DH refusing to consider me getting a boarder in (short term)

[ohblahdeeohblahdahlifegoeson]

Hoping to get some perspective on this as at the moment I feel annoyed that I am being told 'No' to something which doesn't outright affect him (in my opinion)

Short summary,
Husband works away, is home every 2nd weekend.
I'm a SAHM and enjoying it but not enjoying the lack of financial freedom.

I've seen an advert for short term accommodation needed in our area for seasonal workers and as we have plenty of space I thought it would be a great way for me to get a little spending / saving money.

Husband has said an outright no.
His reasoning is that he wouldn't feel safe having someone else in our house but I would only consider a female boarder in any case.

Ironically we live rurally so 90% of the time I here on my own with 2 children so if anything I would feel more safe having someone else live here!

PS, awesome husband, dad and provider in all other ways, I'm just annoyed about this!

Pet boarding or day care was a good suggestion. I pay 80 a night to board my dog with a nice couple when i go on holiday.

I have a friend who gets foreign (female) language students in. It's a good source of extra income. She's done it for about a year now and wants to pause, but it was good. She has people for 2-4 weeks generally.

I don't see safety issues as a major concern, but I can understand why people would be concerned about them. I think if you're getting women in then it could actually be good company.

My mother got in foreign language students too, after I'd left home. Her neighbour did it too. She once was a problem with the student bring 14 of something when he was supposed to be 16+ (so was less independent and pretty clueless - she had to take care of a child) but that was it.

As your DH isn't going to be there for most of the time, and you're an adult of equal weight to him, why does he get final say? It's you who will be living with them most of the time and doing any extra work involved. If he was home all the time, that would be different.

And finally, because someone's foreign a seasonal worker doesn't make them a criminal.

I would give him time to think about it then ask again as an 'I'll feel safer when you're away' plan.

Wow!

Are you imagining some Baby Jane scenario?!?

Thw vast majority of people convicted of violence have NO mental health diagnosis.

Get your own money. And pronto.

Relying on your H bank account & his befit card for enduring- Jesus Wept!

die everything, not enduring

Children are statistically much more at risk from inside than outside the family!....

My gut instinct is to agree with your DH. If you're wanting to earn some more money, could you look into some working from home flexible admin roles?
I'm not sure that adding a stranger into the house when you're TTC and about to add another baby to the home is a good idea.

I wouldn’t have a stranger in the home, man or woman.

The woman might want to bring a man or men back on a regular basis.

I'm team lodger....

My niece & nephews when they were growing up had a stream of long term lodgers...

Post graduate students, overseas professionals on sabbatical.

All were referenced, many came from wprd of mouth recommendations.

It was a source of safety /company when they were tinies..

And also a decent income.

Many of them are still in contact 15 years later

I’m siding with your DH on this one.
I wouldn’t want want a stranger around my children.
There are other reasons as well such as I wouldn’t feel truly relaxed in my own home with someone else there.
When I was younger and lived by myself I had a lodger. It was someone I knew but not a friend. After they moved out it gradually occurred to me how much of my stuff went missing. I had a lot of stuff stolen. That put me off from having a lodger ever again.

We used to host foreign languages students when I was sahm. It worked well as was income stream for stuff I was doing anyway (making dinner / generally being around). It was generally positive. Dh didn’t love it his limit was boys we hosted strictly girls only.

So you want to move the goalposts. Not interested sorry.

I think it's a really good idea and you'd be mad not to try it.

I've had lodgers before and I'm not keen to repeat the experience. I don't like sharing my living space.

But if you have space and ability, dog or cat boarding sounds like a good side business? If you're already looking after animals every day, it could be an easy enough addition.

I agree with PP, you need financial security in your own name asap. Before adding another child in the mix.

This thread has surprised me as the responses are the polar opposite of all the people who opened up their homes to the refugees from Ukraine - at very short notice.

I know quite a few people who've hosted Ukrainians. None of them have young children. And of course the vast majority of Ukrainians here are women and children. OP mentioned living rurally on a farm, so I imagine that the seasonal workers near there will be male.

I've had female lodgers and they have all without exception been very very strange. I had to get the police to remove one of them. Surely you'd be better of finding a small job.

OP, Mumnset is infamously full of posters who don't open the front door if they aren't expecting someone to call and won't have anyone in their home at all if they can help it. You're mainly going to get responses from those people. They spend too much time home alone watching CSI and thinking everyone's out to murder them and do unspeakable things to their children.

Life's lonely on farms: I know farmers. Not having much money, living rurally and worrying that someone's going to nick the tractor overnight — I can imagine. A young female seasonal worker might be a good match for a woman with children. She might feel safer living with you and might enjoy the family atmosphere of your home and be a good addition to your household. And she might not.

This sounds like quite an isolated life you're living. Is it likely to be long term or is your DH working away as a temporary measure? Do you want to be a farmer or is the farm something that came with him? As I said, I know farmers and I know the downside of farming as well as the positive stuff.

There's a reason we all remember the names of Rose West and Myra Hindley - it's because female murderers are so rare that they get a lot of publicity. They are massively outnumbered by male murderers. Crime statistics all over the world and all through history show that almost all sexual crime and most violent crime is committed by men/boys, not women/girls.

As for the OP, I'm on the fence. I like my own space, but I can see that if you have plenty of space it's a fairly easy way to get some extra cash. Good point someone raised about your lodger possibly wanting to bring friends/boyfriend home, overnight. A lot to think about!

But female boarders can have boyfriends. You're living alone most of the time with dcs. Don't do this and don't do only fans. Yes you sound naive.

So why do we remember the names of Fred West and Ian Brady?

Is the farm a joint enterprise? If so then you should both view yourselves as an entirely joint business with two different strands - his inc9me and farm income. Once bills are paid and provision made for emergencies and any joint savings you wish you're both entitled to financial freedom with whatever is left. If nothing is left then neither has much financial freedom, if there's £1k left then it's £500 each. It shouldn't matter which income strand is more profitable.
With regard to the actual OP, I can see his point if you'd be sharing bathrooms etc. Any chance of 'the farm' putting up a couple of studio/shepherds hut type things with mini kitchens and shower rooms for longer term lettings such as this?

@ohblahdeeohblahdahlifegoeson I will address the joint bank account. It is all done online, you apply to the new bank and the banks move everything over, wages, direct debits, everything is done automatically. There is zero effort on your part. This is quoted from Money Saving Expert

"The Current Account Switch Service (CASS) process is straightforward and takes just seven working days. Just open a new account with your chosen bank, then request a switch through it – you'll usually be asked during the application if you want to switch. Provided both banks are signed up to CASS (most are), the switching service will close your old account and move your money, direct debits and standing orders across.

It'll also move payments meant to go into your old account into the new one, for instance, your salary. If something goes wrong, the bots behind the scenes sort it, so for at least three years any money paid into the old account or wrongly earmarked to come out of that account is transferred to the new one. Also, if you're hit with any charges due to an error in the switch, this should be refunded by the new bank."

Easily done. Over 40 banks are signed up to CASS, the list is on the link below. Get some autonomy, apply for a joint account. Dh and I just moved our joint account to another bank who pays cashback because our old bank gave us nothing.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/compare-best-bank-accounts/

Lots of comments! Very interesting reading thank you.

One comment (that's been repeated a few times) has really resonated with me...is that even a female boarder could have potentially dodgy / unpleasant friends.
So that's probably the thing that's now swaying me away from the idea.

A few responses to some of the questions...

It's the vineyard owner who is arranging accommodation for his seasonal workers (just gave away that we aren't in the UK) so all the screening is done by him.
I can request a female and there are quite a few of them that do this type of seasonal work.

Money wise it would bring in around 110 pounds per week.

I shouldn't have used the term 'financial freedom', i should have said disposable income.

TTC, I'm not intending to ever return to work (kids and farm life are a full time job) and we are financially comfortable.
We do watch our pennies more than before (2 good incomes down to 1 good income) however our cost of living has also gone down.
I love our new rural lifestyle (we've been here just over a year) but I'll admit I miss some of my old treats and luxuries. Getting my nails done, eating out, shopping trips with my eldest daughter etc... and tbh I don't expect my husband to fund these things while he's away working his butt off and spending next to nothing on himself.
His working away job isn't forever, probably another 9-12 months.

Nice reading the favourable stories about boarders / seasonal workers from some posters.
I'll admit I have a romantic view on life and imagined something similar BUT some of the other comments have been a bit of a reality check for me!

I think the safety concerns are massively overstated. Realistically you’ve already done the most dangerous thing a woman can do - you’ve got a male domestic partner.

The privacy loss would really bother me but if it doesn’t bother you and your husband is there so infrequently I think it should be something he’s open to trying once and then revisit it.