The experts I'm referring to are child and developmental psychologists, so not trends for making money.

I'm against that. And no I'm not going to smack my son. Just saying I have no issue with my parents

But because they are not usually able to express their sadness, it might look like naughtiness, see? So your comment on he's not sad when he'd naughty doesn't hold water.

I think she encourages calm consistency which is often lacking in the households she visits. She also encourages parents to get down to their children's level and to talk and really listen to them.

I never understood time out really though, it just seemed an enormous amount of unnecessary effort on the parents part for little reward. I mean no child is sitting on that step thinking about the wrongs of what they've done, let's face it - they're 3/4/5 years old! Having said that I know primary school teachers who used it with their kids and preschools that used it in the past. It's not for me though.

Indeed. A child learns that an episode of violence is met with increased affection and that their feelings are of paramount importance regardless of the behaviour in which they manifest; that if they are antisocial or aggressive, then that is the fault of another person for not meeting their needs.
I wouldn't like to be a partner who one day may reap what parents who follow this trend sow.

Either way when It comes to it I'm going to parent how I want to. Ill figure out the best approach when it comes to it but still going to do the naughty step. Or if they have a phone/ipad obviously when he's older ill take it off him. But like I said before we turned out fine and so did the grandkids

None of them ever written a book about it then?
Each generation produces its own experts often with conflicting views. The fact is, unless you've completed parenthood through to adulthood, there's no way of knowing which methods will be right for your individual child, so its largely just an experiment.

Behaviour in little children is communication, they are not being “naughty”.
maybe look into the naughty step more and why it’s not recommended it may change your views!

Its not going to make me change my view. But let me ask you this so if they start biting you and hitting you that's just communication?

Something I'm currently doing when my son bites me on the nipple when feeding him. I flick him on the cheek put him down for 5 mins and say you don't bite me on the nipple and when he goes back on he's so gentle. So he's learned. So I'll do what feels right at the time.

Yes Emma, clearly that is communication of a distressed, child, a tired child, a frustrated child perhaps. So you firmly tell them no, I won't let you hit/bite and you prevent it. I can see you're upset, I'm here with you. And you wait it out, removing them from a group say if that's where it happens. Then you move on once they're calm again. Many children are helped to calm by being held. You don't allow the behaviour but you acknowledge the feeling and you can consider what caused it (tiredness, hunger etc) so that you can avoid or help with that in future. Why else would a child bite or hit, if they weren't somehow upset?? I have one who hit as a toddler, never me, but never bit and one incredibly calm and cooperative child, who never did either. Literally have just had to show him the way. Just got lucky.

The poster who said children who are not put on a naughty step end up abusive... so disingenuous! It doesn't mean a child is told their feelings are more important or that their bad behaviour is someone else's fault! No one has said this.

For the earlier poster wondering how you manage it, ACT is a good one -A acknowledge the feeling, C communicate that you won't allow the behaviour and T target what they can do instead.

I saw an episode of the US series where she was so fucking awful and rigid with three little boys whose mum had died, and whose dad was struggling to cope.

Absolute abuse of power over young bereaved children, it was awful to watch. I honestly hope she repents at leisure on that one.

Well... there are plenty of dos and don'ts though.. and the developmental psychologists theories are based on long term, robust studies. Yes some have written books as many of us are interested in it all. It ages sense too when you read about it and look into it.